He likes Clary – for as much trouble as she brought them, she has a good heart, and no one can pick up skills like her. She makes their world a little less grim, with all her fiery passion for the right thing to do, her sheer will to prove herself, her iron grip on whatever little part of their world that she could touch. If they met earlier in life, Alec thinks he and Clary would’ve been best friends, kindred spirits as they are.
It makes sense that she is the one that catches the way Alec chokes during a debrief, the way he has to swallow down before continuing. Jace catches it too, he’s sure, but Jace won’t push him. Jace trusts his brother, his parabatai, to figure it out. That is what Alec does. He breaks noses and takes consequences. He puts out fires before the heat can reach his family, even – especially – if it means burning himself. That’s what it means to be a big brother, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
But Clary can’t grasp it. It certainly doesn’t help that she just lost the last shred of hope of saving her own big brother, and that Alec is the next best thing. It’s not a surprise when she marches up to him after the team is dismissed, her mouth twisting down in her determined look.
from my malec hanahaki au - coming later this week!
I’ve been working on something I can’t seem to be able to finish, so here’s a little sneek peak because I need to get some of it out. Here’s some Malec love 🥰
__________________________
Alec wakes up to softness. Everywhere, everything is softness and warmth. Next to the bed, the rain and the wind brush against the window in a dance that seems to be made for this cocoon. The pitter-patter could lull him back to sleep. It sounds cold outside, the horizon is still dark, unfriendly. But inside… Inside, it’s the opposite.
They didn’t fall asleep like that, with Magnus’s back against his chest, one of Alec’s arms wrapped around Magnus’s waist. His skin is warm.
If Alec had to describe happiness, that would be it. The lightest bubble of air in his chest, Magnus’s warmth against him, all around him.
And outside, the world.
A quiet world, cottoned, a drizzle and wind.
He inhales deeply the scent of Magnus’s hair, of him and closes his eyes to the memories of a few hours earlier.
From the tip of his fingers, Magnus traced the outlines of Alec’s face, grazing his hair and Alec let the tenderness of the gesture envelop him.
“No one has ever touched me like that,” he whispered against Magnus’s palm, surprising himself at how easy it is to voice his own thoughts.
“No one has ever inspired my magic flowers,” Magnus answered. His fingers looked for shivers behind Alec’s ear and before he had time to ask him for another flower, Magnus birthed a blue star in his hand. It transformed into a flower Alec couldn’t see, but already loved.
“Thanks,” he murmured, leaning to kiss Magnus one more time.
But he opens his eyes again. The clock indicates 5.24. Alec knows he won’t be able to fool his brain any longer, the twinge in his chest a painful reminder that he will have to get up in 6 minutes and leave all this behind. He sighs, already dreading the journey back.
Magnus stirs in his arms, breaking him from his thoughts, bringing him back to a much more pleasant present. No matter what happens, it was worth it.
A snippet from a WIP I'll try to finish after the exam. Thinking about calling this one Dinner and Diatribes.
--------------------------
It feels like dying.
And he should know. He's been close to death so many times. Like the time he got attacked saving those Mundanes from a Greater Demon. Or the time he got stuck on a rooftop after sunrise. Or the time he found out Max passed away in his sleep after a full and happy life.
Or the time he actually did die.
But even that didn't feel so heartwrenching, like every particle of his soul is screaming in agony.
And Alec supposes they are, in a way. After all, it's not every day you see your the only love of your life, your long, long life, thanks to that bastard Morgernstern turning him almost hundred years ago, getting struck down.
Logically, Magnus should be fine, his brain supplies him helpfully. He's a Prince of the Unseelie of course.
But he can't even pretend to be okay, doesn't try to keep up the facade of the unmoving Head of The Vampire Clan.
Instead, he collapses, pain and hurt and rage and worry all coiling inside, focused on the limp body of the King on the floor of the throne room, cradling in his lap the face he loves most.
"Get a message to Warlock Wayland! Now!" He barks out at a Fae guard, fighting to keep his vision from getting hazy from the blood running down his face.
Alec looks over as the door to his dressing room opens, smiling as his boyfriend pokes his head in.
“Hey, you,” Magnus says as he kicks the door closed.
“Hey, yourself. How are things out there?”
Setting his drink down on the vanity, Alec hears the tinkling of ice against the glass as Magnus wraps his arms around his neck from behind. Leaning down until their cheeks brush, he turns his head a little so that he can lay a kiss over Alec’s jaw.
“Last I saw, the crowd had started spontaneously singing one of your songs. Chocolate Raspberry, I think?”
Alec smiles a little, just a tilt of his mouth that betrays his endless relief and gratitude. “I always love when they do that.”
