Content warnings - none, just lots of fluff and humor, platonic relationships
Prompt/Inspiration - AO3 request
Summary - Mammon starts sleeping in your room at night, and you notice a peculiar habit of his.
AO3
You were a light sleeper. A very, very light sleeper.
There had been several times during your stay at the House of Lamentation when Mammon scared the living daylights out of you by crawling into your bed in the middle of the night. Eventually, you just flat out told Mammon that he had to sleep with you because you were not going to be able to rest otherwise. He stuttered and blushed and fumbled over his words, denying that he had any idea what you were talking about, but in the end, he had taken up semi-permanent residence in your room.
When you start sharing a bed with someone on a regular basis, you begin to learn a lot about them that you wouldn’t know otherwise. Like whether they hog the blankets, if they prefer sheets over thick comforters, if they snore. And you, likewise, started to notice some very peculiar traits of Mammon’s.
For example, he preferred to sleep entirely nude. Of course now that he was sleeping in your room most of the time, he made the effort to wear something. But it wasn’t unusual for him to wake up in noticeably fewer clothes than when he had fallen asleep.
One night in particular, you were about to learn yet another thing about Mammon.
————
Mammon had fallen asleep long before you, and you had stayed up to keep reading a book you had borrowed from Satan. As you got sleepier and sleepier you realized that maybe it was time you called it a night. So you rolled over to turn your lamp off, only to find that you couldn’t reach it because a certain demon of Greed was starfished on the bed, essentially trapping you in a corner.
You thought for a moment about what you should do about this situation you found yourself in. At first, you didn’t want to disturb Mammon. His sleeping face was just so cute! But you were tired. And despite the fact he looked absolutely adorable next to you now, this was the same little shit that woke you up frequently for reasons much more frivolous.
“Pssst, Mammon. Wake up,” you nudged him with your elbow. When he didn’t stir, you gave him a bit of a kick with your foot. And when he still didn’t wake up, you put your hand on his shoulder and gently shook him.
“Wassup?” he finally answered as he sat up in bed.
“Turn off the light.”
“‘K.”
Having successfully woken him up, and trusting that he could manage a light switch on his own, you rolled over, turning your back to him, preparing to go to sleep. But after a good minute or two, you realized the light was still on. So you rolled over halfway, and repeated your request.
“Mammon, the light.”
“Right. Right. Gotcha.” And with that he finally reached over to the lamp and flicked it off, before snuggling back into your blankets and curling up behind you.
————
The following morning, you were the first to wake up. You looked over to Mammon, who was still taking up a good ¾ of the bed, and you couldn’t help but smile. It really was nice waking up with someone else beside you. Even if that someone was a bed hog.
When Mammon woke up a few minutes later, it was only to find you staring at him. He blushed awkwardly as he looked away, which just made you laugh.
“Whattaya lookin’ at?”
“Oh just a cute demon, hogging the bed.”
“Oh...uh...sorry,” he replied, pulling his limbs to himself as he rolled on his side away from you.
“It’s fine. So long as you are willing to turn the light off for me,” you said, smiling and laughing softly, as you snuggled up next to Mammon, wrapping your arm around his waist and spooning him from behind.
“The light?”
“Yeah, like last night when I was reading. If you’re gonna hog the bed, then be prepared to be woken up to turn off the light.”
Mammon rolled over a little to get a better look at you, certain that you had to be teasing him or setting him up for a joke or...something. But you were just smiling at him like normal.
“What’s up?” you asked.
“I dunno whatcha talkin’ about. I didn’t turn off a light last night.”
“Umm yeah you did. You even sat up and talked to me.”
“Noooo I didn’t…” he furrowed his brow in confusion. What on earth were you trying to pull?
“Ok fine. It doesn’t matter. The deal still stands. Hog the bed, be put on light switch duty. K?” you asked, leaning forward to give him a quick peck on the cheek, something that you knew would fluster him.
“Uh yep. Got it. Light switch duty,” he said as he rolled back over to hide his face from you. Without even meaning to, he shifted back slightly so that he was pressed more fully against you, and you simply smiled and hugged him in return. You were such a brat sometimes...kissing him on the cheek like that out of nowhere. You could at least warn him. Not that he liked it or anything.
While you did find it a little odd that Mammon didn’t remember the light incident, you just wrote it off as one of those things. It’s not like it mattered whether or not he remembered, anyways.
————
A few days later, you returned to your room after a study session with Satan only to find Mammon already passed out on your bed, once again leaving very little space for you. It occurred to you then that perhaps he was doing this on purpose so that you’d have to sleep practically on top of him, so you decided to have a bit of fun.
Instead of crawling over him, you climbed in next to him by the edge of your bed, and poked him in the side.
His reaction was immediate. He sat up and rubbed at his eyes...and then he just sat there.
“Mammon? You can lay back down.”
He mumbled something.
