“if you don’t clean something to his liking, he’ll use it as an excuse to clean with you”
Imaging us scrubbing something and Levi doesn’t think we’re doing it good enough so he gets down and grabs the sponge and gets to work. But that’s not the interesting part it’s his back. That mf is arched without him knowing. Mf got that twink arch fr fr and that ass- anyway. Just imagining watching him and just make a comment like “Are you sure your not meant to be in a house cooking and cleaning like a cute little househusband?” Then we just snicker a little bit
OH MY GOD THIS IS PERFECT!!
“Oi, [Name]. You’re not doing it good enough.”
Levi had been watching you clean the baseboards for the last thirty minutes, consistently commenting that there was still dirt here and there was a scuff stain there. It was getting on your damn nerves.
“Yeah? Well how about you fuckin’ do it!” You snap. Levi is silent before he turns and grabs a sponge. For a moment there you thought you fucked up and he was going to kick your ass again.
“I’ll show you how to clean something right, ya damn brat.” With wide eyes, you watch as Levi sinks to his knees and begins to describe (in great detail) how to properly and efficiently clean a baseboard with the materials provided.
“-nd here you’ve gotta scrub at approximately seventy-five degrees-“
But you couldn’t focus on the god awful lecture he was giving you. The only thing you could focus on was how double cheeked up (apparently everyday of the week) Levi really was. How hadn’t you noticed? With that much cake surely you would’ve… right?
“…me]…. [ame]… [Name]…for fucks sake- OI BRAT!”
Nearly jumping out of your skin, you hurriedly meet his eyes. “Y-Yes Levi?”
You swallow thickly as he narrows his eyes. “What the hell were you so focused on?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.”
“…tch, alright. Listen this time.” And with that, he continues to lecture you on cleaning the baseboards.
“-hen it comes to scuff marks, you’ve gotta-“
This time around, you notice the obscene arch in his back. It was like he was asking to be pegged. The arch was so good, so experienced, you thought he might’ve had some experience bottoming. Maybe the Captain was gay? Or at least a little fruity.
There was absolutely no way he hasn’t bottomed for some guys with that filthy, shameless, lewd ass arch in his back. He turns to you and asks you a question- you assume he’s asking if you’ve understood what he’s explained so you nod your head. He huffs and continues cleaning, you following suit, sneaking glances at his back every so often.
“Damn, Levi.” You mumble without your knowing. “You sure you’re not meant to be my malewife?”
His head snaps to you, eyes wide and pupils dilated. “W-What was that?”
“What-I didn’t-“
“You did! You just- You- Did you just- What the fuck?!”
He stands up faster than you’ve ever seen the short man move, pointing at you with shaking fingers.
“You just said I should be your ma-mA-MALEWIFE?!” His face flushed a shade of brilliant, eye-scorching red.
“First it was that I had a small p-penis! Which is perfectly average if you must know! And now you’re telling me that I should quit my job and be your stay at home husband?!”
You quickly stand too, stifling a laugh. “Levi- I mean, the arch in your back was-“
“The aRCH?! I DO NOT ARCH MY BACK!” He screeches.
“Yes, you do! I saw it with my own eyes!” You exclaim.
“I-“
“Levi.” You say with a seriousness that puts the man off kilter. He gulps audibly. “Have you… Have you been pegged?”
“WHAT?! I HAVE NOT!”
“WHY ARE YOU SO DEFENSIVE?! ARE YOU SECRETLY GAY?!”
“NO!”
“WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?”
“WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?!”
The Cadets two rooms over and the rest of the Survey Corps (including Hange) heard the whole thing, attempting to hold in their laughter. Connie and Sasha were the first ones to fail, everyone else following immediately after. You could hear Hange’s cackle from the kitchen and Jeans wheeze from down the hall; Eren’s broken-down-carriage-laugh and Armin’s quiet chuckling as well.
Levi was horrified. That day, all of the Cadets- unfortunately including you- were forced to run laps around the base until midnight.
Levi hoe is back again IM SO SORRY FOR FLOODING I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH THO
But anyways what if Levi’s girlfriend happened to be Eren’s sister or something how would they both react to finding out would Eren be protective brother or what would go on after they found out that Erens sister is dating Levi
(A/n: Noooo don’t be sorry!! I like that kinda stuff!!)
Levi x Erens sister
Anime: attack on titan
Style: head cannons
Genre: crack/fuff
Warnings: Eren being an overprotective brother and Levi not having that shit, swearing
(A/n: this GIF was too perfect not to put in)
Heh, this would be a mess
Levi and you had decided to keep your relationship a secret, from Eren at least
You all were eating dinner when you said to Levi
“Hey my love, could you pass the salt?”
