#master-insert

[naddy-and-stuff]

To the Men that I Love

I finished Camelot some time ago so... Here's an additional thing to celebrate. XD .

I staggered, overcome with vertigo as I took my surroundings in. The familar chrome backdrop of Chaldea eased my heart, dispelling all fears of harsh and gritty desserts and pure white walls. An arm shot to steady me and I, assuming it was Mash, held on for dear life.

Traversing through the Camelot Singularity had been exhausting. The opposing Kings clearly tested my mettle and many truths rained down on me like arrows. It was hard to take in at once, but I had decided to let it be tomorrow's problem. I wanted to sleep dreamlessly and spend a few blissful hours ignorant. I pressed my head against soft cotton as opposed to hard armor. Looking up, my eyes met with Dr. Henry Jekyll's kind green ones.

Ah yes. As a man of many fields, he was a tremendous help to Chaldea. He was smart enough to understand how the systems worked even though he was not a magus himself. Being a Servant came as a convenience as he was more than capable of keeping an eye on the systems far longer than Dr. Roman could. I had intended on bringing him along to Camelot with me, but he had insisted on staying. Henry had wanted to be useful even without using Edward's combat capabilities, an endeavor I supported. As his Master, I was glad he was stepping forward with plans of his own.

"Sorry Henry," I muttered, staying in his arms more out of necessity than desire. I was tired and could hardly trust my knees to keep me standing.

"Senpai, you should go to your room and rest," came Mash's kind voice. She sounded invigorated; refreshed. I almost envied her, but then I remembered how Camelot was basically home to her Servant side. "Shall I escort you?"

"No," I declined politely. She meant well, but she went through everything I did during the Singularity and the last thing I wanted for now was to hear anything related to Camelot or the Lion King, or the Knights of the Round, or the Pharaohs and their pet sphinxes, or the mountain people and the Hassans. I knew Mash was just concerned, but she would ask questions and I did not want to be asked or reminded. My own mind could paint me a vivid picture and any more encouragement was the last thing I wanted.

"I think I can manage." Skeptically, Mash pursed her lips but before she could argue, Henry gently cut in: "Don't worry, Mash. I'll make sure she gets to her room safely."

"Oh, Dr. Jekyll," I almost winced. His last name always reminded me of his legend and knowing that people used it because they did not know him as I did made me feel uneasy sometimes. To me he was Henry, the man given a chance to remold his shell instead of grow out of it. I know it is juvenile, but it felt to me like an underestimation of his efforts to be better. But again, Mash meant well and besides, she did not share the bond I shared with Henry. "Thank you. Well then, please take care of senpai. I will be retiring to my room as well."

I smelled smoke and cherry blossoms and inwardly groaned. Most of the time, Kiyohime was tolerable, even after prolonged periods of separation. She had found her calling in the kitchen, preparing edible food for the staff because I had told her once that the better fed the staff was, the easier they would work and in turn, I would have an easier time at a given Singularity or Rayshift. She took her duties as cook alongside Her Majesty Boudica to heart, believing it was the best way for her to serve me. It was easy to brush her off on good days, but today was hardly a good day and I could barely summon the strength to pull away from Henry's arms, let alone fend her off.

"My, my Master. You look exhausted. I should take you to your room and watch over you sleep?"

Please don't.

She smiled, truly believing that she was helping me and I appreciated it. "I would fight off any unpleasant dream for you, Master."

"Perhaps you should allow the Master to sleep alone," Henry spoke, though his tone was not what it usually was. Edward was talking, but in the other person's speech pattern. "I am well aware that you wish to spend time with her like everyone else, but as you can see, she is exhausted and needs to rest."

Kiyohime frowned and flames crackled from her fingertips. Mash tensed and the entire room stilled as the Berserker prepared to unleash her fury. "Get out of my way, Assassin," she growled and I felt Henry's grip tighten on me. "I will be the one to take care of Master."

The shift was almost imperceptible, but Henry's gentle green eyes turned red and his gaze became venomous. Mash was quick to place her shield between Henry and Kiyohime and I felt tears pricking the corner of my eyes. I was tired. I just wanted to sleep and this uncertain tension felt quite like wandering the dessert and storming Camelot. It was tempting to curl into a ball and just cry.

"Alright, alright," I heard a light-hearted motherly voice intervene, effectively cutting through the tension. I released a breath I did not realize I was holding. "You escaped from kitchen duties, young lady. That wasn't nice of you."

"But Your Majesty," Kiyohime whined. "Master is back."

Boudica nodded, patting the Berserker's long snow-white hair. "Yes, yes. And she'll still be here tomorrow. I know you miss her, but let her rest hm? Besides, the bread you're making in the oven won't let itself out. If it gets burnt like the last time, I'm sure a certain someone would never forgive you."