“Mammon?”, you sat up to get a better look at him. His eyes were open, but only just, and his gaze was unfocused, “You can lay down now.”
“I don’t wanna,” he whined.
“Mammon, are you still asleep?”, you had heard of sleepwalking before, but this was a whole new level of weird.
“Nooo.”
Sensing that it was perhaps better not to argue with him, you laid down in your bed and tugged on his shirt to get him to join you, “Come cuddle with me then so I can go to sleep.”
Without further complaint, Mammon complied and curled up next to you, resting his head on your chest and wrapping his arm around your middle. It didn’t take him long at all to fall back asleep, leaving you even more certain that he must not have been fully awake to begin with.
————
After that, there weren’t any more unusual episodes with Mammon for awhile, so you had almost forgotten about the whole thing.
That is until one night when you had been just about to fall asleep, and a notification came thru in your DDD. Usually you would put your device on silent when going to sleep, but tonight you had been so exhausted that you forgot. So when the notification went off - it was LOUD.
Mammon immediately sat up, dazed.
“Sorry about that,” you said, turning the sound off on your DDD.
“Fin stis.”
“Huh?”
“Den sai tis id.”
“Mammon, I think you are asleep.”
“Noooo! Am not!!!”, Mammon replied, as he started to act like he was about to get out of bed. Concerned about the sort of trouble he could get himself in while in this state you tried your best to stop him.
“Mammon, where are you going?”
He didn’t answer, but at least he stopped trying to get up.
“I think you’re asleep. Please, don’t get up.”
“I’m not asleep!” he snapped. You were surprised by the tone of voice he was using with you. Yeah he was loud and yelled a bunch, but you had never seen him actually angry with you. Not wanting to provoke him further, you decide to drop the issue and try what had worked the last time this happened.
“Ok Mammon, then just cuddle with me.”
“Fine.”
“Yeah, just lay back down with me so I can sleep.”
There was incoherent grumbling from Mammon as he wiggled back under the covers, still clearly annoyed with you for accusing him of being asleep when he knew he wasn’t.
“We can talk in the morning. Just cuddle for now.”
Once he was laying down again, you cuddled up next to him and wrapped your arm around his waist, hoping it would at least give you some warning if he would try to get up again.
————
“Sooooo, Mammon. Do you remember last night?”
“Huh?” Mammon turned around to look at you from his seat on the floor by your bed. It was Saturday morning, and he was browsing Akuzon on his DDD, trying to decide what to buy with his latest modeling paycheck. You had been laying on your bed, “helping” him with his shopping by occasionally texting him suggestions that you found. They might not have been the most helpful suggestions, but at least they were making the two of you laugh.
“You yelled at me,” you said, turning off your DDD and turning your head to look at Mammon.
“Whattya talkin’ about?? Why would I yell at you??”
“Because I told you that you were sleeping.”
“You’re makin’ that up.”
“Mammon, have you ever had trouble with sleepwalking?” you were genuinely curious if perhaps some of the things he got accused of were the result of him wandering the House of Lamentation unconsciously in the middle of the night.
“Huh?! No! Of course not! What are ya trying to pull? Seriously, is this like a joke or somethin’?”
“No, I’m telling you - you got woken up by a notification on my DDD, and when I tried to get you to go back to sleep, you yelled at me.”
“There’s no way that happened. I woulda remembered it.” Mammon eyed you suspiciously. He was sure this had to be a prank of some sort, though he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what the punch line would be. Why were you being so insistent?
“Well it did,” you mumbled under your breath. If he was going to be so stubborn, you were just going to have to prove it to him. The next time - you were going to catch it on video.
————
Not wanting to wait until Mammon would have one of his “episodes” on his own, you decided you’d have to try to trigger one yourself. Based on your observations, you needed to wait until he was *just* asleep, and then wake him suddenly - either a moderately loud noise, or a forceful movement.
So the following night, you made sure your DDD was fully charged...and you waited.
It didn’t take long for Mammon to pass out. You had made sure he spent the day running around the Devildom taking you shopping, and doing other “date” things, just to wear him out. And since this was Mammon, it took a LOT to wear him out. If it wasn’t for the fact you were on a mission, you’d probably have nodded off yourself long ago.
You pulled out your DDD, turned on your camera to record video…and then delivered a swift kick to Mammon’s butt.
As expected, Mammon sat up almost immediately.
“Hey Mammon.”
“Mmmm?”
“Are you asleep?”
“Nooo,” he whined. You snickered at his response. This was going perfectly.
“I need you to do something for me in the morning.”
“Sure, whattttayaaa want?”
“Can you make me breakfast?”
“Sure.”
“So what are you going to do in the morning?”
“Everryyythinnnn.”
“Are you going to make me breakfast?”
“That’s part of everrryyythinnn’.”
By now you were having a difficult time maintaining your composure. You only just managed to keep your DDD steady enough to get a decent video. You hadn’t tried talking to Mammon this much the other times, and were surprised at how long he was able to keep this up. Seeing as you had nothing to lose, you decided to keep going.
