we collect mistakes / I will carry them home - Mk x gn! reader + parental! Macaque x gn! reader
A/n: Welcome to the start of a new series! This fic is just the start, but the series probably won't follow a strong plotline, it'll just be random one-shots in some form of order. The fic is based off of Not the Ghost by the crane wives
Summary: I won't be afraid of all the things I wanted / It's the fear, and not the ghost that leaves me haunted, haunted … You've been taught through many harsh lessons to remain in the dark, but with the resurrection of your old mentor, and romantic feelings brewing between you and the Monkey king's successor you're suddenly being thrown out into the sunlight with nothing to protect you from it. It's left you wondering if the story of the hero and the warrior is doomed to repeat, or if you and Mk are something else entirely.
Warnings: nobody is good at feelings, canon(ish?) death, mentions of depression, plus get these monkeys and this shadow demon therapy
Word count: 4.2k
There is a special type of comfort in staying in the dark. In the shadows information is whispered, people are found hiding, and ignorance is common practice. If all else fails, you can always depend on the night to envelope you and your suffering. The light gave people too much to lose, and after being away from the day for so long, it often burned your skin.
Macaque had taken you in while Sun Wukong was trapped under a mountain. He was not someone to take in orphans, but perhaps he felt the magical connection between you two, or maybe he was longing for company that left in Wukong’s wake. Whatever the reason, you grew up with Macaque, receiving training from him, and guidance from his hardened heart. At times he was tough, probably more than he should have been, but you two shared the shadow demon heritage despite your human appearance. He just didn’t want you to turn out like him.
Finding the simian, all over again, wasn’t that difficult. When you first felt Macaque’s magic awaken in the shadows you were ecstatic. Your mentor was alive. If you hadn’t been trained in the art of repressing your emotions you would have cried.
Even so, you hesitated, surely Macaque knew you were alive, regardless of the years that have gone by, you’re a demon. You age quite differently, and the magical connection wasn’t a one way link, he could feel your power just as well as you could sense his, which made you question why he hadn’t found you yet.
Therefore instead of confronting the monkey, you got close to him in a different way. You became friends with the Monkie kids.
“Hey kid,” Pigsy greets you as you sit down to order a bowl of noodles.
As you mumble out your own greeting and order, Pigsy seems to be having an internal conflict. It’s like he’s holding himself back from saying something. That, just wouldn’t do.
“What is it Pigsy, you look like your thoughts are battling each other,” you jest, trying to give an easy way out of your concern.
Only, the pig demon sighs, confirming your worries. “It’s just- I need a favour, Mk hasn’t really been taking care of himself, and he only seems to listen to you these days.”
Although Mk not taking care of himself wasn’t new, ever since you’ve “joined” the group he’s gone through phases of depression, but not nearly bad enough for Pigsy to ask for your help. Something must have been up. Despite the pig’s words Mk listens to the others plenty, he just seems to focus on you in a way he can’t on anything else. You also have a sense that other than the monkey kid himself, you haven’t actually gained their trust. It wasn’t like they were rude to you or anything akin to that, but there seemed to be looks traded between Pigsy and Tang and sometimes Mei would stop herself from sharing all the details. This didn’t bother you nearly as much as it should have, in fact you were glad that your potential friends could spot when someone wasn’t being totally honest.
You don’t ask for more details, in your mind it would be an invasion of Mk’s privacy if you did. You’re a creature of the shadows, you enjoy the secrets murmured but you respect the law of ignorance. Besides, you would much rather that Mk explain himself rather than one of his many father figures.
You don’t bother with even moving from your seat, you just wait for Pigsy to look away and you fall into your shadows right into Mk’s room.
The Monkie kid doesn’t even flinch when you unexpectedly drop from his roof. He’s getting too used to you, - you’ll have to spice it up next time.
You and Mk have a fascinating relationship, in the beginning you attempted to keep your distance. Yet, he has a way of poking the bear until it gives in, and goes to attack. Then he feeds it, making it feel bad for attacking. You’re certain that Macaque also fell for the boy’s tricks.
