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"Dinner with Sergei"

Margo/Sergei | Canon Div | 1,695 words | FR-12 Two months after Sergei and his family defect to the US, Margo has a surprise visit from his father.

“Margo?”

The warm, heavily accented syllables of her name drew Margo Madison’s attention away from the budget reports and press requests that had landed on her desk earlier that day. For a brief moment, Margo could have sworn it was Sergei at her door, Sergei who had come to seek her out. For years, those inclinations would have been unfounded. But two months ago, Sergei, along with his family, had defected from the Soviet Union. And two weeks ago, Sergei had begun working at JSC. A NASA engineer at last.

But it wouldn’t be Sergei. They had agreed, after a rare performance at 11:59 where they’d finished it in the back office with his mouth on the hollow of her throat, to keep their burgeoning relationship to themselves. Sergei’s defection was already high profile, with rumours of press conferences and Presidential meetings. The last thing either of them needed was Sergei’s work being questioned because he was sleeping with Margo. Not that they were…not that they had. Like the past decade, their relationship was in fits and starts. Stolen moments. At least Margo now had the luxury of knowing he was in the building, even if he was still a world away.

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#for all mankind #star city #margo x sergei #margo madison #chief designer #duck duck: fics #tv: for all mankind #tv: star city #ship: margo x sergei

(Long time no see. I just got out of the hospital about two weeks ago now and went catatonic again for a month this time instead of five. I've had a few grand mal seizures in the process since returning home. As stated, this is a part of my coping strategy while I'm in therapy for PT , OT and pych for my own DID Should I continue? Feedback appreciated . - Love, Jamie

A Room For Feelings

Author’s note: CW for descriptions of C-PTSD and discussions of dissociative episodes throughout. I’m playing around with timelines. This is separate from the “Parts and Pieces” work I was planning but within the same vein. Season 4 happened, but this is kind of an AU in a season 3 timeline. I might expand this to include Sergei’s therapy sessions in another arc, but for now, enjoy. Also, I like the idea of keeping Emma alive, although I’m not sure in what capacity yet.

This is extremely personal to me as I myself have DID and have been diagnosed for a third time. Shall I continue?

Dr. Kayla Williamson spoke softly; her melodic voice and easygoing nature made her the perfect therapist for one, Margo Madison. "I'm proud of you, Margo. You've come a long way in these last few years. It's a long process." Margo gave a soft smile. She was proud of herself, too. These last few years, processing memories of her time in Russia, her defection, the bombing, and all that came along with it had been an years, processing memories of her time in Russia, her defection, the bombing, and all that came along with it had been an exhausting experience. Margo wouldn’t have been in Dr. Williamson’s office at all had it not been for Sergei’s unweaving support yet firm insistence to stop running from the past. He has joined her at various times in her sessions, mainly remaining a quiet, steady presence from his place on the sofa aside from occasionally squeezing her hand thrice. Today, he was there to play a more profound role, one that Dr. Williamson hoped would ease those memories more deeply embedded in her client’s subconscious. With Margo’s consent, Dr. Williamson telephoned Sergei, debriefing him on the technique and asking if he would feel comfortable assisting. Without a moment’s hesitation, Sergei agreed

Instead of a sofa, Margo and Sergei are positioned on opposite ends of a soft blue area rug in the middle of a spacious office. Sergei has been instructed to sit the farthest away for the time being while Williamson sits on the floor directly in front of Margo for the first part of the session. Toys and various things associated with childhood are neatly placed along the floor in preparation for the session. Margo had requested a two-hour session instead of the regular hour that generally took place. Dr. Williamson had agreed but also was well aware of her client’s limitations, so that time was not set in stone.

"I understand."

“Before we start, I want you to remember that these are only memories, and you are only going back to process. Remember, you are in my office, and we can always stop if it becomes too much. If any words come to your mind, speak; if any parts wish to talk, let them.

"Are you ready?"