“haha... what?” -Eren
Levi gave you the most shit look he could think of.
After dinner that day Eren came up to you and said “You’re not really dating the caption, are you?”
“I- Well we have a mutual adoration for each other-” That’s it just bore him with lots of big words you thought as you mindlessly said big words with meanings you didn’t know of
he totally just stood there like, ‘wtf?’
he would get super aggressive towards Levi, now knowing that Levi wouldn’t kill him, not his lovers brother
Things would definitely be chaotic.
Levi and Eren would always be fighting, eren just kept pissing him off
Eren wouldn’t do shit Levi said. Because he’s stubborn and doesn’t want you to love someone other then him
He gets so pressed if you and Levi do any sort of PDA
If you and Levi ever broke up, Eren would be the kind of brother to go over to Levis house, and just tear the whole place up (without you knowing of course)
The next day the court house incident would happen again with Eren. but levi would go ten times harder
Sorry if this wasn’t what you wanted, I just wanted to write some fun Eren and Levi goods.
Content warnings - humor, some mild language, polyamorous relationship
Prompt/Inspiration - Mammon and Levi engage in a hot sauce battle/hot pepper challenge
Summary - Levi challenges Mammon to a Hot Pepper Challenge and things go about as well as one might expect.
AO3
You weren’t quite sure why you let them talk you into this. Normally, you did a pretty good job of keeping their combined idiocy in check. But for whatever reason, when Mammon and Levi had both come to you, eyes sparkling, full of excitement, you just couldn’t say no.
Levi had heard about a viral trend from the human world whereby you record yourself eating an extremely hot pepper and post it online. And of course, being Levi, he wanted to take things up a notch and make this a contest of sorts between him and Mammon. The prize being a date with you.
How bad could things be? you had thought to yourself. Surely demons were better suited to hot peppers than your average human, right? You would have been correct had Levi been simply intending to ingest human realm varieties. But since he cannot do anything in half measures, he upped the ante by acquiring several varieties of Devildom peppers unbeknownst to you. In fact, it wasn’t until you had started setting up the kitchen with large glasses of milk, with some containers of softened ice cream on standby in the freezer, that you noticed the peculiar peppers Levi was spreading out on the counter.
Not only were they varieties you did not recognize, there were far more of them than you had imagined necessary. It was clear he wasn’t planning on eating just one or two, and you started to have second thoughts about encouraging this activity.
“Um Levi?”
“Yeah?”
“How many peppers are you planning on eating…?”
“As many as I can get Mammon to eat,” he said with a mischievous grin. While he did love the idea of winning an extra date with you, his motives weren’t altogether pure. What he really wanted was to make a viral video for DevilTube...and seeing Mammon suffer because he would be too stubborn to back down from a challenge and admit when he’s had enough? That was icing on the cake.
It was then you realized that there was a good chance Mammon had no idea exactly what he had agreed to, and you knew your sweet, precious idiot wouldn’t be able to stop while he was ahead even after he did. You heaved a frustrated sigh, rolling your eyes at Levi, as you took up your position on the barstool opposite of where he and Mammon were to be sitting. Maybe you could send a text to Mammon, to give him a heads up at least? But no sooner had the thought crossed your mind, than Mammon strode through the kitchen doors, brimming with confidence and smiling broadly.
He walked right over to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders before pressing a quick kiss to your temple. He knew he had this in the bag, and had already bought tickets to a concert he was positive you would enjoy. His smile started to falter however, when he caught sight of the lineup of peppers on display. He glanced down at you, and you just gave him a weak smile, not bothering to explain what he clearly knew.
“Uhh, Levi? Whatsup with these peppers?”
“They’re what we are using, of course,” Levi replied, smirking. This was going to be epic.
“Umm, are you crazy?! We agreed to the human realm challenge. Like that video ya showed me.”
“What’s wrong Mammon? Scared?” You glared at Levi who was looking absolutely gleeful at how things were unfolding. You loved him to bits, but he could be outright devious sometimes.
“I ain’t scared!” Mammon snapped, swallowing thickly, “Just makin’ sure we are doin’ things right is all.”
“LOL ok. Then let’s get started.”
“ Fine.”
“Well, let’s get this over with,” you mumbled to yourself, as you positioned your DDD on the mini tripod Levi had provided you. Mammon and Levi took their seats, with Mammon doing his best to keep a straight face. He hadn’t even touched the peppers yet, and was already sweating bullets.
