Day 4 - 9/26: "Leave me alone!" / bonus: emotional powers
This is based off this loose X-Men First Class AU thing I’m messing around with. There is lore/backstory I have ideas for that’s hinted at in this little fic. It's also not as whumpy as I thought it would be, so sorry for such a lack of whump in this little oneshot thing.
Charles feels it farther away than he thought he should. It’s a series of emotions. Flashing quickly. Powerfully. Chaotically. Whatever is happening is big. And it’s hurting a lot of people. Their thoughts are too jumbled and strong for Charles to separate them. To find who each thought belongs to. He’s racing towards it before thinking twice.
The other mutants. All of them. His new found family. They can’t be gone.
There's pain. Searing. Debilitating. So much. Too much. Who. Who is it! Is it someone Charles knows??
Anger. So white hot it feels cold. Like a blue star. The tip of a metal fire poker. The drop of a roller coaster a moment before the sharp descent. It’s the most dangerous form of anger. Calm and collected. Controlled and sharp, like a hidden knife, deadly only by the precision of its wielder.
Fear. It clutches at his chest. Cold. Suffocating. Paralyzing. His footsteps stutter, and he breathes in a ragged breath.
Oh, God, please. Let them be okay. Please.
Charles doesn’t even believe in God.
His shoes slap loudly on the pavement. And then he can see it. Smoke rising above the nearby buildings, difficult to see in the darkness of night. Charles reaches his mind out. Searching. Feeling. Desperate to find answers but afraid of what he might see. There’s so much pain and fear. And they’re such strong, primal feelings they’re difficult to sort through. It’s not the usual thrum of low-level, day-to-day thoughts he’s used to.
People race around the corner, and Charles slams into one of them. He’s thrown to the ground, and his head smacks painfully onto the sidewalk.
He scrambles up, heart in his throat, and races onward. He blindly reaches out with his mind as he races towards whatever is causing this mayhem. And then he feels him.
That tranquil anger. It’s usually like a river. Rushing steadily yet calmly. But now…now it’s a waterfall. Not exactly chaotic, but unceasing. Impossible to ignore. Loud. Overpowering.
Erik is floating in the center of the street. Cars and buildings—even lampposts and fire hydrants—are bent towards him as if he’s their center of gravity. Charles has never seen him use his mutation before. He still isn’t even exactly sure what it is. But it’s obvious that Erik is powerful.
There’s a group of people huddled behind a car, hands gripping each other, eyes pointed at the sky, fearfully searching for Erik, despite being unable to see him from their position. With a careless gesture, Erik sends the car crashing into a building. The fear from the people skyrockets, slamming into Charles. He clumsily puts up his mental shield a few seconds too late. He’d let it down in his search for the other mutants, uncaring what he let in.
Erik floats down towards the group of people, a thousand different images of their deaths flashing through his mind. It’s almost satisfactory. But it’s…not. Death is not satisfactory. These are Erik’s desires. He’s become so entangled with Charles, Charles is having difficulty separating his own thoughts from Erik’s. He’s never struggled with that distinction like this before.
Then Erik’s feet soundlessly meet the ground. His rage thunders in Charles’ ears.
Erik freezes. His shoulders straighten, and his back goes rigid.
Charles takes this time to slowly approach. “Erik, listen to me. Please. You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to hurt them.” He’s inching forward.
Erik slowly turns. His eyes are cold. Distant. “You don’t even know half the pain they’ve caused me.”
But Charles can’t say that, can he? Because then he’d have to tell Erik he’s been able to read his thoughts this entire time. That he’s been a mutant this entire time. That he’s useless and pathetic and has gotten some of their brothers and sisters killed. That he’s worse than the humans that Erik hates. And that Erik should hate him, too.
“Erik.” It comes out breathless and weak.
“I’m sorry, Charles, but this is who I really am.”
“You think you know me??” He suddenly advances, and Charles stumbles backwards. “I’ve killed people, and I will kill them again.”
