all the avengers (including sam and bucky obviously) living in the compound with the occasional visit of thor, and yes he’s in the kitchen with his pop tarts, clint in the vents, peter in the lab with tony and bruce or patrolling the streets in his free time and them all being one big happy family (and not just coworkers!!!!) is my canon. like that scene in age of ultron??? thats their friday if they’re not on a mission
summary: You’re in love with Bucky and you were pretty sure he was in love with you. But when you overhear a conversation and spiral afterwards, the bond you thought you had with him is tested in a brand-new invention by Valentina. A simulation, like the void. Will Bucky realize his true feelings before it’s too late?
content warnings: misunderstandings & angst, mutual pining, not so unrequited love, references to Bucky’s past as the Winter Soldier (electric torture, Hydra lab), brief torture scene (electric shocks), realization of feelings, making up, passionate sex, happy ending
a/n: this is a very late and long overdue request from/for @bucksplum for my 1k celebration! I hope you like how it turned out, dear! <3 ao3 link
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It had been as easy as breathing to fall in love with Bucky Barnes.
So why the hell did it hurt so badly now?
Just a few days ago, everything had been good. You were happy.
Now, you felt like someone had ripped your heart out and trampled it on the ground. There was sadness and confusion and hurt and an ever-growing anger inside of you, feeding on you until slowly nothing would be left of you anymore.
You wondered if he cared. A few days ago, you were sure he would’ve spared you such a fate, but now you didn’t know anything anymore.
From the beginning on, Bucky and you were sizzling fire.
The kind of sparks that consumed, uncontrollable and hungry. Every time the two of you were in the same room, there had been tension. Eyes on each other, curious at first until they became devouring, looking where you’d imagined to touch each other, to explore until staking claim.
It wasn’t rational or wise.
But it was what you wanted.
You wanted him.
And you were the most foolish woman alive to believe he wanted you, too.
He had known fire.
Firecrackers with Steve in the streets of Brooklyn, gunfire during the war, carrying a firearm for the first time and gritting his teeth against the cold on top of a train. Fire in his wrecked arm and fire behind his temples. Fire while he killed and damaged and destroyed.
Fire, fire, fire.
And then, you.
Oh, how he desperately burned for you.
How he wanted to be kissed by your fire, branded for life by your gentle touch.
You had been dancing around each other for a while now.
A lingering touch here, standing a little too close to each other there. That one time he held your hand on the way home from a mission and didn’t let go until you’d landed. The time you found him in the kitchen in the middle of the night, staring at the bottom of his tea cup. Your favorite type of tea. Conversations where you felt like you didn’t have to hide or put on a mask, because neither did he with you.
By now, you anticipated your dance with him to end every day by now.
It had just been another night at the tower, but it was the first night where you almost had fallen asleep on his shoulder. It had just happened, something sacred and closed-off inside of you feeling safe near him. When your temple had touched the side of his arm, it was already too late for Bucky.
He had fallen and gotten back up often in his life.
But he knew he was never going to get up again from you.
He smiled down gently at you, but it was sad and if Bucky might have had a little more experience in the whole being in love in the 21st century, he might’ve made a different stupid decision.
You suddenly took a deep breath, eyes fluttering open and finding him. For a moment, you stayed exactly where you were, all snuggled up against his side, warm cheek against his comfy shoulder.
“All good, doll?” Bucky murmured lowly.
“Mhmm…want some more popcorn?” You rubbed your eyes, suppressing a little yawn. There was a warmth near your neck and somehow, neither he or you had noticed his hand wandering to your nape, gently holding and caressing your hair. It just felt natural.
“Sure.” Bucky let you go with a soft smile, watching as you got up and walked out of the room with a little swing to your hips. Yelena and Ava shared a knowing look, but neither of you saw it.
Tonight, you’d follow him to his room, you had decided. To talk a little more in private or make out like it was the last day on earth, who knew? But you were sure about this, about him. You wanted Bucky Barnes and there was no way of hiding it anymore.
You grinned to yourself as you got another bowl of snacks ready, quiet on your feet as you were about to round the divider between kitchen and living room.
“Be honest, Bucky.” You could hear Yelena say over the faint sound of the television still playing. “You like her. Why don’t you ask her out? Be normal, go on a real date-“
“Spoil her rotten of course.” Ava added knowingly.
You held your breath as you listened to the silence on the other side of the wall, every second becoming painfully longer and longer until you weren’t even sure there was going to be an answer.
“We wouldn’t work.” Bucky’s voice cut through the silence, quiet and sure, but it was like a gun had gone off on you. Everything in you came to a halt as you questioned whether you had heard him right or not.
“What do you mean?” Yelena demanded to know. “You’re all over each other, you just held her in your arms while she napped, Bucky.”
“It’s not like that, she’s just-“
You blinked harshly against the tears in your eyes, turning around quickly and walking away from your hiding spot until you couldn’t hear their voice anymore.
By the time you reached the door to your quarters down the hall, they were already overflowing.
First came the hurt.
Then, the anger and Valentina had just the right mission for you to blow off some steam.
You were a force, unshattered and cruel as you waltzed through the line of enemies, even Yelena and John always one step behind as you saw red. You had lost sight of Bucky a while ago, but right now you didn’t care.
It stayed like that until you nearly caught a bullet in the chest.
And in the midst of it, as a metal arm suddenly surged forward and ended that asshole’s life within a second, Bucky had enough.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Bucky growled into your face, eyes aflame with fury and something else you couldn’t quite place. “You could’ve killed yourself right there, is that what you want?!”
“Let go of me.” You snarled back and the pressure on your wrist loosened immediately, allowing you to rip your arm back. “You’re not my boss, I don’t have to take orders from you.”