“It gave me chills,” Magnus agrees. “Thousands of people singing something you wrote acapella is a little eerie.”
“You never get used to it,” Alec says softly and there’s something there, behind the words, lingering in the undertones so that he’s not surprised when he sees Magnus’s eyes sharpen in the mirror.
“And how are things in here, Alexander?”
Alec doesn’t say anything for a moment, instead taking the time to look at the image the two of them present in the vanity’s mirror. So close they’re touching, Magnus’s hair tickling his ear, his boyfriend wrapped around him with a warmth that makes him shiver.
His mouth upturns slowly until he’s grinning, until his eyes crinkle at the corners in a hint of the laugh lines that will start forming in just a few years.
“We’re pretty damn good, babe.”
He’s gratified to hear Magnus snort out a laugh as his arms tighten around Alec’s neck.
“Well, I’m happy to hear that, darling. I was a little worried.”
Shrugging a little, Alec swivels his chair around until he’s facing Magnus, bringing him in until he’s between spread thighs. With fingers hooked into his belt loops, Alec tugs him closer.
“I’m always a little sentimental before my first show of the tour. It never gets old, you know? Sorry if I worried you.”
Magnus waves that away with a quiet smile. He reaches out a hand, sweeps a thumb over Alec’s cheek before cupping his face. “No need to apologize, I assure you. I’m just happy to see that you don’t appear to suffer from stage fright.”
Alec laughs. “No, I’ve never really been one to get nervous in front of crowds-- and good thing too. I had my meet and greet and soundcheck a couple of hours ago and everyone was friendly and excited. It helped temper any nerves that may have cropped up anyway. No, I was just thinking about the past year-- the past decade since my career took off.”
“Good things I hope?”
“The very best,” Alec assures him. His gaze drops down to the mostly undone buttons of Magnus’s shirt, to the bare skin visible between silk. He raises a brow as he laughs to himself.
“Did you know that I’ve ripped my pants on stage before? And I fell once-- well, twice,” Alec corrects with a grimace. “It was raining and the stage was slick as hell. My ass was bruised for a week.”
“Poor Alec,” Magnus drawls, reaching out with his other hand to rest against his chest. “However did you recover?”
Alec just sends him a droll look. “I laughed it off and hobbled over to the mic stand. I stayed in the same spot pretty much the entire concert. Walking hurt too much.”
“At least it’s sunny today, not a cloud in the sky.”
“Yeah,” Alec agrees. “But that just means it’s a hundred degrees and when the stage lights go up, it’s going to feel like I’m boiling.”
“It is summer in New York, darling.”
Huffing out a laugh, Alec just replies, “Hazards of the job, I suppose.”
Silence falls over them and while Alec can hear the shout of his techs out in the hallway, in his dressing room it’s a goddamn oasis of tranquility. While Alec was always more than willing to help out-- he was a very small piece of the performance, after all, even if he was the most visible-- he was usually left alone before the concert to get ready, relax, have a drink with some friends.
It leaves a lot of room to think.
They’ve been skirting the topic for ages, it seems. It’s been almost two months since his album dropped back in June and Alec had watched as the start date for his tour grew closer and closer with anticipation and dread.
Tonight was a home show in New York to kick off his tour. The first date of over a hundred. The first night in a long line that wouldn’t wrap up for over six months.
As Alec looks up and meets Magnus’s eyes, he sees that knowledge there, the grim reality.
“So,” Alec starts, tongue darting out to run over his bottom lip. “Tonight’s the night, huh?”
Magnus smiles though it doesn’t quite manage to reach his eyes. “It is and I’m so incredibly proud of you.”
Alec relaxes in his seat a little before he reaches up and grabs Magnus’s hands, intertwining their fingers. He squeezes a little before tugging Magnus closer until he gets the hint and straddles him.
Raising their hands up to his lips, he kisses the back of Magnus’s hands. “How are you feeling,” Alec asks and he tenses a little as he waits for an honest answer.
Magnus hums a little and this time when he smiles, it’s real even if it’s a little wan. “While I’m looking forward to seeing you perform, I’ll admit it’s a little bittersweet.”
“Yeah,” Alec breathes, tightening his hands on Magnus’s hips. “It’ll be an adjustment.”
Magnus’s hands go into his hair, careful not to muss too much, as he says, “There’s always texting and face time and who knows,” he teases, “Maybe I’ll even be able to visit you for a few dates during the fall semester.”
“I’m in Amsterdam and Germany during Columbia’s fall break,” Alec replies immediately and his grin turns smug as his boyfriend just stares at him. “What,” he asks coyly. “So I did a little research when I got the finalized itinerary.”
