Iâm...not in a good place right now emotionally.
I tried, I really did. But Tumblr is frankly just emotionally exhausting for me. I didnât realize it until last night, but itâs also very triggering for me too. Lots of social anxieties and fears from decades ago have started popping up again. And I just canât handle it honestly.
So Iâm going to be going on hiatus I guess, for both my blogs, and will be deleting the Tumblr app. Iâm not deactivating because I want people to still be able to read whatever it is they want from my blog(s). But I just canât be on here anymore because itâs just too stressful.
I still plan on writing, so if you need to find me, Iâll be on AO3 as @/otomekaidii.
If you want to read whatâs already on Tumblr, check on my Master List.
(I do have some posts in my queue which will be posted over the next week, this isnât me being active again. And today Iâll be posting the rest of the âBeginningsâ series so that the whole thing is on Tumblr to make it easier to read.)
Satan is another character that it took me awhile to warm up to. Him attacking MC in Season 1 because they didnât want to make a pact with him? That was pretty traumatic, honestly. Who wants to be around someone you have to walk around on eggshells all the time? Maybe itâs because I had a family member that used anger as a way to create fear (and submission) that I had a hard time forgiving him for that. But like Lucifer, heâs come pretty far in his character development and Iâm warming up to him as I understand him better.
Satan x gn!MC
It takes awhile for Satan to really open up to you, emotionally and physically.
Heâs pretty shy, all things considered, and works hard to act how he thinks a âproper gentlemanâ should act.
Emotionally, heâs scared of losing control.
Heâs spent his whole existence learning how to manage his emotions, so the strong feelings he has towards you are really confusing for him at first.
At one point you may even be concerned that he doesnât even like you in the same way that you like him because of how reserved he tends to be.
When he catches you crying about your not-actually-unrequited-love, that is what leads him to finally admit how heâs feeling and what heâs struggling with.
Please be patient with him.
Give him time to get used to feeling and expressing love. He is trying his best.
Like Lucifer, itâs not until heâs forced to spend time away from you that he realizes just how much heâs come to rely on you.
When you finally reunite, he can no longer help himself. He wants to hold you and touch you and keep you close.
You become a huge source of support for him, and he for you.
Whenever you need to vent and get something off your chest, he is there for you.
Talking with you always makes him feel better, no matter how angry and frustrated he is.
And when heâs having a rough day, he will love it if you read to him while heâs relaxing with you in his room.
Reading to each other becomes a common way for the two of you to bond and keep each other company.
You also swap book recommendations with him a lot. Heâs always willing to read new books or try new genres if they are of interest to you.
He tends to get obsessive about it though, so if he learns that you love the works by a certain author, he will make it his mission to collect and read them all.
Trips to museums are his ideal dates. Art, history, science, it doesnât matter. He loves all museums.
He also loves learning new things with you.
Nothing makes him happier than couples activities like dancing lessons, art classes, cooking classes etc.
Of course Satan loves cats, so visiting cat cafes is an obvious must.
Buy him tiny cat trinkets whenever you get the chance and sprinkle them around his room.
Itâll take him a bit to find the first one, but after that he starts noticing them more and more. Itâs almost like an Easter egg hunt.
He considers leaving them where he finds them, but he doesnât want them to be broken or lost (or stolen! *cough cough* Mammon), so he invests in a locked, enchanted curio cabinet.
He will return the favor with small trinkets of your favorite animal too, or trinkets that feature a âpairâ of animals.
If youâre not careful, he will try to rope you into his pranks with Belphie that target Lucifer. Heâd be thrilled if you join him, but heâs ok if you just watch on silently if youâd prefer not to be involved.
Depending on how you react, pranking you may become a thing. Heâs much more mild with his pranks towards you though, heâs just trying to get you to laugh after all.
If you decide to return his pranks, just donât come after the books. Anything else (well, besides the previously mentioned curio cabinet), is fair game.
When it comes to physical affection, heâs very sweet and gentle.
He absolutely cherishes you and takes great care to make sure you feel loved and appreciated.
If you are hurt or sick, or just not feeling well, he will stay by your side until you are better, doing anything you ask of him.
After your relationship is more established, heâs much more flirty.
Will quote romance books or poems when heâs trying to soften you up. Like if youâre say, ignoring him, and heâs decided heâs done reading for the day and wants your attention.
He loves giving you little kisses on whatever part of exposed skin he can reach. Hands, shoulders, neck, forehead. Skin to skin contact is important to him.
Heâs not much into PDA, however, he loves the idea of secret affection where itâs possible for someone to catch him but itâs not immediately obvious what heâs doing.
He really likes holding your hand whenever you go out together too.
Take plenty of photos together with him. He will like to keep them private, just for himself, but loves seeing your smile and remembering the fun youâve had together when youâre not around.