Images flash through Charles’ mind then. Erik’s murders. Blood, and its warmth and metallic smell. Eyes filled with fear. Bodies laying peacefully on the ground. Cold ruthlessness. Sick satisfaction. A sense of pride and justice.
It’s a stab to the heart. Because it’s wrong. What Erik has done—what he’s doing—is wrong.
And Charles can’t—he can’t take it. He reaches a hand out towards Erik. He can almost touch him. “Erik—”
“Leave me alone!” he shouts, shoulders moving from the harshness of his breath. It’s then that Charles sees his tears. They fall silently and leave twin tracks down his cheeks. “Charles, I—” His voice wavers. He grabs Charles’ outstretched arm and pushes it back towards him. “I am not who you want me to be. I am not kind. I am not nice. And I am not forgiving.”
“You’ve been all those things to me,” Charles whispers, tears of his own spilling down his face.
“You are the only human who’s ever been kind to me first.”
And Charles cries harder, lip wobbling and tears falling, because he can’t even be that for Erik. He can’t be the kindest human Erik’s met. He can’t be his hope that there is good in humanity. He can’t be the reason Erik changes his mind about them. Because Erik will never believe it until he sees it. Until it happens to him. And he thinks it has. But it hasn’t.
Because Charles isn’t human.
Yet he’s still everything Erik despises. Everything Erik claims all humans are: liars, weak…
The reason mutants are dead.
Charles is shaking his head before he even realizes he’s doing so. “Erik, I…I’m not human.”
“What.” Erik comes closer. Just a couple steps. But now they’re close enough Charles can feel the puff of Erik’s breath on his face. “Charles…” He’s searching him, looking almost…wondrously at Charles’ face. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
One of Erik’s hands gently cups Charles’ cheek. Charles blinks in surprise, shocked at how gentle Erik is. Shocked at the intimacy he’s sharing with him. Their closeness. Charles instinctively reaches out to Erik’s mind to see what he’s thinking. Why he’s doing this. Why he’s not upset.
That familiar anger greets him. Not quite the waterfall it had just been, but not as calm as the usual river either. Almost like rapids. Bumpy and wild and bordering on uncontained.
“Did they do this to you?” Erik asks. Steel is in his voice. Hatred.
Erik brushes the side of Charles’ face, the ghost of a touch just above his ear.
Charles recalls falling on the pavement.
Erik continues, “Humans hurt you, didn’t they?”
Charles swallows, throat suddenly dry. “They were running from you, Erik.”
Erik’s gaze hardens, and he pulls his hand away. “You cannot keep advocating for them, Charles.”
“And you cannot keep hurting them!” he exclaims. “You are the reason they are so afraid!”
“They are always afraid. They are always violent.”
“Not all of them! Not all of the time!”
Where the hell is Erik? I am not leaving without him. There’s not much time. Where the fuck is he??
They’re not his own thoughts, but the tone of them is familiar. It’s someone he knows. It’s—
Charles immediately turns to where he can feel the tug of her consciousness. She’s panicked. She’s afraid.
“Charles?” Erik asks, concern suddenly flooding his voice as if they weren’t just shouting at each other two seconds ago.
Charles turns back to Erik. “It’s Raven. She’s looking for you.” His tone is clipped and cold.
“She’s over there,” Charles says with a quick nod.
But Erik is shaking his head as if he’s the one who can read minds. “Come with us.”
“Please.” And then he steps closer. They’re not even a foot apart. “We need you, Charles.”
“Please? We can do this together.”
“No, no. Erik, I— Violence isn’t the answer, and I don’t want any part of that.”
“Then let’s discuss it. Later.” He places his hands on Charles’ shoulders. “Once you’ve come with us.” He doesn’t look away.
I have to make him see. I have to make him see. Doesn’t he realize I don’t beg for anyone but him? That I can’t fucking do this without him?
“Okay,” Charles hears himself agree, ears ringing, heart stuttering at Erik’s thoughts.
Surprise splashes across Erik’s face before he quickly conceals it.
“Now,” Charles urges. “Before I change my mind.”
