#ly37p2

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

Love Yourself, Chapter 37 part 2

title: Love Yourself summary: A lot of things about Dan’s life are pretty great. He gets to make the music he wants, he’s got a great fanbase, and his manager is his best friend. A few things about his life suck a bit more. He’s currently lacking inspiration, he’s rather lonely, and he’s stuck in a rut. Dan’s been going to the same coffee shop for years. It’s quiet, it’s quaint, it’s near his home. Most importantly: none of the employees give a shit that’s he a world-famous singer. Things change when he meets the new barista. chapter words: 14.5k story words: 322k (so far) chapter: 37/? rating: m warnings: language, too much alcohol in the first 288k, some bi/homophobia, eventual explicit smut, some depression, attempted forced outing, d/s kink dynamics, genre: singer!dan, coffee shop au, barista!phil, slow burn

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Soft sunlight filtering in through the half-shut curtains and long fingers combing through his hair pulled Dan into consciousness against his will.

“Wha’ time s’it?” Dan slurred, his cheek smashed against the pillow and his eyes closed.

“Almost eight,” Phil answered.

Blearily, Dan sorted through his mental to-do list, his thoughts like molasses. His mind couldn’t latch onto the details, but he knew he didn’t have to be anywhere today until the afternoon.

“Too early,” Dan mumbled. 

“I know, bear. But I have to leave in a minute.”

“Oh.” Dan cracked an eye — the one that wasn’t smushed into the pillow — open and peeked at Phil. “Does that mean I need to leave too?”

Phil smiled and pressed a kiss to Dan’s forehead. “You can stay as long as you like. I put my spare keys by your phone so you can lock up when you leave.”

“Okay.” Dan closed his eyes, snuggling a little deeper into Phil’s bedsheets. He was still naked from their shower last night, and the blankets were the only thing keeping him warm. “B’bye.”

A soft chuckle, the brush of Phil’s… something — nose, maybe — against Dan’s shoulder. “I need your attention for just a minute, baby.”

Dan groaned, but it must have been good enough for Phil. “Do you mind if I go through your backpack? I think my computer charger is in there.”

Dan waved a hand in the general direction of Phil’s living room, where he was pretty sure he’d dropped his backpack last night. “Rifle away.”

“Thanks,” Phil whispered, another kiss landing on Dan’s cheek, and then Dan was asleep again.

*****

The next time Dan woke up, the light was brighter and the world felt a little easier to face. He rolled over and stretched out, slowly rejoining the land of the living.

His brain felt a thousand times more settled than it had last night. Sex had always been a good distraction for him, a surefire way to get his brain to shut up some when his thoughts were getting out of his control, but he’d never felt this calm afterwards. He wasn’t sure if it was a Phil-thing or if it had something to do with the kind of sex they’d had, or if maybe it was some intoxicating combination of them both. 

Lazily, Dan swiped his phone off the bedside table without sitting up, knocking something to the floor with a discordant clang. Shoving himself up on one elbow, Dan peered over the side of the bed and found a set of keys laying on the floor. From here, it looked like the keys were more keyrings than actual keys — a whole rainbow of bits and bobs, including a fuzzy pride-themed heart. God, Phil really was an actual ray of fucking sunshine.

Curious to see if he looked as fucked out as he felt, Dan opened the camera app as he settled back into the pillows, flipping it into selfie mode. He snapped a photo, flashing the camera his usual half-smirk out of habit. He was so content, though, that a smile fought for dominance, winning the battle as he clicked the shutter a second time.

Dan opened the camera roll and swiped through the pictures, and— wow. Fucked out was the right word, probably. His hair was a riot of curls, having dried completely naturally (and after being thoroughly wrecked by Phil twisting his fingers in it, nonetheless). There was a faded mark on his chest, a barely-visible reminder of Friday night, and his lips were still a bit swollen and chapped from last night. The covers were — unintentionally — rucked down far enough to reveal the faint trail of hair below his belly button, his stomach less gaunt than it had been a few months ago. Dan figured he had Phil to thank for that improvement as well — after all, it was undoubtedly mostly due to all of the muffins and cookies that Phil had plyed him with over the last few months. 

Dan’s breath caught when he swiped to look at the second one, the one of him smiling. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen himself look so happy, and there wasn’t even anything happening to make him look so happy. He was just— like that. His face was just doing that. Of its own accord. 

The internet would probably lose their shit if they saw this, Dan figured. He’d seen the photosets on tumblr, the compilation videos on tiktok, the collages on twitter. He knew his fans loved his natural smile — maybe because he rarely wore it in pictures. Almost every photo and video in those fan posts were candid moments, screenshots taken from interviews or snippets taken from live streams. He never posted photos like this. He never even took photos like this. 

Dan scanned the rest of the picture, taking in the iconic blue-and-green bedsheets and the way he was pretty clearly on one side of the bed, the other half empty and rumpled at the edge of the picture. Well, his smile probably wasn’t the only reason the internet would lose their mind. 

But these photos weren’t for the internet, even if they were the kind of thirst trap he posted on occasion. They weren’t really for anyone other than Dan. Although, Dan thought, as he studied the unfocused look in his eyes and the tantalizingly-low sling of the covers, Phil would probably appreciate them, too.

Feeling equal parts mischievous and — admittedly — maybe a little hungry for attention, Dan opened his message thread with Phil and dropped both pictures into it. Dan stared at the blinking cursor for a long moment, trying to decide if he should be flirty or sexy or what, before deciding that, maybe, he should just be honest. Plain and simple.

Dan [8:52am]: wish you were still here xx

He didn’t have to wait long for a response — thank god, or he might die from an allergic reaction to sincerity.

Phil [8:54am]: Wow

Phil [8:54am]: What did I do to deserve these?

Phil [8:54am]: Asking so I can make sure to do it about a thousand more times

Dan laughed, his teeth biting down on his lower lip, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He really fucking loved this dork.

Dan [8:55am]: mmmmmm i think u know what you did philip *smirking emoji*

Phil [8:55am] Fuck, Dan, I have a meeting in five minutes. I can’t go into it hard.

Dan snorted, feeling victorious, and then promptly melted when the next message came through.

Phil [8:54am]: The smirking one is so hot but the one where you’re smiling is lethal xx

This man was going to ruin him. 

Dan flopped backwards, knowing that he should get up but finding himself profoundly unwilling to do so. He wanted to luxuriate in this weird calm that had taken over his mind — and actually, now that he was laying here thinking about it, his body too. His hands or feet were almost always in motion, tapping out invisible melodies or fidgeting with something, but for once it didn’t feel itchy to let them be still. 

Nevermind his knees and throat were a right mess, but that was a tradeoff he’d happily make if it meant feeling like this. 

Dan laid there, totally still, appreciating the softness of the blankets against his skin and the smell of Phil surrounding him, until his phone buzzed again.

Phil [8:59am]: I had a good time last night too. I’m happy to do that anytime you want. All you have to do is ask xx

As much as Dan appreciated that, he was realizing he wouldn’t actually know what to ask for if — when, definitely when — he wanted a repeat of last night. He felt like he got pretty lucky that Phil had somehow known to go from can I suck you to whatever that was. 

His brain was moving slowly; sorting through his thoughts felt like trying to wade through sticky molasses on a winter day. It was the good kind of brain fog though, a fuzzy peacefulness he didn’t usually experience, and he wasn’t keen to interrupt it yet, so he just let his thoughts go where they wanted. 

His thoughts, it appeared, wanted to focus on sex.

It started with Phil, because of course it started with Phil — it started with the way the wind had been knocked out of Dan that first time Phil had called him a good boy (in fucking Beans and Grind of all places — he really had been down bad since the beginning); the way his stomach had soared that first time Phil had pinned his arms above his head and told him to keep them there; the way a shiver shook his spine the first time Phil used that authoritative voice on him… 

The way his mind and soul apparently abandoned his body when Phil had told him to kneel last night. 

The praise and the keeping still and the bossy voice might have all been normal enough to not ring the warning bell that maybe — just maybe — he needed to look at this a little deeper. 

But the losing his goddamn mind over Phil well — Dan wasn’t sure there was another word for it — dominating him, however gently it had been… That was definitely sounding some alarms. 

Maybe — perhaps — in the wake of last night — Dan was a little more interesting in the bedroom than he previously thought.

And then, a sense of dread washing over him, Dan immediately wondered if this was the kind of thing that Louise had just spent nine or so months trying to de-program him from. The taking-on-your-partner’s-interests-like-they’re-your-own thing. 

But that couldn’t be, right? Right? Dan had been shaken to his core by Phil calling him a good boy long before they were even dating. Before he’d even broken up with Isabella. 

And maybe, Dan realized, now that he was thinking about Isabella, there’d been signs before Phil too. 

Isabella had been bossy — in and out of the bedroom. Part of what he’d liked about her had been that she’d always made it perfectly clear what she wanted from him. He remembered the way she used to boss him around and, if he didn’t listen, the way she’d goad him into doing what she wanted anyway. There was probably something to the fact that — even when it came out in such a toxic way — Dan genuinely liked having a partner that was so… decisive.

And then, bits and pieces of his other experiences — people he’d been with long before Phil or Isabella — flitted to the front of his mind. Dan let the memories consume him, each one looking a little different in the wake of last night. 

There’d been the person he’d dated when

Dan could remember the person he’d dated when he’d been about nineteen or so. Well, dated was a strong word. They’d slept together for about six months and they’d been exclusive, but Dan could only remember seeing them outside of sex a handful of times. Dan remembered how vocal they’d been, how they had always very explicitly asked Dan to do exactly what they wanted, and he remembered how hot he was for it. That, Dan conceded, might have been an early warning sign that maybe he should consider that he might be a bit of a… well. A sub, he supposed. 

Was that what he was? At least, like, a little?