Bucky scoffed, not leaving your personal space just yet. “Who’s your boss then? Walker?”
An offended scoff from the side. Hey-“
“No one is the boss of me.” You only barely managed to not shout the words in his face, your heart pounding in your ears as you stared at the man you were in love with, but didn’t want you. “I am well damn able to make my own decisions. And honestly, Bucky? You tend to make shit ones.”
You didn’t see the frown on his face as you turned around and strutted into the jeep, the rest of the team sharing a confused look over what just went down between the two of you. It was like overnight, everything had changed.
They didn’t even know how right they were.
Everyone held their breath the next morning when Bucky and you were called to meet with Valentina. You had just been sitting over breakfast, as far away from a certain brooding super soldier as possible, when the message came.
All morning, you had avoided him at all costs which turned out to be easy, because he intended to do the same to you.
“Oh no, even more trouble in paradise.” John murmured under his breath and you turned around on the spot, eyes furious with all the anger you had been swallowing down since yesterday. Bucky was already by the elevator, the two of you speaking at the same time.
“Shut the fuck up, Walker.”
Yelena and Ava snorted as the latter began to eat the rest of your overnight oats bowl. “If they still act like this, maybe not all hope is lost.”
“Jesus…” John commented and if you could, you would’ve slammed the door of the elevator behind you.
The silence was nearly suffocating as you were brought down into one of the lower council rooms. You stood as still as a statue, overly aware of Bucky’s presence so close to you again. The body heat radiating off him, the faint smell of a fresh shower and some old-fashioned cologne… You hated how this tiny space was enough to make you feel weak in the knees because of him.
“Look, I-“
“Save it.” You cut him off, nursing the cage of steel around your bruised heart like it was the only thing that kept you functioning. “We don’t have to talk. I would prefer not to, actually, so just…stay out of my way, Barnes.”
If you would’ve looked, you’d seen him flinch.
Barnes.
You had only called him that one time, when the two of you had first met.
Now, it hurt more.
The rest of the way passed in a blur and soon, the two of you sat down on opposite sides of the long conference table, Valentina watching the spectacle with disbelief and a bit of amusement.
“The reason why I brought the two of you in today is because I’ve heard there is some unresolved tension on the team.” Valentina smiled tightly as you felt your shoulders stiffen. “Is there anything you would like to say about that before I’ll continue?”
You saw Bucky opening his mouth, but you were far quicker than he was. “I don’t think our personal lives are any of your business, Val.”
Valentina nodded compassionately. “Oh, I whole-heartedly agree. They’re not, they don’t interest me in the slightest actually as long as this building still stands at the end of the day. But what I can’t accept is strife within the team that ultimately affects the performance of said team. You don’t have to keep up the charade, I’ve seen the footage of Barnes and you fighting during the last mission.”
You let out a frustrated sigh, glaring at Bucky who sat opposite of you. He still hadn’t said a word, but his jaw was tense and his eyes cold and unmoving as they fixed Val with a stare.
Realizing he wasn’t going to say anything yet, you forced yourself to say: “It won’t happen again.”
“Oh, I know it won’t.” Valentina nodded, her earrings the only sound in the room. “Us three will make sure of it. I would like to introduce you to a device that I think will be very effective during training. Take it as a…bonding experience. To avoid future fallouts.”
A few assistants who had been waiting in the corner rolled in a computer, two hired wire frames perfectly shaped for a head attached to it.
“This is a simulator which many capable scientists have worked on.” Valentina tapped the top of the strange helmet proudly. “It’s a unit of different scenarios programmed to challenge your physical and mental abilities to get out of difficult situations. It’s inspired by our dear Bob’s capabilities-“
“No.” Bucky cut her off and you shivered involuntarily.
The coldness in his voice, the absoluteness of it was freezing.
“I thought you would’ve reacted like this, Bucky, and I understand your concerns, but this is an entirely safe exercise.”
“I’m not negotiating this, Valentina.” He said firmly, still not meeting your eye as you watched him. “None of us will go through the voids again.”
While the two of them began to argue, your mind wandered off.
The void had not been easy for you. Before you knew it, you had been lost in them, panic taking over as you stumbled from room to room. A maze designed to weaken you, to scare you to the point of surrendering and giving yourself over to the darkness. Only when John and Ava had found you and pulled you to your feet, you had been able to half-way shake it off. No one had commented on the tear stains on your face once all of you had been reunited in Bob’s room. But you had felt Bucky’s eyes on you and had been ashamed of yourself.
You never ever wanted to feel like this again in your life.
Helpless. Weak. A victim.
“I think it’s a good idea.” You spoke up, cringing internally as Valentina’s face lit up and Bucky’s darkened. “I…is it safe?”
“Yes! I wouldn’t send you in there if it wasn’t.” Valentina beamed. “It’s not real like Bob’s abilities have been. It’s only a computer, I would let no harm come to any of you. It’s a way to train safely against the worst case and it’s good if you work on being a unit again instead of breaking out into fights during your own missions.”
“What is the program based on?” You wanted to know next.
“It analyses your physical reactions, like heartbeat, brain activity when put into different situations from your past.” Valentina looked smugly proud of herself. It really did sound a lot like Bob’s powers…
You chewed on your bottom lip, considering. “When is it over?”
“Whenever you decide so. We’ve been running tests already, the whole thing is controlled by you. You will only have to think of home and the simulation will end.”
It was only in your mind and all cages were mental. You only had to free yourself from them in order to find peace.
“I think it’s worth giving it a try.” You said honestly. “I mean- I’m willing to do it on my own too, I don’t mind-“
“Hell no.”