“Can you say it for me in a complete sentence? What are you going to do in the morning?”
“Breakfast and bugggsss.”
“What?”
“Breakfast and bugggsss.”
“Bugs?”
“Yesh.”
“So one more time, what are you going to do in the morning?”
“Killlll everythinnnn’.”
That was apparently your breaking point, and you had to cover your mouth to stop the loud squeals of laughter that weren’t threatening to escape. This had gone far more perfectly than you ever could have imagined. There was no way he was going to be able to deny this now. Imagining how red his face would get as you showed him the video had you giggling even harder.
Pausing your recording, and safely tucking away your DDD, you decided that you had had enough fun for the night and that it was time to give poor Mammon a break and let him rest.
“Ok Mammon, will you come cuddle with me now?”
“Fiiinnneee,” he said, slumping down onto the bed and rolling over so he could snuggle up to your side. You really had exhausted him that day, so he deserved a bit of rest. Gently combing your fingers through his hair, you thought about how exactly you were going to make use of this video as you drifted off to sleep.
Genre: crack?
Warnings: nsfw pics
A/N: kinda not a request but I wanted to do it anyway
ALT VERSION
┍━━━━━━━✿━━━━━━━┑
MASTERLIST
More with Mammon
Tag List: @mexicanmagick, @animefreak-247, @a-shy-self-insert, @fandomsarepainful, @niphredil-14, @gamelovers-posts, @virtualmemmecollector, @collarjessie, @officialdevorak ✦ if you would like to be added or removed, comment or send an ask :)
Content warnings - fluff, crack, my attempt at humor, adult humor I guess? but no smut
Prompt/Inspiration - Mammon gets sick and MC cares for him
Summary - Mammon gets a very minor case of the sniffles and is determined to milk it for all its worth. But he doesn’t realize you know exactly what he’s up to and have a plan of your own in mind.
AO3
It’s not often demons get sick, you’ve been told. Since their bodies heal quicker and are generally more resilient than humans, they are much better at fighting off disease.
So imagine Mammon’s surprise when he woke up one morning, shivering. Yes, he sleeps au natural, but his body temp runs warm to begin with and he kept plenty of sheets and blankets on his bed to keep him nice and snug. If he bundled up right, he’d create his own little cocoon of warmth that he was always reluctant to leave.
But this morning he was cold. After a few moments of staring at the ceiling he decided he should text you and ask you to bring him something to drink.
Of course he wasn’t really after the drink.
He was after your attention.
It’s not often demons get sick after all...and he was going to milk this for all it was worth.
As you headed towards Mammon’s room with the bottle of water he requested, you were a bit annoyed with him. You couldn’t figure out why your boyfriend couldn’t get it himself, and it was way too early in the morning on a Saturday for you to get out of bed. But you figured if he was going to wake you up, the least he could do was let you climb into bed with him and steal his warmth. It seemed like a pretty fair trade.
Only when you got to his room, he didn’t greet you like normally. Instead, you heard a faint coughing sound coming from his bed. Thinking maybe his throat was just dry and that’s why he begged for the water, you headed over to him and sat down on the edge of his bed. Mammon finally rolled over partway to face you, and you immediately noticed how flushed his cheeks looked.
“Thanks,” he said, weakly.
“Are you ok?” you asked, handing him the water and reaching out to touch his forehead. He seemed a bit warm to your touch, but you had no idea what a demon fever was supposed to feel like so you couldn’t tell if he was running one.
“I’m jus’ tired. And a little sore. Nothin’ The Great Mammon can’t handle,” he replied, coughing again, before taking a sip of his water.
“Maybe I should get Lucifer?”
“No!”, he yelped, with a surprising amount of energy, causing you to raise an eyebrow skeptically.
“I mean...it’s jus’...” more weak coughing, “I’ll be fine if you’re here. Prolly just a cold ya know?” He offered you a weak smile.
“A...cold…?” Do demons even get colds? You hadn’t the faintest idea. You knew it was possible for them to get sick, but you heard it happened so rarely you honestly didn’t think you’d ever get to see it for yourself. You were about to ask if it was ok to talk to Barbatos at least, but a tiny niggling feeling at the back of your mind told you not to say anything out loud for now and just to text him later.
“Can ya just...hold me?” Mammon asked, looking at you with the best puppy dog eyes he could manage.
Ok, something was definitely up, you thought.
“Sure babe, let me just get some stuff from my room and I’ll be right back.” You leaned over and pressed a kiss to his forehead, before standing up and leaving his room. As soon as his door closed behind you, you pulled out your DDD and sent Barbatos a text, hoping he might already be up early. And fortunately for you, he was.