The shift in Kiyohime's mood was so abrupt, it was almost comical. I would have laughed if I had not been so close to tears a while ago. "Ahhh... The dreaded Saint of the Waterside and her Fists. I shall return immediately, Your Highness." To me she said, "Master, please rest well. I have lots to feed you when you're better."

To ensure that she would leave, Boudica started pushing the Berserker to the direction of the kitchen. She smiled kindly at me, Henry and Mash, her eyes warm and homely. I could only smile in return. It was followed by a brief whirlwind of good-nights and see-you-tomorrows before Henry lifted me into his arms and made his way to my room. We came across Sanson and Mata Hari as we walked and they gave brief greetings before resuming their way.

My room smelled nostalgic and I could not help but sigh as I inhaled a lungful and exhaled. Henry placed me on the bed and strode purposefully towards my cabinet. I flattened my palms on the familiar blanket. It smelled of fabric soap, signifying that it had been freshly laundered. The hamper at the foot of my bed was empty; someone must have washed my clothes while I was gone. It was those small things that made tears slide down my cheeks as the gravity of the situation as well as my exhaustion and the situation earlier fell on me like an unbearable weight.

"Master?" Henry walked back, holding a pile of clothes. Knowing that he rummaged through my dresser to retrieve my clothes only dimly embarrassed me.

"Sorry Henry... I just.. "

His hands enveloped mine, cradling them like they were something precious. I hated it when he treated me like this: like I would break anytime soon, like he was afraid of hurting me. Angrily, I raised my head, ready to snap at him, exhausted as I was.

A gentle smile was on his face and everything that surfaced onto my tongue dissipated, like smoke unfurling in the air. I wished he would stop looking at me like that; the lump in my throat became heavier and the tears would not stop threatening to fall. "H-Henry..."

"Welcome home, Master. We're glad you're back."

.

I don't have Emiya to serve as Chaldea's mom so it'll be Boudica in this case. I think she'd be able to keep Kiyohime in line, because, well she knows what it's like to want revenge too. That justification sounded better in my head. XD Also EVERYONE is afraid of Martha. I love you, Punch Saint please come home in your Ruler form next year. :3 I also have another headcannon here. From which I am basing an upcoming fanfic... XD

[naddy-and-stuff]

To the Men that I Love

~A Dangerous Game~ You were not all that special, objectively speaking. In terms of power your were far outclassed and there were other substitutes with a better repertoire of skills in your Class. It was true that you were different: able to change into a Berserker once your Noble Phantasm had been activated, but your Berserker form was a source of discomfort for you. I could not help but roll my eyes whenever you spoke of how you were a broken man and how you decided your abilities suffered because of it. It was a part of who you were, yes, but when you went on your tirades, you made it sound like that was all you had to offer. You sure knew how to make a poor excuse of a magus like myself feel worse. Despite that, I was drawn to you. Maybe it was because I wanted to prove you wrong, or I wanted to make something out of myself. Maybe it was because you were quite dashing in your own way and I really liked seeing you smile. I wanted to get to the bottom of the pit that was you and take out all your little secrets. Getting there was not as hard as I thought; for someone so bent on socially depriving himself in fear of hurting someone, you were easy to talk to. I figured you were lonely, now that you had become a Servant. I imagined your life to be full of tiring social functions; as an affluent doctor, you must have had a lot of people wanting to make your acquaintance. Your achievements in life were put on a pedestal for all to see so it made sense that you would be popular. Was that why you felt the need to get rid of your darkness? If so, then I can understand why your plan backfired. You were falling asleep when you laid everything in the span of four words and it felt like the first stretch of light after a long dream. How ironic that your head was on my lap, my hands were combing your (blonde? I'm still really unsure about that) hair and your eyelids fluttered rapidly. The words were hushed and quiet, like an old secret you were afraid of revealing. I hate the light, you had said. Edward Hyde was the personification of everything you wanted to remove from yourself, but in a twisted way, he was you at your most honest. You never told and even my instincts as your Master could only imply so much, but maybe you got tired of being watched and celebrated all the time. Maybe you felt the pressure of having to live up to their expectations but misinterpreted your own motives. Maybe deep down, you wanted your elixir to fail, because it would justify how you longed for the night. We all had to wake from our dreams and that moment had been yours. Morphing into Hyde had never been easy for you, but since then, it became easier for me to call you back. Your resolute vow of protecting me, both as an Assassin and as a Berserker, told me that I had succeeded. I had made something out of you. I had proven you wrong. You were not a broken man; you were just as whole as everyone else. I had made your smiles more meaningful and heartfelt. Out of topic, but I honestly thought the omnipotent Grail was not all they made it out to be. We travelled across time and space and collected a good number of them and it seemed like they were used for every purpose except for what the creators intended it to do. Chaldea's method of using these Grails to exceed a Servant's given limits was a method I fully supported. I was a Master of Humanity's last bastion and it was but normal for me to use everything in my disposal to strengthen my Servants. Your smile turned into a look of incredulity when I presented that empty cup to you. You never actually told me what your wish for the Grail was, but as your Master, I could hazard a guess. Maybe you had received your wish; maybe not, but the first thing you ever uttered after that brief exchange was a choked 'Why'. I anticipated that question and had answers prepared: 'because I wanted you to stop looking down at yourself, because I wanted to feel like I did something right, because I wanted to prove you wrong, because I wanted you to keep protecting me like you said' and so on. In the end, all I managed was: "Because I'm a selfish Master." Your face softened and the smile you usually wore nowadays made it's way back to your face. It was just an empty cup, but somehow I feel like I gave you a whole lot more than that.

