#many triggers

[tobyfobywoahby]

i don’t know what to tell you other than I’m 99% sure you’re being abused?????

man if you’re concerned about that you should hear about the other things he does lol

I mean. Yeah it’s a really shitty household and literally everyday I think about killing myself or running away everyday 25/8 and my stepdad’s wife’s grandfather has almost kicked up out to be homeless 3-5 times and it’s not better like my mom said it would be and I’ve never felt worse about myself and I’ve had to take care of my siblings more and I’m being monitored all the time and the school isn’t what it’s marketed to be and I’m being manipulated and gaslight all the time and he lies about my mother and says she’s still horrible but now she’s going to therapy and has been the nicest to me ever and I hate everything here but

actually there is no but

sorry

[aellieytoon]

The Letter!  It’s been a while since I posted anything for this on Youtube.  Be warned, there is some gore.  

Full Video ===>https://youtu.be/cwCmunt_ExQ

[blackcloudbyjuly]

y’all i’m writing a gawsten angst fic should i post them here it’s on my wattpad lol

[translifewithdre-blog]

Log Two

(June 30th, 2015 7:52 am)

He’s back. And more or less he’s alright. I was jumping to conclusions as usual.I really need to learn how to have more control over my thoughts and actions but half the time...That isn’t an option.

On the up side. I made another deal on my first week of working. And I talked to an old friend who I can only speak to once in a large handful of months. She works so hard and I’m really glad for her.

On the down side....I’m too afraid to tell my friends anything about what’s going on with me. And how much I’ve come to figure out about myself. When I was younger, I’d deny every aspect of what I know now and often would try to overcompensate. But now, I do know.

I know the person that is staring back in all of my mirrors. (except the one I broke because I punched it out of frustration.) But I do know that person. The sad part is that I don’t want to know him. I really don’t. The real me is a savage who knows only what he wants to know. He lives by what he perceives and everyone else is wrong no matter what help they offer. He’s a jackass. Arrogant. And above all he’s so selfish. Selfish to the point that he would constantly bring others down with him. Others who love him. Who have come to care for him....

I’ve come to hate myself. And everyone within my blood family. In fact, I’m sure there are only a handful of people I actually give a damn about. And only five people out of that handful are people that I would allow myself to be killed over.

Also...I’ve learned that I’ve been conditioned way worse than I originally thought. My brother and mother came to an understanding of some sort and they dragged me into the conversation. In the end, I went into my room to go sleep. And my brother came in. He asked me if I was okay and said that he loved me. And that he was proud of me getting a job. Without realizing it, despite the fact that I want to murder him in explicit detail, I told him that I loved him too. That’s a lie. My mom gave me a hug this morning and kissed my cheek. She didn’t even say it but I said: “Love you too.”......Also my smiling has gotten out of hand. I can’t even say when I’m sad anymore. Everything just feels so blank. Like the world has no reason and no regard for me. Not that it ever did. I just realized it more. I realize how fake my laughter is. And how much I don’t care for living. But I made a promise to my friend Yuka...That I wouldn’t try to kill myself again. For her sake. Not that my mind hasn’t wandered quite a few times.

But at the end of this....I guess I’m just hurt by the realization that my happiness doesn’t matter. And that it really is okay to live the way I do. Through hurt feelings. For now, I’m going to type up my life story. Well...most of it.

Regards,

Andre.

[evora-eriu-mclaggen]

"Describe your first "test" "

When she was of ten years old swords and disease took her family away from her. Girl had to deal with loneliness, with strong, homesick and horny men coming back from the war who wanted to satisfy every need they had experienced, she had to risk her life and steal food and animals from the barns so she wouldn’t die of hunger, had to sleep in the haystacks to survive cold nights of the Ardeal, moreover, she had to hide, so she wasn’t killed by poor peasants who barely had food to survive themselves. But her first real test, I think, was the murder of her firstborn.

She traveled alone. Only her unborn baby kept her company and was a reminder of how far she’s gone and how people she trusted failed her in her life. And then she gave birth to the baby, something so fragile, so helpless… On the mercy of the world. On her mercy.And she decided to sacrifice it. I can tell that it was one painful test. She spent the night hugging the child to her chest, trying to imagine what would happen if she made any different decision. If it would survive the winter, if it would grow up, if its eyes would stay blue…And the next morning she took the baby to the river and trying hard to hold her tears back she let the river take the child along with all the disappointment she held against the world. And no longer she was that little girl trying to survive. Teenage girl stopped caring about the world completely. And became her own best friend.