"Hey Barb. Kinda an odd question but can demons get colds?” “Not usually. It would be exceedingly rare. Is one of the brothers sick?” “Mammon says he has a cold. But I don’t know enough to tell how bad it is.” “Can you tell if he’s running a fever?” “He seemed warm and a little flushed. If he was a human I would say he had a low grade fever. Nothing serious.” “Ah. He will be fine in that case. Demonic fevers run very hot to the touch. You would know immediately if there was cause for concern.” “Thanks Barb. You’re a lifesaver.” “It’s not a problem at all. You can message me anytime.”
With a better understanding of Mammon’s ‘condition’ under your belt, you felt relieved to know it wasn’t anything serious. But that still left you to figure out what exactly to do for him. Should you just pretend you were none the wiser and indulge him? Or should you call him out on it?
You continued thinking about this as you gathered up your things - a book, your DDD charger...when a brilliant idea struck you. You knew just what to do to make your poor, sick demon boyfriend feel better.
————
“Hey Mammon, I’m back. Sorry it took so long,” you announced as you entered his room, carrying a large bag. You carefully sat it down on top of Mammon’s pool table and began to unpack.
“What’s all that?”, he asked. Mammon had rolled over on his side to watch you.
“Oh just some human realm cold remedies. I thought I could take care of you like how my family used to take care of me. I’m not sure how effective some of this stuff will be, but at least it’ll make you feel better.”
You turned around and gave Mammon a brilliant smile, and he relaxed into his bed, pulling his blankets snug around him. You were such a good human, looking after him like this. He almost felt guilty for making you work so hard for his sake when he wasn’t all that sick. Almost.
“Where’d ya get all that stuff?”
“Oh Barbatos helped me out. Turns out Lord Diavolo has quite the collection of human things stashed away in his castle. Food too. I guess it was part of his research and preparation for the exchange program,” you said with a shrug.
“Barb?” Mammon tensed up imagining Barbatos talking to Diavolo, who would certainly talk about his “illness” with Lucifer. And he really doubted Lucifer would let him get away with this if he knew.
“Don’t worry, he promised not to mention it to anyone for now. But he wants me to get back to him if you’re not better by the end of the day, because that could mean it’s something much more serious.”
“Oh. Okay. I’m sure I’ll be fine by then. Just need a day ta rest is all.”
Mammon wasn’t sure how he felt about you talking to Barbatos, but it seemed that the butler hadn’t blown his cover, for which he was grateful. Now all he had to do was sit back and enjoy your undivided affection and attention. All. Day. Long.
“Give me your feet,” you said, walking towards the foot of Mammon’s bed.
“Sure babe,” he replied, wiggling his feet free of the covers so you had easier access. You had never given him a foot rub before, and he was getting excited at the thought. This was the life.
His dreams were quickly dashed though, when he felt something cold, wet, and kinda slimy pressed to the bottom of his foot as you tugged some thick, wool socks over them.
“What the hell is that?!” he squeaked, trying his best to keep his voice down and not react too much. He didn’t want to give himself away after all.
“Oh this? It’s a home remedy. You put onions in your socks and it draws out the toxins in your body so you can recover faster,” without batting an eye, you moved on to his next foot.
Mammon really did not like how those socks felt on his feet with the onion slices against his skin. But if this was something you were doing to help him, then he guessed he could let you be. You were being so attentive, he really couldn’t complain.
“Alright, there you go. All wrapped up,” you said, patting the bottoms of Mammon’s feet, laughing inwardly when you noticed him flinch at the sensation, before tucking him back in.
“So can ya cuddle now?”, he asked, making sure to punctuate his sentence with a cough. He really wanted you to hold him and run your fingers through his hair like you always did. Maybe he could even convince you to give him a neck and a shoulder rub too.
“Of course.”
You grabbed a small thermos and your book from the pool table and then returned to his bed, climbing in next to him, “Here, this should help with your throat,” you said as you offered the thermos to Mammon.
He couldn’t help but smile at your thoughtfulness. You really were the best. He wasn’t expecting to get a nice warm drink, but you had gone above and beyond what he had hoped for. Propping himself up in the bed slightly, Mammon opened the thermos and poured himself a small serving.
Yummm, warmed milk, he thought.
But as soon as he took his first sip he realized something was wrong. Very very wrong. Not wanting to insult you after you had tried so hard, he forced himself to swallow, shivering as it went down.
“Err, babe...I think there is something wrong with the milk. It tastes umm...a little funny…?”
“Oh that must be the garlic,” you replied, giving Mammon a warm smile, “It helps with aches and pains, plus it’s supposed to help fight infections.” You returned to your book, careful to position it so that Mammon could not see the stupid grin that had now spread across your face.
“Right...umm...thanks…” Mammon looked down at the portion still left in the lid of the thermos and realized he had to drink at least that much if he was hoping to close the container at all. He gulped, and then decided to just treat it like a shot and tossed it back, trying his best to prevent it from lingering on his tongue any longer than possible.
As soon as he started to put the lid back in place however, you stopped him, “You need to drink all of it or it won’t work.”