Content warnings - pure fluff, implied/referenced gambling
Prompt/inspiration - âYou sing Mammon a song to help him relax.â
AO3
You and Mammon had just returned to his room after an exciting evening out at a casino in the human realm.
Since no one there knew who he was, he had a blast playing cards and making bank.
Eventually the two of you get tossed out because the casino is positive heâs cheating somehow, but they let him keep his current winnings.
You were pretty exhausted by the time you returned and were ready to pass out.
But Mammon was still vibrating with excitement, chatting happily as he counted his winnings for the 50th time that night.
By now, you had changed into an old shirt of Mammonâs and some comfy shorts and flopped onto his bed.
âMammmmooonnnn, come to bed,â you whine.
He insists heâs not tired and just too excited to sleep.
Starts wondering out loud if there are any other casinos within driving distance that he could check out tonight.
You chuck a pillow at him for making such a suggestion, it hits him square in the back as he uses his body to shield his stacks of money he has lined up on his coffee table.
He looks over at you sprawled out on his bed and laughs before coming over to join you.
Of course heâs still hyper so he canât just climb into bed and give you gentle cuddles.
No, he has to toss himself onto the bed, jostling and bouncing you about.
You whack him on the arm which only makes him laugh more.
âGo to sleep,â you mumble.
âBut Iâm not tired.â
You groan into your pillow. Where did he get this energy from???
You get an idea and make a suggestion to him.
âWhat if I sang you a song to help you relax?â
Mammon blushes at the suggestion, heâs not quite sure why heâs embarrassed, but the idea just seems so intimate.
âI guess ya could, if ya want.â
You roll over so that youâre on your back now, and Mammon scoots over and rests his head on your chest while he wraps his arms tightly around your waist.
You start singing to him, combing your fingers through his hair in a rhythmic motion.
Every now and then you stop to gently massage his scalp before resuming your gentle movements.
It doesnât take long at all before Mammon melts completely.
And by the time youâve finished the second verse, you can hear him snoring softly.
When you finish the song, heâs completely passed out and you canât help but chuckle quietly to yourself at the sight.
âGoodnight, Mammon,â you whisper, before drifting off to sleep.
Omg w the body writing thing the other anon mentioned...... writing praise all over mammons body to remind him how loved he is đŠđŠđŠđŠđŠđŠđđđđđđđĽşđĽşđĽşđĽşđĽşđĽşđđđđđ
wRITING PRAISE ON MAMMON-
he'll be a bit too blissed as you write on him, forgetting all the praise you had written but the next day, as he gets dressed into some fresh clothes, he'll see the words on his thighs and tummy, he'll smile softly as he traces over them- he can feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes but he wipes them away before they even fall. "d-damn it y/n, why ya gotta be like this," his heart skips a beat when he sees 'y/n's precious boy' and he'll make sure to give you extra loving when he sees you, quickly finishing getting dressed and rushing off to find you! as soon as he does he wraps his arms around you and buries his face into the crook of your neck. "i love ya, y/n!"
[ this is going to be off topic but oh you relate to this obey me brothers ]
___________________________
Oh you relate to Lucifer?: are you an older/ oldest sibling who has had a lot more responsibility put onto you far too early in life? Or do you set unrealistically high expectations for yourself because you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders?
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Oh you relate to Mammon?: are you constantly seeking to be the best and impress those closes to you, since you were often not " the first" choice in your youth? Or do you use material possessions/ finanaces to make you feel comfortable and above others?
________________________________
Oh you relate to Levi ? : are you obsessively using media as a form of comfort in a world that's constantly feeling less and less stable?or you so afraid of rejection that you lock yourself away ( emotionally and physically) to avoid the potential sting of rejection before you even try?
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Oh you relate to Satan?: are you obsessively discussing your interests to make you stand out form other people around you since you feel your identity is inherently tied to your social situation? Or constantly holding in all emotions to prevent yourself from snapping at other, but this means you also you stunt your ability to connect and love?
______________________________
Oh you relate to Asmo?: are you so used to reaffirming yourself with confident statements, that you're not sure anymore if you're arrogant or still insecure? Or unaware of the lines between love, lust and infatuation,so you avoid getting too attracted because you are afraid of getting hurt?
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Oh you relate to beel?: are you considered to be a neutral ground in your household and /or friend group because you constantly try to understand and support both sides?
Or do you eat anytime you're bored because you don't know what else to do, and you're pretty sure you're hungry/ should've eaten by now ?
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Oh you relate to belphie?: are you exhausted by the weight of world,let alone the pressures you're under so you always feel tired even if you slept well?
Or do you deflect blame form yourself onto other, usually angrily, because you can't handle the crippling guilt and blame you feel?
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That's all I have for now cuz I don't have a good grip on the other characters
You know, I always wonder about his casual outfit boots for that same reason. They canât be comfortable to sleep in, and heâd never take the time to lace them up himself!