[naddy-and-stuff]

Light

"The flowers are in bloom, Master. Outside your window is a family of birds and I believe the children are prepared to leave the nest. Ah, I have also prepared breakfast, though I must confess, I hardly think myself to be competent in such domestic activities." You mustered a smile, sleepy but appreciative. "Thank you, Saber. I can smell rain. Do you think you'll be fine even with the sun all covered up with clouds?" He hummed, contemplative. "It will not drastically weaken me as the night does, but I will be hampered. Do you still wish to continue?" The plan to set up several barriers surrounding your humble abode had been weeks in the making, even before you had summoned Saber. It was a precaution; one that you cannot neglect now that the final Servant, Rider, was present. Admittedly, the barriers would only be able to buy you and Saber time to escape once an enemy Servant came to contact with it, but it was better than nothing. If the enemy came for you in the night well... It would spell the end of your participation in this War. "Yes," you answered. "Rider's been summoned. Better safe than sorry." "As you wish, Master." "Saber," you called softly, reaching out a hand to the infinite darkness that spread before you. Magic was a wondrous thing, capable of recreating miraculous events. Calling forth historical and mythological creatures to fight in a war for a wish-granting device was only one of the many things it coyld do. It was why you had Saber by your side along with a blood-red tattoo inscribed on the back of your palm. For all its greatness, magic could not restore your sight. You felt Saber's large and warm hands close over yours. He was large and indomitable; the rough skin of his palm was a testament of his legend. The bond you shared with him flickered and with it, his hands shook. With a voice so soft and sonorous, you could have mistaken him for an avatar of the moon rather than the sun, he uttered: "The world is beautiful, Master." If he had his way, the Grail would be used to restore your sight; such was the loyalty you had been given by your Servant. But you had refused, insisting that the Grail needed to be destroyed. You were not going to make a bloody cup restore your sight, especially if it meant killing off Saber as well. Were you idealistic and sentimental? Horribly so. That was why Saber chose to serve you. "I know, Saber. I can't see it right now, so please... Be my eyes until I can." ~~~~~~~~~~~ I had the sudden urge to write. XD I seriously hope I managed to not butcher Gawain or make the Master a really unrealistic character. (sweats nervously) Thanks for reading!

[naddy-and-stuff]

To the Men that I Love

~Hamesh Avanim~ Carefree but cunning was how I would describe you to anyone asking. In a facility aiming to prevent the grim extinction of humanity, someone like you who seemed to have little to no care of the world was refreshing. You were a man after your own comforts and while most would disapprove of that kind of mindset, that kind of indulgence was something I could understand and support, albeit with a different perspective in mind. You did not neglect your duties as a Servant, though; your wit was something that made you and your skills indispensible to me. I know I've relied on you more than you probably liked, but any complaint you voiced out was half-hearted and weightless: aimed more at your limited capabilites rather than at me. That part of you really made things easier, no matter the weight of Humanity's revival. Whenever it was your turn to wake me up, you would let me sleep on for five (ten? Thirty?) more minutes. Your harp was always on the ready for when I felt stressed or sad. You had constant concern over my well being and was full of advice that, despite being self-indulgent, were actually useful; after all, I was the only one who could truly take care of myself. It was like having an ancient King fuss over me like an uncle determined to spoil me rotten. In your case, I could feel you were trying to be a dad. Was it because you were unable to pay attention to your children in life? Was fulfilling of your duties as a Heroic Spirit due to guilt? Solomon was the reason why these things were happening after all and whatever he was now, he was still your son. You played many roles before: a shepherd, a champion, a soldier, a musician, a husband, a king, a father and a psalmist, but maybe being a father was one that you missed out the most on. I'm sure it was not easy for you to be all those things at once and as it was human nature to err, you must have slipped somewhere. Maybe now, as a Servant, your most indulgent act was neither being cunning enough to fight minimally nor staying at the backline to watch the battle; maybe it was being a father. It would explain why you looked surprised to know that I had decided to use a Grail for you. You never desired it because you knew it was an imitation of the real thing and said as much. How it would be wasted on you was also one of your concerns about it; I had stronger Servants on whom the Grail would not be wasted on. I disagreed. "It's a gift," I told you, because children were allowed to give their parents gifts, right? By the way you shook your head and the look of profound joy on your face, I could tell that you had no idea.