The others don’t even know about your demon abilities, as far as they’re aware you’re a completely normal human. Eventually, Mk was the only exception to the rule so that you could avoid Sun Wukong, and telling Mk about your past gave you at least some plausible explanation for him, and so he could tell you when to not swing by in case the Monkey king might be there. It was strategic, and you had figured that Mk would be the easiest target for your plan, but then he started to grow on you.
Although, Mk initiated the companionship, the rest is on you. Usually, you don’t like bright things, but his light is warm and forgiving. With information shared in the starlight, and unspoken feelings left between the dawn and the dusk, in doing so he had gotten closer to you than anyone has in centuries. Silently, you hope that you’re the same for him.
Seeing your starlight normally so luminous, flickering beneath a mountain of blankets, tugged at your extremely repressed emotions. You swear the not-quite-monkey is determined to undo all of your training.
No words are needed, you’ve never been any good at verbal assurance, and you’ve never spoken lies to Mk. Why would you start now? Alternatively, you offer your quiet presence, as you sit beside him on his bed, waiting for him to make the first move.
While you wait, you observe Mk’s room, it’s not in the state you expected it to be. Typically, when Mk gets this way his room’s a mess, but right now it’s remarkably clean (for Mk that is). You’re also noticing that although Mk’s underneath a pile of blankets, of the little clothes you can see, he’s not wearing the same outfit as yesterday, or even Pj’s. You have an inkling that Pigsy didn’t actually know what was wrong, or didn’t understand it, is in all likelihood a better way to put it. You can’t fault him for that, when it comes to his own problems, Mk can be very secretive. From what you’ve gathered, ever since the pillar of Heaven incident his family have been keeping a close eye on him, Pigsy is probably just desperately worried.
Deep in your own thoughts, you begin to run your hands through your starlight’s hair. Slowly, Mk starts to shift until his head lays on your chest, and some of his covers slide off of him.
“Did Pigsy send you?” His croaky voice vibrates through your chest.
You hum your affirmation, but you don’t bring anything else out into the sun.
“You didn’t have to come.”
You scoff, and he screeches when you tug at his hair, before going back to running your hands through it.
“Of course I didn’t, but I wanted to.” He should know better than to underestimate your care for him.
His whole body seems to freeze above you.
“It’s- this is actually about that.”
Sometimes you hate being kept in the dark, because eventually you’d be forced into the light. The light always burns hotter when being away from it for so long.
Mk chuckles awkwardly, but continues on with his unprompted confession anyways.
“I just realised something recently, and it scared me. I love you, and it scares me! I don’t know what the future will hold, I can’t guarantee you safety, or even consistency.” He turns to meet your gaze, his face barely a shadow away from your own. “But, I’m coming to terms that I probably couldn’t have even done any of that before becoming the Monkie kid.” He takes a quick breath, “I-I want to care for you in a romantic way, you don’t deserve to be kept in the dark about it.”
Mk’s speech leaves you staring at him dumbstruck and wide eyed.
Long ago, Macaque told you the tale of the sun and the moon. Quickly, you understood his intentions of teaching you to never give yourself over entirely in love. He himself had already done so, and he battered into you that you would always be better off without any real connection.
How foolish you’ve been for breaking the one rule he truly enforced. Oh, how idiotic you’ve been in falling for the Monkey King’s successor nonetheless. It’s the tragic story of the hero and the warrior, of the sun and the moon, repeating itself. If you followed this path, you would surely lead yourself to ruin. Sun Wukong killed his mate, Mk and yourself were too alike to your mentors, it’s undeniable, your fate would end the same as Macaque’s. You would be lit aflame if you remained in Mk’s starlight. Perhaps it would have been better if you had stayed in the dark.
You know that your mentor told you to remain put, to not follow him. He said, “My twilight, you won’t be coming with me this time.” He even threatened to cancel the next lesson if you did!
Even so, you don’t like being kept in the dark unless you’ve put yourself there. Yet, you pace the small little dojo you and Macaque built a few years ago. You’re aware that his threat is very real, but the curiosity is killing you, and the shadows have been screaming for the past hour. Without a doubt, you would get a scolding for describing it as such, but there’s really no other way to explain it. For someone who can hear literally everything, it's imprudent for him to ignore the murmurs of the dark.
Although, this isn’t the first time they’ve screamed, it usually isn’t for so long though. It’s starting to give you a headache.