AN: Keep thinking about the little things each brother would do to express affection. Some warm fluffy stuff because we all need it. Enjoy!!
The hair drying one on Luciferâs sparked this entire thing thanks
Lucifer
- Washing and drying your hair. You know if you get your hair washed at a hairdressers and they just. Go to town with a towel drying your hair? He finds it hilarious and loves doing that. Youâll hear him chuckle, unable to see him because your face is covered by the towel. Heâs softer towards the end but initially when trying to get most of the excess water his only concern is not actually hurting you. Heâs also genuinely trying to help, just having a little fun with it at the same time.
- Continuing on from this, Lucifer will ruffle your hair. If it doesnât really upset you, he loves to make a mess of it, and he grins at you, your hair sticking out every which way.
- The second his brothers arenât around, he seems to canonically love holding your hand under the guise of keeping track of you or comforting you. Its partially true - the MC gets into trouble easily, so its good to keep a hand on them. However, the comforting affect goes both ways.
-Â Sharing information with you implies a close bond (or at the very least, a strong curiosity, like when he hints at where Mammonâs card is / when he talks about the album) and it means Luci cares about you a lot. He likes to talk about his interests and introduce you to things he cares a lot about. A lot of the time this comes in the form of music, because itâs something heâs able to enjoy whilst still doing his work.
- Doing origami or other paper crafts together? Really relaxes him. Itâs so peacefully intimate and cosy. You sit together at his desk, work documents hidden out of sight for now, and make whatever you can out of colourful little bits of paper. He likes making flowers, although heâd never say it out loud, but he makes you countless crowns with paper flowers of all different kinds. You walk in one day when heâs taking a break from work and heâs got paper cranes lining the entire length of his desk. He calls you over and puts one on your head for absolutely no reason before acting like it never happened.
- If no one else is around and heâs feeling a bit daft, heâll sweep you up into his arms with no warning and just hold you like that, staring directly into your eyes with a daring and loving smile on his face. This happens most when itâs late at night and all the coffee heâs had is starting to wear off and he feels a little more relaxed and open. Heâll carry you to his room to cuddle, too, if you donât have anywhere else you need to be. Just pray none of his brothers encounter you two because heâll set you down on your feet immediately and he wonât help you up if you fall.
Well miss you. But if yoy feel its for the best it is what it is. Will you be continuing the request on the other site though?
Hey anon! Yes, any requests I already have on my list Iâll continue to work on and will post on AO3 when Iâm done. âşď¸ I still love to write and fully intend on continuing to do so!
Mammon was standing outside your bedroom door, waiting for you to respond. He had tried to knock already, and after a few more moments of waiting, he let himself inside. A quick glance around the room told him you hadnât left, your DDD still beside your bed. When the sound of running water caught his attention, he realized you must be in the bathroom.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
âHey, itâs me!â he called out to you.
âMammon?â you replied, turning off the water.
âYeah, listen. I have somethinâ I need to say to ya.â
âBabe, can you wait a minute andâŚâ
âNo! I mean, no...this canât wait, itâs too important. I just...wanna tell ya how much I love ya. I love ya smile, and your laugh. I like how your hand feels holdinâ mine. I like that way you kiss me on the neckâŚâ
âMammon, really! Please wait! Iâll be outâŚâ
âAnd I! I really like havinâ sex with ya too! I like makinâ ya happy and feel goodâŚâ
âMammon, just give me aâŚâ
âBut I talked to Asmo today. About what ya told me last night. I didnât really understand it. And I still donât. But...but I know how much I love ya! And...I know you gotta love me too with all the trouble I cause.â
â...â
âSo even though I donât really understand how ya feel, I still want to. I still wanna learn how to make ya happy. I love you. I love ya as you are. And Iâm sorry if I ever did anythinâ that made ya uncomfortable. But I want to do better. Ya just mean that much to me.â
You fumbled with the bathroom doorknob, hands still slick with water, as you pulled the door open to reveal Mammonâs dark red face. And once he realized you were dressed in nothing but a towel, his face went even darker.
âI love you too,â you replied, smiling as happy tears threatened to spill from your eyes. You threw your arms around Mammonâs neck, and he was quick to hug you back, lifting you off the floor a little with the force of his hug. You couldnât help but laugh at the gesture as you started peppering his face in small kisses.
It was when Mammon finally pulled away from the onslaught to get a good look at you, that he noticed something.
Levi was in the bathroom too.
âWHAT THE HELL ARE YA DOIN?!â
âTaking a bath! What does it look like, you idiot?!â Levi yelled back, as he gripped at the towel around his hips to prevent it from falling down. His entire face was bright red, having been thoroughly embarrassed listening to Mammonâs love confession, only to be embarrassed further when he had to witness the exchange of affection that followed.
âYa coulda told me you were in there!â Mammon snapped, absolutely mortified at the thought that Levi had heard everything he had just said.