“Ha...yeah...of course...makes sense,” Mammon chuckled nervously. The whole thing?! You really expected him to drink this whole thermos?? That had to be at least 4 other servings in there. He almost felt like crying at the thought, but then reminded himself that once he was done, he could get back to his comfort cuddling. If you offered him anything else later, he’d just have to tell you he was still full.
“All...done,” he said, tightening the lid back on the thermos before handing it to you. He was so thankful right now that the thermos wasn’t any bigger. He remembered how you mentioned your family used to do these things to help you when you were sick, and immediately felt bad for your childhood self. Being sick as a human must be awful.
Hands finally free, Mammon turned over and curled up beside you, wrapping his arms around your thighs as he rested his head in your lap. Finally he was going to get to rest and cuddle all he wanted. He let out a sigh of contentment when he felt your fingers start to carefully comb through his hair. Now this was what he had been waiting for.
You peered around your book at the adorable, malingering demon resting so peacefully on your lap. You were honestly surprised he had managed to drink all of that vile milk concoction. You had thought for sure that would be the thing to make him fess up. You however, were prepared for this scenario and had one final trick up your sleeve.
But first, you were going to let your sweet demon of Greed get a bit of rest and some real cuddles in. You did love him after all, and you did enjoy cuddling with him. If he had just asked you to be spoiled for a day, you would have happily obliged him. Instead, he gave you an opportunity to tease him that was simply too good to pass up.
After a couple of hours had passed, you sat your book down and stretched your arms above your head. You had gotten a little bit stiff maintaining your position for so long, but Mammon had fallen asleep and your book was better than you had been expecting, so you hadn’t wanted to move.
As you stretched, Mammon started to stir and hugged your legs closer to himself. You smiled at him and gave him a small pat on the head, which caused him to reposition himself a little so that he could better see you.
“Hey, how are you feeling now?”, you asked.
“About the same,” he coughed a couple times before continuing, “I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it down ta lunch. Ya think you could bring my food up to me?” He gave you another weak cough, then tugged the blanket up to his chest so only his head was exposed.
“Really? You don’t think you can even make it downstairs?” you asked, feigning concern.
“Yeah,” cough cough, “It’s just so far to walk ya know? I’d probably get trapped on the stairs.” Mammon laughed weakly at his own joke, a pleading look in his eye.
“That’s starting to sound serious Mammon. I’m getting kind of worried.”
“Nah it’s fine! I’m sure. I just need ta rest. No big deal.”
“I don’t know Mammon. I'm thinking I should go get Lucifer just in case.”
“Hey, that's really not necessary ya know.”
“Well, I do have one more thing I can try,” you said, sighing, “But if you don’t want to try it then I’ll need to get Lucifer.”
Mammon thought for a moment. So far his luck hadn’t been the best with your home remedies. His feet felt awful, and he could still remember the taste of that milk. But maybe if you didn’t have him eat anything he’d be fine? If it could get him out of talking to Lucifer, then a little bit of discomfort would be worth it.
“A’ight, whatcha got?”
“It’s just medicine. Don’t worry. Nothing you have to eat,” you replied, with a saccharine sweet smile. You really wished you had thought a bit further ahead and set up a video camera, because you were sure his reaction was going to be amazing.
Mammon rolled off your lap, resting on his stomach with his arms crossed under his pillow. He watched you as you went back to your stash of things you had brought with you, and picked up a small green box and began opening the end, removing the products carefully.
“Ok Mammon, I need you to lay on your side, facing the wall.”
“Umm...ok.” Mammon rolled over as instructed, thoroughly confused as to why he had to face away from you to receive medication. Maybe it was some sort of topical cream and you were going to rub it on his back?
“Great, now I want you to pull your top leg up towards your stomach, and keep your bottom leg straight.”
“Alright….” He was starting to get a little anxious now. This position seemed really odd to him, and sorta vulnerable. In fact, it vaguely reminded him of a sex position. Which was silly, he thought, it wasn’t like you were going to try to make a move on him when he was supposed to be ill.
“Perfect,” you said, as you started pulling down the blankets and sheets to get a good view of Mammon’s ass. As soon as the cool air hit his backside though, he became very concerned about what was about to happen next.
“Wh wh wh what are you doing back there?” he asked, trying to crane his neck so he could see you, which was very difficult to do from the position he was in.
“I’m prepping the suppository. I just need to apply a bit…”
“THE WHAT?!” he yelped, slapping his hands over his butt as he scrambled to sit upright in bed.
“The suppository,” you replied. It took all of your concentration to keep a straight face at this point.
“I I I I...really don’t think that’s necessary. In fact! I’m feelin’ better already! See?” Mammon flexed his arms, as some sort of show of strength, “Look, even my cough is gone.”
“I don’t know Mammon, I really don’t want to take any chances. If you’re not comfortable with this, I’ll just go get Lucifer, it’s ok.”
