Random Out Of Context Quotes From My Life
“What are your intentions with this tortilla?”
“The tortilla needs moral support.”
“The polar bears are melting.”
“Why would someone think that goats and humans are compatible?”
“I don’t want to look like a sexy devil butler.”
“Straights cause hurricanes.”
“Crispin Glover is a freak of nature.”
“It could have been a lot worse, but fortunately I broke my fall with my face.”
“I love broccoli. They’re like tiny trees you can eat.”
“I don’t know what it is about smelling like a baked good, but I love it.”
“I got to hear her making love to her fajitas.”
“We need to coordinate our onions.”
“She’s soaking her foot in apple cider, and then she’s gonna drink it.”
"Nature cannot be unplugged.”
“I’m very glad you are not my robot.”
“There are no pun police. Thank God.”
“Stop scaring the llamas, you asshole.”
“My leg really hurts and I don’t know why. I mean, I stretched it! I gave it a vegetable!”
“I will be violent and unavailable.”
“He’s like Jesus if Jesus were a war veteran. And hated Korean people.”
“Make movies, not babies.”
“How many puppies is the human soul worth?”
“If I could be a white, straight man and travel back in time…”
"THE RUMORS ABOUT THE DENTIST ARE TRUE!!!”
“Malcolm just isn’t a good stripper name. It doesn’t have the sexiness of a name like Leopold.”
"Furries know how to fucking rave."