âWe tried! You just wouldnât listen!!â
You looked between your two demons, both sporting matching shades of red, possibly the most embarrassed they had ever been in their lives, and suddenly burst into laughter. An absolutely uncontrollable fit of giggles, as you braced yourself on Mammonâs arms for support. The two had stopped shouting at the sound of your outburst, exchanging a look with one another that seemed to say, âDid we break them?â
But you were simply happy; excited about what the future held for you, Mammon, and Levi.
After the conversation with you the night before, Mammon knew he needed to get more information about the things you had talked about if he wanted to understand you better. And who better to explain sex stuff to him, than the Avatar of Lust himself?
âOi, Asmo,â Mammon called out, as he opened the door to his brotherâs bedroom.
âHey! Knock first! I could have been changing you know,â Asmo snapped before returning his attention to nails as he worked on his manicure.
âLike you woulda cared.â
âHmm, true,â Asmo hummed in agreement.
Mammon lingered by the door, arms crossed, unsure if he really wanted to be here after all. Things were so hit or miss with Asmo. He could give great advice when needed, but he also took great joy in mocking Mammon. Mammon just hoped that he was at least in a good enough mood to be somewhat helpful today, for your sake.
âSo, I know Iâm lovely to look at, but I donât think thatâs why you came here, is it?â
âEh, right.â
âWell?â
âItâs just uhhâŚâ Mammon shifted his weight from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable with the situation, but making no moves to leave.
âEither start talking, or get out. I have other things to do with my time,â Asmo said, holding up his nails to examine them as he stole a look at Mammon. He knew there was only one thing that Mammon would be willing to go through the trouble for when he was so anxious, and that was you.
âFine! Fine! Itâs just...uh...MC told me they were asexual last night. And I donât even know what that means! They just came out of nowhere with it!â now that Mammon had started venting, the words just kept coming, âLike they acted like it wasnât a big deal at all! But then told me they didnât like sex! Who doesnât like sex?! And to top it all off, they told LEVI first!â
âWell duh, of course they told Levi first,â replied Asmo as he carefully moved onto the next step in his manicure.
âWhy is that a âwell duhâ?!â
âBecause heâs asexual too, idiot. Iâm surprised you didnât know that. I mean, have you ever seen him with someone else? I know heâs a geek, but even geeks can get sex if they want it.â
Mammon stopped his pacing, staring at Asmo in complete shock. How had he not known that about his brother? It wasnât really something that seemed like it might come up in casual conversation, but they had been brothers for millennia now, and the way Asmo was talking, Levi must have dropped plenty of hints over time. Hints he had been too oblivious to notice.
Another thought then occurred to Mammon that left a sick feeling in his stomach - this is why you hadnât explained to him last night about Leviâs âsecretâ. You werenât trying to keep him in the dark, not intentionally, you were simply trying to respect Leviâs privacy. And Mammon had completely failed at protecting yours in the process, not even stopping to think if you would have cared if Asmo knew.
âSo um, what does asexual even mean exactly?â Mammon finally asked, flopping down on Asmoâs bed, staring at his ceiling.
âWell that really varies from person to person.â
âYeah, thatâs what they said last night too. But that doesnât exactly help me, ya know.â
âItâs true, even if you donât find it âhelpfulâ,â Asmo replied, rolling his eyes as he continued to work on his nails, âThere are a lot of different people that consider themselves asexual. Some people donât like sex at all, and are grossed out by the very idea. That would be Levi. And some people like sex, but only under certain circumstances. And pretty much every combination of feelings between.â
Mammon was silent as he chewed on Asmoâs words. He said that you might like sex in âcertain circumstancesâ but what would those be? If he was better in the bedroom, would that mean youâd be more interested? Or maybe if he worked out more, like Beel, youâd have a better time?
Asmo glanced at Mammon in the reflection in his mirror, rolling his eyes as though all of Mammonâs thoughts were clearly written in his face.
âHey! Not everything is about you, you know.â
âWhat the hell is that supposeâ ta mean?!â Mammon snapped, lifting himself up onto his elbows.
âIt means, idiot, that nothing you can do will change how they feel. Youâre not going to wow them with your sexual prowess one day and fuck the asexuality out of them. It doesnât work that way.â
Mammon blushed as he laid back down on Asmoâs bed. As embarrassing as it was to hear, at least knowing that there wasnât something he did or didnât do was a relief to him and comforting to hear. The guilt that he may have hurt you at some point prior to this had been gnawing at him since last night.
âThere is one thing you can do though,â Asmo offered.
âYeah?â Mammon replied, perking up and rising from the bed.
âYeah, TALK.TO.THEM.â
âI know that!â
âThen why, dearest brother, are you still in my room wrinkling my sheets and wasting my air?â
Asmo stole another glance at Mammon through the mirror, smirking when he saw just how flustered and red in the face he now was. He looked like he was about ready to storm out any second. Which was a good thing in Asmoâs opinion because hopefully that would mean that heâd head straight to you and have a much needed conversation.