Well, there’d also been the guy he dated right before Isabella,, the one who’d introduced him to the concept of edging. And maybe there was nothing inherently kinky about edging, but there probably was something inherently kinky about getting off on your partner forcing you to hold your orgasm back for over an hour. 

And then there’d been the girl who liked to try to discreetly get Dan worked up in public and make him hide his arousal — a thing that had only worked because Dan had, at the time, been so early in his career that he’d felt lucky to book the occasional seedy, small venue. He was pretty sure he could never get away with that kind of thing now, especially not with someone who was fairly high profile in his own right, but that didn’t stop his mind from drifting toward a vague fantasy of Phil putting a butt plug in him and— 

Great. Did that mean he needed to add exhibitionist to the list of kinks he might have without realizing?

How fucking out of touch with his own self was he? 

An indecipherable amount of time later, Dan was still fully horizontal in Phil’s bed, apparently doing absolutely nothing except combing through every sexual experience he’d ever had and seeing if they fit within this new understanding of himself. Dan had gone on a fishing expedition for more clues and, oh boy, had there turned out to be a lot of clues. 

“Dan?” A voice — Phil, Dan realized, a moment late — called out. “Are you still here?”

Dan’s mind was gone, existing somewhere far away from his body, from this room, and he felt like he had to move through sludge to get back to the real world.

“Bedroom!” he tried to shout back, his voice weaker than usual. It was hoarse, too, and he suspected it wasn’t just from last night’s activities given that he hadn’t spoken aloud since the wee hours of this morning when Phil had woken him up about… something. He cleared his throat, mumbling a few of his favorite vocal warm ups under his breath, hopefully quiet enough for Phil to not hear him sounding like a complete lunatic. 

Dan tried to talk his limbs into pushing him up into a seated position, but he couldn’t seem to get them to cooperate. 

So Dan was still lying there, naked and tangled in Phil’s linens from the waist down, a minute later when Phil pushed open the bedroom door and leaned against the doorframe, his eyes raking over Dan in his bed. “Well. This is a nice surprise.”

“‘s’early still.” Dan shrugged, the movement disproportionately heavy and his words unexpectedly effortful. He didn’t even know if that was true. He had no idea how long it’d been since he’d been texting Phil earlier. 

“Sure, Jan,” Phil smiled, a little teasing, a little placating. It must have been a while ago, then.

Phil crossed the room and leaned over the bed, pressing a long, slow kiss to Dan’s lips. Dan melted into it, kissing back eagerly, already pliant. His lips parted without any prompting at all from Phil, and Dan whined until Phil got the hint, slipping his tongue into Dan’s mouth. 

Dan reached out blindly, fisting his fingers in the loose side of Phil’s button down and tugging to pull him even closer. One of Phil’s hands shot out, landing somewhere to the left of Dan’s shoulder, bracing himself on the mattress and effectively bracketing Dan in. Dan sighed, a breathy little groan that was immediately swallowed by Phil’s mouth. 

Too soon, Phil pulled back, his face hovering a few inches above Dan’s. 

“How’d you sleep?” Phil asked. 

“Mmm,” Dan hummed happily, pushing up onto his elbows so he could kiss Phil again. Phil came willingly, leaning forward enough to gently push Dan back into the mattress. Phil found their earlier pace, kissing him with long, slow kisses that did more to bring Dan’s brain online than any of his own attempts so far. 

He felt like soft putty in Phil’s hands, easily coached into whatever shape Phil wanted with the slightest nudge. When Phil pulled back, just a hair’s breadth away from Dan’s lips, and bumped his nose insistently against Dan’s cheek, Dan tipped his head back obediently, unthinkingly, automatically. 

Phil hummed an affirming noise — a noise Dan couldn’t concentrate on enough to know if it was grateful or approving — and began kissing along Dan’s jaw and down his neck. The mattress shifted as Phil's forearm landed near Dan’s head, his fingers immediately tangling in Dan’s hair and tugging his head back a little farther. A shiver went down Dan’s spine, and not just from the open-mouthed kisses Phil was dragging along Dan’s collarbone. In this position, with Phil fully dressed and towering above him, caging Dan into the bed and kissing him senseless, Dan felt — quite literally — the safest he ever had. 

Dan’s sense of time was loose and broken still. He couldn’t say how long Phil spent kissing his neck and collarbone and shoulder but, eventually, Phil’s lips moved upwards again, back up his neck and across his jaw, finally meeting their mouths together with a shaky sigh from Dan.

Their lips moved together endlessly until Phil finally pulled back, a little further this time, with a sense of finality. His gaze flicked over Dan, dipping down to where the covers had shifted, only a thin sheet doing a poor job of concealing Dan’s half hard cock. “So I take it you slept well, then?” Phil asked.

“Yeah,” Dan agreed, a lazy smile taking over his face. “Slept real well.”

“Good.” Phil’s eyes dropped lower again, lingering, Dan was pretty sure, somewhere in the vicinity of the mark on Dan’s chest. 

Dan smirked, a slow, languid thing. “Take a picture,” Dan murmured. “It’ll last longer.”

Phil’s gaze snapped back to Dan’s face, wearing a matching smirk of his own. “No need. You already sent me one.” He paused, his brows drawing to a sudden furrow. “Though, uh,” he continued, the low, sexy tone abruptly disappearing. “I can delete them if you don’t want me to keep them.”

Dan felt his own brow furrow. “No? I sent them to you. They’re yours.”

Phil narrowed his eyes, giving him that look that usually preceded him pointing out some sort of toxic bullshit Dan had internalized along the way. And, sure enough—

“No,” Phil pushed back, literally and metaphorically. “They’re yours. You always have the right to control what happens to pictures of you — especially naked ones. I can delete them if you want.” 

Dan rolled his eyes, tugging on the edge of Phil’s shirt still fisted in his hand, and using the leverage to pull Phil back down, taking advantage of his surprise to kiss him again. “I gave them to you, Phil,” Dan mumbled, their mouths still so close together that Dan’s lips brushed Phil’s as he spoke. “I trus’ you to keep’em.” 

Phil pressed another kiss to Dan’s lips before pulling back, a soft, sincere smile on his face. “Then thank you,” Phil said, a little cheekily, his eyes flitting over Dan’s naked chest again. “I’ll certainly enjoy having them.” 

Winded, Dan’s eyes fell closed as his mind helpfully provided images of how Phil might enjoy them, images of Phil, naked and alone and touching himself to a slightly risqué picture of Dan in this very bed. A slow, hungry smile pulled at Dan’s lips, half-baked ideas for other saucy pictures clouding his mind — his still hard cock, spent on his stomach; a toy inside of him, face down on the bed; fingers in his mouth, eyes boring into the camera. 

“Fuck, Phil,” Dan mumbled breathlessly. “Yeah.” He pried his eyes open, following Phil’s gaze to Dan’s lap, where the tent in the fabric made it clear how Dan felt. 

“You like the idea of taking pictures for me, baby?” Phil asked knowingly, pulling a mangled whine out of Dan without his consent. “Like the idea of me stroking myself off to you?”

Dan fisted his fingers in Phil’s button down and unsuccessfully tried to pull him down again. “Come. Bed,” he mumbled, pointedly tugging on the edge of the shirt.

Phil smiled softly, loosening Dan’s fingers on his shirt and standing all the way up. “I’m going to make us some coffee and then I’ll come back,” he offered.

“Meant f’sex,” Dan pouted.

Phil laughed, fond and free. “Yeah, I got that, bear. But I need to do a few things before I have to head to B’n’G.” He pressed a kiss to Dan’s forehead, softening the blow of rejection. “You can stay here, I’ll bring the coffee in when it’s done.”

“Fine,” Dan grumbled, his eyes tracking Phil as he left the room. 

The room, without Phil, was suddenly too big and too small, too quiet and too loud, and Dan couldn’t stand to wait here alone. Untangling himself from the covers, Dan pushed himself out of bed, his limbs like lead, heavy and slow, but at least they were cooperating now. He scanned the floor, looking for some clothes, before remembering that he’d been guided into bed wearing nothing but a towel last night.

He padded over to the dresser, picking a drawer at random to open. Pants. That would do.

Dan grabbed a pair of plain grey boxer briefs from the rainbow of colors and gently slid the drawer shut again, moving on to another. The next two were useless — socks and jeans — but the third was the holy grail, packed so tight with hoodies that it was difficult to open. Dan rifled through the options, eventually settling on a well-worn green university hoodie from near the bottom — a hoodie he’d seen Phil wear during old YouNows, the ancient ones that Dan sometimes turned on when he was lonely in the middle of the night. 

He pulled his treasures on, instantly feeling a little better swaddled in Phil’s clothes, and made his way down the hall towards the kitchen, taking a detour past the bathroom to piss and brush his teeth. 

A few minutes later, Dan found Phil in the kitchen, twisting the tie back onto a loaf of bread. Dan shuffled up behind him, looping his arms around Phil’s waist and shrinking down enough that he could bury his head between Phil’s shoulder blades.

“Need something, love?” Phil asked, his muscles moving slightly under Dan’s cheek as he, presumably, dropped the bread in the toaster.

“No. Just wanted you,” Dan answered honestly.

They stayed that way for a long moment, silent and mostly still except for the small movements of Phil fixing their breakfasts. In the quiet peace, Dan’s mind drifted back to where it’d been all morning — to slowly masticating on the new blissed-out feelings he’d discovered and how he could get more of them. 

He knew he should probably talk to Phil about his morning of revelations, but that seemed unbearably awkward and he wasn’t actually sure what he’d say. How was one supposed to ask their boyfriend to keep domming them (if that was what last night had really been, anyway)? Was Dan supposed to just randomly say, Hey, remember when you fucked my mouth and also fucked all my brains out? Do you think you could do that again forever?