All of this, paired with the fact that you know he’s visiting Sun Wukong - who he has a notoriously complicated history with, and in your opinion a dangerous relationship, is making you nervous. After a bit, you decide you’ll just go to check on him. Just something quick, if you’re lucky Macaque won’t even notice! Honestly, he’ll be too absorbed with the Great sage to even realise you’re there.
The shadows leap forward, basically without your command and envelope your form. The darkness surrounding you is frantic, and you nearly throw up with how hastily they’re transporting you.
When you blink, you find your vision obscured by Macaque laying on the ground, the Monkey King nowhere to be found.
He must be sleeping, he has to be sleeping.
Be that as it may, when you approach what must be his sleeping body you find he’s not sleeping at all.
For the first time, you wish you weren’t kept in the dark, while simultaneously wishing you could just disappear into the shadows.
You are just like the shadows, screaming, and screaming, and screaming.
If Macaque would have known what was to come, would he have left the Monkey King alone and heartbroken? Or, would he do it all over again, even knowing the end result?
Your eyes peer into Mk’s, and you know what your answer is. Damn him, damn those fucking monkeys. You’ll let your skin boil and peel before leaving Mk alone and heartbroken.
You must have been silent for too long, because Mk starts to recoil and move away from you.
You don’t want to be the cause of his pain - you outright refuse. Macaque’s and Sun Wukong’s feud and relationship is extremely complex as a cause of their own stupidity. They were also in a time of rebellion and control, entangling their close relationship with their wants and the harsh political climate of the time. The sheer amount of variables against them was immense, not to mention their differences in priorities and values. In a sense, they were doomed to fail and fools to even try.
You and Mk are going into a time full of unknowns, it may be even more complicated than before, yet you are not Macaque, and Mk not Sun Wukong. You’ve seen that destiny, you won’t walk that road. Your mentors hurt one another, you would rather die than harm Mk like they did each other.
Darting forward, you grab Mk by his jacket, you don’t immediately connect your lips together like they do in those sappy romances. You would never without asking, especially with something so foreign to you both.
“Stop doubting us,” your chest shakes. “It’s an insult to our love for each other.”
Mk’s reaction mirrors your previous one, but he finds his bearings faster, and collapses against your chest, happy laughter beginning to fall from his lips.
You have much to talk about, but right now you could just lay here, and hold each other together. Both of you were already broken by the world, now you would glue your shattered pieces together to make something new. If it's to be terrible or to be amazing you don’t know yet, you did know that it would be worth it, and even life changing.
As time wears on, the sky quickly turns dark, with Mk passed out on top of you. You wish you too could just close your eyes and sleep, but your gut was telling you that you need to finally visit Macaque. You don’t want to break this in between-peace that surrounds you both. Still, you can’t go on like this, ignoring the warnings from your gut, or the messages from the shadows. The one time you did, it had fatal consequences.
Carefully, you shuffle Mk off of you, you want to leave a note, but you don’t know if you would be able to hold a pencil. Now that you were actually going to visit Macaque your whole body trembles in anticipation. Besides, no matter what happens, you would be back, you promised to never hurt Mk, and you intend to keep your promise.
With one more glance at your starlight, you surrender yourself to the darkness. It removes your vision, even so you feel no fear. For the shadows cradle its child, already knowing where you desire to go. They’ve wanted to transport you back to your mentor ever since he’s been revived, only your initial resistance has kept their excitement at bay. Even so, they know better now to wait for your instructions.
There’s a moment of pause, it’s hesitation of the highest degree, because this- this could change everything you’ve ever known. On a basic level, Macaque raised you in your early childhood years, if he rejected you, you would no longer be able to revel in the embrace of the dark.
Nevertheless, this has gone on for too long.
“Take me to Macaque.”
And the shadows gladly did.
☯〰〰〰⚘⁕⁕✴☀✴⁕⁕⚘〰〰〰☯
They take you to Flower Fruit Mountain, because of course that’s where Macaque is. He truly takes his role as the shadow seriously, he always has.
The Great Sage must be getting lazy in his protection spells for his island if you can just teleport right into his hut. Although, it certainly doesn’t escape you that your powers are the same as Macaque’s, but you’d rather not dwell on that too long. You’re not sure that there will ever be a reality where you’ll forgive the Monkey king, but you are sure it’s not this one.