âFine! Jeez! I donât like the smell in ya room anyways!â Mammon snapped, making a beeline towards the door. He paused for a moment in the doorway though, turning his head slightly to look at Asmo, âumm...thanks,â he finally muttered before quickly leaving and closing the door behind him.
There was only one place Mammon wanted to go right now - and that was to find you.
It had been several weeks now since you had made up with Mammon and worked out the details of your relationship with him and Levi. And much to your surprise, things were going rather smoothly. Better than you had imagined, thatâs for sure. The bickering, for one, had decreased considerably, which you could only attribute to the fact that Levi was no longer constantly simmering with jealousy and that Mammon no longer felt threatened by him.
Levi in particular had surprised you one day by suggesting the two of you take a bath together. The first couple of times you both were wrapped in towels. But it didnât take him long to get comfortable enough that he didnât feel that was necessary either. And while he still got embarrassed and blushy every time he asked if you wanted to sit with him in the bath, he was also quicker to relax with each attempt.
These private moments together were usually quiet ones, just enjoying the warmth of the water, and the skin to skin contact. But it wasnât unusual either for them to be full of fun and laughter, like that time Levi had special ordered Ruri-chan themed bubble bath and water squirters shaped like magical girl wands.
Mammon though was starting to feel a little insecure. Partly due to the fact that he frequently got to watch how youâd light up when Levi would enter the room, completely unaware of how you also did the same whenever you saw him from a distance. And partly due to the fact that he hadnât been able to spend a lot of quality time with you this week.
After arguing back and forth with himself, he finally decided he was going to talk to you about it. He absolutely did not want a repeat of what happened last time. You had reassured him several times that all he had to do was talk with you if something was bothering him, and today was the day he was going to take you up on that offer.
One evening, after a long day at RAD, Mammon had managed to drag you to bed early for some good quality snuggles. Staying up late with him wasnât uncommon, but today he was pretty exhausted, and he had something to talk to you about.
With your head resting on his chest, Mammon started playing with your hair while he worked up the courage to talk. You could feel the way he would periodically tense, then breathe deeply before relaxing again, and knew there was something on his mind. You werenât going to point it out though, not wanting to discourage Mammon from opening up, so you continued to play with his other hand as you cuddled against him.
âSo...erm...I wanted ta...talk to yaâŚâ he finally mumbled out. You had to bite back a laugh at the weird way his voice cracked in his nervousness, thankful that he couldnât see your face right now, probably just as thankful as he was that you couldnât see his.
âSure, whatâs up babe?â
âItâs just well...ya knowâŚyou always look so happy with Levi around,â he said, crossing and uncrossing his legs as he fidgeted, trying to find some outlet for his anxiety.
âAnd Iâm...Iâm just sayinâ that ya better look like that when youâre with me is all,â Mammon grimaced. That had come out a bit more aggressive than he had meant it to. He wasnât trying to boss you around! He was supposed to be telling you how he felt!
âOf course I do, Mammon. Iâm always happy to see you,â you replied, adjusting your position to smile up at him. He was blushing heavily now, and you wiggled upwards to give him a soft kiss on the cheek. He averted his gaze when you pulled back, but tightened his hold around your waist to prevent you from going too far, which only made you smile more.
âW-well so long as you understand.â
You laughed softly at his response, nuzzling against his neck in return, giving him yet another sweet kiss, this time on the skin there.
âWe havenât had a lot of time alone together this week, have we?â you asked.
â...nah, we havenâtâŚâ Mammon relaxed, resting his cheek against your head, grateful that you were now leading this conversation and not leaving him to flounder about.
âMaybe we can do something this weekend? Iâm with Levi tomorrow, but the day after we could do whatever you want?â
âYeah?â
âYeah, stay in, go out. Whatever you want.â
âI guess I can make time for ya,â he teased, eliciting another laugh from you.
âIâm honored the Great Mammon would even consider spending time with a simple human,â you joked in return.
âNow ya just beinâ a brat.â
You laughed again, snuggling closer to Mammon, enjoying the feeling of warmth and safety at being wrapped up in his arms.
âUmm, did I say somethinâ?â Mammon asked, tensing up beside you when he realized how quiet you had suddenly gotten.
âOh! Sorry. Not really. Itâs justâŚI remembered that there was something Iâve been meaning to tell you.â
âUhhâŚâ
âItâs nothing bad! I swear. At least I donât think it is.
You know how I seem to have a pretty low libido? Sex drive,â you clarified, just as Mammon was about to ask, âWell, I think that might not really be the case. I think Iâm asexual, actually.â
âA what now?â
âIâm not really good at explaining it, Iâm still learning about it myself, but it basically means, for me at least, that Iâm not all that interested in sex? I mean, I still like it sometimes, donât get me wrong. I have fun with you. But like, I could just as easily go without and spend time with you like this,â you explained, giving Mammon a firm squeeze around the waist and pressing your forehead against his neck.