The coffee pot gave a loud click, probably from Phil flicking the switch on, and then Phil was moving under Dan’s cheek, rotating in Dan’s arms so that, suddenly, Dan’s head was nuzzled into Phil’s shoulder and Phil’s arms were looped around Dan’s waist. Dan let out a long, slow breath, going boneless in Phil’s embrace. 

Now that Phil was here, was really holding him, he felt like he could let his brain go a little liquidy again. His thoughts weren’t as soupy as last night, but he stopped grasping for them, stopped trying to twist them into something tangible. 

A long minute passed before Phil asked softly, “Do you have to be anywhere anytime soon?” 

Dan shook his head against Phil’s chest. Talking hadn’t been coming easy all morning, but now every word felt like an insurmountable amount of effort. He didn’t have enough energy to force out any unnecessary ones.

“I can’t tell if your head is nodding or shaking like this.” Phil shrugged his shoulder as if to emphasize his point. 

Ugh, Dan groaned internally, too lazy to do even that outloud. He rolled his head so that he was pressed face-first into Phil’s shoulder and sorted through his mental calendar, the messages he hadn’t responded to, his usual duties when he got back from out of town… “I think three,” he forced out, his voice muffled.

“Mmm, nice,” Phil hummed happily. His hands dipped under the hem of Dan’s — well, Phil’s, technically — hoodie and thumbed at the bare skin of Dan’s lower back and Dan’s mind was doing a better job of tracking the movement than he was the conversation. “Where at?”

“Home.” Dan grunted. “Louise.” 

Phil’s fingers traced a little higher, rucking the sweatshirt up and exposing Dan’s back to the cool air of the kitchen, his skin prickling with electricity in the wake of Phil’s touch. “Oh, perfect. I have to be at Beans ‘n Grind at two. We can head that way together if you want.”

“‘Kay,” Dan agreed, only half processing what he was agreeing to, his mind too focused on the tiny swirls Phil was painting along the knobs of his back.  

The coffee pot gave a loud hiss, sputtering the final few drops into the carafe.

Phil slipped his hands out from under Dan’s hoodie, carefully arranging the fabric back around his hips. “Want to move to the couch since you’re up now?”

“Nuuuuugh,” Dan whined, still nestled into Phil’s chest. He didn’t want to be up. He’d only gotten out of bed to be near Phil. 

“Back to bed?” Phil asked, amused, and Dan made an affirmative hum. 

“Alright.” Phil gently pushed Dan away with a light press on his hips. The withdrawal was softened by Phil leaning in to drop a quick kiss on Dan’s cheek before he turned back to face the counter to prepare their coffees.

Dan huddled close, not quite leaning into Phil’s back, but staying near enough that Phil’s shoulders brushed Dan’s when he reached into the open cabinet and pulled out a plate. Dan shuffled back, just an inch or two, when Phil moved sideways to get the milk out of the fridge, stepping back in as soon as Phil was back in place.

Phil let him be, not complaining that having Dan practically on top of him was making his job harder than necessary, even though it probably was. When Phil finally turned around — a coffee in each hand and a shared plate of toast on the counter behind him — he ran a studious eye over Dan, scanning him from top to bottom. Dan shifted under the intense stare, his fingers twisting in the edge of his jumper. Phil squinted a little, then nodded, like he’d come to some unknown understanding.

“Grab the toast and lead the way,” Phil said, nodding toward the kitchen door. 

Dan took the plate and headed down the hallway, checking over his shoulder twice to make sure Phil was appropriately close behind him. Each time, he found Phil already looking at him, a watchful, alert look on his face that Dan didn’t know what to make of. When they got to the bedroom, Dan hovered awkwardly at the side of the bed, waiting for Phil to telepathically take his place first.

Phil seemed to get the hint, setting the coffees down on the crowded night table, along with the plate of toast from Dan’s hands, before crawling into the bed. He settled exactly how Dan wanted him — center of the bed, back to the headboard, legs splayed wide enough for Dan to sit in between them. Phil was looking at Dan more carefully, had been since that long appraisal in the kitchen. Dan hoped he was okay with whatever he found.

“Come ‘ere,” Phil said gently, a soft and caring command that eased the anxiety brewing in Dan’s stomach. 

He settled into the space Phil had made, pulling the covers up over his bare legs and snuggling back against Phil’s chest. Phil handed him his cup of coffee before reaching for his own. Dan took a blissful sip, incredibly content. He found it easier to enjoy his good mood now that Phil was here. The shared plate of toast appeared next to Dan’s hip, within convenient reach, and Dan easily folded in the face of Phil’s efforts. He reached out, swiping a piece off the plate and crunching on the buttery goodness. 

The moment got even better when Phil slid his free hand into Dan’s hair and started playing with his hair. Dan’s head dropped back of its own accord, a low grown falling from his lips. 

Dan had always loved this part of relationships — the relaxed domesticity of spending time at home with someone he knew well. It was part of why he was such a serial monogamist. But he couldn’t deny that it felt better than usual this morning. He knew that Phil was better than literally anyone he’d dated in the past, but he’d really underestimated how much nicer time like this would be with him. 

Dan’s thoughts drifted while he drank his coffee, never really latching onto any one subject, but not in the way that made him feel unsettled and itchy sometimes. Dan sipped his coffee and got his head scritched and reveled in the peace. 

“So,” Phil said eventually. His voice was barely more than a whisper, gently pulling Dan out of his meditative state. “I’m realizing that I probably didn’t give you as much aftercare as you needed after last night, and I’m sorry about that.”

Dan’s mug stuttered in his hand, and he was glad it was down to the dregs because it meant none splashed out. “What?”

Phil steadied Dan’s cup, his long fingers wrapping around Dan’s on the mug. “You know, ‘cos we fucked and crashed and then I was gone again this morning.”

“I…yes?” Dan furrowed his brows. He knew he was having a hard time latching onto his thoughts this morning, but he really didn’t understand what Phil was getting at. “Are you apologizing for being tired and having a job?”

Dan could feel Phil twist to look at him. Dan craned his neck around so he could make it clear how weird Phil was being and abruptly wished he hadn’t. Phil was looking at him with that look that most people reserved for wounded wild animals again.

“No,” Phil said slowly. “I’m apologizing for getting into a scene with you and not making time for aftercare.

Dan opened and closed his mouth, floundering. After a long minute of trying to make sense of the last couple of minutes, he finally admitted defeat. “I’m… confused.”

“Ah,” Phil hummed, sounding disappointed. He shifted his position, setting his mug down on the table, then taking Dan’s and putting it aside, too. He wrapped an arm around Dan’s waist and pulled him in a little tighter before slipping his other hand back into Dan’s hair. “So how much do you know about kink?” His voice was neutral. Almost carefully so.

“Um,” Dan swallowed thickly, suddenly nervous.

“Relax, love,” Phil said, dropping a kiss to Dan’s shoulder. “This isn’t a test. I just want to know what your baseline knowledge is here.”

That did actually help some. Dan took a breath and thought fuck it. Now was as good of a time as any to try that radical honesty thing the silly book talked about. “Beginning to think not much,” he admitted.

“That’s okay. Are you interested in learning about it? ”

The memory of sinking to his knees after a single word from Phil flashed across his mind, uninvited. “I think that’s a pretty obvious question,” he laughed, a little self-depricating. 

A light pinch on the soft meat on his stomach cut off Dan's laughter.

“First rule of kink,” Phil’s voice had a reprimanding edge to it. It was similar to that authoritative tone that it sometimes got, the one that made Dan’s knees go a little weak and his head go a little loopy. “There’s no such thing as an obvious question. If you want to have sex like we did last night again — though it’s totally fine if you don’t want to — then you’re going to have to be okay with me asking questions that might seem obvious, and be okay with giving me straightforward, clear answers.”

“Right.” Dan could do that. How hard could it be? Licking his lips, he tried again. “Then yes, I’d like to learn.” Okay. Kind of hard, as it turned out.

“Mmm, I’m happy to hear that.” Phil hummed into Dan’s shoulder before straightening up, the mood shifting some. “So, all of this is worth learning about in more detail, but I’m going to give you the highlights.” Phil held up a finger, loose and barely there, like he was absentmindedly ticking something off in his head. “A scene is when people engage in some kind of kink, regardless of if they have sex. So last night, when I took charge like I did, that was a scene. Make sense?”

Dan nodded, even though he had lots of questions. None of them were relevant now and most of them were probably better answered with a google search.

“Good. So, aftercare is what comes after the scene is done. It helps people ease out of the scene and process it, especially the— especially the one who was submitting. It’s when I’m supposed to make you feel taken care of after whatever happened in the scene. It’s when I’m supposed to make sure you know you’re perfect and safe. I’m supposed to—” Phil was picking up steam, his words moving so fast, so pressured, that Dan’s brain was whiting out a little, having a hard time processing any of them. 

Dan tugged helplessly on the edge of Phil’s shirt, trying to tell him that he was lost, that the emotions were too big for Dan’s brain to process any of the words. 

Phil carried on, too engrossed in his own spiral to notice. “I didn’t do that last night. I didn’t do any of that last night. And, fuck!”  His voice had gotten louder, Dan was numbly aware of the change because the white noise got louder, too, roaring in his ears like it was trying to drown Phil out. 

“There’s so much more I didn’t do,” Phil kept ranting — fast, urgent, angry. “So many ways I could have stopped you from having to deal with su—” 

And then it was silent, blissfully silent, even the white noise dialing down to a minimal hum.

It took Dan a long second to realize that Phil had cut himself off, only realizing because he could see the way Phil’s jaw snapped shut, the way he took a breath and licked his lips before speaking again. “You had to deal with this drop in your mood alone this morning.”

Dan lurched back, blinking in shock. The sense of numbness shattered and all of the emotions hit Dan at once, a bolt of lightning flashing through him, lashing out of him before he could find his control. 

“First of all, I wasn’t, like, depressed this morning. ” Dan pointed out, way more aggro than necessary. I get that maybe I’ve been a bit clingy, but I actually feel pretty fucking great this morning!” It came out heated and frustrated and—

And defensive. 