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“If it’s alright with you, we’re going to try something new. You know how you normally follow my finger with your eyes, and I tap you at specific points as you go into pieces of memory?”" Margo gave a soft smile. She was proud of herself, too. These last few years, processing memories of her time in Russia, her defection, the bombing, and all that came along with it had been an exhausting experience. Margo wouldn’t have been in Dr. Williamson’s office at all had it not been for Sergei’s unweaving support yet firm insistence to stop running from the past. He has joined her at various times in her sessions, mainly remaining a quiet, steady presence from his place on the sofa aside from occasionally squeezing her hand thrice. Today, he was there to play a more profound role, one that Dr. Williamson hoped would ease those memories more deeply embedded in her client’s subconscious. With Margo’s consent, Dr. Williamson telephoned Sergei, debriefing him on the technique and asking if he would feel comfortable assisting. Without a moment’s hesitation, Sergei agreed

“In your last session, you told me that you wanted to delve into your childhood. This was one of the remaining pieces of the puzzle, and Margo knew it. She had been mentally preparing for weeks but still wanted to run.

Margo nods. “Today, I want you to focus solely on my voice. The only tapping I’ll be doing is to guide you into a hypnotic trance. We’ll go as deep as you want and then stop. If at any time you feel overwhelmed.

“And I’m—we’re safe?”, Margo whispered.

“ Memories can be intense at times. We’ll go at your pace” Williamson glanced at Sergei, winking at him, the discussed signal to start his task once Margo was ready.

“Everyone’s ready now,” Margo stated, still getting used to referring to herself that way. She wasn’t used to it, but she knew that therapy was the one place it was acceptable. Williamson’s voice gets softer and softer as she taps Margo’s hand with every word. “We’re going back to the first memories you have of your father. Where are you? Can you see yourself there?”

Margo finds herself in her childhood bedroom— hearing a baby crying. “I’m in my crib, and I’m crying. I’ve been in here for a while.— parents were big proponents of letting kids cry it out back then..”, she says, trying to defend her parents, searching for any semblance to make this make sense, and finding none.

Standing beside the crib, Margo is tempted to pick up the baby herself but can’t bring herself to do so. At nine months old, with a head full of red curls, the baby’s arms reach upward as the crying intensifies. Outwardly, anger intensifies inside of Margo. “I’d never let Javi or Gracianna cry like that!” I’d never just leave them there to suffer like that! tears fall down her cheeks . Seregi wants to reach for a tissue and hand it to Margo, but knows better of this. She has to get these feelings out.

Unbeknownst to her, Margo has begun kicking her feet.

It’s okay to give the baby that never had those tears heard permission to to cry them now.” Margo shakes her head and steadies herself as a way to stop any more tears from coming, her feet still kicking, that baby wanting to speak.

“Hush,” Margo whispers to herself.

“I hear footsteps,” she says aloud.

“Who’s coming ?” the therapist asks.

Margo starts shaking

:”Father”

Edward Madison is too busy for this bullshit; thank you very much. He has far more important matters to contend with, like his work with the Manhattan Project. .

In the flashback, Margo watches as her father enters the room, feet stomping with every step . . The little one doesn’t know any better. She’s just happy someone is here to pick her up. Although she’s still crying, infant Margo babbles to get her father’s attention, arms outstretched as before. Mr. Madison ignores his daughter’s cries and abandoning her in the crib.

“Bad girl, making all this noise!” he admonishes. The crib is void of anything to keep an infant engaged and stimulated. So, she just sits there, mauling over what she has just heard.

“B-ad --- B---b—bad!” --- B---B—B Bad!” the baby mimics her first words with no one there to hear them.

“Bad! Margo repeats outwardly in the office. Seregi’s heart breaks, a lump forming in his throat , as it dawns on him why he was asked here today. Those couldn’t have been Margo’s first words? Surely not!

Williamson takes a seat in a blue chair, just off to the side, and Seregi inches ever so slowly to to sit directly in front of Margo. She is still kicking outwardly, still repeating, “Bad!” As he sits in front of his beloved , Seregi silently rehearses the precise number of taps he and the doctor had discussed.