He ticked you off just right – or wrong. “Oh, now you’re saying something, Bucky? You’ve been quiet for a while but when I want to make my own decision, there you’ll go again, babying me!”
Bucky stared at you darkly, unflinching at your raised voice which somehow only made you angrier. “You’re not going in there alone.”
“It’s not the fucking void!” You exclaimed in frustration. “It’s a simulation, I’ll be safe the entire time and if I come out of it stronger, then it’ll already have been worth it.”
“You are strong without that kind of shit.”
Out of all the things, he could’ve shot back, this was the one you hadn’t expected.
You blinked at him. It would’ve been easier to comprehend if he would’ve screamed it, but his deep soothing voice was quiet, almost pleading.
“I don’t care if you’ll do it too or not, I am doing it.” You nodded firmly at Valentina. “When do we start?”
The next day, you were sitting in an uncomfortable chair, two contact points attached to your temples as Valentina’s scientists worked around you. Beside you, there was a monitor counting your heartbeats and vitals and behind a few other assistants of Val, you caught sight of Bucky getting the same treatment.
He sat still in the chair, grinding his teeth and staring ahead.
Bucky didn’t want to be here. So why the fuck was he?
You quickly looked away when you saw his blue eyes move on to you, pretending to be overly interested in what someone was saying to you. He had been trying to catch your gaze all morning, the heated conversations from the past days slowly getting to him.
Bucky couldn’t grasp what had happened. What had broken so severely, you could barely look into his eyes anymore?
“Alright, everyone ready?” Valentina clapped her hands once, looking at the two of you like it was her birthday. “Remember, this is just a simulation. If we notice anything unusual, we’ll get you out as soon as possible. I wouldn’t want my dream team to hurt themselves, am I right?”
Neither you or Bucky responded.
“Oookay…let’s start.”
And there, in the silence of the room with only the humming of the machines around you, Bucky looked at you with open longing and desperation all over his face as you slowly closed your eyes…
…and opened them.
You stood in an empty laboratory.
For a moment, it was so dark you could barely see anything, but then the color slowly adapted to the space. Gray walls and dark blue shadows. The air felt rotten and a part of you instantly felt claustrophobic.
It was cold, too.
Sterile.
Clinical.
Dead.
His boots echoed on the metal ground as Bucky came to stand next to you, quietly assessing the space around you. There was a door in the far corner of the room, but it looked locked. No sound betrayed anyone else’s presence. You were alone in here, whatever it meant.
“What is this?” You whispered, suppressing the shiver in your body as you turned to look at Bucky. A muscle in his stubbled cheek twitched, chest exhaling deeply as he looked at you seriously.
“It’s my past.”
You swallowed thickly. Not breaking eye contact with him, you reached for your gun holster on your thigh.
“Come on then.” You nodded forward, trying to swallow down your nervousness. “If this simulation is programmed like the voids, the room’s goal is to trap us. Let’s find the exit and get out of here.”
This is not real.
It’s not real.
Slowly, him and you moved forward, hyperaware of your surroundings or rather the lack of any life in it as you made your way past shelves with weird glasses and files piled over another.
“What are you angry with me?” Bucky asked quietly and you nearly tripped over your own feet.
“Not now, Bucky.”
“Oh, I think now is the perfect time, actually.”
“I disagree.”
“You’re gonna fight with me again?”
“I’m tired of fighting.” You hated how broken you sounded. “You made it very clear that you don’t want m-…It doesn’t matter.”
“Hey, no.” Bucky frowned at you. “What were you going to say? I just want to know what happened that you’ll barely look at me anymore.”
You were about to open your mouth to answer, when suddenly Bucky froze and you nearly bumped into his back. Peeking over his shoulder, you spotted what Bucky was glaring at so darkly.
It was a simple chair.
Except that it wasn’t just that.
“Bucky?” Your voice was barely above a whisper as Bucky remained frozen in front of you. “We need to move forward, we’ll-“
Suddenly, there was a crackling in the air, the machines and panels around you roaring to life and blinding you for a second. You felt Bucky’s hand about to close around your wrist when a heavy force hit you in the back and sucked all air from your lungs.
You slipped through Bucky’s grasp before he could keep you with him.
In one second, you weren’t next to him anymore but forced down into the chair by something sinister, something invisible that had finally shown itself and what this whole test was actually about.
Your head snapped up, your wide eyes finding Bucky’s terrified ones.
“Bucky-“
You looked up where an odd-looking crown slowly descended towards you, small lightning fizzling at two contact points. Electric shocks.
Bucky understood before you did. He surged forward, raw fear painting his features. “No!”
Bucky would never forget what they called this.
Wiped.
The next second, your hands were tied.
Metal rods flew from the walls and hit Bucky as he sprinted towards you, knocking him down to the floor as you squirmed to get out of the seat. The seat that had once belonged to him.
Bucky groaned, blinking at the ceiling as he recovered, the blurred edges of the room barely visible. But then, a gut-wrenching scream echoed through the room.
Your scream.
And when Bucky looked up and saw lightning bloom on your temple, he saw red.
Your helpless body reared up at the shocks, mouth open and eyes violently fluttering.
With a furious shout louder than your own, Bucky wrung himself free, the metal fixating him dropping to the floor.
He smashed his arm into the control panel beside you, all electricity shutting down as the chair released your twitching body.
Bucky’s heart plummeted as you fell forward in your chair, nearly collapsing onto the floor before his arms caught you. The smell of burned flesh reached his nose and he nearly gagged, pulling your head to rest against his shoulder as he began to rock you gently.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, this is not real.” A blinding rage rushed through him, overpowering all rationality as he roared up to the ceiling: “This is not real!”