Defensive. The stupid fucking book specifically warned against that. 

Dan snapped his mouth shut, concentrating on holding in the litany of complaints he’d like to volley at Phil. The energy was still shaking at his edges when a hand landed on his thigh — Phil’s hand, a solid weight that anchored Dan’s attention back on Phil.

Phil, who wasn’t looking at Dan with anger or frustration or aggression. Phil, who was looking at Dan with… contrition?

“Dan, it’s okay.” His hand squeezed Dan’s thigh lightly, and the knot in Dan’s stomach unwound a little more. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put words in your mouth. I just meant that you… seem a little dysregulated this morning. And I know that not getting enough aftercare can cause some people to get really dysregulated, so I’m feeling bad and frustrated with myself.” Phil stopped and took a deep breath and Dan—

Dan was flabbergasted. He wasn’t used to someone — his partner — so openly taking responsibility for something, especially when Dan couldn’t even identify anything they did wrong. Consciously, Dan shifted his approach.

“Phil, I’m not mad at you for not giving me something I can’t even envision.” Okay, so it still came out a bit agro, but at least he got the I’m not mad at you part out there, because he was beginning to suspect Phil needed to hear it. 

Phil’s forehead crashed into the base of Dan’s neck. “Thank you,” Phil said, his voice a little too tight for Dan to feel like his words fully landed. “I feel really bad about scening with you with so little pre-negotiation that I didn’t even realize you were new to the scene. And the more I think about how it’s supposed to be my responsibility to take care of you, the more frustrated with myself I get.”

“It’s not your responsibility to take care of me. I know the months I’ve known you haven’t exactly been mental health bangers, but I’ve been dealing with it by myself for years.” Dan argued. He didn’t want Phil thinking of him as some burden. 

“Sorry,” Phil said again, and Dan was beginning to get whiplash from how many times he’d been apologized to in this conversation. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like you’re not capable of handling your own life. I meant specifically within the framework of kink.”

“O…kay.”

“Can I start over?”

“Sure?” Dan agreed. He wasn’t sure what Phil was upset about, but if Phil thought that would help, then by all means.

“Cool. Okay.” Phil took a steadying breath before continuing. “So, when you’re doing power play in kink, which is what we were doing when I took charge like that, it’s my job, as the person giving the orders, to make sure to take care of you. Before, during, and after the scene. But the more we talk, the more I realize all the things I should have done and didn’t, and I feel bad about it.”

Right. How did Dan fix this? He was so out of his depth; his only real knowledge of kink was from generally being on the internet and two minutes of BDSM porn he’d watched years ago that had haunted him ever since.

Dan licked his lips, casting about for something reassuring to say. Something true. 

Thinking for a moment, Dan tried to actually walk through what had happened last night after they came, even though the memory was syrupy. He thought about Phil wrapping him a fluffy towel and drying him off and showering him with kisses and tucking him into bed. That had all been really nice — maybe as nice as the part in the shower had been. He really was failing to understand the problem.

Dan twisted around so he could see Phil, tugging one knee up to his chest and looping the other over Phil’s thigh. “Phil. Last night was, hands down, the hottest sex of my entire fucking life, okay? From my point of view, it feels like you took care of me really well. Like, probably better than literally anyone has. Ever. Maybe it would help if you explained what you’re wishing you’d done differently? Because from my point of view, last night was pretty perfect so I’m… having a hard time here.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.” Phil said, his voice slowly gaining confidence. “So first thing, when you said you wanted to suck me because your head was all”— Phil imitated the hand motion Dan used to convey that his head was a mess—“I was pretty sure that what you needed was a scene, but I didn’t pause things to negotiate anything. I didn’t even establish a safe word.”

“Okay,” Dan said slowly. “For what it’s worth, there’s no way I could have had a conversation about any of this last night. My brain was not settled enough for that. Besides, other than shoving your cock down my throat for about five years and being, like, twenty percent more bossy, we didn’t really do anything that we hadn’t at least kind of done before.”

“I was… pretty confident you’d like everything I did,” Phil conceded reluctantly. His hand landed on the side of Dan’s face briefly, his thumb stroking over Dan’s lip. “You’re pretty enthusiastic about using your mouth.”

“See? You know me.” Dan pointed out. He huffed out a slightly self-deprecating laugh. “When it comes to sex, I’m beginning to suspect that you might know me better than I know myself, tbh.”

Phil kissed Dan’s shoulder, the beginnings of a smile turning the corners of his lips up. “I’m happy to help you learn, love.”

“Good,” Dan laughed. “Becaues I figured out the hard way that porn isn’t a good place to learn about… kink.” The word still felt kind of awkward in his mouth, a word that he'd said plenty before, but never in direct reference to anything in his own sex life.

“Oh god, why do I feel like there’s a story there?” 

“There’s not much to it. Young Dan thought he might be into BDSM, so he clicked on one of the top ten pornhub videos and was promptly horrified at the image of a twink chained to a big cross, getting whipped. So I just put that in the nope column and continued on with life.”

“BDSM is a lot more than whips and chains, Dan,” Phil pointed out, almost laughing now which was a relief to Dan. “Like, most people would consider what we did last night to fall into that realm.”

Dan looked at him skeptically. “That seems a little dramatic. You weren’t, like, trying to hurt me.” 

“Dan, BDSM isn’t a checklist. You don’t have to do one thing from each box for it to count.” This time Phil did laugh, too good-natured to be patronizing. “We definitely had the d and the—” Phil cut himself off, abruptly looking unsure. 

“It’s fine, Phil. You can just call me a fuckin’ sub. I already had that realization.”

Phil lost the rest of his composure, breaking down into laughter. “Oh thank god,” he eeked out between laughs. “I’m so glad I don’t have to be the one to tell you.”

Dan laughed too, their shared happiness filling the room and breaking the tension that had been accumulating. After a long minute, Phil cleared his voice and continued, his tone shifting back into that controlled, serious one he’d been using before they’d gotten off track. “Okay. So if you can agree that last night was some kind of BDSM, then maybe you can understand why I am frustrated with myself for not doing the other half of what I, as the dom, am supposed to do to take care of you, the sub, even if you feel like you didn’t need it.”

“I already told you,” Dan huffed before catching himself, taking a purposeful breath, and continuing. “I would have shut down if you’d tried to talk about this last night. You didn’t, like, cross any lines by not explicitly okaying everything you did beforehand. You figured out what I wanted — way better than I did by the way — and you gave it to me. I’d say dom duties fulfilled.”

Phil sighed, but it wasn’t aggravated. Just — resigned, maybe. “Okay, fine. I’ll concede that you— we were fine without more prenegotiation. But I still could have given you a lot more aftercare.”

“Can you be, like… more specific?” Dan asked. “What’s it actually supposed to look like?”

Phil waggled his head back and forth. “That’s kind of a hard question to answer because it varies a lot based on the individual needs of the people in the scene. For me, I usually like taking care of someone’s… I guess, primal needs during aftercare. Make sure they’re clean and comfortable, make sure they drink some water and maybe eat some food. For you — and I’m making an educated guess here — I suspect it might include not being left alone right away, being held”—Phil pointedly squeezed Dan’s waist—“and maybe playing with your hair. Does that sound like something you’d like?”

Dan smiled softly and tipped his head back a little, making it all the more accessible for Phil. “Mmm, don’t threaten me with a good time,” he hummed. 

Phil gave him a stern look that immediately sent Dan back to being down on his knees in a steamy shower and being so full of Phil’s cock that there was no room for anything else. 

“Remember what I said about there being no obvious questions in kink?” And goddamn — that voice. 

Dan straightened back up, looking Phil straight in the eye with a sassy smirk. “Yes, but I also remember you saying to give clear, straightforward answers. I do believe I was both clear and straightforward,” Dan corrected, partly to see if it would egg on that authoritative edge in Phil. 

“Brat,” Phil mumbled, smiling for the briefest of seconds before his lips were on Dan’s, kissing him hungrily. 

“I wanna see more of this dommy Phil,” Dan murmured against Phil’s lips.

Phil groaned, licking into Dan’s mouth once, twice, before pulling back. “There’s some talking we need to do before we can jump back into kinky sex.” 

Dropping his head back, Dan let out a much more exasperated groan. “All we’ve been doing for days is healthily communicating.”

Phil laughed, kissing the underside of Dan’s jaw. “Sorry, babe. That’s what kink actually is. It’s like twenty percent playing, eighty percent talking.”

“God that’s so much less fun, though,” Dan whined. 

“Actually… no one said playing and healthy communication have to be mutually exclusive things.” Phil said slowly, his face lighting up as he puzzled out his idea, his words picking up steam as he gained confidence “We could… have the talk while doing some power play. It’d probably be hot. You might even find it easier if you’re… submitting.”

Dan fixed Phil with a little glare, a gentle rebuke at Phil’s hesitation on the word submitting, the way he seemed to anticipate Dan would challenge it. Dan had already said he’d figured it out — he didn’t need Phil to treat him with kid gloves about it. 

Phil met his eye, his uncertainty melting into something like understanding. He offered Dan a small smile. 

“Right,” Phil picked up again, more confident this time. “I know some people find that submitting quiets their brain enough to talk about hard things a bit more easily. I thought, since you said your brain gets kind of—” Phil repeated Dan’s hand-wave-near-his-temple gesture, “—maybe it’d work for you.”

Dan thought about it for a moment. Authoritative Phil did do things to his brain — made him act without overthinking, snapped him into focus… made his cock rigid hard. If Dan was completely honest, he’d kind of rather that Dommy Phil put him on his knees again, but he’d take what he could get. Plus, he remembered the last time he’d tried to suck Phil’s cock during a serious conversation. Did not go well.

