#marigoldwhitaker

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Slytherin Spotlight: Marigold Whitaker

Slytherin Spotlight articles are dedicated to showing off some of our housemates’ achievements to all of Slytherin house. For our third and final article of the year we’re looking at the self-proclaimed 'manager' of the rumor wall, second year Marigold Whitaker, who seems to have made quite an impact on our school. From spreading rumors to causing chaos, Marigold is clearly one to watch throughout the rest of her time at Hogwarts. ————————– Q: You are now publicly known as the 'manager of the rumor wall' in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Is the rumor wall something that you'd like to continue in future years or do you think it'll be discontinued? A: As long as I'm here at Hogwarts, the rumor wall will be there. Headmistress Flamel would probably like to think she can get rid of us by erasing it but you can't, of course. I'm hoping someone will keep it going after I've left. Q: We're sure someone would be very happy to make sure of that. After all, it's been such a huge hit! What rumor on the wall do you think is the funniest so far? A: Definitely the one about Snape snoring in his portrait. That was last year though. This year... hm. There's plenty of good rumors. I particularly enjoyed the one about Professor Urguy. And the fart. And the ickle. Q: I [Alexis] must agree, those are some funny rumors! Have there ever been any problems with the nature of the rumors - enough to get anyone in serious trouble, perhaps? Or enough to threaten the existence of the wall? A: Not yet. I am the manager but I don't censor what goes on the wall - I simply confirm or deny what people write. If anything is truly obscene it could get us into trouble, of course, but as of yet I haven't seen anything too bad. Q: That's good to hear. I [Alexis] certainly wouldn't be happy if the rumor wall was cracked down on. And finally, are there any specific rules outlining what can and can't go on the wall? You know, just so everyone knows. A: Um...Well, people like to put untrue things on the walls which definitely makes my job harder. But no. I don't advocate censorship. Q: Well, we're sorry Marigold but that's all the time we've got. Thanks for letting us interview you, even if it was only for a little while. A: That's alright. Thanks for interviewing me. written by Alexis Fire and Asia Chadwick, with Marigold Whitaker

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The Chamber of Secrets: Whole School Edition

The Parselmouth is a publication for Slytherin students, meaning we've only really touched on Slytherin gossip so far. But we all know that the other Houses are much, much worse than we are (because we, of course, are practically perfect in every way). So in addition to the usual Slytherin gossip we provide, today's issue of the Chamber of Secrets brings you gossip from all around the castle! Enjoy, UNVERIFIED RUMORS 1. Lillian Wayland (Gr) is sporting a fantastic pair of fake knockers; she ran into a pillar last week and the hallway echoed with a resounding metal clang. 2. Grover Penn (Sl) was found rummaging through a bin in the kitchens. Perhaps he was looking for some new clothes? 3. Greta Lunes (Hu) was caught snuggling a dog. Is she cheating on cats? 4. Liam Russo (Gr) mistook his pygmy puff for a football and punted it into the Forbidden Forest. It has yet to be found. 5. Noel Delacour-Goldstein (Ra) has been searching for a Memorization Quill in order to pass his OWLs. He'll buy anyone's for a reasonable price. VERIFIED RUMORS 1. Bernadette Umbridge (Gr) has not attended a single prefect meeting all year. She was too busy messing around with her new hook-up, Astaldarion Thanrion (Gr) to care about her duties. 2. Xanadu Kane (Sl) is half-goblin (as evidenced by his stature and the state of his teeth). 3. Marius Constantin (Ra) released a hoard of bunnies into the library this year, where they pillaged, ransacked and eventually had to be rounded up by some poor, unfortunate students. 4. Bryony King (Sl) and a hoard of other first years made an absolute mess of the kitchens a few months ago in an attempt to make hot chocolate. 5. The dueling chamber is growing mold due to Darcy Redmount’s (Gr) excessive use of the shower charm. While our wonderful school is full of rumors and juicy gossip, there is only one superior house: Slytherin. Prefects snogging and bunnies eating books are nothing in comparison to our brilliance. Keep reading, fellow Slytherins! written by Marigold Whitaker