“You know, you guys really don’t have to do this. I can just go on separate dates with…”
“NO!” They both replied, in sync. Despite the fact that Mammon looked like he was about to cry, he was still staunchly determined to win and somehow impress you. And Levi, of course, was not about to let this opportunity slip through his fingers.
You sighed again. These two were going to be the death of you, you were sure.
“Fine, ready when you are,” you said as you began recording.
Levi started with his standard DevilTuber introduction, before introducing Mammon, and thanking you for assisting. At least the color was returning to Mammon’s face and he didn’t look quite so terrified now that everything had begun and he slipped into the same headspace he used when working his modeling gigs.
Just gotta put on a performance. It didn’t really matter how hot the peppers were, there was no way Levi was going to be able to handle them. All he had to do was outlast Levi, he thought, trying to reassure himself.
“Now for the rules! We will be starting with the mildest pepper here, rated at 2,000,000 SHU all the way up to the hottest variety at 16,000,000 SHU. First one to drink the milk, loses.
Ready?”
Mammon nodded.
“Go!”
And without any further ado, the loves of your life took massive bites out of the first peppers.
And you waited.
And you watched.
Levi was the first to start squirming, his face becoming progressively more red. He immediately regret his decision to wear his usual outfit and quickly removed his jacket, tossing it to the side.
Mammon on the other hand, was nibbling on what remained of his first pepper. He was relieved that this was the variety they started with, because it was the same one used to flavor his beloved Hell Sauce Noodles. And judging by the look on Levi’s face, he wasn’t going to be lasting much longer.
“What’s the matter, Levi? Too hot for ya?” he taunted.
“Shut up. I’m just getting started.”
It may have appeared that Levi had overlooked Mammon’s love of spicy things, but this was all part of his Master Plan to lull him into a false sense of security. At least that’s what he was telling himself. In reality, he had completely forgotten about it and hadn’t thought to check the ingredients for the cup noodles he knew Mammon was so fond of. But there was no way he was going to admit to that.
“Ready?” asked Levi, as he grabbed the next pepper in the lineup.
“Yup.”
This one wasn’t much hotter than the first, so Mammon quickly polished it off, licking any stray juices off his fingers. If things kept up at this rate, he was going to have this in the bag. He just had to hope that Levi gave up long before they reached the final pepper that Mammon knew for a fact was way too hot for something anyone had any business eating.
Levi kept stealing nervous glances at the nearby glass of milk, and you briefly considered offering it to him but decided that would only egg his competitive nature on and have the opposite intended effect. So instead, you continued on in your role as a silent observer and camera operator. At least Mammon was handling things well, so far, which allowed you to relax some.
“Next,” Levi choked out. This third variety was the one he personally had to stop at in his practice runs. He didn’t know what he was going to do if Mammon was able to take it as well as the previous two. “Ruri-chan help me,” he whispered under his breath.
Mammon confidently picked up the third pepper, taking a large bite from it as he had done with the others, flashing you a brilliant smile in the process. But after a few moments, you noticed the heat start to rise to his cheeks as he quickly shuffled off his jacket. It seemed this variety was a good leap up on the heat scale, one Mammon was absolutely not expecting.
Even though Levi was on the brink of tears, it did not escape his notice when Mammon had started showing a reaction. He fist pumped internally, sitting up a little bit taller, having regained some of his confidence from earlier. Just a bit more, he thought, one more was all he needed to break Mammon. He just had to tough it out a tiny bit longer.
“Next.”
This time Mammon was a bit more hesitant, but he wasn’t about to back down now. Not after he had come this far.
So he took his first bite, and the reaction was almost immediate. Tears welled up in his eyes, sweat started pouring down his face, and he could even feel his nose start to run. He sniffled, trying to maintain his composure, not wanting to let on just how badly he was being affected, and shot a sideways glance to Levi.
Levi was sobbing at this point, not even bothering to conceal the pain he was in as the tears streamed down his cheeks. He knew he needed to swallow, to get the pepper out of his mouth, but his body was fighting against him and refusing to let it happen. So instead he simply sat there, as more and more heat gathered on his tongue. He swore he could feel a hole starting to form in his mouth, the longer he kept the pepper there, but finally he managed to gag/cough in such a way he was able to choke it down.
Dumbasses. That’s what they are. Dumbasses.
“Ready to give up, Levi?” Mammon taunted.
