Its Rainy season here in Manila and somehow i find serenity in it all. I cant help but stare out my windows here up above the city and think of my upbringings far far away. Rain seems to always bring me back to my chilhood and my teen years back in seattle. Its home and my family is there. and only recently did i make my family my upmost priority in life.
I mean i have always been close to my parents since making the venture out here to manila nearly half a decade ago. Maybe i have simply just been gone too long. I seem to check facebook more often than usual (which wasnt often at all really). Watching my younger sister become a mother and seeing my niece grow up through these 4 corners of my monitor has put a limit to how much i actually get to be a part of in their lives as well as them in mine.
Thanks to a reliable and may i add speedy connection here at my apartment technology has bridged the gap between me and my loved ones across the globe but it just feels so limiting still.
Its been awhile since ive composed any original blog entries here and i think its time i dust this off and start expressing myself the best way i know how. I mean vocally im a chatterbox and the social butterfly i have always been but i guess i miss not being judged. I miss having people actually listen to what i feel and the degree of emotion i transcend through my writing.
Lord knows me being vocal hasnt worked in my favor this year what with me leaving a failed relationship last January and going through what was probably the longest recovery time i have ever had yet..... IM finally here. Im finally at peace with who i am and what i believe i deserve. My heart and brain will now work in unison and provide me love not blind.
And that doesnt mean im ready to jump into something new. Maybe im ready to mingle. Maybe im ready to smile back with confidence if i see one come my way. And maybe i can look at the mirror for longer than 10 seconds and appreciate all the things that life has blessed me with and stand tall.
Or maybe i should continue this reinventing of myself and instead of fueling my drive with the heartache i once had, perhaps i fuel it with the love i have now. that of my mom,dad, sister, and the select few friends i still have here in manila who remind me there are still good people out there. I just gotta do a better job of reading them out.
To the rain that continues to poor outside my window I say thank you.you have brought home a little bit closer. :)
