I've been looking in the mirror for so long that I've come to believe my soul's on the other side.
I stared in the mirror, brushing my hair back to put on some eyeliner. When I finished with it, I stared at my reflection and I could swear I saw her wink at me.
-
All the little pieces falling, shattered. Shards of me, too sharp to put back together. Too small to matter but big enough to cut me into so many little pieces if I try to touch her.
Freaked out, I threw my fist at the girl staring into my soul. Little shards of glass fell away as my fist throbbed with pain. I winced and shook out the pain before my eyes went right back to the mirror. The imperfect face of my cracked reflection stared back at me. I shuddered and stooped to pick up the pieces that had fallen away from her face, but was cut by one of them.
-
And I bleed. I bleed and I breathe. I breathe no more.
I hissed in pain and clutched my hand. Little droplets of blood dripped to the floor as I held my breath and a single tear fell to mix in with the spots of blood.
-
Take a breath as I try to draw from my spirit's well. Yet again, you refuse to drink like a stubborn child, whoa.
I sat down and my boyfriend, Rex, pushed my chair in for me. As he went over to his own seat, I pulled my shirt down so that he could see my breats beneath the collar of my blouse. The waiter got our drink orders and left. I took a deep breath and gave Rex a dazzling smile, placing my hand on his, leaning closer and brushing my leg against his. He looked down at my chest, making me smirk.
I've got him this time, I thought, but he slid his hand out of mine and leaned back, away from me, and pulled his leg back from mine, causing me to frown as the waiter came with our drinks.
-
Lie to me; convince me that I've been sick forever and all of this will make sense when I get better.
I frowned and shuffled through my purse. Rex leaned back closer to me.
"Have you been taking your meds?" He whispered to me. I bristled.
"Those meds are nonsense!" I snapped in return. He shook his head.
"The doc told you--""Doctors are human. They can make mistakes. I am not addicted to sex!"
"Do you not feel like the way people act in relationships--the way I act--makes more sense when you're lucid?... when you take your meds?" I hesitated and simply glared at him before going to the Lady's Room in a huff.
-
But I know the difference between myself and my reflection. I just can't help but to wonder: which of us do you love?
I slammed the bathroom door and locked it, then went to the mirror. Any man I was ever with before wanted my sex. They'd see my undying beauty in the streets, or on the poles, and ask me to come home with them. I adjusted my breasts in their push-up bra. What did he want? My reflection was flawless. What did he really love about me, if not that? What more did he see in me?
... was he playing me? I punched the mirror. What the fuck did he want?
-
So I bleed. I bleed and I breathe. I breathe no--bleed. I bleed and I breathe. I breathe no more.
I picked up a large piece of glass and put it to my wrist. If my sex appeal was fading, then what else did I have to live for? My full life centered around sex and sex only.
With that thought cutting into my heart, I took the glass and slowly ripped into my flesh till my whole arm was raw. Then I lay on the ground, bleeding. The loud, impatient pounding of a woman's fist on the door and her shrill yells faded away as I took my last breath.
Now I Breathe No More.