But maybe Phil was right. Maybe it would help. Or maybe, at the very least, it would make it a little more interesting. 

“Only one way to find out,” Dan said, low and sly and with a suggestive pump of his brows. 

Phil studied Dan for a long moment before nodding slowly, more to himself than Dan. God, Dan could see Phil working out his strategy. That had no right to be as hot as it was. 

“Alright. Look at me. In the eyes.” Phil’s voice was soft and kind, but brooked no argument, and Dan’s gaze just— went. Smooth as water. “We’re going to talk about what we both like and establish some of the basics okay? If you don't like something I do, just say stop and I’ll stop doing it immediately. If you want to stop everything, just say stop everything and we can just cuddle or something instead. Playing with power dynamics is hot, but that doesn’t actually mean you have less power with anything we do. I only ever want to do stuff that makes you feel good, okay? Do you understand?”

Dan nodded, excitement blooming in his stomach. A different air had washed over Phil, and as he talked, Dan watched it settle in around the edges. It was hot, watching his normal Phil become this Phil. 

Phil arched a single brow. “When we’re playing, you answer questions out loud. Using your words.”

Dan smirked. He had so gotten what he wanted. “Yes, sir,” he said smugly, a little teasing. “I understand.”

Phil smiled, a slow, mischievous, fond thing that made Dan’s stomach feel like he was careening down the tallest peak of a roller coaster. Phil’s gaze dropped down to survey Dan’s body, focusing on Dan’s pants-clad lap when he said, “Good boy.”

Dan’s cock twitched, and then it was Phil’s turn to smirk and suddenly Dan didn’t feel so smug anymore. He might have seriously underestimated his ability to take on Phil, given that Phil was so capable of wrecking Dan with just two words. 

Dan couldn’t fucking wait. 

“Now,” Phil said with a sense of finality, his attention back on Dan’s face. “I realize I put words in your mouth earlier, so I’m sorry for that. Tell me how you’re feeling today. Do your head or body feel any different than normal?” 

And— right. This was — as Phil had made clear — first and foremost a conversation. Dan tried to take note of his arousal and just kind of… let it exist on the periphery of his consciousness, focusing his attention on Phil and his questions.

Dan thought for a moment, trying to put it into words. “All morning I’ve been… calm. Like… maybe weirdly calm? Like, even when I was…”—Dan paused, trying to find the least embarrassing words before giving up and just giving Phil the facts— “mentally going down the rabbit hole of every slightly kinky experience I’ve ever had. That kind of thinking usually… keys me up, I guess. But I was still just… chill. And kind of… I don’t know. Fuzzy maybe? But like, in a good way. I feel good. Just kind of…” Dan trailed off, all the way into silence this time because he didn’t want to call himself clingy a second time. 

“Not ready to be on your own yet?” Phil supplied gently, running a calming hand through Dan’s hair.  

“Yeah. That.” Dan agreed, his cheeks heating anyway. 

Phil’s nails scritched the back of Dan’s head. “That’s what I meant about not giving you enough aftercare last night. Sometimes kink can make us feel a little vulnerable for a while, especially if we don’t take care of each other after a scene.” 

Dan thought about how this morning might have felt differently if Phil had done that. If they had cuddled for a while before Phil had to leave. Dan wondered if he could have channeled his good feelings into something more productive, or even just, like, gotten out of bed maybe. “Yeah. That probably would have been nice, actually.”

“Noted. It won’t happen again.” Phil pressed a kiss to the crook of Dan’s neck. When he met Dan’s eyes again, the commanding glint was back. “Now, I want to know about how last night was for you.” Phil’s voice dropped, low and teasing, whispering directly into Dan’s ear. “Other than being — and I quote — the hottest sex of your fucking life, that is.”

Heat flooded Dan’s cheeks and he knew he was blushing. “I take it back,” he grumbled to the ceiling. 

“No you don’t,” Phil said easily. Confidently. 

The fact that Dan found that confidence so hot completely undermined his ability to deny it. “No. I don’t,” he conceded begrudgingly.

“I’m glad.” Phil’s lips were pursed but the corners were twitching up, like he was biting back a smile. “What did you like about last night, baby?” The words came out a little insistent, a little fond, and Dan— Dan was overwhelmed.

He whined, squirming in Phil’s arms. 

“What set you off?” Phil needled when Dan didn’t say anything. “The question? Or baby?”

Dan covered his face with his hands. “Both.”

“Ah. Well, we can come back to kink names later, but can I get a quick thumbs up or down on baby?” 

“Thumbs up,” Dan scoffed, still hiding behind his hands. “Obviously.”

Phil tutted, his hand leaving Dan’s hair and applying enough pressure to Dan’s wrists that Dan understood the silent instruction. Dropping his hands, Dan opened his eyes and found Phil staring at him with a flat, unamused look. “I want you to know that’s the last time I’m letting that go.”

“Letting what go?” 

“I told you, there’s no such thing as an obvious question.”

“I mean, I think you just proved there is,” Dan pointed out.

“Fuck,” Phil breathed, a barely-there curse punched out of him. His careful control went wobbly around the edges, one hand tightening on Dan’s thigh, his pupils blowing a little wide. Dan didn’t think he’d done anything to warrant this level of reaction, but, god, did it feel good to get. 

“We’ll also have to cover bratting later.” Phil’s voice was level — barely. There was something else to it — happiness? or maybe surprise? — threatening to take over.

Then Dan processed what Phil said, and— “Did you just make brat into a verb?”

“I didn’t do it!” Phil huffed. “It’s kind of a… style of subbing. We’ll get there later, trust me.” The last bit was muttered under his breath. 

Dan ran his gaze over Phil and, for the first time all morning, felt like he might have the upper hand. He just wasn’t sure why he had it. 

And then Dan watched Phil’s control come back — a hand intentionally loosening, a deep breath, a few mind-clearing rapid blinks. The upper hand was gone.

“For now,” Phil said, like he was purposefully redirecting them. “I want you to understand that if I ask you how you feel about something, it’s because I need to hear the answer. I don’t want snark about it. Got it?” Phil fixed Dan with an even more intense version of that unamused, authoritative look and Dan— 

God. Dan was leveled to the fucking ground. 

“Got it,” he agreed, sufficiently chastised. 

“Good. There will be consequences next time.”

Well, that certainly peaked Dan’s interest. “What kind of consequences?” he asked, his voice maybe a touch hoarse. 

Phil raked his gaze over Dan purposefully, not giving any indication if he noticed that Dan was half hard. 

“I’m sure I can think of something,” he promised, a wicked glint shining in his eye that tempted something in Dan to keep pushing to find out exactly what Phil might come up with. 

“But for now,” Phil continued before Dan could decide if he was really going to act on the impulse. “I want you to tell me three specific things you liked about last night.” Phil paused, then added, softer, “It’s okay if there weren’t that many things you liked, but it seemed like maybe there were, so I’d appreciate you trying to think about them if so.”

“Oh god,” Dan mumbled, his cheeks reigniting and the warmth spreading all the way to the tips of his ears and probably down the neck of his hoodie too. As much as he appreciated having a tangible goal to latch onto, being able to know for sure when he’d told Phil enough to satisfy him, Dan’s brain was still struggling to latch onto words with Phil staring at him like that. Dan rested an arm on his crooked knee, burying his face in his elbow. “Okay,” he said, mostly to himself. “I can do this.”

Phil waited patiently, his hand slipping under Dan’s hoodie, his long fingers curling possessively around Dan’s side, a tactile warmth that Dan could anchor to.

“I liked that you told me what to do.” There. That one was easy enough.

“Good. I liked telling you what to do.” It sounded like more than just agreement. It sounded— horny. Like Phil was just as into it as Dan was. Experimentally, Dan shifted his leg, the one closer to Phil, just enough that he could casually bump his thigh against Phil’s crotch and— okay, yes. He was pretty sure Phil was half hard. Dan felt positively victorious.

Phil raised his brows and pursed his lips, giving Dan a look that viscerally reminded him of his stern literature teacher that all the year nines were afraid of (Dan was not going to get into analyzing that crush at the moment).

”What?” Dan asked innocently.

Phil narrowed his eyes and studied Dan, and Dan did his best to radiate nonchalant innocence. Finally, Phil asked, “What about being told what to do did you like?” 

“What is this? Therapy?” Dan scoffed.

Phil, hand still wrapped around Dan’s waist, pinched the soft meat of Dan’s stomach and he let out a surprised yelp.

“I told you,” Phil said, a little smug. “Consequences.” 

“Right.” Dan breathed deeply, sharply. He didn’t know why he found that as hot as he did, but the twitch of his cock at Phil’s display of authority was… pretty undeniable.

“If you have a question about why I’m asking something,” Phil continued, like he was totally unaware of — or maybe just ignoring, Dan wasn’t sure — Dan’s horny plight. “Just ask it. If you’re trying to get out of answering the question, tell me why you don’t want to answer it and we’ll discuss it.”

Dan squirmed, dropping his head back into his arm so he could hide his face again, trying to force his arousal aside and focus on the conversation at hand. Of course, once he’d stopped focusing on his cock, Dan was left to wade through his embarrassment to try and find an answer for Phil. “Why do you wanna know why I like something?” he whined. “Can’t we just accept it and move on?”

“We could,” Phil agreed easily, much to Dan’s shock. “If you were just a guy I was playing with for fun, I would, even. But you’re not. You're my boyfriend and I’m pretty committed to making this as good for you as it can be. The more I understand about what you like — including why you like it — the better I can make it for you.”

“Jesus, fuck, Phil,” Dan cursed, equal parts overwhelmingly touched and fucking horny. “That’s— alright. I’ll try.” 

“Good boy,” Phil praised, doing nothing to help Dan’s arousal, but fuck was Dan into this. Phil’s hand tugged on Dan’s hip a little. “Rotate so your back is against my chest.” 

At least that was an easy instruction to follow.

