#mangoupdate

[sailormango]

amazing!!!

so finally had a PROPER confrontation with the parents and w o w

thanks mom for always making it about YOU

My parents are really just upset that I didn’t tell them earlier and my mom said that I’m using it all as an excuse and that I was ‘wasting money’ when I should have known they would have supported me (but wow mom I have a lot of personal issues on that front to deal with okay!!)

that I’m just “not willing to deal with it” and to “work hard” to overcome my depression

that apparently my post on FB was “asking for pity” and “why do I have to announce to the world” because “people aren’t going to give a shit”

so after a rehashed argument and my mom continuing to make it sound like I’m “blaming” her (which I’m not???) she said fine, that they won’t ‘interfere’ and let me deal with it on my own 

but that also means I’m going to have to pay for next semester on my own, lmao. which, fine, hopefully I can get a full time job for the summer that I was planning to do anyway

I’m angry about how my parents are reacting to an extent, and on the other hand I do understand, but I’ve decided the only way now to deal with all of this is to push forward like I plan to and even if it takes months or a year to show them that after this fourth relapse I’m finally getting a grip on things

I’m tired of caring so much about what they think (even though they think the opposite--that I don’t care enough/have some deepset hatred?? for them) and about what they expect of me. It’s time I started living for myself, because once I get rid of this fear of being a burden/being a disappointment to them, I think I can actually be a lot happier. 

[sailormango]

I got home about an hour ago and parents aren’t here yet. I had sent an e-mail to both of them earlier today explaining everything because I knew it would be clearer that way.

Bro said that mom told him and that while my parents are upset, my mom said that she wasn’t going to lecture me.

I’m still really anxious, though…

[sailormango]

weeps sorry for disappearing again.

thank you to all of my lovely friends and your encouraging words!! <3 They mean a lot!

update number two--

So apparently the college loves me because they’ve kind of allowed me to have leeway with things on more than one occasion, including this semester.

I talked with the Dean and with the help of my advisor (bless her soul I love her eternally she has stood by my side since first year through ALL of my shit) I did some paperwork and the Dean & Provost agreed to basically excuse me from the entire semester and make it just be that I was on Leave. 

So, academically, I’m just delayed a semester in terms of graduation. It wasn’t easy to come to terms with but I know it’s better for me and the only logical way to move forward without killing myself over it (maybe that’s a poor a choice of words). I have yet to face my parents about this yet and I’m not looking forward to letting them know.

But I am very thankful that the college has been understanding. I’ll be packing up and heading back home sometime next week and then will have to deal with the headache of family but hopefully it’ll eventually smooth out and I can get myself back together and come back as my normal self and not the mess that I have been.