this is my take on @peckforlovingheck’s flicker au in the pov of marley. if you haven’t seen their au yet GO CHECK IT OUTTT ITS SO AWESOME!!! anyways, enjoy 😋
MARLEY
10:22 PM. Oct. 2nd
I'm a relatively optimistic person, or so I get told. I've never been one to dwell on things too much; a trait that has been passed down by my mother. No matter how hard life gets, I always remind myself that it'll get better. That atleast I'm alive and well. Recently though, some of these values are proving difficult to keep up. Last week, I moved out of my mom's house and into a small apartment in the middle of who knows where. Not too shabby of a place.. once you see past the fact that the door won't lock properly and the horrible paper thin walls. The rent was cheap, so I took the opportunity to start fresh on my own when it represented itself. However, my mother worries for me. Even if she refuses to admit it. Every night she calls me on account of checking in, claiming that she wants to make sure I get home safe. The phone calls don't bother me. I know she's coming from a good place but I truly believe if she had it her way, I'd live with her forever. Also, I got a new job at a supermarket down the street. Working customer service isn't an ideal job for most. Luckily for me, I have both the patience and work ethic that keeps me going day to day. My co-workers don't share the same sentiment. I figured this out my first week there. The atmosphere is tense and hardly anybody there speaks to one another other than to say what's necessary. I don't blame them. We don't get paid enough to do more than what is necessary. That's why I try my hardest to lighten the mood when I can, but I'm not oblivious to the side way glances or glares I receive in return. Hence why I say some of these values of mine are faltering. I try not to let it affect me, but recently it's all I think about. Tonight especially. As I walk down the overgrown side walk - no matter how much my back and feet ache in protest - my thoughts keep returning to one thing. I keep my head down and follow the path illuminated by an occasional street lamp back to my apartment. Why? It's not like I'm trying to annoy anyone on purpose. Hell, I'm not trying to be annoying at all! The exasperated shared 'Look who's arrived' look between my co-workers when I enter the room only confirms my suspicious. It's draining to know my presence is what aggravates them. I hardly know anybody in this town and the people who I do know already seem fed up with me. My cheeks start to heat up and my vision starts to blur. I will not cry. I won't. Instead, I start counting the cracks on the side walk to keep myself calm.
One.
Remember, you're doing the best you can.
Two.
They're probably just going through a rough time.
Three.
It's not your fault.
I blink away the former tears and try to keep my breathing steady. Being upset over how your co-workers view you is a silly thing to be upset over anyways. I'm probably overthinking it. I lift my head up and watch the cars zoom past me. A gust of wind follows suit, blowing my hair into my face.
Just around the block is my complex and then I can finally lay my head down and forget this day ever happened. My phone buzzes in my pocket, startling me out of my thoughts. I grab it and turn it on, taking a moment to let my eyes adjust to the brightness. The screen displays three missed calls from mom. Shit. I rush to put in my password and once it’s unlocked immediately call her back. The call rings for two seconds before a voice crackled through the receiver. “Marls?” Her slightly apprehensive tone makes me feel worse. Usually I call her at 8:30 sharp. “Hey mama. I’m so sorry I forgot to tell you I was working overtime tonight.” I rush out. She lets out a laugh of what seems to be relief. “That’s alright hon. I figured you might be busy with work. But I wanted to call again just to make sure.” Her last sentence left me uneasy. Guilt floods me at the thought of her thinking something worse might’ve happened. A dry chuckle escapes despite feeling horrible at causing her stress. “I’m okay. I’m almost home right now.” I turn the corner and approach the familiar brick complex. My voice must’ve wavered because after a moments pause she asks, “Everything okay?” Honestly? Not really. “Yeah. I just had a rough day today. That’s all.” I enter the dimly lit stairwell and start up the stairs. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry. Well, if it makes you feel any better I read in the paper that this Saturday the local market is back in town,” I rest my phone between my shoulder and face as she talks so my free hand can rummage through my bag for my keys. “I figured we could take a look around since I know how much you used to love going as a kid.” I jam the key in the lock and wriggle it in an attempt to unlock it. I groan after a few failed tries. “Come on, you stupid thing!” I mutter to myself. “What was that?” I hear my mom ask as the door swings open suddenly, causing me to almost drop my things. I recollect myself and walk inside. “Nothing, sorry.” I drop my bag besides the front door. “Sure, I’ll have to check when I’m free but I’d love to go with you.” “Perfect!” Her peppy voice made me smile. “Well, I ought to let you go now. You must be exhausted.” I nod, as if she could even see me. “Just a bit.” I reply jokingly. She laughs and says “I’ll call you tomorrow. I love you Marls.”
“I love you too Mama.”
I let out a sigh I must’ve been holding in. I don’t waste a second and make a straight line for my bedroom. The dark room is barely lit up by the faint light of my computer screen. I switch on my lamp and make my way to my messy drawer. The mess only seems to taunt me, but I’ve promised myself on a free day I’d do some cleaning. I grab a pair of black shorts and a faded ninja turtles shirt that I’ve had since middle school and some how still fits. It’s not in the best condition, but it’s comfy so that’s all that matters. Once I’m changed I stare at myself in the mirror above. Just a few more months, I think to myself. I’m only going to be in this situation for a few months until I save up enough money to make it better. It’s going to work out. Without bothering to take down my hair, I flop back onto my bed and stare at myself ceiling. Right. It’ll be better. It always is. I pull back my covers and engulf myself in its warmth. I roll over to my side and just as I get comfortable I hear a chime from my computer. No matter how relentlessly I want to ignore it, I prop myself up on my elbows and squint to make out what the email says. A small white box pops up in the bottom right corner with black bolded letters that read NOMINATION CONFIRMED. Below it are words I can’t make out from where I’m laying, but those don’t matter. I squint harder to see if I read it right before it disappears. Confusion takes over as I reel my mind trying to think of anything I might’ve entered. Of course, nothing comes to mind. Whatever, I think. It’s probably spam anyways. I let my exhaustion take over and close my eyes. Just another thing I’ll deal with later. As of right now, I let myself relax. I let myself breathe and unravel all of my feelings from the former day. Because no matter how hard it gets, at least I am still alive.
