But only one of us was standing by the grave (I remember that day)
Alex loses people he loves and blames himself for it.
***major character death 1553 words everyone please direct your complaints to @williexmercer read on ao3 here
All his life, Alex didn't think there was anything worse than losing his best friends. Then he'd died and he figured the worst thing would probably be just one of them crossing over, or only one of them staying behind.
But then came Willie.
And god, Alex loved Willie.
"I could let him go," Caleb said, a taunting edge to his voice. He stopped behind Alex. "Let you take his place."
Alex stared straight ahead at Willie, who had long since lost the energy to stand.
"What do you say to that, Alex? A fair deal, no?"
"No." The weak protest came from Willie and had Alex not been rooted to the spot by Caleb, he would have been by Willie's side already.
"Alex," Caleb said, drawing out Alex's name, "the clock is ticking. One more jolt could -- oh!"
Alex watched helplessly as another jolt ripped through Willie. He remembered the feeling not so long ago and he hated that Willie was suffering the same way -- if not worse.
"What a fighter!" Caleb said, smiling. Alex knew better than to think Caleb was anything but cruelly amused. "You never know which one might be the last. You don't have much more time. Tick tock . . . tick tock."
Alex had already known when he first figured it all out that he woukd trade places with Willie in the blink of an eye. But Willie had been able to stand, then. Willie had wanted to talk. Willie had sworn to never forgive Alex if he did.
But how could Alex just stand there and watch?
As if Willie could read his thoughts, they forced themselves to sit upright. He shook his head, holding Alex's gaze.
"Tick tock," Caleb reminded Alex.
Willie shook his head again. If they could, they would beg Alex to stay silent.
"All it takes is a single word, Alex. Do you want to spend the rest of your afterlife in regret? Or I could make it stop faster. Just a quick little magic trick and poof! No more William, no more pain."
Alex opened his mouth but no sound escaped. Willie mustered a firm glare. Another slow shake of their head.
Alex shook his head too. I'm sorry, it said, I'm sorry and I love you.
"Time is ticking. . . What do you say, Alex?"
Alex's agreement was on the tip of his tongue when he heard the familiar sounds of his friends poofing in.
Caleb scowled, knowing he would never get what he wanted with all three ghosts together -- not to mention the fact that they'd brought Julie Molina with them. But Willie was still there, hanging on by a thread. One final jolt ought to do the trick.
Caleb turned to face Willie.
Alex, still rooted to the spot, quickly realised what Caleb was about to do and struggled to break free. Luke and Reggie were there to help instantly. Luke tried to pull Alex from his spot. Reggie jumped on Caleb with a banshee screech.
Alex stopped quite suddenly. He saw, almost in slow motion, as a stream of sparks shot from Caleb's hand as Reggie fell to the floor with a soft thud. Alex heard Julie's muffled voice, almost as though he was underwater, as she screamed and sprinted to protect Willie.
Everyone stilled, watching the cloud dissipate achingly slow. Even Caleb seemed stunned.
"What did you do?" Reggie asked softly.
Luke grabbed hold of Alex's hand. Alex could almost hear Luke's repeated reassurances. They're okay. Julie's okay. Willie's okay. They're okay.
"What did you do?" Reggie shouted, standing up and shoving Caleb back with both hands.
"Reg," Alex barely whispered.
Reggie turned around, hoping to see both Willie and Julie, perfectly all right. But the glimpse he'd caught of Alex's face as he turned already told him he wouldn't like what he saw.
Julie lay disturbingly still on the floor -- she was just out cold, right? -- and Willie . . . well, Willie was missing.
Reggie turned back to Caleb again, who had begun to laugh in amazement and disbelief. Reggie shoved him back again. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
Alex nudged Luke, letting go of his hand. As Luke slowly and cautiously approached Julie, Alex collapsed on the floor. He'd had a perfectly good shot at saving Willie and he hadn't taken it. So what if Willie never forgave him? At least Willie would've still been around. And Julie. . .
Alex pulled his knees up and buried his face in his arms. He knew Caleb had lured him into a trap. He'd have been a little daft not to know that. But he'd come here to try to save one person that he loved and now he had lost two.
As one, all three boys seemed to realise the same thing. Luke turned to Alex, his hand still holding Julie's. Reggie stopped fruitlessly attacking Caleb. Alex lifted his head.
Someone had to tell the rest of Julie's family.
Alex still wasn't quite sure what had happened. Everything between that single moment and right now was a dazed blur to him. How long had it been? Weeks or months? Days or years? Time felt . . . different, without Willie. Everything felt a little fake without Willie and Julie.
Luke didn't even touch his journal, let alone his guitar, for a very long time. Reggie spent a lot of time alone in Julie's empty room. Maybe he was waiting and hoping Julie would turn up, if only to scold him about boundaries and kick him out.
And Alex? Well, Alex spent a lot of time standing on the fresh green grass, reading Julie's name, carved into the headstone, over and over and over again. If he knew how to find Willie's grave, he would spend some time there too.
Was it bad that he felt worse about Julie than he did about Willie?
Losing Willie was like dying all over again, but he and Willie had already known that only one of them was going to leave that building. Julie was so much younger and smaller. Julie still could've grown older. She'd had her whole life ahead of her. Neither of their time was supposed to end like that but somehow, Julie's death was worse. Because to Alex, Julie was still just a kid.
Alex couldn't remember how the rest of Julie's family had reacted to the news. He couldn't even remember how they'd found out. Sometimes, as he stood by her grave, he wondered, who had cried? Who had been too stunned to even move? Who blamed him for it, the way he did?
Other times, he wondered what his unfinished business was supposed to be, now. Anything he could think of was unattainable. If it really was something to do with either Willie or Julie -- maybe even both of them -- then what happened now? Would he just stay a ghost forever?
Alex didn't remember the time between their deaths and every waking moment, but he could remember every single second of the last time he saw Willie or Julie. Maybe this was what hell was like. Forever having his regrets burned into his memory. Always regretting his choices, always wishing he could have another chance to change things.
For a brief second, Alex wondered if his unfinished business was to forgive himself for the things he hadn't been able to control. It's what Julie would have told him. It's what Willie tried to tell him. He closed his eyes for a second and when he opened them again, Julie was standing in front of her headstone. She smiled. Alex stared, wanting to commit every little detail about Julie's smiling face to memory before reality crashed down on him again. She held out her hand to him. Alex frowned. This was new. Usually, his visions of Willie or Julie just consisted of them smiling warmly at him -- or, on particularly bad days, blaming him.
Or was this not a vision of Julie? Was this her ghost? Alex believed that whatever Caleb had wanted to bring down on Willie had hit Julie too, wiping both of their souls from existence completely. But then he looked at Julie and the twinkle in her eye told him exactly what he -- what everyone -- had always known. Julie had a very powerful and pure soul. If anyone could find a way to just dampen the severity of Caleb's curses, it was Julie.
Alex took her hand and followed her away from the grave. She walked in silence through the rows of headstones, along the pathway, and all the way to the gates. Every few steps, she glanced back and smiled at Alex. Even if this wasn't real, even if Julie was just a vision to guide him along, he was grateful for it. He wondered if Willie had somehow escaped being completely erased too, but even he knew that was too much to hope for.
Julie crossed the threshold of the gates and vanished in silence. Alex stopped. Was this a sign from Julie that he needed to move on? The way Julie said her mom sometimes sent signs? Alex glanced back the way he'd come before leaving the graveyard. Almost as soon as he stepped out and onto the sidewalk did something collide with him. Alex saw a skateboard roll on further.
"You took your sweet time."