[theparselmouthvh]

The Chamber of Secrets: Carter Edition

Word is that our new school librarian is the wife of none other than our resident terrifying overlord, and infamous first year tormentor, Professor Carter! Her existence has sparked thousands of rumors around the school, finally crushing Professor Carter’s previous reputation of celibacy, and we at The Parselmouth are delighted to bring these tidbits of information to you. Madam Carter, previous Slytherin student, has returned triumphantly and threatens to turn the whole library - no, the whole school - on its head. With a tutoring program in the works and notably increased defenses on the Restricted Section, the library is almost totally unrecognizable to any student who wishes to sit, sleep, or snoop in peace. This writer has certainly faced additional challenges getting the latest scoop on gossip and reading the new Restricted Section textbooks. But with no further ado, here are the latest rumors about Professor Carter and his blushing, hexing bride. UNVERIFIED RUMORS 1. Professor Carter got the Headmistress to hire his wife because he needs her on hand to make him hair-growth potions. 2. Professor Carter’s left earlobe is pierced for an earring, though he does not wear one. The latest rumor is that he wears an earring on special occasions only (i.e., Hogsmeade weekends, Christmas Eve, a Ravenclaw student falling to their doom, etc.). 3. Students who are late returning a library book are soon melted down by Mrs. Carter and put into the Concentration Potion in the middle of the library. (This writer finds this rumor highly unlikely, but will print it in hopes that perhaps a Ravenclaw ickle will perish...) 4. The Restricted Section's defensive hexes now include students turning bright purple and the word “RULEBREAKER” written in scarlet appearing across their nose. VERIFIED RUMORS 1. Raisa Phyxen (Hufflepuff) was recently given a shackling detention by Professor Carter. This kind of behavior from Professor Carter is not unexpected. It is yet unknown whether his wife’s presence worsens or disparages this type of behavior. 2. Mrs. Carter has created a tutoring program in the library. This program has been utilized mostly by Kelly Ashcroft in an apparent bid to get herself a boyfriend. This proves that not only is Ashcroft an idiot, but she couldn’t get a date from anyone except the Giant Squid. 3. Our new librarian has a hatred of Ravenclaws. If there is some way of getting her to target Ravenclaw’s Quidditch team, please write to The Parselmouth's Editing Office. 4. Mr. and Mrs. Carter were recently caught snogging in a broom closet on the sixth floor like a pair of seventh years. The Slytherin student who caught them in the act is now reportedly in the Hospital Wing with his eyeballs seared to his skull. Are they really married? Is it all a sham? Is it the stress of being married to his wife the cause of Professor Carter’s hair loss? Is Mrs. Carter actually attractive or are we all just completely terrified? If any Slytherins have answers to these questions, direct them to the Management of the Rumor Wall, or the editor of this column. (They are totally not the same person.) Keep reading, fellow Slytherins! written by Marigold Whitaker

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The Chamber of Secrets: Dueling and Quidditch Edition