Dan twisted around until his back was pressed against the long line of Phil’s chest, looping a shin over one of Phil’s legs and hitching it closer. Phil came easily, his arms slipping back around Dan’s waist once Dan settled, his legs bracketing Dan in a cage of safety. From this position, it was undeniable that Phil was, at least a little, aroused. 

“I thought this might be easier for you if you don’t have to look at me while you talk,” Phil explained softly.

Dan took a survey of himself, noticing the relief in his shoulders, the way his hands weren’t itching to cover his face anymore, the way the words seemed just a little more accessible. “Yeah, actually. I think it will be. Thanks.”

Phil pressed a kiss to the base of Dan’s neck. “You’re welcome, baby. Now talk.”

“Okay,” Dan said, mostly to let Phil know that he heard and understood. He didn’t actually have an answer yet, but at least now that he didn’t have to worry about being observed he could think. He tried to remember how he had felt when he was on his knees last night, and when that was too hazy to put into words, he tried to think about how he’d felt from the moment Phil had said, Look at me. In the eyes.

A long minute passed — probably too long to be socially acceptable by most people’s standards, if Dan was honest — before he licked his lips and started talking. “I like knowing what’s expected of me. Knowing for sure exactly what will make you happy. I don’t have to figure out what I should be doing, or try to figure out how you might react to the different courses of action I might take. It’s nice to be… free of that worry and just act without thinking. I think I overthink so much stuff normally, especially music stuff, that it’s nice to be able to just… switch off.”

“Good boy. That’s helpful. I’m glad it helps you get out of your head. You did so good figuring that out.” Between the praise and the soft kiss Phil pressed to the back of Dan’s neck, Dan could feel himself melting into Phil’s embrace, his limbs loosening, his muscles relaxing. His arousal was still there — it was obviously still there — but a little bit of that serene bliss from last night was seeping into the edges of his consciousness. “Tell me number two when you’re ready.”

Dan tried to give a self-deprecating laugh, but he was so relaxed and happy that it came out as barely a huff. “Well, you’ve already pointed out I have a praise kink. So, uh, that was good.” Dan figured his present melting provided enough evidence to prove that alone.

Phil chuckled. “I expected that to be number one honestly.”

“Maybe it should have been, but the bossing around was, um, pretty top of mind this morning,” Dan admitted.

A thoughtful hum vibrated against Dan’s shoulder. “In a good way or a bad way?”

Dan shrugged, careful not to dislodge Phil because he liked having him so close. “Neither. In the kind of… processing way, I guess.” 

God, one audiobook and Dan was casually using words like processing when it came to his emotions. Who was he. 

Another hum from Phil. “If you’re ever in your head after a scene, you can talk to me, okay? Even if I’m not around for whatever reason. I’ll make myself available.” This didn’t sound like an order or an instruction. It sounded, Dan thought, like an offer. Maybe even an offer that Phil hoped Dan would take him up on. 

“Thanks,” Dan said, honestly and simply because he didn’t know how else to react to that open display of kindness. 

Phil pressed another soft kiss to the back of Dan’s neck, and then, demeanor changing, asked, “Was there anything I said in particular that was especially good?”

Dan rolled his eyes, laughing. “Fishing for compliments, Phil?”

Phil pinched Dan’s side again, causing Dan to yelp and his cock to thicken a bit more. “No. I’m trying to understand what gets you off and makes your head all happy so I can make sure to keep doing it.” Phil’s voice changed, going from a little bit bitchy to something a little more intentional. A little more… expectant. “So I’ll ask you again, was there anything specific I said that you liked, baby?”

Dan whimpered. Whimpered. He was pretty sure he’d never whimpered until he met this man. He didn’t think anyone had ever turned him on so thoroughly and completely in his fucking life. 

He swallowed thickly, trying to focus on the question Phil had asked rather than the I want to get you off part. Or the discipline part, because if he started analyzing his reaction to that, he’d derail the entire conversation. 

Dan wracked his brain, trying to remember what exactly Phil had said last night (which did nothing to tamp down his increasingly-hard cock). He remembered being on his knees, totally locked in, Phil’s praise a constant wave crashing over his mind. Bits and pieces — words, really — came to Dan. Good. Mine. Perfect. Beautiful. But beyond those few broken words, Dan couldn’t actually come up with a single thing Phil had actually said.

“I… don’t think so,” Dan said slowly. “With everything that was going on, my brain was just kind of— quiet? Or maybe numb? But in a good way. And, like, I knew the gist of what you were saying but it all kind of… I don’t know. Ran together, maybe? I can’t, like, pick out anything specific that you said, but I still really… felt it, I guess.”

“Mmmm,” Phil hummed thoughtfully, like he was puzzling Dan out which was— woof. Really vulnerable. “Okay. So it sounds like you prefer lots of praise over any specific phrases?”

Dan titled his head in consideration. “Yeah. I think so. Like… I think it was nice to have it be so constant. I feel like it kind of made my brain just… soar.”

”Soar?” Phil asked, his attention seemingly piqued. “Did you feel kind of floaty? Or maybe like you were both there and not at the same time?” 

Dan thought about it for a moment, then said, “Yeah. That’s a decent way to describe it. It was like I was a thousand balloons and you were the string holding me down to earth.”

Phil buried his head into Dan’s shoulder, carnal instincts seeming to take over, his teeth scraping over the base of Dan’s neck, his soothing tongue calming the sting.  “Fuck, I can’t believe you went into subspace for me in our very first scene.” The words were mumbled and he sounded— in awe, maybe. Hungry, definitely. Again, Dan found himself pleased with the reaction he was able to get from Phil, but not entirely sure what he’d done to draw it out. 

Dan hummed in confusion.

“Subspace is a… mindset I guess, that people — subs, specifically, I mean — can get into during a scene. Some subs can get there practically every scene, some subs need a whole myriad of factors to line up in order to get there. I’ve never gotten someone there without intentionally trying.” There was enough marvel in Phil’s voice that there was no room for Dan’s usual is that a bad thing? anxiety to creep in. 

“Does it always feel that amazing?” 

“My understanding is that, so long as you feel safe, it usually feels really good. I haven’t actually ever experienced it, so I’m not a great person to teach you about it. But I’m sure reddit has a ton of good threads, and if you want me to research it with you, I’d be happy to.”

“Oh. Uh. Thanks. But no thanks. I’ll read and let you know if I have any questions.” Dan definitely would rather not have Phil studying him as he tried to make sense of that bit of his psyche, thank you very much.

“Mmm,” Phil hummed, a disapproving little thing. “You’ll do the research and then we’ll talk about it, regardless of if you have questions,” he corrected pointedly.

“Okay, Philip,” Dan snarked, equal parts agreement and sass. He felt the airy movement of breath shuddering against his neck, felt Phil’s hips move just enough that Dan could feel his cock — now mostly hard — cant up into Dan’s back.

Any hopes Dan had of Phil derailing them, however, were tragically squashed when Phil said, “I believe you still owe me one more thing you liked from last night.”

Dan’s cheeks flushed, another image immediately coming to mind. But there was no way he could admit it out loud, no way he could force the words out past his lips. 

He felt Phil pull back, could see Phil going a little cross-eyed in his efforts to appraise him. But Dan stared straight ahead, fruitlessly willing his burning cheeks to cool down. 

“No? How about I take a guess?” Phil asked, teasing.

Dan squinted his eyes closed, and pushed out a strangled, “Okay.”

~*~*~*

“Well,” Phil walked his fingers up Dan’s thigh. “You like it when I make you be still, but I knew that before last night.” Phil’s fingers stopped, his touch lingering on the inside of Dan’s knee, a barely-there ghost of a touch that was going to drive Dan mad. Then, feather-light, he trailed his fingers back down Dan’s thigh, setting his nerves on fire. “But you wouldn’t be this flustered over something I already knew, I don’t think.”

Dan buried his face in his hands. He was self-conscious, but also, oh god was he turned on, too. His cock wasn’t half hard or a little swollen or politely interested anymore. No, the right words and a nearly imperceptible touch from Phil had been all it had taken to get Dan to rigid, desperate arousal. 

“I think”—Phil’s large hand came to rest on Dan’s thigh, sliding around to the inside. His fingers slipped under the edge of Dan’s pants, the move equal parts possessive and teasing—“I said something at the end that made you come. Something you do remember. Am I on the right track?”

“Yes, you smug git,” Dan confirmed reluctantly, the admission muffled by his hands. 

“Mmm, I thought I might be.” Phil pressed an open mouth kiss to Dan’s neck. “Let me see,” Phil hummed with the casual unhurriedness of someone who already knew they had the correct answer. Teeth scraped over the sensitive spot beneath Dan’s ear. “Do you like the idea of me coming and you not sometimes?” Phil tongued over the spot and sucked, completely destroying any remaining composure Dan had been holding onto. 

Dan whimpered a-fucking-gain. “Yes.” 

“Me too,” Phil confessed, his voice low and throaty, his breath ghosting over Dan’s neck, cool in the places Phil had just kissed. 

Dan’s head fell back to Phil’s shoulder, his breath coming quicker.

Phil’s fingers traced along Dan’s balls, his touch so light that Dan might have thought he was imagining it if it hadn’t been for the fire coursing through his veins. “How long would you be okay with me denying you for?” His fingers continued their path upwards, a teasing, barely-there line traced up the length of Dan’s cock. 

Dan felt his cock twitch, could feel himself straining against his pants despite Phil hardly even doing anything. 

Even if he wasn’t aroused as hell, Dan didn’t think he could come up with a sure answer to that. He didn’t know what it’d feel like or if he’d actually like it when the high of the moment wore off.

“There’s no wrong answer,” Phil added, his teasing touches abruptly stopping. “And you can change your mind at any point. Just give me an idea of what seems like a reasonable timeframe in your mind, because this is something that’s supposed to be fun for you, too.”