The room shattered and as he took his next breath, Bucky blinked against harsh lights, ripping off the wires on his temple and kicking back the chair he had sat in before this hell of his had begun. There was a sudden rush in the room, voices overlapping in panic as the computers and monitors began to shut down, but he only had eyes for you.
You sat slumped in your chair, eyes shut tight and he was over in an instant, gently cradling you against his chest.
Your body was twitching weakly in his arms, small whimpers leaving your lips as he held you. It was like electricity was still shooting through your veins and as one of Val’s assistants stepped closer, Bucky bodily growled at them to back off.
Your hand gripped his shirt tightly like he was about to disappear and Bucky instantly softened.
“Shh, you’re safe, angel.” He murmured into your hair, his hand stroking warm circles on your back. “I got you, come back to me, doll. I promise you’re safe, you did so well in there…”
“…Bucky?”
“Yeah doll, it’s me, just me.” He mumbled soothingly and the entire lab stood silent and watched as he hoisted you gently up and carried you away, throwing one last murderous look at a shocked Val before the door fell shut behind the two of you.
Somewhere along the way up to your quarters, you blinked, brows knitted in confusion. You lifted your shaking fingers, trying to touch your temple, but Bucky caught your hand mid-air and pulled your knuckles to his lips, kissing them. “Don’t touch that, baby. We’re going to cool this first, alright? Does it hurt?”
You shook your head, holding on to his neck as he carried you like you weighed nothing more than a feather. “No…it’s just…weird. It’s there, but it feels like the pain doesn’t belong to me?”
Your tongue felt heavy, the words came out a little mumbled, but Bucky had heard and seemed to understand. He nodded sternly, pushing the door to your room open with his hip. He sat you down softly on the bed, taking a long look at you as your fingertips still trembled in your lap before he quickly got what he needed to take care of you.
Still shaking with adrenaline and the aftershocks of what had never really happened but somehow still felt so real, you blinked down at him as Bucky got on his knees before you and gently tilted your head to the side.
It wasn’t because it was bad.
It was because he couldn’t prevent it from happening.
“Fuck…” Bucky cursed underneath his breath, his eyes dark and regretful as he carefully dabbed a cold washcloth against the burns.
“Not your fault.” You just mumbled back, not knowing what to do with your hands and settling to rest them on his arm for now. “I was the stupid one wanting to get into that…thing.”
Everything that had happened within the last days slowly slipped away in that moment.
You felt weirdly untethered, shaken from what had or rather had not happened to you in the simulation, the edges of reality blurred. You still couldn’t really say if the shocks had actually gone through your system or not…which didn’t really make this any better.
“I should’ve been more on guard.” Bucky argued ruefully, his touch ever so soft as your temples were cooled and a droplet of water slid down the side of your face. “It was my nightmare after all.”
God, why did you want to cry at that?
Because he still meant the world to you.
Because you didn’t want to fight anymore.
You wanted Bucky.
“You scared me in there, doll.”
Doll.
There it was again.
And although you should’ve been exhausted, something inside of you simmered over.
“You said you didn’t want me.” You blurted out, the words only reaching your brain when they were out already.
Bucky’s face turned incredibly soft. “What?”
“During movie night.” God, your cheeks burned from how ridiculous you felt. “I heard you, you know? You told the others-“
“No.” Bucky shook his head, realization dawning on him. “God, no, I- fuck, I’m such an idiot.”
You softened, shuffling closer until you could cup his cheek. “Explain it to me then.” Please tell me you didn’t mean it. Please don’t break my heart because it could shatter so easily with you.
“How much did you hear?”
“Enough.” You shrugged, exhaling carefully. “You said we wouldn’t work. But I thought…”
“Please believe me when I say the only reason I said it was because I’m a coward.” Bucky ground his jaw, something dark flickering over his face, angry with himself. “A foolish, stupid coward who wasn’t brave enough to admit to himself yet that…I’m in love with you.”
Your breath hitched, lips falling open as Bucky leaned closer and looked at you like you were the whole wide world.
“I’m sorry all of this had to happen before I finally got the note.” Bucky looked away, shaking his head at how stupid this all had been. “And I understand if-“
“You are in love with me?” You interrupted him breathily, heart beating out of your chest.
Bucky was there without missing a beat. “Yes. So much my heart hurts from it sometimes.”
You let out a breath of both heartbreak and relief, slowly inching forward until your lips touched his soft stubble and you kissed him.
“Baby…”
Fuck, he was going to be your undoing. You hummed happily, proceeding to softly kiss his cheek as if it was his lips, travelling sideways and gasping as Bucky turned his head and caught you in a kiss.
Finally.
You came together in a careful embrace, slowly exploring each other as Bucky shifted upwards and sat down on the bed beside you, one hand splayed out on your thigh as the other held the back of your head. Your lips moved together in perfect union as he licked heat into your mouth and you groaned with need.
Just as you got lightheaded, Bucky broke the kiss and began to trail kisses over your neck instead, your thighs pressing together as you felt wetness pooling in your panties.
“Let me be very clear about how I feel about you, doll.” Bucky mumbled against your throat as he peppered kisses over your skin. “I want to be near you even when you won’t have me. I dream of you. I ache for you. And I was a fucking idiot that I wasn’t honest about it earlier.”
“I’m in love with you.” You echoed his words and he sighed, nuzzling against your neck and letting his hands wander as your own began to map out his body as well. “Don’t hide from me again.”
“Never…”
Soon, it wasn’t enough anymore.