Mammon felt something in his chest constrict. He loved having sex with you, heâd do it every day if he could. He liked the physical contact, and he craved that emotional intimacy he felt in the afterglow. The thought that you didnât feel the same way was a huge blow to his self confidence. Had he been pressuring you too much? Did you not want to do it at all? Had he hurt you?
â...does Levi know?â he finally asked.
âYeah, he was the one that helped me figure it out actually.â
âWhy didnât ya come to me? Doncha trust me?â Mammon asked, hurt.
âNo, Mammon,â you sat up so that you could turn to face him, âThatâs not what happened at all.â
âWhat did he do for ya, that I couldnât?â
âThatâs...thatâs something youâll have to ask Levi,â you replied.
â...youâre keepinâ secrets now tooâŚ?â he could feel his eyes starting to burn as he fought off his tears. He had been so angry just a moment ago, but now he just felt sad. Sad that you didnât feel safe enough with him to discuss something so personal. Sad that you would rather talk to Levi.
âWoah! Mammon! Listen to me. Please,â but when he refused to look at you, you climbed into his lap, straddling his thighs, and placing your hands on his cheeks so you could turn his face to look at you. He resisted at first, but finally made eye contact, his eyes glossy with tears.
âI would NEVER keep secrets from you. Never,â you said, keeping your tone firm and even, emphasizing each word. âBut this? This is not MY secret. Ok? Itâs Leviâs. So you need to talk to him.â
You continued to scan his face, looking for any indication that he was understanding what you were saying, as you began to gently caress his cheeks with your thumbs. Finally, Mammon lifted his own hands, holding yours in place as he nodded slowly in agreement.
âI promise, Mammon. I wonât keep secrets from you, ok? Iâll always come to you.â
You leaned forward, closing your eyes and resting your forehead against his, âI love you,â you whispered.
Mammon released your hands, only to wrap his arms tightly around your waist, pulling you to him. You pressed a kiss to his cheek before returning the gesture, hugging him back as he buried his face in your neck. Holding him close, you ran your fingers through the hair at his nape, making sure to tell him how much you loved him, over and over again.
As soon as you felt Levi returning your hug, you closed his door behind you with your foot, giving him some much needed privacy as he silently cried while you held him. You felt a little bad that you hadnât been able to talk to him sooner, seeing how worked up he had gotten. You gently ran your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, which only caused him to shiver before he pulled you even closer than before.
âItâs ok, Levi. You didnât really think I was going to let you get away with rejecting me at the end of a letter like that, did you?â you teased him. He didnât respond, only clutched at your shirt as he tried to calm himself.
âWe need to talk, you know?â you continued, feeling Levi stiffen against you. Talking. He didnât like talking. What was there to talk about? Were you going to reject him after all?? Just like he had done to you?? Was this karma??
âHey, itâs ok. Itâs not a bad talk. I promise.â You felt Levi nod slightly against you, and you turned to press a kiss to his head, âItâll be ok.â
There was no helping the smile that was on your lips. You had half expected Levi to insist on not speaking to you, and part of you really hadnât even been sure that he was actually in his room when you had started talking. But as soon as he opened his door, you knew all you needed to know. He didnât really want to reject you, his insecurities had just gotten the better of him.
A few moments later, Levi pulled away enough to wipe at his face with the sleeves of his jacket. He felt more than a little silly at having been caught crying like that, and then breaking down completely when he heard your confession. He kept his head lowered, hiding behind his bangs as best he could. You rested your forehead against the top of Leviâs head, occasionally giving him a small kiss, which only left him more embarrassed, albeit ridiculously happy.
âCâmon, letâs go sit down so we can talk.â
âUmm yeah,â Levi replied, taking a quick glance around his room before settling on the tub as the optimal place to have a, in all likelihood embarrassing, personal conversation. Laying down in the tub you wouldnât be able to see his face, and he wouldnât have to look at yours either.
He gently tugged on your hand, grabbing blankets and pillows off the floor as he led you further inside his room. He really had made such a mess of things when he had rushed to get to you, and he secretly hoped you didnât notice. You knew however, what the cause of all the mess was, but you decided to spare Levi the teasing this once. At least until you had a chance to talk with him about the other things on your mind.
You climbed into the tub first, settling down quickly, before opening your arms to encourage a very blushy Leviathan to join you. This wasnât the first time the two of you had cuddled in this position, it was one you often fell asleep together in if you stayed up too late watching a movie. But now that both of your feelings were out in the open, it just seemed so much more intimate and much less innocent and platonic.
