#maengel

[uniquezombiedestiny]

thinking about maengel.... been trying to get a more grounded like. look into what things were like for them. its been a struggle due to brain issues(tm) but i at least have a bunch of new things related to them now :3

also disclaiming here that this is probably gonna be a bunch of like. vaguely connected ramblings on a bunch of different things o7

like more pin-pointed ways angel was fucked up, the specific things shed say/do both out of love and out of fear, jealousy, etc. i Would say "love and hatred" there but its hard to say that angel ever hated mae; the closest she ever got to that would be sudden flares of rage, but even then she loved her. she just thought they didnt love her back/werent listening to her/etc.

really, to angel mae is like. well. an angel. soft fluffy wings and a bright halo held high. so beautiful and reverent. something so far above what she was: the cruel, selfish, irrational devil, with hands forever soaked in blood - the moment she reached for those wings, she knew. it was always going to end in bloodshed. she could already see it, the white feathers stained red from a single touch. and a lot of that is because while angel gets into relationships and hurts others for her own fun, she actually loved maethyl. she truly fell in love with her, unlike many of her other relationships and flings that were guided by her love for love itself or need to run away from/reassure her insecurities and such.

so one part of her wanted the best for her, while another wanted her all to herself. really, deep down, angel thinks that the best thing mae could do is to just run far away and never look back. but she couldnt bear the idea of that, so there's the second-best option: keeping them all to herself in the best heaven she could make.

when she wasnt scared/angry/etc., angel was actually very sweet and considerate. she loved sending mae letters and gifts, checking in on them and ensuring they were okay, and just hanging out. to be with someone who actually loved and cared for someone like her gave her a lot of hope. and for mae, angel was such a light in their life. she was there for them no matter what; even at their worst she was there to drag them out of it and help them to their feet again. they got out more, took care of themselves and rested more, and just focused on their own happiness, all for her.

and so when they were together it was beautiful. everything had more light in it, even the most mundane things held beauty, and anything was fun. it was more so the idea that they loved and cared for each other, made one another happy just out of their own hearts, that made them so happy to be with each other.

so when all the fucked up shit happened, of course theyd apologize and vow to do better and stay together despite it. "we'll get past this", "it's because i just love you so much", "i'm sorry, i really am - please let me make it up to you".......

[t-589]

I get on stage and I call her by her first name Tried to stay away but I always meet her back at this place

She gives me everything I feel no pain I break down, get up, and do it all again Because it's never enough and she makes me feel loved I can come here and scream as loud as I want

Everybody dance Everybody sing Everybody move Everybody scream

Here I don't have to be quiet Here I don't have to be kind, extraordinary, normal all at the same time But look at me run myself ragged, blood on the stage - But how can I leave you when you're screaming my name?! Screaming my name

But I will come for you in the evening, ragged and bleeding Shaking my gold like a tambourine A bouquet of brambles, all twisted and tangled I'll make you sing for me, I'll make you scream...

Everybody dance Everybody sing Everybody move Everybody scream

Here I can take up the whole of the sky Unfurling, becoming my full size Look at me burst through the ceiling Aren't you so glad you came? Breathless and begging and screaming my name Screaming my name...

Everybody jump Everybody sing Everybody move Everybody scream Everybody shake Put down your screen Everybody up Everybody scream

The witchcraft, the medicine, the spells and the injections (the spells and the injections) The harvest, the needle, protect me from evil The magic and the misery, madness and the mystery Oh, what has it done to me... Everybody scream

[uniquezombiedestiny]

but no - it's different this time.

i truly love you. you, with such feathery, downy wings, and a softly glowing halo.

you must notice it; how i lack everything you have. no wings. no halo. i am nothing like you - even our personalities, our faces, the very ways we love each other - they're like night and day.

...like predator and prey.

i do wonder if you know what you're ensnared in now. when i look into your eyes, all i see is naivete, innocence...

...but you have always been quite the deceitful person. always talking behind my back, always with somebody else. didn't i tell you not to talk about us to anyone? and here you are, betraying me, innocent as can be.

you must be keenly aware that i have claws. you must be keenly aware that i have a forked tongue and slitted pupils; horns that end in razor-points; a scream that will shatter anyone. including you.

"there must be hope for people like us."

you are an idiot.

so am i, i recall, as i wipe your tears with my own hands: because i love you still. the innocent, naive you, with beautiful wing,s and a lovely voice, and eyes that make me forget i was ever even a monster.

your halo is fading away. your feathers are falling out. you smiled at me, but it never reached you eyes, you beautiful, deceitful, stupid creature. i shouldn't love you, should never have, and you should hate me now... yet here we are.

"it'll be different," i promised you, and you accepted it in this almost robotic manner.

i wondered, are you even there? are you enraptured by me? does your nature chain you to me? to this? to the cycle, waiting for an ending?

perhaps it's the very nature of predators and their prey. they are meant to be with each other, after all.

i suppose that nothing can stop this. i suppose that you already know, deep in your heart, what's going to happen; the net you're ensnared in.

that's why i love you. you never change. and neither will i, my dear - devil and angel that we are.

i truly love you...

[bqhansueli]

Unser #umbau der #werkstatt in eine #wohnung macht #fortschritte. Die #kueche ist ausser ein paar #maengel fertig. #busswil #lyss #bern #switzerland🇨🇭 (hier: Busswil, Bern, Switzerland)

[artsytoad]

Maxine Gadd, Maengel

www.artsytoad.tumblr.com