#manual operation

[xr250r]

Distraction

[ashushaya]

as an neurotypical-passing auspec it's usually weird when i tell people how i am, and they tend to go on the lines of how i don't look like it (as we can talk and maintain a socially-comfortable eye contact and such)

well, one of my persistent interests is *language itself* and how stuff communicates with other stuff, so it's no wonder i can mask my way up to "social convention":

non-verbal cues, rhythm and intonation? our conversation might feel smoothly informal because i could lead it there (if i'm not anxious enough) to make it easier to handle: informal → fewer expected rules; if i've lost it, the politeness of my formality serves me as a comfort barrier

abstract meaning and metaphors? my head's been mapping and trying to extend every analogy it encounters; fuck it might even have gone back and forth into/from analogy-land so many times that suddenly i seem to be an old oracle speaking in riddles. (double-entendres used to be —and sometimes still are— an exception, as sexuality and vulgarity was something i stifled until my late teens, when I met my 1st girlfriend; years later, after trying lsd i unlocked the ability to cuss and work with rougher language)

so what's the matter if most of the time i can pass for nt? why telling them? BECAUSE IT DEMANDS SO MUCH ENERGY. when interacting with outside people, i've no autopilot: my head has to manually measure intervals of speech/silence, count past interventions made by each party, filter personally or socially-acceptable information...

that's one of the reasons i've come to love weed: it allows me not to give a fuck about a lot of energy-consuming algorithms otherwise would be running in my head during social interactions. one side effect is that the idle resources get used by other ideas, so I could either boost my creativity or productivity... but i almost always end up doing some new unimportant activity, procrastinating my backlog

[cleanupcanbeabreeze-blog]

Multi Function Aluminium Alloy Manual Meat Grinder Mincer Sausage Machine

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[card-gift-irrespective-c]

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