#lvh

[middle-aged-heart]

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It's been a while.

Still waiting for a follow up to discuss results from the two week monitor and updated echo. Meanwhile, here's five minutes of my heart absolutely slamming in my chest despite the highest dose possible of my ACE inhibitor gushing through my veins.

Got a funny feeling my LVH might have progressed. Feels like he's banging away, squeezing violently.

[sweetreichel]

Awww it's been so long since I've drawn [redacted]!! 🥺 He's so gorgeous 😩

[sweetreichel]

I don't even have a clever caption to excuse myself

[opposite-idol]

🫦

I don’t know what you want to hear Still declining this drinking culture’s every beer Because even without that, out of my head, I can never get your rear I really really really hope you keep every nasty thought about me dear Fuck it all, let’s ruin some careers

I’m only in the room so I can hear Let me hear you moan, baby Get as close as you can to my ear I’ll make sure tomorrow you walk drunkenly Keep the scanner on, so I can make sure you avoid parasociety’s police It’s ok, let you pass out on me Hold you while you sleep Take as much time as you need I’m still alive, and in love, in the silence Always lost, eyes blown out, at the ever present reverberance Always down on my knees, in pure reverence Praying… …Or something About our purity, let’s keep lying I’m sorry baby, I’m really really really trying…

…So hard Like how we want it, again and again And yet, historians will say they were just good friends Of course we’re good friends, you’ve gotta be friends first to last this long So, paparazzi, tell me what’s wrong Is it that I’m not sorry, for leaving a place that became personified as a nazi Jesus Christ, I’m sorry I only choose to chase the things that heal me And choose to burn all the things that break me, through my writing Throw it away, throw it all away, and try to stop caring That no one seems able to see that I’m thriving Because I can, and you tell me, again and again That’s all that matters, but I’m way too unassuming But being misunderstood, is too frustrating Maybe, just maybe, I should start drinking

I’m only in the room to see you laughing Get those teeth on me Get as close as you can to my neck I’ll make sure tomorrow your back is covered in one big scratch But not an actual open wound, you know I’d never hurt you like that But do the fa-…don’t say it, oh who cares, let’s fuck it, just like we are each other,…fans And when I say things like that, I know you’ll keep the news on Make sure we can both avoid parasociety’s bureaucrats It’s ok, let you pass out in the living room, snap a pic, so cute Covered in all our cats They smother you in your sleep But when we wake up, smothered by society And yet we never beg or complain, like “자기, baby, save me” (pron: jagi, trans: baby) Both still breathing, and both still in love, even when we live in silence Yet despite that, always lost, and eyes blown out, at the never ending reverberance Always down on our knees, in pure reverence Praying… …Or something Just like the pundits want, we practice purity Saying that is all that matters, but real life is kaleidoscopic It’s all about perception, if you really want to talk about optics And I do So fuck it, let’s ruin everyone’s point of view Their POV Can we be a real life version of “FRI(END)S” by V Too impatient, just say it, if you want me I want you so bad We’ll be like this, even if these Everests get upended And yet, historians will say they were just good friendses Of course we’re good friends, you’ve gotta be friends first if you want to simultaneously meet the world So, paparazzi, why you clutching your pearls Is it that I’m not sorry, for not being a girl Jesus Christ, I’m sorry I only choose to chase the things that heal me And choose to bury all the things that feel agonizing So welcome to Camp Green Lake Keep digging, you’ll never find it Until you stop acting like you’re the born receiver of fate No one seems able to see what’s hidden in plain sight You keep telling me, again, and again, that I can But the overlaying display, the HUD, is in the way Your POV is all that matters, but I’m way too unassuming to others And being misunderstood, really really smothers Snap a pic, so cute Maybe, just maybe, I should

[opposite-idol]

Musk Ox

Love you, love me I’ll write down our history We’ll normalize it so hard Make all the haters want to leave Give more, and more… …Love to you, love to me Let’s go ahead and make history We’ll normalize everything Hold tight, don’t worry, you’ll get to see Love you, love me Are you ready? “I don’t know” Well, neither do I “Are you ready?” I don’t know But I sure as hell know I love you, baby “I love you too, 사랑해” (Pron: “I love you too, saranghae”) (Trans: “I love you too, I love you”)