A small chuckle escaped your lips as Levi finally climbed in beside you, resting his head on your chest and looping his arm around your waist. He could feel his heart still beating rapidly, his mind too hung up on the position he was now in. As you started to rub his back, he slowly started to relax, and you patiently waited for him to calm down before asking him any questions.
âYou feeling better?â you finally asked, giving Levi a small squeeze around the shoulders.
â...y-yeah.â
âThatâs good,â you paused briefly before continuing, âI really liked the letter you wrote me.â
Levi tightened his grip around your waist, anxiety starting to build again now that you had mentioned his letter. That was really the last thing he wanted to talk about, if he was being honest.
âI just, I donât understand why you thought you wouldnât be a good boyfriend.â
â...isnât it obvious,â he mumbled.
âNo, not really.â
âYou and Mammon get along well. You have a lot in common,â he explained, hoping you could pick up on his vague hints.
âUmm, so do weâŚ?â you replied, confused. You knew he was trying to avoid saying something, but couldnât for the life of you figure out what.
âI mean...like I would much rather sleep with you like this than...other waysâŚâ
â...okâŚ?â things werenât getting any more clear for you at this point, if anything you were only more confused. You just wanted to cuddle with him right now too, so what was the problem?
âUmm...you know how you and Mammon do stuff together? Stuff you donât do with meâŚ?â
âStuff I donâtâŚâ you snapped your mouth shut as soon as you realized what stuff Levi was talking about, embarrassed and completely blindsided at the direction this conversation was going. Thinking about it, such a conversation was inevitable if your relationship was to go forward, but this wasnât something you had ever spoken about to Levi before, joking or otherwise.
âWell, I donât...do...those thingsâŚâ
â...okayâŚ?â
Levi took a deep breath, a little frustrated that you werenât picking up on his meaning by now. He was also a bit anxious about explaining this to you, unsure of how youâd react. At least youâd still be his friend, right? Even if you decided he couldnât make you happy in other ways?
â...Iâm asexual.â
You werenât quite sure what that meant, besides the obvious, but you could tell that Levi was nervous about telling you. You started to comb your fingers through his hair, holding him closer with your other arm, hoping to reassure him that you werenât going anywhere.
âCan you tell me what that means?â you asked, keeping your voice soft and gentle.
âWell, itâs uh...kinda different for everyone I guess? For me I donât like to...you know...but some people still do sometimes,â Levi explained, the feeling of your fingers in his hair helping to soothe his nerves, making it easier for him to open up as he continued, âItâs not really a one size fits all sort of thing.â
âThat doesnât sound like such a big deal. Why were you so nervous?â you gave Levi a squeeze, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.
âHuh? Really?â Levi propped himself up on his elbow to look at you, confused with how easily you seem to have accepted this. Even among demons, where there wasnât any social stigma surrounding sexual activity, it was still considered a bit...unusual. And Levi knew from all his human world media consumption that things like this were even less common there. So why did you seem unphased?
âWell, yeah? What else am I supposed to say? Itâs not that important to me either, so I can understand how someone wouldnât be interested in it at all.â
You brushed Leviâs bangs out of his face, tucking a few loose strands behind his ear and as he studied you. He really did seem genuinely surprised at your reaction, though you couldnât imagine why. Had he expected you to laugh at him or something? Get mad?
You gave him a soft smile, causing him to blush when he realized just how long he had to have been staring at you. Just when he thought he knew you, you always seemed to do something unexpected. And this was probably one of the best sort of unexpected things he could ask for.
âWait, is this why you thought I wouldnât be happy with you?â you asked, suddenly remembering what had started this conversation.
Leviâs blush deepened, as he lowered his gaze and nodded his head. This wasnât the only thing he had had on his mind, but it was the one he most feared your rejection over.
âAww, Levi, you donât need to worry about that.â
You slipped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug. He was quick to wrap his arm around your back, hugging you in return, relief flooding his body. How did he get so lucky as to meet you? He knew he had told you several times before that he thought you were an angel, but he really meant it this time. No way someone as perfect, kind, and understanding as you could be anything but.
âSo if you donât like that, are there other things you are ok with? Or stuff I should avoid? I donât want to make you uncomfortable.â
âNo, youâre fine,â Levi replied, shaking his head, âJust ask I guess?â
âHugging, kissing, hand holding...thatâs all ok right?â
âY-yeahâŚthatâs okâŚâ he mumbled into your neck, more embarrassed by discussing kissing than he had been about discussing his sexuality.
âYou know, it almost sounds like it might apply to me too. Iâd much rather do this most of the time,â you mused. Levi had lowered his body down again, his torso somewhat half on top of yours. You gently scratched at his back, drawing random shapes and patterns as you cuddled him, âLike if someone would have asked me what my ideal evening with my partner would be, this would pretty much be it.â
As you laid there together in comfortable silence, you let your mind start to wander back to when you were growing up. You had never really had the same sort of relationships that your peers seemed to be interested in. One partner even calling you a prude because of your lack of desire to do anything beyond holding hands. You had always written those sorts of things off as just trouble finding decent people to date, and hadnât spent much time looking into it further.
