I wish I could apologize for every time I heard non-binary or transmasc/transfem individuals react to how the binary permeates every single aspect of our life and just kind of think in my head. well, that's the way it is. you know like let's be for real. what's the point of being so angry about this.... because y'all were right and that shit is infuriating actually it is deeply deeply upsetting and constantly invalidating. you know once I stopped invalidating myself, seeing how every single person on the planet by nature of every single system on the planet invalidates me is a little crazy breakdown inducing.
and I feel like I've done this with every single one of my identities like I had to stop invalidating my black experience and I had to stop invalidating my disabled experience and my rage as feminine perceived person. and now my queer and gender experience... this shit. I'm going to fucking blow up a building but no I'm not. ohMYGOD!!!!
and what sucks more than anything is how I'm still very much at the beginning of these journeys to be honest. maybe like beginning intermediate for some of them. but point being I still feed into these things in some ways and it's always tiny minute stuff that I didn't even realize for a good portion of my life. I'm so tired. no one told me it would feel like this. y'all I thought about if it would be easier to continue to play pretend. you know I told myself it wasn't that bad because I'm exhausted and furious and terrified. but the thought of not being myself and knowing myself genuinely is even more horrifying literally. what is this??