“HA! As if. This is nothing,” but his tear stained face was telling quite a different story.
“Next pepper.”
“Right. Next pepper.”
“Yep.”
“Yep.”
The boys stared at the next variety before them, neither eager to take another bite. They kept stealing glances at the other, daring one another to reach for the milk. Both were regretting their life choices at this point, and Mammon was saying a small prayer, to whoever listened to demons, that if they just let him win this challenge, he’d walk the straight and narrow and stop stealing from his brothers. Except Levi. Levi deserved everything he had coming to him.
“...are we stopping here…?” you asked. It had been a good five minutes now of them just staring at their peppers and occasionally looking at one another. They both jumped at the sound of your voice, having forgotten completely about you and the fact this was all being recorded.
“Nope!” was all Levi said as he grabbed the next pepper, and brought it to his lips, Mammon following suit. With one final glance at the other, they took a bite.
Mammon was crying now, his nose running, and his whole face and neck flushed. This had to be the worst decision he had ever made, and that included all the shit he had pulled that had resulted in him strung up by the rafters for days on end. Why? Why had he decided this was a good idea? It wasn’t like you didn’t go on enough dates with him already. You spent plenty of time together. He should have just been content with what he had. Now he was going to die for sure before he ever got to take you anywhere again.
At some point Levi had removed his shirt and was now sitting bare chested, bracing himself against the counter top. His upper body was so red he honestly looked more like a tomato than a demon. He was breathing heavily, as he struggled against every fiber of his being that was urging him to just admit defeat like the loser he was and chug the damn milk. But he couldn’t. It would be more humiliation than he could bare if you had to see him give up after he was the one that started this whole thing and had been so smug and confident about it.
Involuntarily, Mammon reached out and grabbed the glass of milk. It felt so cool on his palm. When he realized what he had done, he tried to let go, but his self preservation instincts had reached their limits and were not about to let that happen.
Levi noticed Mammon’s movements, and he couldn’t help but smile. Well, he tried to smile. It looked more like one of those “please pity me” smiles as he psychically begged Mammon to take the first sip. His eyes were blurry with tears, and before he even knew what he was doing, Levi had wiped the sweat and tears away from them.
The moments that followed were pure and absolute chaos.
Levi stared at his hand in absolute horror. What had he done?! Without hesitation, he grabbed the glass of milk and dumped it on his face.
“HA!” Mammon called out, before quickly chugging down his own glass of milk.
“I DIDNT DRINK IT!” Levi whined, scrambling to the freezer so he could start on the ice cream.
“LIKE HELL YOU DIDNT!”
“YOU LOST!”
“FUCK YOU!”
“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU STUPID IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO STOP SOONER!”
“YOURE THE ONE WHO STARTED THIS, DUMBASS!”
You watched on as Mammon and Levi took turns crying and yelling, hurling insults at each other, through gulps of milk and mouthfuls of ice cream. There wasn’t much else you could do really besides sit there and make sure they didn’t fling anything on your DDD, wondering exactly how long they were going to keep this up for.
As their wailing continued, Lucifer popped his head in to see what all the fuss was about, ready to lay into Mammon. But when he saw him writhing in pain on the floor, shoving hunks of bread into his overstuffed mouth, he realized there wasn’t anything he could do to punish him more thoroughly than how he was suffering right now. He also caught sight of Levi, who was now laying on his stomach, cheek flushed to the floor while he spread out his limbs to get as much contact with the cool surface as possible.
Even though the pain in his mouth had subsided, (whether because he managed to clear out of all traces of the peppers, or because his nerve endings had simply been burnt away, he didn’t know) his body was impossibly hot and at some point he had also removed his pants, leaving him in nothing but his Azuki-tan boxers. He knew he should be embarrassed to be in such a state of undress not only in front of you, but in a public place like the kitchen, but he didn’t care. The only thing that kept him from jumping into Henry’s fish tank was the exhaustion that was weighing down his limbs, and the thought of how much work it would be to access the top of the tank.
A smug smile spread across Lucifer’s face, satisfied with his brother's joint misery. When he turned to look at you, he briefly felt something akin to pity, but you were as much to blame for this as they were, as far as he was concerned. You had chosen them, after all, for reasons that Lucifer couldn’t quite fathom, and you knew exactly what you had been getting yourself into when you had done so.
So, with a wave of his hand Lucifer wished you “Good luck” as he left the kitchen and headed towards his study to relax to one of his favorite records. One that he felt would harmonize perfectly with the sounds of their suffering.