“Fun or frustrating?” Dan gritted out, his attempt at snark fully swallowed by his arousal.

Phil’s hand returned, this time caressing Dan’s head, thumbing at his slit and— god. Dan was so fucked. “Maybe the frustration is part of the fun.” Phil’s hand retreated to Dan’s thigh, sitting there innocently while Dan's hips canted up fruitlessly, a frustrated, involuntary mewl tumbling out of his mouth. Phil chuckled, which had no right to be as hot as it was.

“Okay, point made.” Dan conceded bitchily. “Now can you go back to touching me?”

Phil’s hand slid higher up Dan's thigh, just centimeters from his rigid cock, but he made no move to actually touch him. “Tell me how long, first.”

“I— I don’t know,” Dan stuttered, trying to think. At least the desperation to get Phil’s hand back on him was helping keep the embarrassment at bay. “A day. May—be,” His voice broke on the word, overcome by Phil suddenly wrapping his fingers around Dan’s pants-clad length. “Fuck,” he cursed.

“So if I didn’t let you come right now, for example…” Phil gave another Dan stroke through his pants, just hard enough to coax a drop of precum out of him, soaking the fabric restraining his cock and turning it a dark, shiny grey. “... You’d want me to let you come by lunchtime tomorrow?”

“Fuck. Phil.” Dan’s head tipped backwards onto his shoulder, his desire driving him to what felt like the edge of sanity. “Y-y-yeah,” he agreed, his breath ragged. 

“Good.” Phil pulled his hand back, landing a soft swat to Dan’s inner thigh on the retreat — just enough to get Dan’s attention, but not enough to really sting. “Then that's the deal. You’re not going to come right now, and you’re not going to come without my permission, but I promise I’ll let you come sometime before you have to work tomorrow. How’s that sound, baby?”

“Fuck—” Dan cursed again, writhing in Phil’s embrace, his poor neglected cock seeking friction that wasn’t there. “Is it weird how much I like that?”

A sharp pinch to Dan’s side. 

“It’s not weird,” Phil scolded. “It’s called orgasm denial or orgasm control, you can google it. It’s a common enough kink. Plenty of people are into it.”

“Right. Okay.” Dan took a deep breath, trying to will his erection away. “I, uh, think I might be one of those people.”

Phil made a show of peeking over Dan’s shoulder at Dan’s cock, still straining in its confines, a dark wet spot glistening at the peak of the fabric. “Yes, I think so too,” Phil agreed cheekily.

“Oh fuck off,” Dan whined, elbowing Phil in the ribs. 

Phil wrapped his hands around Dan’s wrists, one hand looped around each wrist, and guided them to Dan’s thighs. “Well, that brings me to my next topic.”

“What’s t-that?” Dan asked, his shaky breath making his words wobbly, his attention zeroed-in on Phil retraining him, his skin seared underneath Phil’s touch.

“Bratting.”

“I think I’ve got a bit of a guess at what this one might entail.”

“It’s basically exactly what it sounds like,” Phil conceded. “But for clarity, it’s when the submissive person pushes back against the dominant person’s authority.”

“Pushes back how?”

Dan felt Phil shrug. “Depends. Sometimes it’s by disobeying instructions, sometimes it’s pushing the dom’s buttons on purpose, sometimes it’s being snarky and sarcastic.” The last one sounded a bit pointed, but there was no heat to the words, only affection. “I imagine there are as many ways to brat as there are brats in the world.”

Dan was, suddenly and absolutely, maddeningly desperate to see what Phil’s reaction would be if he did that. “So like…” he lifted his hand off his thigh, deliberately pushing back the covers and reaching for his cock in slow motion. “If I were to…”

Dan dipped his hand into his pants and wrapped his fingers around his shaft, giving himself a long stroke. God, he was so turned on, and that felt incredible.

“Yes,” Phil agreed, his voice thick and heady. “That’s very bratty of you.” Dan expected Phil to be disapproving but, if anything, he sounded the opposite. 

Phil made no move to stop him, so Dan stroked himself again, his grip tighter, his hand twisting on the upstroke. 

“Fucking hell,” Phil mumbled, his head thwunking against the headboard. “Thank you universe. I don't know what I did to deserve this bratty twink, but I’m really fucking grateful.”

Emboldened, Dan tucked the fabric of his pants under his cock and spat in his hand. 

“So I take it it’s not a bad thing I’m kind of bratty?” Dan taunted, his hand returning to his cock.

Suddenly, one of Phil’s hands found Dan’s hair, his fingers tangling in Dan’s curls and tugging hard, hard enough that Dan was forced to tip his head back onto Phil’s shoulder.

“Look at me and keep stroking,” Phil ordered. He tugged again on Dan’s hair, a quick, sharp pain that drew a gasp from Dan’s mouth. “And no coming.”

“Yes. F-fuck.” Dan kept moving his hand, dipping his thumb into his slit and collecting the wetness there. “I won’t.” 

“Good,” Phil said, like he expected no less from Dan. He stared into Dan’s eyes, his face close, probably close enough to kiss Dan without moving much more than his lips. “Now listen. Nothing about you is bad. Even if I didn’t like bratty subs — which I do, just to be clear — that wouldn’t make it bad. It would just mean we’re incompatible in that one specific way.”

Dan’s hand halted on his cock. “That literally sounds bad, Philip.”

“It’s not,” Phil said simply. His free hand wrapped around Dan’s, forcing him back into motion, setting a tortuously slow pace. “It’s normal to not be one hundred percent compatible with someone on kink stuff. That’s part of why negotiation — that’s what we’re doing now — is so important.”

Phil released him, and Dan whined at the loss. “Keep going,” Phil ordered. “Slowly.” Dan did as Phil asked — demanded — and was rewarded with Phil’s touch, this time cupping his balls, rolling them gently in his palm.

“Negotiation,” Phil continued, his long fingers unrelenting, “helps us both know what the other person’s limits are — what they do and don’t like, I mean — and make sure the scene is good for both of us. So it’s okay for you to have a different opinion on something than me. What’s important is that we find a solution to it that works for both of us.”

“Okay,” Dan said slowly. “Yeah. Okay.” He huffed. “I like that. I can do that.”

“Good.” Phil used his heel to hitch Dan’s legs further open, and then his hand was moving even lower, one finger coming to push against Dan’s hole. “So for example, do you like what we’re doing right now?”

“Yes. God yes.” Dan let his hips hitch up in case Phil needed any extra confirmation.

Phil’s finger circled Dan’s rim, pressing into him deliciously. Dan’s pace faltered, his hand stuttering before he found the slow rhythm Phil had ordered again. The combination of his hand working his cock and Phil teasing his hole was intoxicating. 

“And, if I were to just”—Phil’s touch abruptly disappeared, his hand catching both of Dan’s wrists in the same motion and pinning them to Dan’s thigh—”stop?”

Another whimper escaped Dan, this one bordering on desperation. 

“Arghhh,” Dan whined, a frustrated, loud growl. His back arched, his heels digging into the mattress, his head pushing backward into Phil’s shoulder. His whole body was on fire and his cock was throbbing and his hole felt so, so empty.

“Do you still like it?” Dan was too far gone to parse Phil’s tone.

He heaved, his chest rising and falling, his head hooked over Phil’s shoulder. “Fuck. I hate you a little bit but yes. God, yes.”

“Glad to hear it. Now, if you’re a good boy, I’ll let you come before bed tonight. But if you keep being a brat, you’re not going to get to come until morning. It’s up to you.”

“Right,” Dan panted, trying to find some semblance of composure. He knew his cheeks had to be fire-red, the blush probably spreading all the way down his chest with how desperate Phil had gotten him. His head was still tipped backwards, resting on Phil’s shoulders, but he didn’t have the energy to hold it up right now. He felt— well, he felt kind of fucked out, except a thousand times hornier. “I can’t believe how much you turn me on,” he muttered.

Phil rolled his hips up, his hard cock grinding into Dan’s lower back. “Same here, baby.”

Dan chuckled, his laughter coming out as nothing more than a husky, horny huff. “So it’s safe to say you like brats?” 

“Yes.” Phil rocked his hips into Dan again, thoroughly making his point. 

“Thank god,” Dan mumbled. He opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. “But, like, why? Isn’t it annoying to have someone ruin your fun when you’re being all… authoritative?”

Phil’s hand slipped under the front of Dan’s hoodie and started tracing small patterns — little circles and squiggles — on his stomach. The light touches were good. Not calming, exactly, but they gave Dan something to concentrate on and enjoy other than his throbbing erection. 

“First of all,” Phil said, his fingers drifting a little closer to Dan’s ribs. “A brat being bratty is half the fun sometimes. So no, it doesn’t ruin my fun. But also, when a moment is tense or hard, even when it’s really good, a bit of bratting can break the moment. Like, today, in this conversation, I think you being a bit of a brat made this more fun for both of us right?”

Dan rolled his head sideways and nodded into Phil’s neck, slowly coming down from the high. He couldn’t deny that Phil had made what could have very easily been an awkward conversation into a fun and hot experience, and Phil did that because Dan had dared to challenge Phil’s orders.

“I think having someone brat at me helps me to not get too serious and focused, and I think it’s helped you… I don’t know. Maybe be able to cope with having a hard conversation a little better?”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed. The touches had made their way to the center of Dan’s chest, still feeling good, but less like fire blazing a trail across his skin. “That sounds right.”

“How’s your brain doing? Do you want to do another topic or do you want to take a break?” Phil offered softly. He hummed, sounding annoyed, before adding, “Fair warning, if we take a break, we might not be able to talk in person for a few days, so the options would probably be either wait or have the conversation by phone.”

Dan’s body was going heavy again, his mind melting back into a bit of the soupyness he’d experienced this morning. He, truthfully, didn’t think he had much talking left in him. Not like this. But he wanted to be good for Phil, to try.

