So... It’s finally done. I’ve posted the last chapter. It’s finished.
I cannot begin to tell you how immensely proud of myself I am, yes, I’m congratulating myself right now. This fic means so much to me for several reasons and I will attempt to explain some of them.
When I started writing this in August, I was in a very bad place, mentally. I was suffering from depression, my grandpa had just died and I was having a bunch of physical and mental side effects of some medication. It was rough. I wrote the first chapter and was so insecure, I asked 5 people to read it just to be sure it wasn’t absolute garbage crap. And one of those people wasn’t afraid to tell me the hard truth. The concept was there, it was an interesting idea, but the way I was writing it didn’t seem right. I let it get too depressing and if she hadn’t told me that something seemed wrong, this fic would not have had a Happy Ending tag. Hell, it wouldn’t even be published. @thekingandthelionheart helped me after that first chapter, and every chapter since and I can’t thank her enough for sticking through this process with me.
Then November came along and I had four chapters written and not a damn clue where the story was gonna go. I decided to set myself a deadline, and challenged myself to finish the fic for NaNoWriMo. It was never gonna be 50k of words, but it was a deadline I could meet. I made an outline, decided what was gonna happen and wrote for it every single day. I finished it on the 30th of November and I had never been so proud of anything I had ever done. I finished something substantial, this wasn’t “just smut” (even though I do love all of my smut stories too). And I feel like this fic touches on some important issues that are discussed, but not enough. I want people to know more about being pansexual, genderqueer or genderfluid, about life as a woman in Hollywood (even though my knowledge is very, very limited), about being a stupid idiot who’s in love with his best friend for twenty years and doesn’t feel good enough for him, for god’s sake Stevie, look at him, he loves you so fucking much I made myself gag while writing it.
I’m sad that it’s the last chapter I’ll post about Stevie and Bucky in this verse, but I’m happy at how they ended up. They’re good. And I’m good. I’m happy. And I hope you’ll be happy too. <333