Love you, love me This is our history Yeah, normalize it so hardcore Holy shit, who are they all hard for Is it you? Is it me? Or is it our legacy? So much of what everyone has regard for Are things I disregard I’m too absentminded, only when it matters the most I want more, and more, and more I’m trying to stave off becoming a ghost So in you I become engrossed Love you, but save me I don’t need saving, just hold this ring for me But all I get is this damn engraving “I guess you’re famous now” But I really don’t understand how I just give until it’s a fault, until I’m but a shadow Ignore all I’ve been taught, until I become an amino But you love me anyway, just accepting it all Shit, someone get me a Pellegrino And at the ready, there you are My baby star

Love you, love me I’ll write down our history We’ll normalize it so hard Make all the haters want to leave But it’s all so jarring Puts us in a cage Oops, forgot one of us was still at least somewhat, a puppet on strings God, please let this give us wings, give us wings Because I love you, and you love me We’re only at the start of our history But they don’t wanna wait, already jarring us into a legacy Ready to be mass produced at the factory Well, they won’t take this from me That I can always guarantee Because… Love you, love me This is just the beginning Let’s keep going

[opposite-idol]

Blabbermouth

If we kiss, does that mean there will be a future A future we will have to miss I don’t care, let’s start all the rumors If you dare, I. Don’t. Care. Just so you know, these files are read only We both hold everything to our chests too closely We can’t know, what parts of life will become trials Hope I won’t ever be a tribulation I love you so much, I want every word to be a tributation And I know, from this point on, no one will miss any action Don’t say goodbye, I won’t say goodbye Is it time yet, for vacation But I don’t think we’re yet stressed enough by the situation Isn’t that a good sign Oh wait, look at that, haters in formation But I will forever think I was right to make you mine You’re out here, so bright, while I’m always hard at work under the shroud of night But so are you When do you sleep? You can fall asleep anytime anywhere I can’t help but think of you so cutely Baby, are you ready?

If only we would just kiss But love is always such a hit or miss And it’s worse, because I’m the one with hidden rizz But, what if we just keep letting everyone assume it’s you, because it is I think that would be hilarious And we’re two unserious Aren’t we, for this much showbiz Keep going, don’t stop Keep glowing, don’t flop Don’t care about being opposed When forced to focus on not being exposed

Are you ready? We’re two unserious Lying through our teeth to ourselves They don’t see us Even though we both know We don’t hide anything beneath these waters that swell

Let’s start all the rumors I. Don’t. Care. Do you care? Do you dare? Just so you know, these files are read only We both hold everything to our chests too closely We can’t know, what parts of life will become trials Hope I won’t ever be a tribulation I love you so much, I want every word to be a tributation And I know, from this point on, no one will miss any action Don’t say goodbye, I won’t say goodbye Is it time yet, for vacation But I don’t think we’re yet stressed enough by the situation Isn’t that a good sign Oh wait, look at that, haters in formation But I will forever think I was right to make you mine You’re out here, so bright, while I’m always hard at work under the shroud of night But so are you When do you sleep? You can fall asleep anytime anywhere I can’t help but think of you so cutely Baby, are you ready?

[opposite-idol]

Rowdy (Freaks pt.3)

I can’t speak And this is how I want it They all think it’s you who’s the little freak But what if it was me instead And you who was my little minx Honey, too many people want the real thing You and I both know you’re too unique For that, and everyone also knows it So why don’t you get it through your head Oops, were we supposed to keep quiet But we were never silenced Just too happy to accept the risk You like to play it safe I like play it safe Until we get in bed Get in loser, we’re going shopping I’ll get you anything you like Because promise, whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll like it Just wanna show you lovin’ Are you lovin’ it?

Hands around my neck But I refuse to play dead When I can’t breathe, exhilarated Probably linked to trauma from when I was a kid But won’t call it fucked up, can’t, when it feels so good So good in your arms Baby you sucked me in with all your charms And with that perfect fit Both the clothing and the pit But once it’s off, never mind the outfit In the end I’m so goddamn out of it And out of breath Goddamn the asthma But didn’t you still love every minute of it?

