Yesterday I watched a documentary on Netflix called The Mask You Live In. I was completely blown away by how much I related to the topic. The Mask You Live In is a look into American culture, and the way our views and expectations of men and masculinity end up damaging young men, and frankly the rest of society. If you know me, then you know that I am all about emotions, psychology, and the self. I've watched many times as young men around me, in my family, etc, have been told not to act like a girl. to stop being a baby. to stop crying. to be a man. These phrases are harsh on the psychology of men, and can be seen throughout American culture. Anyways, I won't give it away, but it's worth the watch.
On another note, (and yet the same), emotions are incredibly fundamental in our growth as humans, individuals, and a society. In a primarily masculine dominated world, the feminine is given little attention, and is actually expected to stay hidden. Talking about our emotions is taboo and inappropriate. Unfortunately, the distance we've put between talking about our emotions and everything else is really hurtful. Everyone deserves to express their emotions. Everyone deserves to be listened to. Because we're human... because we feel... because this is the distinctive factor that separates us from the rest of the life on this planet.
I am so drawn to people who are emotionally honest, because this has become such a rarity in our culture. @ryanmuirhead took this picture of me a few years back. I met Ryan probably five-ish years ago? The first time I met him, we sat down for coffee at Albina Press on Mississippi in Portland, Oregon, next to the window. The first thing he asked me was why I'd written some of the things I'd written. He pulled up screenshots of my Instagram... particularly the ones that had really touched him. I then spent the next two hours with a complete stranger, talking about feelings, relationships, emotions. I was impressed. He had skipped the bullshit. He had skipped the introduction. He didn't know anything about me and he didn't care, because as emotional people, we felt each other. & sometimes, that's enough.
Bottling our emotions can be damaging, harmful, and hurtful. It can stunt our growth, make us resentful, angry, and bitter. When we feel that we are alone or that we have nobody to talk to, it can make us feel incredibly lonely. Loneliness is one of the deepest and most difficult feelings there is. We feel that perhaps nobody cares. We feel that we don't matter. We feel that our emotions are not valid. That things are our fault. We feel that we must live up to a certain standard in order to be listened to. Therefore, many of us adapt masculinity as a way to deal. Masculinity is the protective barrier around femininity sometimes. I know it has been for me. At my best, I cry... a lot. At my best, I am vulnerable. At my best, I am expressive. At my best, I am honest. I know I've added a shell when I begin to hold in my emotions, which has proven to be extremely hurtful to myself, and to those around me.
We need to start fostering a caring culture. A culture that listens to the aches, pains, passions, and joys of others. A culture that embraces femininity and all of its strength. A culture that is there for one another. A culture that asks, "How are you feeling?" as opposed to, "So, what do you do?" Our self worth is not measured in how productive we were today. Our self worth is not measured in how much money we have. Our self worth is not measured in the designer brands. Our self worth is not measured in the amount of friends we have. Our self worth is not measured by the people we've slept with, and how many. Our self worth is not measured by our looks. People need to start talking about how we feel. Not how to solve it. Not how to fix it. Let's just discuss it. Let's talk about. Let's be open about the way we have emotions. & let's acknowledge that that's okay! Let's stop teaching men that they have to be tough. Let's stop teaching men that they can't cry. Let's stop teaching men that only real men play sports. Let's stop teaching men that women are objects, lesser than, and disposable. Let's stop teaching each other that because we were born with certain chromosomes, we must adapt a very narrow minded view of gender-identification. Stop teaching men that success is lots of sex, lots of money, and lots of power. Stop teaching women that in order to be real women, they have to be a "boss".
Within the universe, masculinity and femininity are yin and yang - the perfect balance between two opposites.
Emotions are beautiful. They are how we process, understand, and relate. I encourage you to ask someone how they feel today. xx
Photo: Ryan Muirhead
Location: Portland, Oregon
BLOG: http://www.meganmccluer.com/5166780-home/blog
