#magical malpractice

[fannedandflawless]

Sirius Black Vs The Wards: Why Death Eaters Weren’t Invited To Tea

We’ve all heard it: “Hogwarts is the safest place in the wizarding world.” But who actually set those protections? How do they work? And more importantly—why do they fail in such spectacular fashion when a certain Animagus wants to drop in for a visit? Let’s take a look at the foundations of these fabled defences—and why they might be more aesthetic than foolproof?

🏰 Who Set the Wards on Hogwarts?

✔️ Hogwarts is protected by centuries-old enchantments laid by the Founders and reinforced by successive Headmasters—currently, Dumbledore.

These wards include:

Anti-Apparition barriers

Muggle-repelling charms

Detection wards for dark magic

Protective enchantments layered into the very stone

Sounds airtight? Hold that thought.

🐺 So How Did Sirius Black Break In?

✔️ He was an unregistered Animagus. The wards don’t detect animals the same way they detect humans. ✔️ He had intimate knowledge of the school grounds from his time as a Marauder. ✔️ He had access to:

The Marauder’s Map (the blueprint of Hogwarts mischief)

Secret passageways hidden even from the staff

Decades of experience evading authority

📌 The Ministry’s Dementors were stationed around Hogwarts—but they couldn’t detect him in his Animagus form. And if they did? They still needed direct proximity.

Sirius snuck in multiple times. Into the castle. Into the Gryffindor dormitories. And what was the school’s response?

“Board up the Fat Lady’s portrait. That’ll fix it.”

🐍 Meanwhile… THE DEATH EATERS

Here’s where the logic falls apart spectacularly:

Death Eaters—many of them former students—can’t get in.

We’re talking Bellatrix, Lucius, Narcissa, Travers, Rookwood, Yaxley, Dolohov, and other former Slytherin alumni—even Voldemort himself. These were witches and wizards with significant magical ability and extensive history at Hogwarts. And yet... not one of them could find a way in without relying on a teenager and a piece of broken furniture? Suspiciously neglected. Strategically nonsensical.

They knew the castle. They lived there. Yet none of them could break in?

So what does Voldemort do?

Assigns Draco Malfoy, a sixteen-year-old schoolboy, the impossible mission of assassinating Dumbledore—as punishment for Lucius' failure at the Ministry.

Under immense pressure and with no adult help, Draco devises his own plan: fix a broken Vanishing Cabinet—which had been rotting in a corner like a half-assembled IKEA wardrobe—to sneak Death Eaters into the castle.

A dusty, half-forgotten wardrobe becomes the cornerstone of a death squad invasion—like someone planned a high-risk coup using magical flat-pack furniture and crossed their fingers it wouldn't collapse mid-assembly.

Let that sink in:

Full-grown Death Eaters couldn’t manage what a teenage fugitive dog animagus did three times over.

And here’s the kicker—Peter Pettigrew, the very Death Eater who faked his own death and lived as a rat for over a decade, knew about the secret tunnel between the Shrieking Shack and Hogwarts via the Whomping Willow. He had used it himself. So why didn’t he lead the Death Eaters through it?

Even if it was partially sealed or risky, surely it could’ve been reinforced faster than restoring a Vanishing Cabinet. Was Voldemort unaware of it? Or did he not trust a path once tied to the Marauders?

If speed and surprise were the goal, the Whomping Willow route seems a baffling omission. Dubious, darling. Deeply dubious.

🤯 THE IMPLICATIONS:

🔥 Sirius Black > Death Eaters in Hogwarts Infiltration

Sirius had deeper magical intuition, resourcefulness, and a working knowledge of the school’s blind spots.

The Marauders, collectively, understood Hogwarts better than most of the staff.

The Death Eaters, despite their power, relied on brute force and bypassing rather than subtlety.

And let’s not forget—his Animagus form was a dog. While it's never explicitly stated how the wards classify Animagi, it’s reasonable to assume that Sirius’ form allowed him to bypass the usual detection spells. Perhaps Hogwarts is accidentally pet-friendly—but not evil-detection efficient. Just ask Rita Skeeter, who snuck into places as a beetle without setting off a single alarm. So maybe the rule is: if you don’t look magical, you’re fine. You can sneak in if you look like a lovable stray—or an unremarkable insect. Good luck if you’re in full Death Eater robes, though.

🤨 Or… The Wards Are Dubiously Selective

Hogwarts’ security flexes depending on plot demands.

If Voldemort needed in, there’s always some reason he couldn’t—until Dumbledore was dead.

Are the wards magically intelligent? Or just wildly inconsistent?

Hogwarts: “No evil may enter—unless it’s disguised as a dog.”

🪞 Lingering Reflections:

This raises a serious (Sirius) question:

Was Sirius Black secretly one of the most magically competent characters in the series?

If so—why didn’t the Order use him better? Why wasn’t he teaching stealth? Why wasn’t he training students?

And perhaps more pressingly—why didn’t Dumbledore clear his name?

He knew Sirius was innocent. He had strong reason to believe the truth about Peter Pettigrew—ever since the events in the Shrieking Shack. Though he claimed he lacked proof after Pettigrew escaped, one must wonder why a wizard of Dumbledore’s stature couldn’t sway the Ministry or rally support. Instead, he let Sirius remain a fugitive, locked in Grimmauld Place, haunted and hunted.

Was it fear of public backlash? Political games? Or simply another case of Dumbledore trusting that “the greater good” would work itself out?

Or was it simply another oversight by the narrative so focused on the Chosen One that they forgot the Black sheep genius in the corner?

⸻

Previously: Hogwarts Security Issues: The Safest Place? Really?