As you got older, you had gotten more curious, so it seemed to come up less often. But still you never seemed quite as into it as those around you, content to take a calming bath with your partner most nights than doing anything else. You thought about occasionally asking one of your close friends about their thoughts on the subject, yet something always made you hesitate to mention it.
Mammon had probably been the most loving and supportive partner you had had to date. Even though he was pretty much always ready to go at a moments notice, he never pressured you to do more than you felt comfortable. And he was happy to find other ways to please you and spend intimate moments together. There had been a few times here or there in the beginning, of course, when you both had still been trying to figure things out, where he took your lack of interest personally. But you were always able to reassure him, since his primary fear was rejection more than anything.
âAre you okay?â
âHmm?â you looked at Levi, who had now raised his head to check on you.
âYou were really still so I thought maybe you were...reconsideringâŚ?â his voice trailed off.
âOh no no no, sorry! I was just lost in thought. Iâm fine. Youâre fine,â you smiled at him again before gently guiding his head back down to rest against your shoulder where it had been, âItâs just the more I think about it, the more I think it might apply to me too. I just didnât really know that was a thing before, you know? Iâve always been kinda nervous to ask anyone about it since it seemed like everyone else just knew what those feelings were.â
Levi tightened his grip around you, protectively almost. He knew that feeling. That anxiety about not wanting to draw attention to the fact that youâre different. He didnât like imagining you feeling that way. You had always made him feel safe, and he wanted to be able to do the same for you. He knew it was silly, there wasnât anything he could do about things that happened before you met him, but still. He wanted to make sure you knew at least that he would have been there for you if he could have.
âI have some links and stuff I could send you. It might help,â he offered.
âYeah that would be good, thanks,â you replied, giving him another kiss to the top of his head and an affectionate squeeze. âAnyways, there is still something we have to talk about,â you continued, changing the subject.
âTh-th-there is?â Levi stuttered, unsure what could possibly still be needing to be discussed.
âMammon.â
Levi flinched in your arms at the sound of his brother's name. He had forgotten about him completely, but as soon as you mentioned him, the scene at breakfast started replaying itself in his head.
âWe made up, which I think you figured out this morning.â
â...yeah,â Levi weakly replied. Of course this all was too good to be true. Sure you loved him, but that didnât really make a difference, did it? You still had Mammon. These must have just been some affectionate goodbye pity cuddles you were giving him before cutting him out of your life for good.
âWell, awhile ago Asmo was telling me about demon relationships, and how polyamorous relationships were pretty common hereâŚâ you paused, taking a deep breath to calm yourself, the knot of anxiety in your stomach forming once again as you recalled the first time you had talked to Mammon about this. Levi was Envy personified, after all, him reacting in a similar manner wouldnât be outside of the realm of possibility.
âSo I was wondering...if youâd maybe...like to try thatâŚ?â
âREALLY?!â Levi snapped his head up, almost whacking you in the face in the process. His eyes were sparkling with excitement like you had just offered him the world. And you did, from his perspective. Yeah heâd have to share, but he could touch you too! A lot if he ever got brave enough! He could even plan a real date! Like a normie! Maybe he could even convince you to go to a maid cafe with him?! Or dress up like a maid?! And cosplay! There were so many great cosplays he could do with three people!
âWhâŚâ you were startled by Leviâs eager reaction, but he was just so excited, you couldnât help but laugh at how cute he looked, âYeah Levi, I mean it,â you replied with a smile of your own, âWe will need to discuss details with Mammon, but heâs already agreed to the idea too.â
The next thing you knew, Levi had tackled you into a hug, pushing you further down into his nest of pillows, completely overwhelmed with happiness.
28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.
@onbrokenwings90 (Bondmates on AO3) - when I first got into OM fanfiction (any fanfiction at all, actually), it was because I stumbled across her story on Tumblr. Which led me to AO3 for the first time. Then I managed to connect with her on Facebook, and eventually she read the first story I ever wrote and encouraged me to publish it. So I did. Itâs safe to say without her inspiration and influence, I wouldnât be here now and I probably wouldnât be writing.
@/SpringZephyr (on AO3) - they encouraged me to be myself and not be afraid to label stories as ace (asexual). Weâve exchanged a lot of messages & ideas since then, and Iâve been really glad that I had the chance to meet them and talk to them.
??? - I canât really choose a 3rd one. đ There are so many wonderful authors Iâve enjoyed reading on both Tumblr and AO3, but these two just really stand out to me. Iâll update this later if I can think of someone else Iâd put in the same category of influence. đŹ (my brain doesnât like to cooperate with my sometimes and often refuses to recall information when I need it most soooo)