It was like the adrenaline from the scary situation in the simulation was boiling over now, coursing back through your veins at full force as you straddled Bucky’s lap and rutted down against his hard bulge. He gritted his teeth, releasing a near pornographic moan you had only dreamt about as he gripped your hips and helped you move.
“Dreamed of this, of you.” He mumbled, quickly interrupted by you grabbing his chin and kissing him again. Needing him closer, more unhinged.
You knew he was holding back.
You didn’t want him to.
Not anymore.
“I need you to fuck me.” You whispered in his ear and everything at once locked in his strong body under you, the friction of your rolling hips getting to his brain and neglected cock still tugged away. “Bucky please, I need you so badly, fuck me-“
The air left your lungs as he suddenly whipped around, your back landing on the mattress as he slid over you like a second skin, bright eyes blown wide with lust as he looked at you. “Don’t know what you’re asking for, doll…if you let me fuck you now, there’s now going back.”
Your grin was outright feral. “Good. I don’t want to go back.”
Within the next minutes, clothes littered the floor of your room, Bucky becoming naked over you one clothing item at a time. Once he knelt over you, his muscled golden chest on display, you couldn’t help but lean up and bite him, lick over the marks on his pecs, his abs, his belly button.
You were unhinged. Just about to lose it.
And Bucky wasn’t far off either.
You gasped as your suit ripped, boobs bouncing free as Bucky growled and descended down on you like you were his last meal, fingers shaking as they drifted over your soft skin and rosy buds, your mewling travelling right into his hard dick.
“Bucky…” You slung both arms and legs around him, falling right open as he humped against your thigh, lost in kissing and mouthing at your quivering chest. “Please…”
“Sh sh, I’m gonna take care of you doll, don’t you worry.” He rasped out as he slipped the rest of your clothes down your body until you were naked and writhing in front of him. His eyes fell down between your legs, your wetness dripping down into the sheets, pink clit nearly throbbing for him. “So fucking beautiful. Mine.”
He dove right in before you had any chance to react.
You nearly screamed as his mouth closed over your pussy, skilled tongue playing with your clit as your hands flew to his messy hair for support. He pried your legs open like he was starving, moaning right into your soaked center as he tasted your slick, small shocks going through you as he ate you out just right.
“God, you’re delicious.”
“Fuck yes, Bucky, that’s so so good-“ You nearly cried as your hips bucked into him and Bucky nodded feverishly in agreement and let the tip of his tongue dip into your awaiting pussy.
Blink and he was up against you, your lips colliding once more in a fiery kiss.
You moaned as you tasted yourself on his tongue, your thighs snug over his hips as he slid on top of you yet again and you felt him push down his briefs. Your mouth went dry at the size of him, standing proudly and weeping pre-come as he stared at you for a moment, breathing hard.
“Are you sure?” He croaked out and you answered with an assuring kiss, luring him down until his cock bumped against your waiting entrance.
“Yes.” You whispered, holding him close and stroking him for good measure which made him hiss. “I want you. I love you. Please make love to me.”
The first push inside you was like someone had poured gasoline over him and lit a mitch.
Because Bucky had known fire.
Firecrackers with Steve in the streets of Brooklyn, gunfire during the war, carrying a firearm for the first time and gritting his teeth against the cold on top of a train. Fire in his wrecked arm and fire behind his temples. Fire while he killed and damaged and destroyed.
Fire, fire, fire.
And then, you.
Oh, how he desperately burned for you.
He was shaking against you, resting his forehead on your shoulder as you combed soothingly through his hair, letting the both of you adjust. “God, I love you. I always loved you. I will…”
“I know.” You whispered back, the emotion in your chest making you clench around him. “You can let go with me, Bucky.”
And he did.
And it was everything.
Soon, those slow seeking thrusts weren’t enough anymore and both of you sighed with relief when you urged him to go faster, deeper, rougher with you. After all, you could handle it – you had fallen in love with James Buchanan Barnes.
Your skin felt feverish on his, your moans mixing with his as you kissed and breathed each other’s air, keen on learning the other inside out. It was pleasure and passion and urgency and when he sat back on his haunches and took you with him, hoisted up in his lap like a favorite thing, he was suddenly so much deeper than before.
“Bucky-“ You gasped against his collarbone, nails scratching down his strong back as he thrusted up into you. “I need you to come inside-“
You gasped helplessly as he hit just the right spot, a deep possessive growl rumbling through Bucky’s wide chest.
“Yeah, doll?” Bucky licked along your sweaty neck, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room that smelled of sex already. “Want me to fill you up raw, make a mess of your pretty pussy?”
Whimpering your agreement, you bounced down just as he pulled you down how he liked it, the thrust making you see stars between your fluttering eyelids. You felt Bucky’s groan in your own chest, biting your lip as you felt your end approaching.
“I love you.” Bucky groaned into your ear, a hot rush going through your entire body as he filled you with his come, a shudder so violent possessing you that you clung to his shoulders for dear life. His flesh hand snuck down your body, circling your clit like it was delicate and sacred and just like that, you tumbled over the edge with him.
You let out a relieved sob, slumping in his arms as your orgasm rolled through you in waves and Bucky was there, his come dripping out of you as he held you through it. His hands were everywhere, soothing down your spine and tracing over your hair as he mumbled the softest praise into your ear.
“I love you too…” You mumbled back blissfully and Bucky chuckled as you slowly lowered you down on the bed again, drawing you against his chest and holding you as he drew the blankets over both of you. “I’m not letting you go again, just so you know.”
“God, I really hope so.” Bucky smiled down at you, his fingertips lingering once more on your temple where the phantom pain had already faded…as if it had never been there in the first place.
