#mattbohll

[therelationshits-blog]

Last Night, after

tripling my fortunes in a high stakes game of poker, I realized it's not just about the money, or the seks you can buy with monies. It's about enjoying a relationship with the other human beings in ur life.

Here I will visualize success: I am bringing my winnings from the horse races home as I pass the whores strutting about a gondola. I hold tightly to my scruples, rush to the nearest loo, and perform a Manual Override. Temptation gone. Once I am safely home, I dial Ehm Jay Ray's phone and mumble some stuff about stuff. I don't call MoBro this time, because MJ is not on her way for just funsies, she means business. She finally arrives, reeking of loneliness and kittens, and it's business time. I had arranged to soothe her soul with pizza and a movie, but it's already too late. We hastily move to the bedroom with purpose, make business time, she forgives me, and I apologize for my previous emotional callousness, and she forgives me again. ;-). Now to enjoy an evening of Black Swan and Hawaiian Pizza.

Here goes.

little ben

[therelationshits-blog]

I figured out why I'm alone.

Ever since that night at Ben's when Meghan showed up, I've been completely fucking twattered, drinking enough that I earned an honorary doctorate in "Boozin' it up" from Juilliard. While I was drinking away my solitude with Ben though, I figured out why I'm alone; and it's not because M'bawll is a home-wrecking whore, like you'd think.

In what I think was a drunken stupor, I thought and spoke aloud, "What if I at the end of everything I wrote, I signed it with a vulgar and juvenile word instead of love, so that everything would finish with "Dick-Tits, Matt" or "Jizz-Fart, Matt." It would be too funny! I would be asked to write all the President's speeches, to compose every comedy monologue from now on, and probably to translate every work of serious literature from before 1999 into the Language of Modern Comedy!!!"

And that's why I'm alone. Not because M'bawll is a skank, Meghan and I aren't a good couple, or Ben being afraid of commitment.

It's because I'm TOO flawless. Anyone with as much potential as I have is really off-putting to normal, unimpressive humans like MJRay.

To hell with this damning flawlessness. I'll drown it (and by extension, myself) in booze and anonymous semen if I have to.

Cock Enemas,

Mobro.

[therelationshits-blog]

My emotions hurt.

One day, you’ve got it all. A new wusband, great friends, and a handle on your responsibilities, and then the next second, it all comes crashing down around you. And by you, I mean me.

It is true. I can no longer text my Wusband.

PAINFUL DEPRESSION.

Every time I think of MJRay sitting alone in her dorm room all the way in Boston where she’s attending a music conservatory to be in the Boston Pops on flute, I get these pains in my chest and I just know it’s MoBro’s fault, that bitch.

Loljk, it was Russell Pape knocking the wind out of me today with a tuba case. That’s what the pains are from.

But still, sadness. That phone is looking all too tempting… Calling Ben would just be so… Delicious and regretful and smooshtastic…

I need some time to sort out my painful emotions. And some meth.

-MBall.

[therelationshits-blog]

Left MoBrien over Facebook.

Here's the wedding photos of MattBohll and I.

We're very happy, no matter what you may hear. We are the best Wusbands there could ever be. 

WUSBANDS4LYFE.

<3 Mjayray