Dueling, a sport in which our house hasn't exactly been excelling recently, has started to become much more popular amongst Slytherin students. The officiators are a vague and mysterious bunch - every piece of gossip that you've passed along to your friends or enemies during a duel has been undoubtedly heard by them, and yet they remain stone faced. Impenetrable. And occasionally armed with sweets to placate us... The dueling chamber has always been a hub of gossip and rumors. The slightest insult can quickly turn into a literal firestorm between two opponents, while a scrap of lies can soothe animosity between foes. Similarly, Quidditch - a sport in which some members of our school eagerly follow - has turned into quite an outlet for adding to the rumor mill recently. This writer is unable to reach the Slytherin Quidditch locker rooms, due to some previous incidents which involved a misfiring wand, a dropped towel, and several moist slugs, but there is much gossip to be had from Quidditch! So, this edition is dedicated to members of our house who participate in one or both of these sports. Be warned: this gossip is hot. It’s too hot, hot damn. Call the police and a fireman. UNVERIFIED RUMORS 1. Any Slytherin student who beats Officiator Bradford in a duel will receive a lifetime supply of free chocolate frogs. We've heard he prefers Gryffindors, for some reason... 2. Students who knock a Gryffindor Quidditch captain off their brooms during a Quidditch match will, from now on, score an automatic ten points for their House. They will be awarded by Professor Wollice after the match. 3. The stairs to the commentator's booth had to be raised half an inch to make up for Leela Toor’s gargantuan legs during the recent Gryffindor vs. Hufflepuff game. VERIFIED RUMORS 1. Kelly Ashcroft is delusional and believes she is best friends with all of the officiators. 2. Kelly Ashcroft is also unusually close with Officiator Cartwright. Possible relation? This is definitely more than just winning duels. Cartwright is obviously playing favorites. 3. Hank Chamberlain, resident Slytherin Prefect and Quidditch Captain, exhibited a strong tenor singing voice during the recent Quidditch game - although in this writer’s opinion he is better suited to the soprano range. 4. Alexis Endicus, despite her perfect blood, is fantastically horrible with a broomstick.  Gentlemen, watch out. 5. Phaedra Wayland, Quidditch player and duelist, was in the hospital wing with mono last term. Apparently she is now beating out Savannah Chancellor (Hufflepuff) for the title of Hogwarts' bicycle. Is dueling going to become a competition not of wandwork, but of gossip? Where only those “in” with the officiators win duels? Is Slytherin ever going to win a Quidditch match? Find out in our next edition of The Chamber of Secrets! written by Marigold Whitaker

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The Chamber of Secrets: Flamel Edition

Secrets. Rumors. Lies. Ridiculous truths. Believable falsehoods. The existence of Urguy’s shower. What’s real? What isn’t? Slytherins are a secretive bunch and -- once the scales are stripped away -- the whole House is teeming with juicy gossip. Absolutely nothing is sacred, and everything is up for grabs: the Chamber of Secrets has officially been opened, and the gossip is pouring out. Dedicated followers of gossip will notice that the Rumor Wall, a staple of Hogwarts for over a year now, has recently been scrubbed clean. This is obviously in compliance with Educational Decree No. 51, as issued by Headmistress Lamel—sorry, Flamel. Assorted management of the Rumor Wall will no doubt take aggressive action. But, for now, in honor of our fallen Rumor Wall, this edition will be a special Headmistress edition! UNVERIFIED RUMORS 1. Headmistress Flamel uses the tears of First Years in her secret potion brewing. Ickles beware -- she is especially fond of hiding in the shadows on stair landings, in order to snatch unsuspecting passers-by. 2. Headmistress Flamel’s patronus is a Dementor. She’s here to suck the fun from your souls. 3. Headmistress Flamel hates cats and eats filet of feline every Thursday night. VERIFIED RUMORS 1. Headmistress Flamel’s knickers are bright pink and quite itchy. These were displayed in the Great Hall. Rumors continue to circulate about the rest of her choices in undergarments. Are they sequined? This writer is determined to find out. 2. Headmistress Flamel was kissed by our vampiric Prefect, Vaughn Knightly. Both will die soon. Watch closely for signs of impending gangrene around the mouth area. 3. Headmistress Flamel is so fond of shackles because she is personally frightened of heights. Ten points to anyone who can push her off the Astronomy Tower. 4. Headmistress Flamel never bathes, which is why she always reeks of mildew and old potion ingredients. For shame, Headmistress. 5. Headmistress Flamel is a hundred and two years old, and has broken all three of her hips four times. Four times three is twelve. Twelve is divisible by four, which equals three. Three numbers. 666. Flamel = Illuminati CONFIRMED. Is she a demon? A mummy? Just a really, really old lady? Or perhaps a reanimated skeleton? Headmistress Flamel is a mystery bundled in an enigma and swaddled in secrets. However, this much is clear: the Chamber of Secrets isn’t going to rest until every last secret has been displayed for all of Hogwarts to see and ridicule. Keep reading, dedicated followers of the Parselmouth! Gossip awaits! written by Marigold Whitaker