As you lay together in the aftermath of your love, your leg hooked high over Bucky’s as he drew mindless shapes onto your spine, you knew you got him now.
( +18 ) mdni / suggestive short blurb. fem!reader. oral fixation (finger sucking). praise. mocking&slight degradation. dirty-talk. intense eye contact. heavy sexual tension. petnames (baby, sweetheart). blowjob implied.
reblog is a creator's best-friend, thank you!!
Dex’s hazel eyes are locked onto your face and you feel yourself warming up beneath his focused gaze.
It’s not unusual for him to look at you like that, like a hunter and its prey, but it’s more heated when you’re in this position. He has you on your knees between his spread legs, his breathing heavy as you wrap your lips around his thumb. His eyes squint, half-lidded as he swipes his tongue across his own lips, exhaling through his nose.
“That’s a good girl, yeah, just like that.” You hear him say, voice rough with want as your lips tighten around his digit, tongue against the pad of his finger. Your cheeks hollow, a sigh escapes from Dex’s mouth as his hazel orbs run over your expression and the sparkling of your own eyes. He loves seeing you like that, looking all pretty and ready to please him.
Your tongue rolls around his thumb, wetting it with your saliva, teeth nibbling at the skin ever so gently.
You can hear another sigh leaving Dex’s mouth before he speaks once more. “Y’like having my fingers in your mouth, don’t you? Such a pretty girl.” You can feel the rest of his digits touching your jaw, tilting your head up so he can take a better look at the expression on your face. You hum around his thumb, nodding your head at his question. His eyes sparkle with mockery for a second or so, and then, you feel his digit pushing onto your tongue, Dex rubs the pad of his thumb against the roughness of it.
A sigh leaves your nose as you suck on his finger harder, your cheeks hollowing even more, your eyes half-lidded. “You’re imagining my cock, aren’t you?” The words are said with mockery and teasing, making you whine.
The noise is muffled but loud enough for Dex to hear it, and chuckle right afterwards. “Of course you are, because you’re such a good girl.” He adds, making you look up at him. You move your head, his thumb on the edge of your lips now, wetting them with your own saliva before you take it back inside your mouth. Just like you’d do with his cock inside your mouth.
Dex grunts at the view, letting himself rest inside the couch, hazel eyes locked on you. His legs are spread wide, his position suggestive as it makes you able to see the bulge hiding in his grey sweatpants. Your hands rests on the top of his thighs, making him shift toward you.
“Something else you want in your mouth, sweetheart?” You know he’s only teasing now, but the way he looks at you makes your stomach all warm and your brain fuzzy. Dex has this kind of power over you, which is totally unfair.
Your teeth close slowly onto his thumb and you end up nibbling on it again, tongue rolling around the digit before pushing against the pad of it. You watch as Dex’s free hand gropes at his crotch, adjusting his boxers. You whine around his finger again, he looks at you with a smirk and you can’t help but think about how hot he is with the scar on his face.
Once more, he starts to push his thumb against your tongue, wetting his finger with all the saliva pooling inside your mouth. “You’re such a good girl, aren’t you?” He asks but it’s more for himself than anything else.
He pulls his thumb until it’s on the edge of your lips again before pushing it back inside your mouth. He does that multiple times, as if he was fucking your mouth with his digit and you can only whine around it. “Yeah, I know, baby. You want something bigger, don’t you?” Dex asks, your sparkling eyes look at him before he grunts, pulling his thumb out of your mouth completely.
“Fuck, come here baby, I’ll give you what you want.” He says, hand crawling to the back of your head while his other one pulls on his sweatpants, freeing his hard cock.
when your circle small but y'all crazy | benjamin poindexter.
1k words + nsfw.
warnings: dark & nsfw content, psychiatric ward setting, delusions, (forced) medication, unreliable narrator again because i ♥️ it, ooc dex? afab!reader, kinda inspired by joker folie a deux even though ppl hated it (i didn’t)
note: this was supposed to be a lot longer, sorry about that. I could probably do a second part if anyone had any ideas?
The words on your file make you sick.
Restless, agitated, paranoia—you could stomach those ones. They still bothered you, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth, but it wasn’t that bad compared to the worst one.
Delusions—that one hurt.
You weren’t crazy, not like the rest of the people in here. They were the real psychos, head smashers until blood came, and biters until skin broke and peeled. The girl that was in the room next to yours? She was nuts, used to scream all hours of the night until she was medicated, from one extreme to the other. It was polarising, you could hardly keep up.
Dex was your favourite.
He was gentle and docile, like a puppy was. You never had dogs; your parents grew far too worried about you. They feared you’d kill the pup, clamp your hands tight around its neck, and pull until something snapped. You wouldn’t do that. Dex knows that; he knows how sweet you are. He knows you’d never hurt him.
He was quite different from how he is now when he first was admitted to the hospital. His brows used to be tightened into a permanent glare, his forehead wrinkled, and fury clouded his eyes. His posture was stoic, shoulders firm and stark. He didn’t talk much the first few weeks, keeping to himself in the corner of the room. But then, the medication kicked in. He was on a heavy dose, a couple more colourful pills in his cup than yours. You weren’t jealous; the antipsychotics you took helped in the ways they were supposed to. At least that’s what the nurses and psychiatrists thought. You’ve grown accustomed to masking everything.
Dex was compliant at this stage, eyes empty the way they wanted; every move he took was slow and lazy. You’d never believe the things they said he did. Murder? Mass murder? It wasn’t possible, not when he was this soft. Gentle are his hands, soft touches to your waist when it was dark in the movie room. You weren’t allowed to touch, but that didn’t stop you.