Magnus shakes his head a little, bemused, before tilting his face up with a finger under his chin. He leans down and kisses Alec and he breathes easier at the gesture.
“Well, then,” he says softly. “I’ve always wanted to visit Berlin and the Netherlands.”
He leans down a little more and Alec’s eyes sweep shut as their foreheads touch. They breathe each other in and distantly, Alec knows that he has to start getting ready in earnest for his show but he’s loathe to do anything that will take him away from Magnus. This is the first of three nights in New York City and he wants to steal every second he can with his boyfriend.
It feels like grains of sand, golden and all too fleeting, are falling through his fingers and he knows it's only a few months but that doesn't make the prospect of going weeks and months without being with Magnus any easier. He's trying to hold onto as many grains-- as many seconds and minutes and memories-- as he can before his tour bus rolls out of the city in a few days.
Never enough, he thinks. He could have an eternity with Magnus and it would never be enough.
His nose wrinkles when he feels Magnus brush it with his own, pulling him away from his thoughts. Easing away the tiniest bit, Alec opens his eyes to stare up at his boyfriend.
He sees bright eyes and artfully done makeup. He sees intelligence and wit and so much warmth that it reaches out, wraps around Alec’s bones until he figures he’ll never be cold again.
He sees his life, so much different than it was a few years ago. The tour is bigger, the stakes always higher. The man in front of him is his solace, though, his eye of the storm.
Magnus is everything to Alec and his chest cracks open at the knowledge.
His breath fractures and Alec’s mouth kicks up. “I’ve never done this before, you know.”
Making some noise of confusion, Magnus strokes along the back of Alec’s neck with a raised brow.
“I’m notorious for tour being no strings attached.”
“Yes, I’d heard,” Magnus replies dryly.
Glaring without heat, Alec runs his hands down Magnus’s thighs. “I just want to be sure that you know this is a first for me, too. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.” Looking up, his smile is small and barely there when he asks, “Just don’t forget about me, okay?”
Magnus is quiet for a moment and Alec sees something shift in his expression, too quick for him to pin down, before it settles into humor. “I’ll make you a deal,” his boyfriend says lowly. “I won’t forget about you as long as you don’t forget about me.”
“Not a chance in hell, Magnus. I couldn’t forget about you if I tried.” His voice drops to a whisper as he adds, “You’re it for me, babe.”
Tension ratchets up, a heady promise. Before their lips can connect-- before they can say another word-- the door to the dressing room is flying open and Lydia’s walking in, phone to her ear as she scowls at the two of them.
Magnus climbs off Alec and he shakes his head, laughing to himself as Alec lets him go but not without sweeping a hand over his ass. Magnus sends him a wry look he pretends not to catch.
Lydia hangs up and shoves her phone in to her pocket before giving both of them a once over. “How are you feeling Alec? It’s forty five minutes to show time.”
Alec’s reply is easy as he answers, “Never been better,” with a surreptitious wink in Magnus’s direction.
It’s Lydia who rolls her eyes but she only maintains her stern look for a few seconds before she eases into a grin. She walks over to him, spins him around until he’s facing the vanity mirror once again. The lights are bright as she slaps her hands on top of his shoulders and meets his eyes through the glass.
“Ready for another go around the block?”
Alec grins. “You know it.”
Lydia laughs, patting his shoulder a few times before stepping back. “Get ready then,” she scolds goodnaturedly. “Simon’s killing it out there and the crowd is definitely ready for you.”
She leaves just a few moments later, waving at Magnus on her way out.
Alec looks up, meets Magnus’s eyes. “What were your plans until the concert started?”
“Why,” Magnus asks, standing from where he’d been relaxing on the couch.
Arching a brow, Alec reaches for the eyeliner. When he waves it, there’s a challenge heating his eyes. “Thought you might want to make yourself useful.”
Magnus laughs as he takes the few strides over to the vanity. He plucks the eyeliner out of Alec’s hand before flicking him on the shoulder. “Oh,” he asks idly. “I thought you had people for that?”
Shrugging a little, Alec nudges Magnus’s shoe with his own as his chair is spun around yet again. “If I feel like makeup, I usually do it. I already have a wardrobe designer on tour. No need for a makeup artist too whenever the most I ever do is, like, eyeliner.”
“Well, then,” Magnus says archly. “Say no more, darling.”
The next few minutes pass silently. Alec’s breath catches in his chest as Magnus leans close, as he follows murmured directions to close his eyes. His breath shudders out and Alec smells the whiskey on Magnus’s breath and he laughs a little, stills almost immediately after hushed orders not to mess up his boyfriend’s work.