“NO! Uhhh... really, I’m feeling much better now.”
You could hear the panic rising in his voice, and the sadist within you laughed in glee. Oh this precious, precious man. How boring would your days be without him?
“It’s fine. I’ll just get Lucifer,” you said, standing up and heading towards the door.
You barely made it a single step though before you felt Mammon grab your wrist, as his confession started pouring from his lips…
You couldn’t contain your laughter any longer, and just started... cackling . There really was no other word to describe it. Tears fell from the corners of your eyes as you laughed and laughed, completely doubled over.
Mammon blinked in confusion. That was not the reaction he had been expecting. As he stood there watching you struggling to compose yourself, he became aware of the fact that he was still completely naked, and not only that, he was standing in his onion socks and the feeling was...not pleasant.
He couldn’t decide if it was safe to let go of your wrist yet, since he had no idea why you were laughing as hard as you were. Would you make a break for it if he tried to grab some shorts to cover himself? Or should he just pick you up and crawl back into bed so he didn’t have to stand anymore in these disgusting socks?
As he was weighing his options, you finally seemed to be calming down, and after taking a few deep breaths you turned to face him.
“Ok...I’m good...I’m good now...phew…” you wiped the tears from your eyes and continued, “Mammon, I know.”
“What do ya mean ya…?” realization started to dawn on him, and Mammon’s cheeks flushed crimson, “But all th th that stuff?”, he stammered out.
“Just some old wives tales and folk remedies.”
“Why…! You…! I drank THAT! That disgustin’ rotten milk!”
You tried to stifle your laughter with your free hand, but were not very successful.
“And...the socks! These nasty slimy socks! You…!”
It was getting harder to contain yourself again as Mammon kept pointing out all you had put him through. Watching you struggle not to laugh made him blush even harder, which only left him more annoyed.
“That’s it ya brat,” he said, and without any warning, scooped you up in his arms.
“Ack! What are you doing?!” you yelped, as you quickly wrapped your arms around his neck to steady yourself.
“We’re goin’ to take a bath and ya scrubbin’ my feet ‘til the onion is gone.”
“What?! Why do I have to do that? You’re the one who faked ill!”
“Th th that’s besides the point…!” he stuttered out, while walking towards his bathroom, his socks making a sickening squishy sound with each step.
You wrapped your arms a little tighter around his neck, giving him a hug, as you laughed softly to yourself. He really did keep your life interesting.
Content warnings - humor, some mild language, polyamorous relationship
Prompt/Inspiration - Mammon and Levi engage in a hot sauce battle/hot pepper challenge
Summary - Levi challenges Mammon to a Hot Pepper Challenge and things go about as well as one might expect.
AO3
You weren’t quite sure why you let them talk you into this. Normally, you did a pretty good job of keeping their combined idiocy in check. But for whatever reason, when Mammon and Levi had both come to you, eyes sparkling, full of excitement, you just couldn’t say no.
Levi had heard about a viral trend from the human world whereby you record yourself eating an extremely hot pepper and post it online. And of course, being Levi, he wanted to take things up a notch and make this a contest of sorts between him and Mammon. The prize being a date with you.
How bad could things be? you had thought to yourself. Surely demons were better suited to hot peppers than your average human, right? You would have been correct had Levi been simply intending to ingest human realm varieties. But since he cannot do anything in half measures, he upped the ante by acquiring several varieties of Devildom peppers unbeknownst to you. In fact, it wasn’t until you had started setting up the kitchen with large glasses of milk, with some containers of softened ice cream on standby in the freezer, that you noticed the peculiar peppers Levi was spreading out on the counter.
Not only were they varieties you did not recognize, there were far more of them than you had imagined necessary. It was clear he wasn’t planning on eating just one or two, and you started to have second thoughts about encouraging this activity.
“Um Levi?”
“Yeah?”
“How many peppers are you planning on eating…?”
“As many as I can get Mammon to eat,” he said with a mischievous grin. While he did love the idea of winning an extra date with you, his motives weren’t altogether pure. What he really wanted was to make a viral video for DevilTube...and seeing Mammon suffer because he would be too stubborn to back down from a challenge and admit when he’s had enough? That was icing on the cake.
It was then you realized that there was a good chance Mammon had no idea exactly what he had agreed to, and you knew your sweet, precious idiot wouldn’t be able to stop while he was ahead even after he did. You heaved a frustrated sigh, rolling your eyes at Levi, as you took up your position on the barstool opposite of where he and Mammon were to be sitting. Maybe you could send a text to Mammon, to give him a heads up at least? But no sooner had the thought crossed your mind, than Mammon strode through the kitchen doors, brimming with confidence and smiling broadly.
He walked right over to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders before pressing a quick kiss to your temple. He knew he had this in the bag, and had already bought tickets to a concert he was positive you would enjoy. His smile started to falter however, when he caught sight of the lineup of peppers on display. He glanced down at you, and you just gave him a weak smile, not bothering to explain what he clearly knew.