A cartoon plays on the old television; it’s turned low, and you can’t hear it from where you sit, not when others in the room are moaning and drooling. Dex sits beside you, hand hanging down in the space between you. At some point you brush your hand against his; he doesn’t move. He used to flinch when it happened, cowering away at your touch like it hurt him. It hurt you when he spent eleven minutes washing his hands afterwards.
His fingers lace with yours, and you smile.
“Sundowning” was the word they used for the crazy old people. You told Dex that while you walked through the corridors together.
“They get weird at night. Confused.”
He steps one pace behind you, gaze trained on the ground. His shirt is rumpled and old, not his. His sock-covered feet feel strange on the linoleum floor, cold, despite the warmth of the cotton. This whole building feels cold, empty even though there are so many people who live here.
“Hey.” You stop, turning to face him; your socks match his. He can’t think; any clearness in his mind has faded away into something else that he also can’t comprehend. Your hands envelope his face, digits soothing the scars that burned there.
“I won’t let the old fucks hurt you, okay?" He nods, unacquainted with the fact that he really doesn’t need the help. He’s killed dozens of people; no dementia-ridden patient with false teeth would be a worry for him, so why does it feel so good to hear you say it? Say the things he’s wanted to hear for so long, that someone will protect him and love him.
And you do love him, in a twisted way. You kiss him softly on the benches outside, hidden right out of view of the security cameras. You hold his hand when the lights are low and give him those reassuring glances whenever the nurses come around with their little plastic cups. He loves you too, in the right way. Your parents would be proud, their child, the one they sent away, in love. You just might have to work around the homicides; they’d understand.
Your bare feet pad along the floors as you sneak to his room. You’ve planned this for weeks, staying awake for hours after you were supposed to be sleeping. You listened, watching the time with every move. The security guards move the same way each hour; you know when it will be safe to leave your bed and head to his. It’s on the other side of the ward; they split patients up and put them on opposite sides. Probably to prevent things like this from happening.
He opens the door three seconds after you knock, his hair mussed like he keeps running his hands through it. His shirt's off, his broad chest bare to you for the first time. Dex blushes a little when you gawk but doesn't hesitate to pull you into the room.
You don’t waste a single moment and kiss him. It’s wet and uncontrollable; you bite down on his lip until he opens it. His mouth is warm, his tongue desperate. Your brain forces you to move, pushing him into the bed. He collapses onto the messy spread of sheets; you climb onto his lap. He’s hard underneath you, hips lifting to meet your warmth. Your man whines in your mouth, and you don’t stop.
The sex is mind-altering. You can finally see past the fog for the first time in a long time. You’ve never had sex before, most of your entire life spent inside wards across the state. The pressure is immense inside of you; his length is like a heavy embrace. It doesn’t take long for either of you to finish; he pants into your mouth like a dog. What would happen if you got pregnant? The opportunities are endless; maybe you could try and escape again.
“Hey baby?” You ask with that sweet voice, fingers dancing along his hairline. He hums out a response, head planted on your sternum as he stays planted deep within you. “Tomorrow, will you give me your pink pill?”
The pink ones make you feel good, and drains the worst of your thoughts from your mind, like pulling a sink plug. He nods into your skin without question; he doesn’t really make out what you truly want, and he probably never will. It's better to keep him that way, just yours.
Your boots pounded against the ramp of the quinjet as you basically dragged your tired, bruised body inside of it with Bucky at your side and his hand in yours. He could tell right away how much this particular mission had exhausted you, from the bags under your eyes to the way you slouched, making him frown. He hoped you’d let yourself rest until you got back to the tower once you sat down.
The second your bodies hit you and Bucky’s usual seats, you almost instantly felt your body relax as if a weight had been taken off of your chest and shoulders. You could finally let go and relax again. And as the quinjet took off minutes later, you stared ahead through the windows, letting your mind wander now that the mission was over and you didn’t have to worry about Bucky’s safety anymore.
It didn’t take long for the cold interior of the ship to send shivers through your body, prompting you to scoot closer to Bucky. “Come here.” he quietly said the second he noticed this as he patted his lap and looked into your eyes with a worried look on his face, encouraging you to unbuckle yourself and climb into his lap. An offer you’d never refuse.
Once you got yourself situated, Bucky wrapped his arms around you, holding you close to his broad space heater of a body. You shivered a little again as he slipped his flesh hand under your shirt and you felt his breath hit your neck. The feeling of his body against yours caused your body to relax even more and just like every other time you cuddled with him, a sleepy feeling soon took over your body as if Bucky was made of melatonin. You adored being held by him.
You knew you were safe here with Bucky, as long as he was here you could rest peacefully without worry. “Let yourself rest, baby. I’m right here, I’m not goin’ anywhere. I’ll keep you safe.” he murmured into your hair as his own body relaxed. And with that, your eyes fell shut and you fell into a peaceful dreamless state for the rest of the two hour trip home, perfectly content in your boyfriend’s arms.
have a request if thats okay 😶🌫️… basically, congressman!bucky coming home to wife!reader after being stressed out, especially by his campaign and pr team after “this worrying issue is… worrying”… and yeah?? girl idk where im going with this but yeah
ooo… delicious. something about the word wife turns me on more than it should 🤭
smut warning !!
You don’t know which version of Bucky you’re going to get when he comes home stressed.
Sometimes he goes quiet. Sometimes he rants for hours until he tires himself out. Sometimes he’s already tired. Sometimes he’s angry. Sometimes he gets anxious and jittery.
You never know how the stress is going to manifest in his body.
Today, you get your answer as soon as he walks through the door.
Usually you get a hello, or a how was your day, or a hug. But not today. Today, he strides in, slides off his suit jacket and his shoes, and makes a beeline straight towards you.