Magnus pulls back but Alec still doesn’t open his eyes. Instead, he sighs as he feels Magnus’s hand sweep over a brow and down his cheek.
“Beautiful,” Magnus whispers and when Alec opens his eyes it’s to see his boyfriend leveling him with a stare, intent.
“You’re not so bad yourself,” Alec demurs and then he’s laughing out loud as Magnus harrumphs, as he shoves playfully at his shoulder.
Someone knocks on the door and it’s the costume designer with his outfit for the night. Magnus acknowledges her and then his train of thought’s lost as Magnus pulls him in for a smacking kiss before grabbing the glass he’d left on the vanity and starting toward the door.
Looking over his shoulder, Magnus says, “I’ll let you get changed in peace. See you later.”
Alec nods back and then the costume designer’s closing the door and motioning for Alec to undress while she unzips the garment bag.
Alec rakes a critical gaze over the finished suit and he’s pleased with the result. It was linen and the button down that accompanied it was almost see-through, easily breathable for whenever the stage inevitably grew too warm.
The turquoise tone is warm against his skin and, deciding to take a page out of his boyfriend’s book, Alec leaves a few buttons undone.
After making sure all’s well, the designer leaves and Alec’s left alone. He only has fifteen minutes or so before it’s time to take his place and mic up and Alec breathes deep in the quiet of his dressing room.
Leaning down until he rests flat palms against the counter, Alec leans close to the mirror, stares into his own kohl-rimmed eyes, runs his gaze over a perfect complexion thanks to stage makeup and last night’s face mask.
He’s twenty seven and at the top of his game. His tour is sold out-- every date, every venue. There’s fifteen thousand people waiting just outside these doors to see him, to hear his music, to have a night that they’ll always remember.
It’s heady and overwhelming in the best goddamn way.
He smiles a little, tracks the shift of expression in the mirror. He’s done this a thousand times and if he has anything to say about it, he will a thousand more. Magnus is his constant and even if he’s in a different city every night, he hopes he can be the same for his boyfriend.
“Let’s do this,” he says under his breath.
Turning, Alec’s left his dressing room and is just about to make the final turn to where the stage is when someone wraps a hand around his arm. Alec looks over his shoulder, expecting a tech with panic in their eyes from an impending disaster that’s always in the periphery of tour. Instead, he sees a man that fills his mouth with a sour taste.
“What the hell are you doing here,” Alec hisses before wrenching his arm free.
Jordan raises his hands in an appeasing move. “There was a time I was on the standing invitation list.”
“Yeah, well, those days are over,” Alec snaps back. “How the fuck did you get through security?”
“I have my ways,” Jordan replies slyly but when Alec doesn’t say anything, just stares at him without flinching, the man begrudgingly adds, “I may have bribed Raj.”
“Fucking Raj.” Alec curses viciously under his breath before glaring at Jordan. “You need to leave.”
Jordan ignores the threat in Alec’s eyes. He moves closer until he’s just in front of Alec and Alec’s gut twists at the lascivious once over he’s treated to.
“We had some great times last tour, Alec. I didn’t think it was out of the question to think we might have a few more this time around.”
“You thought wrong,” Alec grits out.
He doesn’t have a chance to say anything else before Jordan reaches out, trailing a finger over his open shirt. The bastard has a spare second to dip below the linen before Alec snatches his hand, tightening his fist around it.
“In case you’ve been living under a rock, I’m taken.” Alec’s voice is low, feels forced from his throat.
To his frustration, Jordan doesn’t back off, just smiles and it’s smarmy. Alec’s left feeling distinctly unclean at the fact that he let the man anywhere near him once upon a time. Exasperated, he reflects that he’d had no idea Jordan would take his ignoring his calls so ill-mannerly.
“You were always up for a good time, Lightwood. Don’t tell me that’s changed now.”
Alec smiles but it’s cold. “Oh no, I’m still always up for a good time. It’s just that now I have my fun with my boyfriend. Magnus.”
Jordan’s stare is incredulous when it lands on him, when it lifts from his chest. “You can’t really expect me to believe that, can you? Alec Lightwood’s, what? You’re monogamous now? A one man kind of guy? I call bullshit. There’s no way-- especially when you have tour about to start.”
“I don’t give a good goddamn what you think, Jordan. All you need to know is the last time we fucked, it was the last. I don’t cheat and I don’t lie. Now I suggest you leave before I really get angry.”
Alec twists his hand, and he’s gratified to hear Jordan’s little grunt of pain before he’s moving smoothly back, just in time for security to come barreling up to him. With a curt nod, Alec lets them have Jordan, who’s cursing him as he’s taken to the exit.
