Dec 24, 2021
I miss dreaming forwards," Anna said. "What?" "I dream backwards now. You won't believe how backwards you'll dream someday.
Marina Keegan from, The Opposite of Loneliness
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I miss dreaming forwards," Anna said. "What?" "I dream backwards now. You won't believe how backwards you'll dream someday.
Marina Keegan from, The Opposite of Loneliness
💭 #marinakeegan #qotd #calligraphy #calligraphyph #obliquepencalligraphy #moderncalligraphy #moderncalligraphyph #quotes https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq1RESllTOP/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=8xeq5922gcit
Pain in Recovery
Turns out I was wrong very wrong. But let's face I already know this months ago. My housemate/friend gave me a sobering conversation tonight. These last 4 months they've slowly pulled away from me due to my unpredictable behaviour. Fueled by using/picking up I've been a massive idiot and selfish at that. I thought I could white knuckle it and make it without peer support from other substance users. I was so wrong. I choose substances over my friendships! That's low and cheap. But I also already knew this. The song Nobody's Fault But Mine comes to mine. I don't say this too wallow in self-pity or beat myself with a stick. My well rehearsed, intellectual and logical arguments about recovery count for nothing right now. I often argue recovery isn't synonymous with 12 steps and I stand by that but I cannot do this alone so I've had to swallow my pride and go back to the rooms. That was so hard guys but in desperation I reached out to two old recovery friends and they embraced me. They didn't ask for the war stories or what was going on they just asked if I'd like to do an online meeting. It was the perfect response.
Every event my housemate/friend called me out on, everything I've let them down over. I knew the exact events, date and time. Every time was down to my dumbass picking up and using. I'm lost, scared and broken. This pain really hurts but it's telling me something very loudly......This doesn't work at all pudding......NOT AT ALL. I'm a hustler, charmer, sweet talker and survivor but I'm hurting and losing friendships. I've been hiding in the dark with other users because let's face it addicts are smart like that, they find each other and average the shame and guilt or ignore it altogether. Now I'm sat here in physical pain over all of this and I can't claim ignorance or play dumb. As amusing it would otherwise be I'm neither of these things. I'm not growing I'm surviving.....JUST!
But there is hope and where there is hope there has got to be a way forward and out. Its often said in the rooms that the opposite of addiction is connection and I truly believe this in my heart, soul and mind. In the words of Marina Keegan 'We don't have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that's what I want in life'. This massively resonates with me. I want to feel the oppositive of loneliness, connected and thriving in life. But I have to get vulnerable and honest with others to do this. I have to believe and hope I can change and grow.
'What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it's too late to do anything is comical. It's hilarious'.
So it's time to face the pain, get vulnerable and honest. Back to the rooms and in the middle of the bed.
"So what I'm trying to say is you should text me back. Because there's a precedent. Because there's an urgency. Because there's a bedtime. Because when the world ends I might not have my phone charged and if you don't respond soon, I won't know if you'd wanna leave your shadow next to mine." • "Do you wanna leave soon? / No, I want enough time to be in love with everything. . ." • #books #marinakeegan #theoppositeofloneliness (at Austin, Texas) https://www.instagram.com/p/CEFm1vrJkmu/?igshid=dt6548uz3gpd
"So what I'm trying to say is you should text me back. Because there's a precedent. Because there's an urgency. Because there's a bedtime. Because when the world ends I might not have my phone charged and if you don't respond soon, I won't know if you'd wanna leave your shadow next to mine." • "Do you wanna leave soon? / No, I want enough time to be in love with everything. . ." • #books #marinakeegan #theoppositeofloneliness (at Austin, Texas) https://www.instagram.com/p/CEFm1vrJkmu/?igshid=dt6548uz3gpd
“And I cry because everything is so beautiful and so short.”
“So what I'm trying to say is you should text me back. Because there's a precedent. Because there's an urgency. Because there's a bedtime. Because when the world ends I might not have my phone charged and If you don't respond soon, I won't know if you'd wanna leave your shadow next to mine.”
“I worry sometimes that humans are afraid of helping humans. There's less risk associated with animals, less fear of failure, fear of getting to involved.”
“We have these impossibly high standards and we'll probably never live up to our perfect fantasies of our future selves.”
― Marina Keegan, The Opposite of Loneliness: Essays and Stories
"What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that is too late to do anything is comical. It's hilarious.'' (Page 3) . . First time why I bought this book was because the girl, I thought she was the author, looked so confidence. And I love to read personal essays, like I have a deep talk with the author and seeing this world from new perspective. And yes, my choice was really good. In the middle of my reading process, I read the backcover carefully. Oh my God, Marina passed away before this book published. She died in a car crash a few days after she graduated from Yale University as the magna cumlaude student. . . She had the bright opportunity to be an editor, writer, poet etc that she wanted to be. Many people shocked with her tragedy then her relatives collected her writing pieces in one book. This book became the winner of The Goodreads Choice Awards Non Fiction Book in 2014. . . Her essay 'The Opposite of Loneliness' went viral on the internet and inspiring many young people worldwide. Not only essay, her short stories in this book is so poetic, deep and I can know if she was destined to be a great writer. This book is divided by fiction chapter and nonfiction. . . My fav short story is titled 'The Emerald City'. Telling about the long email from a soldier in Iraq who sending his lovely girl with many stories. I can know how American soldier should face horror everyday, torn between empathy or country's duty. Then I cried a lot when I read her essay 'Against The Grain'. She told us about her allergy to gluten. Marina was annoyed with her mother cringy worrisome to protect her from risky foods. Long story, finally she realised, if she were a mother, she would be more cringy to her baby. It is mother's love. #bookstagram #oneweekonebook #shortbookreviews #MarinaKeegan https://www.instagram.com/p/Bq1TBTwBbTX/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=5v6yb9beytnf
THE OPPOSITE OF LONLINESS Reading these engaging short stories and essays by Marina Keegan, frequently centred on love, cars, future prospects and death is undoubtedly tinged with bittersweetness, following her own early death caused by a car crash. Acknowledging that loss, it has been refreshing to read and hear such a clear voice from a 22 year old, rather than trying to sound like someone she is not. #bookstagram #books #theoppositeoflonliness #marinakeegan https://www.instagram.com/p/BnTCagql3i3/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=11p7ie181b47g