I know there are a lot of different opinions on how Arthur would have reacted if he found out about Merlin's magic earlier and I know many people say that in most fics he's to understanding and soft and I agree to a certain degree if we think about it realistically.
However: While I do think that Arthur would get angry and fall into his old coping patterns I honestly believe if he would have approached Merlin and Merlin would have flinched because he is scared Arthur's anger would have transformed into shame so quick. Arthur would not be able to stand Merlin being afraid of him.
okay but we need to TALK about how Merlin just casually gives merlin the most insane, compounding trauma and then expects him to go back to polishing boots like nothing happened
like. this is a BOY.
this is a teenager who shows up in camelot and within approximately five minutes is told by Gaius:
“hey so you have world-ending levels of power :) also if anyone finds out you will be executed :) have fun!”
and then Kilgharrah is like:
“your destiny is everything. your feelings are irrelevant.”
???????
so now we have merlin:
cannot tell anyone who he is
cannot be fully known by anyone
cannot even react honestly to the things happening to him
and THEN
Will dies protecting merlin’s secret → merlin learns: people die if they know me
Freya dies in his arms right after he allows himself to love someone → merlin learns: if i love someone, they die
Balinor (his father!!) dies basically immediately → merlin learns: i don’t get to keep family
Lancelot sacrifices himself → merlin learns: good people die for me
Gwaine is tortured and dies → merlin learns: i can’t save everyone, even when i try
and then. THEN.
Arthur Pendragon dies.
after YEARS of merlin:
saving his life in secret
sacrificing everything
shaping his entire existence around this ONE destiny
and what does merlin get?
arthur finding out the truth for like five minutes and then dying in his arms.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
and the show just—
ends.
no processing.
no support system.
no “hey maybe this boy has severe survivor’s guilt and complex trauma”
because merlin can’t even GRIEVE properly.
he can’t tell anyone:
why will died
who freya was to him
that balinor was his father
what lancelot actually did
how many times he saved arthur
so all of that grief just sits there. unspoken. unacknowledged. unresolved.
like imagine carrying:
the weight of destiny
the responsibility for a kingdom
the knowledge that your loved ones died for or because of you
and the fact that the ONE person it was all for is gone anyway
Merlin: Arthur… there’s something I need to tell you. A secret about me that—
Arthur: It’s all right. I already know.
Merlin: Then… you don’t hate me?
Arthur: I’d never hate you.
Merlin: Even if I am a…?
Arthur: Even if you are a—Because I am too.
Merlin: Oh God, You have magic too?
Arthur: What? No, I don’t.
Merlin: You just said you are too?
Arthur: What I meant is that I’m a gay. And I love you.
Merlin: …What?
Arthur: …So you do have magic?
Merlin: …Yeah.
Arthur: Fuck.
Merlin: That was my word! I can’t believe my biggest secret revealed in such a ridiculous way! I thought it would at least be a long, heartfelt conversation… I even prepared speeches. You know, like—some people are born to plow fields, and I was born to... Ughh—That sort of thing!
Arthur: And look at me! My secret comes out just as absurdly! I can’t believe I blurted out a confession like an idiot when you might not even like men.
Merlin: …I never said that.
Arthur: What?
Merlin: I never said I don’t like men, Arthur.
Arthur: Then say it.
Merlin: Say what?
Arthur: Your speech. The heartfelt one.
Merlin: …Some men are born to plow fields, some live to be great physicians, others to be great king. And I was born to serve you. I love you and I wouldn't change a thing.
Arthur: I love you and I don’t want you to change. I want you to always be you.
No more Merlin begging for Arthur’s forgiveness after the magic reveal I think Arthur should have to beg and plead and sob for Merlins forgiveness. I think he should have to fall to his knees and babble apologies for how awfully he’s treated him and how he’d do anything to make it up to Merlin for everything he’s ever done and said, not only against magic but also against Merlin. Idk
the turning point of merlin was the sins of the father episode [s2 ep8] and that is a hill i will die on because not only does arthur for the first time ever reveal his doubts about his father's stance on magic but he is also willing to take revenge for all the people his father hurt including his own mother AND merlin LIES to him so that he doesn't commit patricide. and i can't defend it because after arthur calms down and seems a bit more rational and says that his father is right about magic after all, i very heavily believe that merlin should've told him instead of smiling through the pain. HE SHOULD'VE TOLD HIM BECAUSE WHAT HE DID WAS PURE GASLIGHTING AND EXTREMELY MANIPULATIVE and that was the best time to do the reveal because not only would arthur be aware of the fact that his father is a genocidal bastard who hurt his own wife for an heir but arthur's closest confidant merlin was willing to set that aside that just so arthur wouldn't kill his own father!! and of fucking course the show writers bottled it!! up until this point merlin has lied to arthur but this instance was just so deeply disrespectful to him. arthur not even being aware of the lie is deeply so tragic because arthur is his own person and he should have been allowed to make his own decisions!!!!
"As new knight hopefuls of Camelot, you face the ultimate test of strength."
Merlin rolls his eyes as Arthur's voice rings out across the training grounds, and keeps polishing the sword across his knee.
"A test not only of strength, but of speed, courage—"
And agility, Merlin mouths along, exasperated. He must have heard this fucking speech a hundred times by now.
"—You face me."
Merlin breathes out heavily; hopefully loud enough for Arthur to hear it, and know how embarrassing it is for Merlin, to serve such a tit.
"Your challenge is to last until the sandglass is half done, and achieve ten points. Land a blow, that's two points. If you last until the end of the sandglass, that's three points. And if you disarm me, that's ten points on its own—but it's only happened once, so don't be too disappointed if you don't manage it. You're only human, unlike Lancelot here."