“On your knees, baby.”
When you look at him with mildly concealed surprise, he doubles down.
“Now, honey. Knees.”
You don’t know what else to do other than obey, sinking down to gaze up at him, awaiting further instruction.
“Fuck, you’re so pretty. My pretty, pretty wife.”
He’s unbuckling his belt without breaking eye contact with you, popping the button on his trousers and undoing his fly in a fluid series of motions. He’s hard and heavy in his underwear already, clearly having thought about this on his journey home.
His fingers dance along your jaw, thumb skimming across your bottom lip as he hums.
“Open, honey.”
You do as you’re told, eager to please.
“Here’s what’s gonna happen,” he practically purrs, all low and slow. “I’m gonna fuck your face right here on the kitchen floor, and you’re gonna take it like the good girl you are. And then after your pretty little face is painted in my come, I’m gonna bend you over the counter and fuck you so hard that you see stars - over and over and over until you’re begging me to stop.”
You take a deep breath, practically vibrating with anticipation.
“Understood?”
You nod, and he shakes his head.
“I want words, please. Use ‘em.”
“Yes,” you choke out. “Understood.”
“I love you, Mrs Barnes.”
“I love you,” you say sweetly, taken aback by the unexpected moment of tenderness. “So much.”
“Remember that,” he drawls, thumb slipping into your mouth. “Because I’m not about to be gentle.”
summary: a domestic night with Matt that holds a short yet deep conversation and fondness between each other
- warnings/tags: pure fluff, established relationship, nothing else (i think, let me know if im wrong!)
- no use of y/n!
author's note: short oneshot because the idea came to me but i find matt hard to write for💔
check out my masterlist here!
w.c: 833
You were walking home from a date night with Matt when it suddenly started pouring rain. You both quickly made way to your apartment a few blocks away, weaving through the other people strolling by under umbrellas.
You get inside and offer him a change of clothes. As soon as he takes his shirt off in your living room, you see the countless scars and bruises covering his body, and you can't help but stare.
"...I can feel you looking," he says, following with your name, his lips quirked up into a slight smile.
"That'll never not be creepy," you chuckled, walking closer to him and stand in front of him. You reached out and placed your hand on his chest, feeling his skin. You ran your fingertips along the raised scars as he stares at where he's 99% sure your face is.
He then wraps his arms around your body in a tight hug, resting his cheek against your hair. "What's this for?" You asked, reciprocating the act.
"I need a reason for everything, huh?"
"I guess not," you replied, pressing your face against his neck, feeling the vibrations of his pulse.
"Go get comfortable, I'll get dessert," he says, rubbing your back as he pulls away. You nod, replying a quiet 'okay' as you turned away and walked to the bedroom. About 5 minutes later, you come back out in comfier clothes, sweats and one of his t-shirts, and had taken your makeup off. Matt was standing at the kitchen counter, setting a slice of store-bought tiramisu on two plates.
"Tiramisu? Tonight must be special."
He chuckled, looking up towards you as he finished setting the plates. "Here," he says as he slides one to the other side of the table for you to sit down. You do, picking up the fork and digging into the dessert as he does as well.
"Where did you get this?" You asked curiously.
"...Grocery store. Foggy picked it out. It's good?"
"Very." You both soon finish the sweet treat and set the dishes in the sink. "Wanna watch a movie?"
"Watch?" He teased.
"You know what I meant," you spoke back, lightly hitting his arm with the back of your hand.
"I'd love to," he said as he pressed a kiss to your head, following you to the sofa. He sat down first, pulling you with him. You laid on top of his body, back to chest, his arms draped over your shoulders as you picked out a movie for you to watch. You settled on some random thriller, you doubted you would pay much attention to it anyway.
About 20 minutes in, you broke the silence between you two. "Can I ask you a question I've been meaning to ask without you teasing me?"
"Okay," Matt replied, his thumb gently rubbing back and forth on your waist as he held you.
"What's it like being blind but like...all your other senses are so heightened?"
"It can get...overwhelming."
You hum, your eyes captured on the movie playing softly but paying more attention to this man you're lying with. Your nails gently ran up and down the skin of his arm. Your heartbeats slowly sync with one another, but only he can hear it.
"Do you ever wish you weren't?" You asked softly.
"I mean...doesn't every blind person at some point? I've gotten used to it, it's who I am. And I remember what a lot of things look like but...I'd give anything to see how much more beautiful you are...compared to what I already imagine."
You remained silent, bringing his hand to your lips and pressing a kiss to the back of it. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"Can we go to bed?"
"You're tired?"
"You make me tired. In a good way. Like, calm."
He brings a hand up and gently pets your hair, pressing a kiss to your scalp before patting your hip as a gesture to get up. "C'mon."
You stand up from the couch, turning the TV off and keeping a hold on his hand as you drag him along behind you. The bedroom door opens and Matt closes it behind the two of you.
You pulled the duvet cover back, slipping into the soft bed as Matt followed. You felt the mattress dip at the weight and adjusted to get comfortable. The rain pattered against the window nearby, drowning out the usual sounds of Hell's Kitchen—cars, yelling, glass breaking.
Your head found its place on Matt's chest, his arm trailing up and down your back as the stillness of the room overtook you both. Matt wasn't often here to have nights like these. Usually he was out protecting the city. But every once in a while, you'll be lucky enough for a night like this. And as your brain slowly shut down for sleep, you couldn't help but let out a content sigh, cherishing the moment while it lasted.
this was copied and pasted straight from my wattpad drafts! majority of what I write will be, as it's easier for me to write on that app instead of here or anywhere else.