“Uhh, Levi? Whatsup with these peppers?”
“They’re what we are using, of course,” Levi replied, smirking. This was going to be epic.
“Umm, are you crazy?! We agreed to the human realm challenge. Like that video ya showed me.”
“What’s wrong Mammon? Scared?” You glared at Levi who was looking absolutely gleeful at how things were unfolding. You loved him to bits, but he could be outright devious sometimes.
“I ain’t scared!” Mammon snapped, swallowing thickly, “Just makin’ sure we are doin’ things right is all.”
“LOL ok. Then let’s get started.”
“ Fine.”
“Well, let’s get this over with,” you mumbled to yourself, as you positioned your DDD on the mini tripod Levi had provided you. Mammon and Levi took their seats, with Mammon doing his best to keep a straight face. He hadn’t even touched the peppers yet, and was already sweating bullets.
“You know, you guys really don’t have to do this. I can just go on separate dates with…”
“NO!” They both replied, in sync. Despite the fact that Mammon looked like he was about to cry, he was still staunchly determined to win and somehow impress you. And Levi, of course, was not about to let this opportunity slip through his fingers.
You sighed again. These two were going to be the death of you, you were sure.
“Fine, ready when you are,” you said as you began recording.
Levi started with his standard DevilTuber introduction, before introducing Mammon, and thanking you for assisting. At least the color was returning to Mammon’s face and he didn’t look quite so terrified now that everything had begun and he slipped into the same headspace he used when working his modeling gigs.
Just gotta put on a performance. It didn’t really matter how hot the peppers were, there was no way Levi was going to be able to handle them. All he had to do was outlast Levi, he thought, trying to reassure himself.
“Now for the rules! We will be starting with the mildest pepper here, rated at 2,000,000 SHU all the way up to the hottest variety at 16,000,000 SHU. First one to drink the milk, loses.
Ready?”
Mammon nodded.
“Go!”
And without any further ado, the loves of your life took massive bites out of the first peppers.
And you waited.
And you watched.
Levi was the first to start squirming, his face becoming progressively more red. He immediately regret his decision to wear his usual outfit and quickly removed his jacket, tossing it to the side.
Mammon on the other hand, was nibbling on what remained of his first pepper. He was relieved that this was the variety they started with, because it was the same one used to flavor his beloved Hell Sauce Noodles. And judging by the look on Levi’s face, he wasn’t going to be lasting much longer.
“What’s the matter, Levi? Too hot for ya?” he taunted.
“Shut up. I’m just getting started.”
It may have appeared that Levi had overlooked Mammon’s love of spicy things, but this was all part of his Master Plan to lull him into a false sense of security. At least that’s what he was telling himself. In reality, he had completely forgotten about it and hadn’t thought to check the ingredients for the cup noodles he knew Mammon was so fond of. But there was no way he was going to admit to that.
“Ready?” asked Levi, as he grabbed the next pepper in the lineup.
“Yup.”
This one wasn’t much hotter than the first, so Mammon quickly polished it off, licking any stray juices off his fingers. If things kept up at this rate, he was going to have this in the bag. He just had to hope that Levi gave up long before they reached the final pepper that Mammon knew for a fact was way too hot for something anyone had any business eating.
Levi kept stealing nervous glances at the nearby glass of milk, and you briefly considered offering it to him but decided that would only egg his competitive nature on and have the opposite intended effect. So instead, you continued on in your role as a silent observer and camera operator. At least Mammon was handling things well, so far, which allowed you to relax some.
“Next,” Levi choked out. This third variety was the one he personally had to stop at in his practice runs. He didn’t know what he was going to do if Mammon was able to take it as well as the previous two. “Ruri-chan help me,” he whispered under his breath.
Mammon confidently picked up the third pepper, taking a large bite from it as he had done with the others, flashing you a brilliant smile in the process. But after a few moments, you noticed the heat start to rise to his cheeks as he quickly shuffled off his jacket. It seemed this variety was a good leap up on the heat scale, one Mammon was absolutely not expecting.
Even though Levi was on the brink of tears, it did not escape his notice when Mammon had started showing a reaction. He fist pumped internally, sitting up a little bit taller, having regained some of his confidence from earlier. Just a bit more, he thought, one more was all he needed to break Mammon. He just had to tough it out a tiny bit longer.
“Next.”
This time Mammon was a bit more hesitant, but he wasn’t about to back down now. Not after he had come this far.
So he took his first bite, and the reaction was almost immediate. Tears welled up in his eyes, sweat started pouring down his face, and he could even feel his nose start to run. He sniffled, trying to maintain his composure, not wanting to let on just how badly he was being affected, and shot a sideways glance to Levi.