A chuckle ripples through the young men as Arthur claps Lancelot on the back in passing. Merlin grins as Lancelot stares at the ground, neck going pink at the praise.
"Lancelot got you flat on your back," Merlin calls out. "How many points is that?"
"Have you been at the ale again, Merlin?" Arthur shoots back. "No-one is going to do that. You're getting their hopes up for nothing."
"Oh, is that so?" Merlin's mouth runs on without him, and leaves his brain in the dust. "Bet you I could do it."
Now Lancelot is staring at him, face sounding his alarm as loud and clear as a cowhorn. Arthur, the prick, laughs—loud, obnoxious, head thrown back—and for a moment he reminds Merlin so strongly of that boy in the marketplace, so many years ago. He grins, despite himself.
"Go on, then," Arthur calls out, arms spread wide as he moves into the centre. "Show them how it's done, Merlin."
Merlin hesitates. For a moment, his brain wrestles for control.
Then he puts the sword down, and gets to his feet.
Arthur's eyes don't leave him. "Weapon of choice?"
"Hand to hand combat," Merlin answers, coming to stand in front of him. "If you're game."
"If I'm—" Arthur scoffs, breaking off. "Merlin, you idiot."
"What?" Merlin asks, brows raised. "Too scared?"
"Scared I'll snap you like a twig, maybe."
Merlin dips his head to the side, holds eye contact as he pushes his sleeves up his arms. His heart is trying to beat its way out of his chest, but he also feels strangely calm. The time has come. "Sure. Are you ready?"
"Yes, I'm ready," Arthur says, rolling his eyes. "Come on, then."
The men around them are starting to laugh already. Even Leon grins as he turns the sandglass over.
There's a long, tense, unmoving moment, where the two of them just watch each other. Arthur's lips are parted, the smile not quite gone but not quite there, either.
Then he moves—and he's fast, of course, strong and agile and all that wank.
But Merlin, without moving, has him on his back in the blink of an eye.
Arthur gasps, staring up at him, wild eyed and pinned to the ground, as the laughter among the men dies a sudden, swift death, replaced with the harsh metallic rasp of a dozen swords being drawn.
"Stop!" Arthur shouts, as some of the men move forward—Merlin sees Lancelot step forward at the same time. "Lower your weapons." And when none of them do: "Now."
Leon sheathes his sword. The young men, hesitantly, do so as well.
"Let me up, Merlin," Arthur says, voice tight.
Merlin instantly drops the spell. He feels sick. He feels relieved. He feels naked, and raw.
"Told you," he says, voice almost steady. He holds out a hand, less steadily.
Arthur stares at him for a long moment, and Merlin's heart begins to rip—but then he's reaching up, clasping his arm, and Merlin hauls him up to his feet, breathing out shakily.
Arthur holds onto his wrist for a long moment, holds his gaze too, before letting go of both. Then he turns, to face the tense onlookers.
"Change of plans," he says, roughly. "Lancelot and Leon will take you through the training. Merlin, you'll come with me."
"Going to execute me in private?" Merlin half jokes, following on numb legs as Arthur strides towards the castle. It's starting to catch up with him just how stupid that had been. Gaius is going to kill him, if Arthur doesn't.
"I'm tempted," Arthur says, and there is a bitter note there, in his voice. Merlin's put it there. He hates himself a bit, even though he wouldn't mind yelling at Arthur that he had no choice, he'd have had his head cut off for revealing himself when Uther was still alive.
But then Arthur sighs. "No, I need your help."
"What? Digging my own grave?" Merlin can't seem to stop himself, as he follows him down the corridor, the air far cooler inside the castle than out.
"Are you always this morbid?" Arthur snaps exasperatedly, twisting to face him. "No, you idiot, apparently there are some laws that need revising, immediately."
Merlin gapes at him. "What, just like that?"
"Yes, just like that!" Arthur yells. "What, do you want me to throw you in the dungeons? I'll do it. Happily!"
"Arthur."
"Or shall I send the order for the pyre to be built? So I can watch my—so I can watch you burn until you're screaming, is that it? Is that what you think I'd do?"
"Arthur." Merlin walks him backwards, keeps going until they're tucked into an alcove that's really not built for two grown men. Arthur is breathing hard, eyes wet and angry. "I wanted to tell you, for so long. Since the very beginning."
He reaches out, slowly, and feels Arthur shudder as he runs a hand carefully up the side of his neck, to cup his face, thumb stroking back and forth along Arthur's jaw.
"I was scared," Merlin whispers, swallowing hard at the truth of it, "to lose you."
Arthur chokes out a rough, wet noise, as Merlin leans in to run his nose along the ridge of Arthur's. "You're stupider than you look, then."
Merlin laughs, and kisses him, just like that. "Yeah."
And he kisses him again.
Again.
Again.
Strength @merthurmicrofic + Arthur finds out @merlinbingo {1060 words}
post magic reveal the knights all waiting for Merlin to pretending and 'acting a fool' now that they know his secret, only....he's not. Pretending or acting a fool, that is. They keep expecting him to be a different person then they knew, and he keeps....not doing that. He's still a shit liar, he can not tell an untruth successfully; that's never been in his skill set. He's still a clumsy oaf. Yes, yes, he's God, also can not hold his alchohol. He's objectively inhuman and he'll never stop crying over dead animals. He can do literally whatever he wants, and what he wants is to remain a servant with seven shirts three scarfs and two jackets to his name. This insistance will not stop him from bitching about being hungry or tired or cold, even though technically he doesn't need to eat or sleep or feel tempatures if he doesn't want to.
the knights coming to terms with the dicotomy of 'basically god' and also. 'their little guy'. Like he's their little guy, AND he's basically god.
