#rita skeeter

[prongsievans]

rita: mr. potter, may i have a statement for the daily prophet regarding your involvement with death eater regulus black?

james: i stand with my cancelled wife.

[toorumlk]

ron and hermione photographed on the steps of their first home together makes it into the Prophet

[aiexh]

my sister is a retired marauders fan and has rarely interacted with the fandom since 2019 and my favourite hobby to piss her off is introduce her to the ridiculous new things the fandom comes up with and watch her crashout

some of my favourite conversations include

"what's your opinion on quillkiller?"

"what is that? barty and who else?"

"no it's bellatrix and reeta skeeter"

"WHAT THE FUCK"

"calm down-"

"you know back in my day we just used to combine the names of the characters to make ship names. WHAT THE FUCK IS QUILLKILLER"

"guess what bitchkiller is"

"okay this is easy. bitch as in dog, so sirius and bellatrix? ew they're related."

"it's sirius and barty"

"DONT EVEN CHAT TO ME RIGHT NOW"

"wait till you hear about kittywater"

"WHAT THE FUCK"

cut to me spending 30 minutes reading out rarepairs to her while she tries to guess who they are and crash the fuck out

the most recent one

"barty has an evil twin now"

"what? who?"

"hornkus binglefuck"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME"

"he's commonly headcannoned to be pandoras failed science experiment"

"DONT EVEN FUCKING TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW"

"it started off as a pinterest joke"

"I HATE YOU"

"they ship him with grant chapman"

"HUH?????"

might as well tag her while we're at it @vyvwern

[lamermiad]

oh god i hate this fandom sometimes, especially when it comes to female characters

let women be angry

let women be evil

let women be bad

let women be complex

and not just perfect angelic victims with no real personality

[sunseekerjo]

In love with the new single tbh

[loonylara]

rita skeeter & bellatrix black everyone

[overheard-at-hogwarts]

Harry: Look out, here comes Rita Skeeter. Ron: Ugh, she'll finger anyone with a pulse. Hermione: ...I'm pretty sure the tagline is "Her finger's on the pulse."

[faeyells]

Hey so… fuck you jkr

Fuck you for making everyone in your book cis, straight, white, able bodied, English speaking and from England (and if they weren’t they were some kind of stereotype)

This is my personal middle finger to you.

Remus, welsh, trans ftm, gay, disabled, uses a cane, would definitely side with Luigi, definitely only married Tonks cause they both needed someone to support them, fuck you

Sirius, French, definitely got some gender fuckery going on, bi, beats the shit out of nazis/homophobes/transphobes, love of my life, fuck you

Peter, Australian, he doesn’t fucking know or care, he just likes people (sometimes), definitely joins Sirius in his violent conquests, fuck you

James, south Asian, pan, poly, bro just loves fucking everyone, he is incapable of hate (most of the time), would literally only hate you and Voldemort, fuck you

Lily, Scottish, bi, poly, angry as fuck, will whip ur ass for talking badly about any of her friends, she would eviscerate you online, twitter is her playground and she will make you her bitch, fuck you

Marlene, Aussie, lesbian, defo some gender fuckery too, one day she’s all girly pop, next she’s in knee length cargos, crew socks, a wifebeater and uggs, about to whack you over the head with her surfboard, fuck you

Mary, Swahili, bi, trans mtf, my goddess, is just genuinely, kinder, funnier and a better writer than you, omg I just decided Mary keeps these like rlly long diaries just full of stories she’s written, hol up while I write that down, fuck you

Pandora, god knows, she’s just turned up one day, pan, trans mtf (oh I’m not even done yet), speaks in tongues fluently, would defo shit talk you to Sybil, fuck you

Sybill, English, bi, ace, trans (she/they) (demigirl???? Is that it???) (my knowledge only extends so far on the terms front) would calmly and incredibly gorely tell you how you are going to die, and then watch Barty carry it out, smiling, fuck you

Dorcas, where do we headcanon Dorcas is from? I think she grew up in London but that might just be because I need a token “grew up here” character, would beat you, don’t fight me, fight her, fuck you

Regulus, French, bi, poly, trans ftm, he is one of the joys of my life. yeah sure he’s fucked up and makes mistakes and shit, he’s remorseful. he makes up for it because if he saw you, he’d spit on your shoes and tell you to turn to love, fuck you

Evan, German, he swears Dora just showed up one day, gay, bored, loml, I cried over him two days ago, he would also beat you up, or maybe just watch Barty do it, fuck you

Barty, English

English, trans ftm, gay, fucking crazy, I love him, would troll you on twitter, would call you John Rowling and ask how much you like it BITCHHH, fuck you

Is that everyone? It doesn’t feel like everyone. I am missing someone.

OHHHH LOVES OF MY LIFE WAIT

Bellatrix, French, lesbian, crazy bitch, I love her, defo dates Rita, clung onto voldy cause he reminded her of the people she loved (Cissy, Rita, Andy) and would hate you :), loves Peggy by ceechyna, fuck you

Narcissa, french, lesbian, swordfights, reads Sappho, is the fucking best. Queen of lavender marriages, would give you a mildly disgusted look and walk away, we are rather displeased with you and your conduct

Andromeda, French, straight (whattt???), defo tops tho, don’t know much about her but I’d like to, give me fic recommendations, she seems fucking badass, she would kill you for her little gender fluid baby, fuck you

Rita, English, lesbian (it’s getting funny at this point), dyslexic, fight me, that quick quotes quill was there for one reason and one reason only, so she could diss you with the spelling immaculate, fuck you

Alice, German, bi, genuinely a kind person, would get incredibly angry at you if you hurt anyone she likes’ feelings though, wouldn’t hurt you or anything, just go beat red and start crying (tears of anger) while saying mean things about you, then cissy would come over, and then she’d punch you, only if cissy said to though, fuck you

Ted, English (Yorkshire, I just know it), cis het, he does bottom though, fight me, seems genuinely kind, we love to see it, just a nice guy, fuck yeah, still fuck you though

Behold them in all their glory, no particular order or reasons. Just vibes

If I forgot anyone, pls tell me, :))) I don’t want to tag this, it’s gonna be everywhere.

I reached 30 tags so quickly,

Damn