Levi was sobbing at this point, not even bothering to conceal the pain he was in as the tears streamed down his cheeks. He knew he needed to swallow, to get the pepper out of his mouth, but his body was fighting against him and refusing to let it happen. So instead he simply sat there, as more and more heat gathered on his tongue. He swore he could feel a hole starting to form in his mouth, the longer he kept the pepper there, but finally he managed to gag/cough in such a way he was able to choke it down.
Dumbasses. That’s what they are. Dumbasses.
“Ready to give up, Levi?” Mammon taunted.
“HA! As if. This is nothing,” but his tear stained face was telling quite a different story.
“Next pepper.”
“Right. Next pepper.”
“Yep.”
“Yep.”
The boys stared at the next variety before them, neither eager to take another bite. They kept stealing glances at the other, daring one another to reach for the milk. Both were regretting their life choices at this point, and Mammon was saying a small prayer, to whoever listened to demons, that if they just let him win this challenge, he’d walk the straight and narrow and stop stealing from his brothers. Except Levi. Levi deserved everything he had coming to him.
“...are we stopping here…?” you asked. It had been a good five minutes now of them just staring at their peppers and occasionally looking at one another. They both jumped at the sound of your voice, having forgotten completely about you and the fact this was all being recorded.
“Nope!” was all Levi said as he grabbed the next pepper, and brought it to his lips, Mammon following suit. With one final glance at the other, they took a bite.
Mammon was crying now, his nose running, and his whole face and neck flushed. This had to be the worst decision he had ever made, and that included all the shit he had pulled that had resulted in him strung up by the rafters for days on end. Why? Why had he decided this was a good idea? It wasn’t like you didn’t go on enough dates with him already. You spent plenty of time together. He should have just been content with what he had. Now he was going to die for sure before he ever got to take you anywhere again.
At some point Levi had removed his shirt and was now sitting bare chested, bracing himself against the counter top. His upper body was so red he honestly looked more like a tomato than a demon. He was breathing heavily, as he struggled against every fiber of his being that was urging him to just admit defeat like the loser he was and chug the damn milk. But he couldn’t. It would be more humiliation than he could bare if you had to see him give up after he was the one that started this whole thing and had been so smug and confident about it.
Involuntarily, Mammon reached out and grabbed the glass of milk. It felt so cool on his palm. When he realized what he had done, he tried to let go, but his self preservation instincts had reached their limits and were not about to let that happen.
Levi noticed Mammon’s movements, and he couldn’t help but smile. Well, he tried to smile. It looked more like one of those “please pity me” smiles as he psychically begged Mammon to take the first sip. His eyes were blurry with tears, and before he even knew what he was doing, Levi had wiped the sweat and tears away from them.
The moments that followed were pure and absolute chaos.
Levi stared at his hand in absolute horror. What had he done?! Without hesitation, he grabbed the glass of milk and dumped it on his face.
“HA!” Mammon called out, before quickly chugging down his own glass of milk.
“I DIDNT DRINK IT!” Levi whined, scrambling to the freezer so he could start on the ice cream.
“LIKE HELL YOU DIDNT!”
“YOU LOST!”
“FUCK YOU!”
“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU STUPID IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO STOP SOONER!”
“YOURE THE ONE WHO STARTED THIS, DUMBASS!”
You watched on as Mammon and Levi took turns crying and yelling, hurling insults at each other, through gulps of milk and mouthfuls of ice cream. There wasn’t much else you could do really besides sit there and make sure they didn’t fling anything on your DDD, wondering exactly how long they were going to keep this up for.
As their wailing continued, Lucifer popped his head in to see what all the fuss was about, ready to lay into Mammon. But when he saw him writhing in pain on the floor, shoving hunks of bread into his overstuffed mouth, he realized there wasn’t anything he could do to punish him more thoroughly than how he was suffering right now. He also caught sight of Levi, who was now laying on his stomach, cheek flushed to the floor while he spread out his limbs to get as much contact with the cool surface as possible.
Even though the pain in his mouth had subsided, (whether because he managed to clear out of all traces of the peppers, or because his nerve endings had simply been burnt away, he didn’t know) his body was impossibly hot and at some point he had also removed his pants, leaving him in nothing but his Azuki-tan boxers. He knew he should be embarrassed to be in such a state of undress not only in front of you, but in a public place like the kitchen, but he didn’t care. The only thing that kept him from jumping into Henry’s fish tank was the exhaustion that was weighing down his limbs, and the thought of how much work it would be to access the top of the tank.
A smug smile spread across Lucifer’s face, satisfied with his brother's joint misery. When he turned to look at you, he briefly felt something akin to pity, but you were as much to blame for this as they were, as far as he was concerned. You had chosen them, after all, for reasons that Lucifer couldn’t quite fathom, and you knew exactly what you had been getting yourself into when you had done so.
So, with a wave of his hand Lucifer wished you “Good luck” as he left the kitchen and headed towards his study to relax to one of his favorite records. One that he felt would harmonize perfectly with the sounds of their suffering.
