Week Post: Days 7-12 (Sat off)
Woah, so I fail at keeping my goal to update this quickly.
I don't have an excuse. I can't really remember what happened now. Let's see. On the 9th and 10th of April I returned to TGS (my first site) and I started to recognize the different atmosphere concretely with different words. I like both places. Anyway, my goal at work has been further developed. (We all need to know what we're REALLY doing at work, says Richard Templar. Is it impressing a boss? Doing your job well? Stealing work methods to start up your business in the future? (Heck, even Seth Godin's recent entry in his blog says as much. Steal what works, steal the most efficient methods to make your business work. Just leave what will make you unique, yours.)
For me, so far it was learning the ropes of these places. And that meant the people. I have been focusing a lot on my coworkers because I want to cooperate with them. I want to fit in. That's natural.
But lately I've been thinking: if I do become a manager at some point in RB, I need to know how to operate and to use people. That means I'm not their friend exactly. (Except, I can be in a way: because so far in my KE site, we've been going out on free days. We're going out for fun tomorrow after work, for example.)
Anyway... I also think I just want to be a manager at some point because I want to work less hours. Which is clearly not what I see with my current managers. So there's a possibility I might move, or learn what I can from here and become an entrepreneur at 35. In which case it might take me 3 years to lift off and train people, and another 1 or 2 before I let go some and start having some free time.
Does that sound stupid? That sounds stupid to me now that I type it out. I'm typing this out because I miss playing fencing and I still secretly want to learn how to dance. Damn. Maybe I should become a teacher after all so I can do these things after a school day? I don't know. True option though.
Anyway, in the mean time, since I'm here: Focus.
I like what I'm doing. I like what I'm learning. I am learning about a new culture. It's interesting.
Okay, and some notes about one of the days I was in TGS: The bigger-ups came and visited (like, the REAL bigger-ups.) The boss confirmed knowing who I was and Mic stopped by to let me know he's now ready to hire. And he remembered that I wanted to work for him. Honestly I don't know if it was a test (which I think it could definitely be taken as,) But I was thinking about my (I think) desired work persona, which is someone who is like... a loyal dog. And I will work for the task of my master, or the person who I am loyal to. And for that task I will shed away my insecurities and doubts, because I need to get that task done.
But I shied away from returning from Mic who I professed as my master (half, I never got accepted at the right time, exactly, at any rate). My reasoning being that I'm happy learning right now. And I am. But also because I think my slow progress in learning Chinese (I am happy of my progress, but it's not enough to work for Mic I think) is just... something I didn't want to work harder for. At the moment that he asked. And I wasn't sure if working for Mic is what I am going to be good at.
He told me his recent project (his inner vision for his team to become stronger and work with more 'heart' rather than just cool efficiency) is slower than expected. He was judging by their reaction to some group thing on FB (from what I remember, I can't clearly recall.) Perhaps if I have some time to talk to him again, I would ask whether he could judge by some other manner? Or if there was someone else on his team he could ask about the progress of the team spirit?
I sort of feel like, at least with F&B depts. that I have been in so far, that this has not been a problem. I mean, not a huge problem? There are still some people in the In and some people who are Out of the involved group, but... I mean, I am not sure exactly. At least with KE (where I have been more) I feel like almost everyone gets a fair chance to participate (if you are full time vs. PT. But even then.)
Anyway, Saturday was a wonderful day off. Wednesday is my next day off and I better have the stupid photo of myself printed and ready for Thursday.
Mic told me about preparation, and I was speaking to my old housemate Ross just yesterday and he reminded me that my expectations of myself should be high. Rather than waiting someone telling me what is expected of me.
Which is something I really have to work and cure. Not because I don't have high expectations of myself (well, I am shying away from learning Chinese more thoroughly though I did convincingly offer it to Mic earlier and now I'm shying away for that reason... and the fact I like where I am right now-- but the chance to be that loyal, mission, mercenary for the one person-- dang I really think... I don't know. I feel like my dad is that sort of person and he sort of is a model for me in that way) but because I have the tendency to look for approval from people by doing what they ask me to do. But they have to tell me to do it. Rather than me shooting my mouth (or my actions) and risk off-putting them.
It's probably from being the younger child that felt inadequate and uncharismatic next to my older brother. But I did used to be a bossy child, didn't I? Where the hell did that Karen go? I think I was bossy because I thought I was right? I didn't bother seeing things from other people's POV?
Now I'm like the opposite. But there's still a part of me that wants to lead. And I know my tools of listening and empathy is useful. Will be useful. I just need to temper it with some charisma. And it's somewhere in me. I think.
Alright. Rough time ahead. Standing for so long on my feet is starting to hurt my heels and this week my period came. This will be a harsh three days. Ughh.