I wanna make wishes come true You do too That’s so scary when everyone and they’re mother thinks they’re an aficionado But where else would you ever be able to send all that bravado It may not seem it, but between the two of us I’m the modest one I just put on this brave face for fun It’s not bravery, it’s just being a troll, because I’m too stubborn and asthmatic to run Fuck all of y’alls award winning lungs Gave up on all the “maybe I’ll get there someday’s” Because realized, I just want to have fun today And this is how I’ve always wanted it Baby, don’t you know people always want the real thing They want the real you and me They want the real real freak But you and I both know you’re too unique While I’m faking being ordinary Hold on, let me send everyone a “wink-wink” Half of them do, and half of them don’t think it should be private Well, fuck that We’re not getting paid to be quiet It’s literally my job to talk shit Hahaha, so I don’t know what made anyone think we’d embrace the silence Forever, forever If you don’t like it, these ties, you’re free to sever Whenever Come on, get it together I’m delusional too, but it’s whatever Just too happy to give a shit You like to play it safe I like to be cautious Until we start getting raucous Didn’t mean to cause a ruckus Just tired of being quiet Sit down loser, open and be content with the gifts you got Because promise, whatever it is, it’s the real deal Weren’t afraid of getting caught Because there was nothing to conceal Normalize, and make this shit real

[opposite-idol]

Legacy / 가족 pt.3

Thinking about it from your perspective I’d want them to come home too But also what I want for everyone, simply, is freedom And to accomplish their dreams So go as far as you need Just don’t ever forget, together is how to stay at least somewhat sane Don’t ever forget those who keep you alive Why’s it so hard to love unconditionally It’s not, it’s just hard to understand the brain rot But who needs to understand, in order to simply just love

곁에 있어줘서 고마워 (Pron: gyeot-e iss-eojwoseo gomawo / Trans: Thank you for being by my side) 정말 큰 힘이 돼 (Pron: jeongmal keun him-i dwae / Trans: It means a lot) 집에 돌아갈 수 있어서 너무 기뻐 (Pron: jib-e dol-agal su iss-eoseo neomu gippeo / Trans: So glad to be able to go back home) 이 순간이 영원했으면 좋겠어 (Pron: i sungan-i yeong-wonhaess-eumyeon johgess-eo / Trans: Wish this could be forever) 미래를 생각하는 건 좋지만, 가끔은 슬퍼 (Pron: milaeleul saeng-gaghaneun geon johjiman, gakkeum-eun seulpeo / Trans: Thinking about the future is great, but sometimes it's sad)

Thank you for never giving up “절대 포기하지” (Pron: jeoldae pogihaji / Trans: Never give up) It means a lot “나에게” (Pron: na-ege / Trans: to me) But I don’t wanna go home “항상 집에 가고 싶어” (Pron: hangsang jib-e gago sip-eo / Trans: I always want to go home) Wish this could be forever, “wish this could be forever” “하지만 가끔은…” (Pron: hajiman gakkeum-eun… / Trans: But sometimes…) Thinking about the future is what keeps me going But sometimes it’s so sad, “하지만 미래가 너무 슬플 때도 있죠” (Pron: hajiman milaega neomu seulpeul ttaedo issjyo / Trans: But sometimes the future is so sad) Please don’t leave, “Please don’t leave” We’re not done here, “We’re not done here”

They said, and begged, no more sad songs, “one more sad song” Who are you kidding, do you even know who I am “I don’t, please tell me” What’s it to you, when I’m just a nobody “그런 잘못된 말은 하지 마세요” (Pron: geuleon jalmosdoen mal-eun haji maseyo / Trans: Please don't say such wrong things) They always do, but I just don’t want anyone to go “안 할 거야” (Pron: an hal geoya / Trans: I won’t) Then make a promise “안 할 거야” (Pron: an hal geoya / Trans: I won’t)

Get out of my head, while I worm my way into yours, against my better judgement But before I know it, I’ve let you in You were sneaking around in the dark, while your other self was in the light And next thing I know… I want to go home with you, “나랑 같이 집에 가고 싶어” (Pron: nalang gat-i jib-e gago sip-eo / Trans: I want to take you home with me) But I also know you need to be free, and I want that for you, “and I want that for you” And me “I love your dreams, keep chasing” I’ll always be here creating So go as far as you need “I’ll always be here waiting” Don’t ever forget that disarray can drive us insane Just don’t ever forget the things that keep you living It’s too hard to detach when I’ve been in love so unconditionally It seems to happen a lot, a lot, a lot, and I’m just ready to be done “I’m sorry if I become the next one” Then stay “Okay”