[feebadrawba]

keppler's house in magmal :-) i need to name her, but i'm not sure what to name her. (likely going to be something in german, since that's his first language)

[fannedandflawless]

Magical Transport & Terrain: The Things That Should Not Be

We need to talk about the sprawling, perilous wilderness bordering the castle—a forest so infamous it's literally called Forbidden. And yet, it somehow doubles as the school's preferred disciplinary playground.

🌲 The Forbidden Forest: Hogwarts’ Most Reckless Detention Policy

Let’s start with the name—“Forbidden”—and immediately ask: why is it directly accessible from the castle lawn?

Students are sent into the Forbidden Forest for detention. As a punishment. At the age of eleven. Often unsupervised, or led by Hagrid and Fang, which is about as secure as a wet parchment barrier.

Inside the forest:

Acromantulas (giant, human-eating spiders)

Centaurs, who are hostile to interference

Dragons, yes—dragons—were temporarily kept in the Forbidden Forest during the Triwizard Tournament. Massive, fire-breathing beasts were contained in cages just a short walk from the school lawn. Because what’s a magical academic event without catastrophic risk?

Werewolves, presumed to roam freely

Unicorns, one of which was canonically murdered by Voldemort

Thestrals, only visible to students who have witnessed death (trauma not optional)

Grawp, Hagrid’s younger giant brother, who resides in the forest despite having questionable impulse control

Likely numerous other magical creatures that Hagrid may or may not have introduced, fed, or "accidentally adopted"—and unlike Newt Scamander, who kept his creatures contained in a magically expanded, structured habitat with clear care protocols and protections, Hagrid’s version is more free-range chaos than regulated sanctuary

Let’s also remember that Hagrid at one point had an entire menagerie of magical creatures spilling across the grounds—more than one Hippogriff, numerous blast-ended skrewts, and various questionable acquisitions. Most of these creatures were never seen again in later books, with no explanation of what happened to them. And based on Hagrid’s behaviour—like releasing Aragog into the forest—it’s entirely plausible he simply let them loose into the wilds. It was less a Care of Magical Creatures class and more a barely-contained magical farm leaking into the tree line.

And not to be forgotten—poisonous or aggressive magical plants, some of which may be semi-sentient or carnivorous.

"You’ve broken curfew. Into the forest, child."

Now, not to be dramatic—but while certain professors handed out forest detentions like candy with a death wish, Professor Severus Snape absolutely did not. Not even once. Not even close.

Let’s be abundantly clear: Professor Severus Snape—strict, moody, terrifying in seventeen languages—never sent a single student into the Forbidden Forest for detention. Ever.

Unlike certain other staff members (yes, Minerva, we're looking at you), who thought a late-night stroll into a lethal magical forest was character-building—Snape kept his detentions strictly within castle bounds. Preferably underground. Preferably involving caustic liquids.

When Snape dished out detention, it usually meant:

Touching something slimy and regrettable in a dungeon

Writing long, soul-draining essays on why magical mishaps are Not Funny

Cleaning cauldrons that may or may not have sentient residue

Being glared at for one solid hour while sorting flobberworms by viscosity

Not once—not once—did he say: "Ah, yes. You've misbehaved. Into the murder-forest with you."

Because here’s the truth: Snape liked control. He was not about to outsource his revenge to a tree. Or worse, to Hagrid.

Even at his pettiest, Snape was precise. He didn’t endanger students for the drama. He inflicted guilt, not injury. He curated humiliation like a one-man art gallery.

So no—he didn’t hand students over to the forest and hope they'd stumble into Merlin-knows-what just to prove a point.

And that, ironically, makes him—tragically—one of the more responsible adults at Hogwarts.

And just to remind you how completely unhinged this system truly is... Let’s return to Exhibit A: sending first-years into the murder-forest after curfew. With lanterns. And Hagrid. And Fang (aesthetic, not effective).

Because naturally, if you’ve broken school rules, the best response is to drop you into a magical wilderness filled with centaurs, werewolves, and man-eating spiders. Hogwarts once sent Harry and Draco—both first-years—into it after dusk for detention. With a lantern. And Hagrid. And Fang (who, clearly, is unhelpful). That’s it.

And somehow, no one has launched a formal complaint—or inspected this forest’s wildly unsupervised population. The decision remains one of the most absurd examples of Hogwarts’ disciplinary logic.

🐴 Thestral Carriages: Silent Flight, Zero Safety

Let’s now take a ride—literally—on the invisible Thestral-drawn carriages used to ferry students to and from the train station.

Key issues:

The Thestrals are invisible to most students, which means first-years (and many others) believe they’re being transported by driverless, levitating carriages.

There are no seatbelts, no guards, no harnesses, and no barriers on the sides.

The terrain is rocky and forested, often damp, and the carriages are pulled by skeletal death-horses with wings.

No brief safety explanation. No magical tether. Just vibes.

“Hop on, children. Ignore the potential 30-foot drop.”

And if that wasn’t enough:

The carriages navigate through fog, darkness, and rain, without lights or magical beacons.

No mention of spell cushions, protective enchantments, or even a simple "Hold on."

🧠 Lingering Logic:

The same school that won’t let students enter the kitchens without a password has no problem launching them into the night in invisible, unguided carriages through a monster-filled forest.

Welcome to Hogwarts. Sign this waiver in blood.

⸻

Related Posts:

Hogwarts Security Issues: The Safest Place? Really?

Sirius Black Vs The Wards: Why Death Eaters Weren’t Invited To Tea

[feebadrawba]

made myself a design for a keychain + keppler a fat lil chimera.. :) so cutes i love my kepper