“Hawkblue,” Alec calls out, not looking back to his Head of Security.
“Yes, boss?”
“Raj won’t be here when I get to the venue tomorrow. Got it?”
There’s a beat of silence before Jessica’s answers smoothly. “Whatever you say, boss.”
Alec’s mouth twists in a wry grin and as he looks down at his watch, he curses as he sees there’s only five minutes until the concert starts. Right on time, the lights outside in the audience go out and the shrieks are almost enough to make his ears bleed.
God, he loves it.
Turning on his heel, Alec’s just set to hurry to get his mic and earpieces. He stumbles to a stop when he sees the person casually leaning against the wall, arm crossed, watching him silently.
“Magnus,” Alec greets. He wracks his brain for any hint of when his boyfriend might have joined the scene. “What’s up?”
He watches as Magnus’s mouth kicks up before he’s straightening. When Alec reaches him, Magnus still hasn’t said anything and then he’s grabbing Alec by the lapels and pulling him close for a searing kiss that launches Alec’s brain offline.
When Magnus ends the kiss, they’re both breathing hard and Magnus is grinning when he says, “I like this suit, darling.”
“Yeah,” Alec breathes in the space between their mouths.
“Oh yeah,” Magnus echoes and then he’s pulling Alec in for a lingering kiss that’s twice as intent as the first. “Break a leg.”
And then Magnus is shoving him away, towards the stage. On the clock visible behind the stage, Alec sees he has two minutes to mic up and he’s cursing and laughing as he turns to the sound tech that’s waiting impatiently at the edge of the stage.
“Alexander.”
Alec takes the mic pack as he looks over his shoulder to see Magnus studying him intently.
“Yeah, babe,” Alec asks when the silence stretches between them.
Magnus’s grin is wicked, a little sharp, as he merely offers, “I like you taken.”
It takes Alec a second to place the words and when he does, his eyes widen before he’s grimacing. He takes a sharper look at Magnus but his boyfriend looks perfectly unperturbed. Deciding to trust his gut, Alec shoots back, “Then it's a good thing that I like being taken.”
Magnus’s expression lightens and then they’re both laughing and Alec swears that if he wasn’t about to walk out on stage in front of thousands of people that he’d haul Magnus close and never let go.
He sees the rueful acknowledgement in Magnus’s eyes and then the crowd just yards away is absolutely losing their minds as the timer on stage starts blinking a row of zeroes.
Showtime.
Alec shoves his earpieces in and strides out to his mark. Everything falls away except the chants of the crowd, their screams, their love and support and fury that never stops making his chest ache under the onslaught.
The opening notes to his latest single starts and Alec picks up the mic and hits his cue dead on.
The lights come up, bathing him in warm golds and blues. He can only see the first few rows from his vantage point and as he nears the edge of the stage he looks down into the grinning faces of his family as they sing along to his music in the front row.
The crowd is an echoing cry and he sees countless phone lights in a veritable sea of fans. He pulls the mic away from his face at the last chorus and it’s only a little bit to catch his breath.
He’s stunned but unsurprised when the crowd fills the stadium, singing his words back to him, following his melody until it feels like the venue will collapse under the weight of it all.
Alec feels on top of the world and when he turns his face away from the crowd and looks to the side of the stage, he sees Magnus singing along, too, and his heart feels fit enough to burst inside his chest.
He wonders how a body’s meant to contain it all. He feels happy and full and like every damn dream he’s ever had has come true.
He smiles at Magnus, nods in a gesture that he knows is arrogant and cocksure but he just can’t help himself.
Magnus laughs and dances a little in his place and Alec swallows hard as he turns to look back at the blinding crowd.
He’s on top of the world and there’s not a fucking thing he’d change about it all.
Every failure, every nerve-wracking bit of doubt has brought him here and it coalesces in Alec’s chest, makes him shudder on the pedestal that he’s by turns resented and yearned for since the start. He’s luckier than most, Alec reflects, and he still has his whole life ahead of him.
With Magnus at his side, Alec knows anything’s possible.
As he brings his mic back up, as the song transitions into what will be his next single in the fall-- and hadn’t that music video with Magnus been a blast to film-- Alec lets it wrap around him, gives himself up to the feelings crashing through him.
Breathing For This (Moment in Time) is officially up on AO3!
aka the malec hanahaki au starting from their first break-up in season 2
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Extra extra thank you to @alec-is-ace and @captainsjack for hyping me up when I mentioned this a while back. I hope you guys like it <3
And yeah it was supposed to be a one-shot but halfway through it I realized it would be better as a two-parter I swear the second chapter is coming next sunday!