He wanted to fucking come tonight. 

“I guess that depends what the conversation is?” Dan murmured.

“There are two actually. Pet names in the bedroom and safe words.”

Safe words, Dan knew, were properly important. Definitely not a conversation he could give his all right now. “Would you mind having the conversation by phone?”

“I won’t ever give you an option that I’m not okay with, so you don’t have to worry about how I feel when you’re making a decision, okay? 

And that— that helped, actually. Dan could focus on what would help him most; his brain needed a break and he liked the idea of being able to do some research before those conversations, too. “Phone, then.” 

“Phone it is.” Phil grabbed his phone and looked at the time — half eleven — and put it back down, ignoring a fairly significant number of notifications. “I do unfortunately have to do a few things before my shift, but we can stay in bed for another half hour before we move to the sofa.” He ran his hand through Dan’s hair, tugging just enough to reignite Dan’s nerve endings. “It’s up to you what we do with the half hour, though.”

Dan pulled back so he could see Phil’s face, and immediately felt leveled to the ground by the wicked grin he was sporting. “Wha— what are my options?” Dan stammered.

“We can keep laying here and cuddling. We don’t have to do anything right now if you don’t want to.”

Dan swallowed thickly and asked, “...Or?”

“Or,” Phil started, his impish smile growing, “you can get me off if you have some energy you need to get out.”

“Oh.” Dan felt winded. 

“But, fair warning, if you choose that one, I’m still not letting you come until either tonight or tomorrow.”

“Fucking hell, Phil.” Dan thought about his options, his instincts strongly leaning towards the second option, but he’d learned his lesson from this morning. “What, um, about the whole… aftercare… thing?” he asked tentatively, the words new and unsure in his mouth.

Phil’s smile changed, slipping into a proud, happy grin. “Good boy,” he praised, nuzzling his face into Dan’s hair. “Look at you advocating for your needs already.” His head dipped lower, a wet kiss pressing to the back of Dan’s neck. “God, you’re going to take to this like a duck to water, aren’t you?” Phil mumbled, more to himself than Dan, Dan was pretty sure.

Dan bit down on his lip, attempting to hold in his unbridled happiness.  

Phil straightened back up, seeming to come back to himself. “I do have to send a few emails, so I can’t give you one hundred percent of my attention. But I’d like it if you were close by, maybe laid your head in my lap so I could pet your hair when I’m not typing?”

Dan appreciated the clear communication — was glad he knew what to expect later.

“Sold,” he agreed hastily, twisting to straddle Phil before the word was even fully out of his mouth. Hovering slightly above his boyfriend, his mouth mere millimeters from Phil’s, Dan asked, “So, how am I allowed to get you off now?”

Phil’s head thwacked against the headboard again, a nearly unintelligible fuck falling from his lips. “You’re going to kill me, baby.” 

Lowering his hips, Dan let his arse settle into Phil’s lap, taking care to rub against Phil’s cock in a way he hoped Phil might mistake for him just shifting. If the way Phil gripped Dan’s hips and ground Dan down against him was anything to go by, Dan didn’t manage subtlety. But when Phil’s eyes fell to half mast, his pupils blown wide, Dan found that he didn’t particularly care.

One of Phil’s hands left Dan’s hips, wrapping possessively around Dan’s neck instead, his long thumb rubbing over Dan’s lower lip. Dan darted out his tongue to lick it, then drew it into his mouth, giving it a long, hard, teasing suck. He knew what he wanted to do, and he wasn’t above playing a little dirty to get it. 

“I’ll let you decide this time,” Phil said, like he was offering Dan his pick of the crown jewels. And honestly, for how much Dan wanted this, he might as well have been. “But remember. You have half an hour and you don’t get to come, no matter what you do. I don’t care if I’m six inches deep in your ass.”

Dan groaned, his hips rutting against Phil’s lap without his input. 

Phil chuckled, reaching for his phone. “I’m setting a twenty minute timer,” Phil explained, tapping around on the screen. “If it goes off and you haven’t gotten me off yet, I want you to start focusing on making me come, okay?”

“Fuck,” Dan grumbled, his mouth falling to Phil’s neck, his hand flying to the buttons of Phil’s shirt so he could undo them and start kissing down his chest. “How do you always know exactly how to make my brain so happy?” he mumbled between kisses.

“It’s not that hard,” Phil explained, his voice already breathy — something that made Dan feel more than a little smug. “I just pay attention.”

---------

a/n: if you read this on tumblr, can you please drop a comment or an ask? trying to decide if it's worth the effort to keep posting the whole chapter here.

please leave a comment or come by my ask box. not to sound like i, too, have a praise kink, but engagement was a bit low last chapter and given that the story is taking a decidedly kinky turn, i'd love to hear everyone's thoughts and feelings (even authors of hot smut get insecure okay)

kink talk summary: They discuss the importance of aftercare and negotiation in kink. Phil gets upset with himself for not doing all aspects of domming well. Dan misunderstands his anger and gets defensive; Phil derails him and explains he's upset at himself. They decide to try having the conversation while doing power play, which goes well for both of them. Dan concedes that more aftercare would have been helpful and nice. Dan identifies he likes subbing because he overthinks a lot in general and it's nice to have a space where he knows what's wanted from him. Dan learns about subspace. They discuss and play with orgasm denial/control, Phil touching Dan while they discuss the concept. The scene ends with Dan telling Phil that he always knows how to make his brain happy, and says that it's because he pays attention.

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

might be dropping something tonight 👀

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

would you ever do like a seperate fic just for like incredibly explicit smut? because i'd be incredibly interested in that.... you uh do very nice lettering......

this might be the closest i've ever come to pwp

i was gonna give a spiel about how i'm aroace spec and therefore not super likely to write only smut without relationshipy elements, but ya know what, who the fuck knows anon? maybe. i'm having a good time here, and writing hasn't been fun for a while for me. i've got a couple of manuscripts i'm plugging away on (who doesn't) and i'm determined to finish ly, but outside of those projects, who knows what i'll do if i find the time

(thank you everyone for the veritable shower of asks and comments on ly37p2, it’s so wonderful hearing all of your thoughts and reactions – I’m slowly answering asks and comments over the next day or so, so if I haven’t responded to yours yet, I will soon!)

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

hello i am here to fulfill your request for ly feedback (here in your asks because i fear leaving unhinged comments on ao3)

holy fuck????? you posted as i was about to go to bed and i have 0 regrets about staying up to re read the last chapter and read the new one. the negotiation scene was fucking fantastic! i've been reading so much "oop they're both so young and inexperienced" undernegotiated kink fic recently (which is great in its own way don't get me wrong) but ahhhhh this was a TREAT. phil being annoyed at himself for not handling things properly and dan not knowing that things should/could be better for him (bb my heart breaks for you), and the way you had phil explain everything and help dan process all his feelings whilst it also being hot as hell???? a thing of beauty for sure. thank you.

sorry for the terrible run on sentences it's very late but i needed to shower you in praise because i love this story and your characterisations, please keep putting these boys in situations and i will lap up every word

omg rip you staying up to read like 20k, hope your next day wasn't too brutal lol.

i totally know what you mean about the young and inexperienced kink -- i've definitely read a lot of that in my time too. it can be good! but definitely not the vibe ly!dnp deserve now!! poor ly!dan is learning what he deserves and can have and it always hurts a little when realizes

i'm here answering asks distracted from writing 37p3, which hopefully will be hot as hell too ;)

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

Ly 37/2 was incredible holy shit. It was so fucking hot I can't believe that whole scene is technically a negotiation I just. What. Skslfljdskdld

NEGOTIATION CAN BE HOT!!! TALKING CAN BE HOT!!! you just gotta try hard enough 😉

thank you <3

--

(thank you everyone for the veritable shower of asks and comments on ly37p2, it’s so wonderful hearing all of your thoughts and reactions – I’m slowly answering asks and comments over the next day or so, so if I haven’t responded to yours yet, I will soon!)

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

absolutely loved the new chapter of LY.

so important to add this additional perspective to their dynamic and how it serves their needs and how they work with each other.

Thank you for explaning it all so well & writing it so beautifully

thank you!!! these boys couldn't just fuck, they had to talk 😂 i also feel like there's so much of their personalities and needs and growth points that can explored from this angle, which is exciting for me

(thank you everyone for the veritable shower of asks and comments on ly37p2, it’s so wonderful hearing all of your thoughts and reactions – I’m slowly answering asks and comments, so if I haven’t responded to yours yet, I will soon!)

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

Staying anonymous cause I’m shy but! This chapter made me so happy as someone who has been in the kink scene for some time! I love how thorough you were in having Phil explain everything to Dan, and I could tell you actually have a lot of knowledge on this topic so it was really amazing seeing such care being put into it! Thank you so so much and also I understand being insecure about low engagement, but I have all the notifications on so I know exactly when the next chapter is out! This has been one of my favorite fics for a long time and I’m so glad to have the privilege to still read it :,)

omg thank you so much, that's such a wonderful compliment to hear. I'm so glad you feel like I'm honoring the kink scene and depicting it well. in the pre-hiatus half of ly, the kink undertones where there and i was having fun with it! but when I came back, all glowed up from my own character growth (lol), I was really like hmm fuck these boys can't just do kink without being all healthy about it, that just wouldn't fit the vibe. thank you for turning on notifications, I've got... a lot of chapters imagined, including some more kinky ones that will hopefully make you just as happy

(thank you everyone for the veritable shower of asks and comments on ly37p2, it's so wonderful hearing all of your thoughts and reactions -- I'm slowly answering asks and comments over the next day or so, so if I haven't responded to yours yet, I will soon!)

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

the biggest, bestest thank you to everyone who commented and/or sent me an ask after reading ly37p2. y’all really know how to squash insecurities ❤️❤️ I’m so emotional, there are so many kind and thoughtful messages, I can’t wait to respond to all of them