The hut itself is small, and not grandiose like you assumed, but Sun Wukong’s never really cared for anything extravagant when it comes to living - or that’s what you’ve gathered from Macaque’s daily rambles about the king. Apparently, the dark-haired simian had begged him to build a proper house years past in their peach eating days. Much to his chagrin, his lover failed to listen. That in of itself, seems to be a recurring theme with Sun Wukong, his incompetence to listen.
Gradually, you make your way around, careful to not make a noise, just in case anyone other than Macaque is here. You’d like to keep this in the dark where it belongs, and you’d rather fight the Buddha than talk to Sun Wukong. Your power pulls you towards a door, hesitantly, you turn the doorknob, and quietly shut it behind you. When you spin around, you find you’re in the bedroom of the Monkey king, with said simian and your mentor practically on top of one another, while sleeping.
If you had a little less self-restraint you would be laughing your ass off right now. Instead, you settle yourself onto a chair in the corner of the bedroom and stew in the resounding silence.
Macaque would wake soon, you may not have his hearing abilities, but you were very familiar with how they worked. If you just lifted the edge of your chair just the tiniest bit his brain might recognize the "unfamiliar" presence. Sure enough, the monkey startles awake and stares straight at you.
He doesn’t move, so neither do you, conversely, you take the time to fully observe your resurrected mentor. He must have some heavy glamour on to cover his ears, and the scar that should surely be taking over his eye. Otherwise, he appears pretty decent, there are some dark eyebags under his eyes, and just gazing up at him he looks tired. It’s such a startling revelation that you nearly give him a reaction and break the little staring contest you’ve found yourselves in. Macaque’s rage and vengefulness couldn’t even spark a fire much less a flame right now. In spite of that, the world hasn’t broken him, he just looks as if he’s lived in it for so long.
You wonder if he still feels the burn of the sun.
Quite abruptly, Macaque untangles himself from the still dreaming monkey below him and leaves the room.
Okay, well you guess you’ll just have to follow him then?
Your mentor is standing just outside of the pathetic hut. You don’t go over to join, rather you stay behind him, knowing that he’s completely aware of your presence.
Perhaps he’s brought you out here to bathe in the moonlight and send you into the night. He took you in, during a time of anger and resentment. Maybe he doesn't want to be associated with you now that he’s worked through his emotions. Is he disappointed in what you’ve done since his death? Does he simply not want to deal with the kid who their own family didn’t even want? The child orphaned not from fear but by apathy. It could be that he’s done with the lessons, the training and the care because he too has become apathetic. Were you naive to peer into the dark and believe it could care?
Did you not mean the same amount to Macaque that he does to you?
“My twilight,” he breathes life into you with those words, simultaneously blowing away a little bit of your doubts. “You’ve come back.”
That small, afraid and abandoned orphan child is no more. How could you be that kid, when you’ve forged so much more for yourself. You aren’t the orphan burned by the world or the student encased in the dark. Macaque cannot substantially hurt you unless you let him.
“I was waiting for you.” Your tone is perhaps too judgemental, too confrontational but even you can’t keep the emotion from your voice. “Why didn’t you come find me, it would have been easy enough.”
Macaque turns to face you, his glamour now gone. His beautiful six ears with a frightening scar that covered nearly his whole eye all on display. His eyes, despite the one being obviously blind are sad, something you didn’t notice before. Even his slow blinking shows the weight of the world on his shoulders, it looks tired.
“At first, it was because of the Lady bone demon, I couldn’t endanger you. Then, as I spent time around Mk and unfortunately Wukong, I saw the way the kid was being dragged into his messes.” He sighs, it’s a disappointing sound coming from your mentor, like he’s given up on you, on himself. “I realised, I didn’t want to do the same with you, that you’ve lived a whole life without me. I didn’t want to intrude.”
You scoff, Macaque is not the type of person who cared whether he was intruding or not, then you take a step forward so that you’re face to face with the simian.
“You are pathetic.”
You watch as his eyes widen in surprise before narrowing, a sneer quick to leap onto his face.