“Did your Papa tell you that you were bad ? Was that the first word you ever spoke? Your Papa was wrong.”

Margo remains silent.

Sergei taps Margo’s hands. “Your Papa was wrong, my love!”

“Wrong.” she whispers.

“ Da, nepravil'no"”, Sergei whispers in Russian, a way to reinforce the word in Margo’s mind .

“Nepravil'no"

“Will you take me back to the staircase and the room with you?”

Margo shakes her head emphatically.

Sergei speaks softly, his hand encircling hers. “I can’t change the past, but I can help you reframe it. I can help that baby find her voice. Will you let me try, Dorogoy? Play everything out as before. Please trust me”.

Margo hesitates momentarily, then reaches out her hands to Sergei wordlessly. Sergei taps Margo’s hands as instructed, and she finds herself alone in her childhood bedroom, standing next to the crib just as before. Sergei is nowhere to be seen. The crying intensifies.

Hush,” Margo whispers aloud this time. “You’ll make him angry.” The baby cries with more intensity than previously. She’s more frustrated , the frustration coming out in the form of a scowl on Margo ‘s face . She wants out. Out of this room, this crib. Out! Once more, Margo kicks her feet with as much intensity as she can muster in the office.

“It hurts! It hurts!”

Sergei focuses his words and taps with every word. “Kick, my love! It’s okay to kick here. He reaches for a multi-colored ball for her to kick . “All he cared about was building that damn bomb!”, Margo kicks the ball until it lands on the other side of the office with a thundering thud . Williamson retrieves the ball and sits it carefully beside Seregi , silently watching and jotting notes.

With his attention on the memory, Sergei starts to hum softly. When Margo hears footsteps on the stairs this time, they are not stomping like her father’s. They are soft and calming, if not hurried. “Here I come, malysh.” Standing next to the crib, Margo is taken aback by what she is witnessing. The infant with the red curly head of hair has recoiled in her crib after the previous interaction.

“Doesn’t know you. Margo speaks aloud. “Doesn’t want to be yelled at again.”

Dr Williamson intervenes momentarily. “No, we don’t know this man , do we? We’ve never delved this deeply before. Maybe it might help to tell her you’re safe, Sergei”.

Instead of tapping, Seregi gently caresses Margo’s cheek with the side of his hand so she can feel it in the present as well as in the memory. “I would never” ever harm a hair on your head, he whispers gently into Margo’s ear . Although she is speaking aloud, her mind is back in her childhood bedroom, peaking in just enough to see her infant self retreating. “Seregi is safe. He loves us. You can go to him”. Infant Margo outstretches her arms, and Mago does the same outwardly. It is then that Seregi is struck with an idea. The Margo sitting in this office has never been able to express her needs. Perhaps that started with this memory? He would ease the imprints left by her father by teaching the infant not one but two words. Instead of tapping, Seregi asks, “What would you like?” In response, Margo kicks her feet. He lifts Margo’s hands in an upward motion. In the flashback, Margo feels warm inside as she listens to Seregi’s soft steady voice. “U—up,” he says as clearly as possible. The infant watches his face with a bright-eyed curiosity that is new. No one is yelling or screaming. She is eager to mimic him . Presently in the office, Margo’s face twitches as the little one is now front and center. Her body language changes. Both Sergi and Williamson watch intently. “Hello, she says softly, It’s okay what’s your name.? The little one ignores the question for a moment, getting down on all fours, she crawls toward an object next to Seregi “Sophia, ball.”

“She finally feels comfortable enough to come forward. “, Williamson whispers to Seregi “This is extraordinary. She must really love you, sir”

“Oh, you have no idea”, Doctor, Seregi responds “

“Ay”, Sophia says. “Ball ay”.

“You want to play ball with me/”?, Seregi asks?

Sophia nods. “Ball , acth “

“You want to play catch”?

“Ca–Ca–tch : “, she mimics

#margo x sergei #for all mankind #fanfic #margo madison