You continue on, regardless of his reaction. “To think so lowly of yourself, to think so lowly of my capabilities. Of course I’ve grown and lived without you, but that does not mean you can’t be a part of it now!”
The anger clouding Macaque’s expression quickly fades leaving an understanding silence between the two of you.
“You’ve gained emotional intelligence while I was dead,” he says, with a small smile on his scared face. It’s different from the face of the mentor you used to know, but that smile, that small proud smile is the very same he used to give to you. Not even death itself has pulled that from him.
“Only sometimes,” you snort, thinking about your recent situation.
Macaque hums, before slowly, unsurely, wrapping his arms around you, and bringing you in close to his chest. Once again you’re frozen, grasping at straws for what to do, rather than sending you off into the dark, he’s thrown you into the light. It burns, similar to being around Mk, but with much less heat. Nevertheless, this seems to hurt more because Mk shines his light on everything, while Macaque’s moonlight is just a faint reflection compared to the Monkey king’s successor's, even so it spotlights you. You feel like an actor on the stage in the middle of a forgotten monologue. You don’t even realise tears are slipping down your face, until Macaque holds you tighter and your wet face is pressed into his shoulder.
What could you do, but hold him back?
Your body shakes as your mentor attempts to sooth you. Sobs are wracking you, seemingly out of nowhere, and these emotions come to swiftly catch you off guard. You have no defenses ready, no way to analyse and cautiously act on them if you find them rational, or just plain interesting.
Here, your breaths come in gasps, here you clutch your mentor and cry. Here you cannot separate the orphan, or the child training under Macaque. You can’t grab them, rip them from your identity and scream at them to stop. Stop trying to walk into the sun, please just stay in the comfort of the dark. If they stay, you can remain ignorant, pretend like their pain is not your pain.
“Macaque- Macaque I’m sorry.” You blurt out, almost like the desperate orphan from all those years before, almost like the naive pupil, almost like the lone shadow demon, broken yet grown despite it.
“I broke your rule.”
‘I’m sorry, I’m going to end up like you.’
Macaque just shakes his head. “I’m sorry too.”
Eventually, you calm down from your outburst enough to be able to pull away from the monkey.
“You won’t leave him?” He murmurs, trying to find just one string to extract you out of this situation. He probably already knows your starlight is Mk, it’s pretty easy to see traces of leftover shadows. If you had used your powers in Sun Wukong’s bedroom, you would have seen traces of shadow magic all over the orange-haired simian. He’s pulling at strings he knows doesn’t exist.
“I won’t hurt him, leaving would hurt him.”
“That might be the case now, “ your mentor chuckles. “Yet there will be a day where you’ll seem to only want to hurt him.”
The very thought causes you revolution.
“I’m not you.”
That’s just the truth, isn’t it? Macaque yearns for revenge, and you’ve never even thought of going after the Monkey king for killing your father figure. The simian controls the dark, yet never indulges in its whispers like you have. Hell, Macaque isn’t just a shadow demon, he’s a celestial primate, one with six ears. He could hear everything if he wanted to drive himself mad. You’re just a shadow demon, who kept their humanoid appearance, and your hearing is only slightly enhanced like the rest of your senses. You and Macaque are deeply similar, but very concretely different.
Macaque steps into the sunlight, but hides as the welts begin to form. You revel in the burn of starlight, while wishing he would burn brighter.
“Yes,” Macaque regards you with careful eyes. “You are not me, you might not even be like me.”
Instinctively, your body gives a quick inhale at his words, but you refuse to let your eyes get wet once again. You’ve already shed enough tears today, and although you care deeply for your mentor, he does not deserve anymore of them. At least, not yet.
Your father figure smiles, “and the world will be better for
☯〰〰〰⚘⁕⁕✴☀✴⁕⁕⚘〰〰〰☯
Later, you teleport back to Mk’s bedroom, before Macaque’s killer and presumably lover wakes. Mk is still fast asleep when you return, his face just as peaceful as when you left him. Briefly, as you slip into the bed, you wonder if he can find peace without you, if his life would actually improve without you in it.
When Mk latches onto you, his sleeping peaceful face growing a loppy kind of grin, you find yourself silly for even thinking of abandoning him.
-thedelusionreaderbitch
