Convoluted Love Triangle.

a tale of ridiculous antics, ambiguous intentions and moderate substance abuse.

[therelationshits-blog]

A tad hurt...

Mjray had some crazy noght on the town. She had a bunch of fun without me, and I feel a little left out...

Ok, a lot a bit left out. She even dyed her hair! Sure, it's really attractive and gives me happy in the pants feelings, but... Aye. I feel betrayed.

I've been snowed in for the last six days, forced to watch mind-numbing amounts of Disney Channel and iCarly, with nothing to do but sit and watch videos of cats doing the mot pwecious wittle things! But, nonetheless, I feel as if Mjray has been out living her life, without me...

Is it so bad I called BigBen and we sexted for hours on end? I'm a human... I have needs...

-MBohll

[therelationshits-blog]

Impulse.

Felt impulsive, so I dyed my hair. I didn't even consult Wusby. Could potentially backfire.

Speaking of Wusby, did he forget how to write? I never see him post on here...

A couple days ago I was in a rather sketchy part of New Orleans (don't ask) and I could have sworn I saw MoBro dressed in only a sequined vest, daisy dukes, and thigh-high boots with a cigar hanging out of his mouth and a very large flask in hand...I mean, true, it is Mardi Gras, but that's a little much. I think he saw me, because as I drove by he got this weird look on his face like he was going to pull out a gun, but then he just threw up.

Oh well. It's probably nothing.

<3msiejay

[therelationshits-blog]

DEAR SOCIETY, (pretty people only plz)

I am selling my body to the night. Not just because Meghan doesn't love me, Mattbawl is a cheating slutbag, or because Ben doesn't acknowledge my obvious awesomeness. Also, because I have bills to pay, and the Ativan I'm doped up on INSISTS it's a good idea. It'll solve all my problems, and also some problems I don't know I have!

Also, I'm looking to become a drug mule. Or maybe strike a deal with the mon. Anything explicitly illegal that will pay my fuckin bills, and maybe fill the void that Meghalaya left me with. (My phone auto corrected Meghan to Meghalaya.)

Why you got your face all squinched up, Society? You look like you think I have a self-destructive streak in me. Well, fuck you. Me and my substance sbse are GREAF without you!!!'hb

Keep in touch, soxiety. I miss your ambiguity and smelling/grammar Nazis.

Lady boners,

Mobro

P.s. I put out.

[therelationshits-blog]

I sent this video to MoBro as a peace offering.

It was rejected.

I'm out of ideas.

<3ehmjay.

[therelationshits-blog]

Last Night, after

tripling my fortunes in a high stakes game of poker, I realized it's not just about the money, or the seks you can buy with monies. It's about enjoying a relationship with the other human beings in ur life.

Here I will visualize success: I am bringing my winnings from the horse races home as I pass the whores strutting about a gondola. I hold tightly to my scruples, rush to the nearest loo, and perform a Manual Override. Temptation gone. Once I am safely home, I dial Ehm Jay Ray's phone and mumble some stuff about stuff. I don't call MoBro this time, because MJ is not on her way for just funsies, she means business. She finally arrives, reeking of loneliness and kittens, and it's business time. I had arranged to soothe her soul with pizza and a movie, but it's already too late. We hastily move to the bedroom with purpose, make business time, she forgives me, and I apologize for my previous emotional callousness, and she forgives me again. ;-). Now to enjoy an evening of Black Swan and Hawaiian Pizza.

Here goes.

little ben

[therelationshits-blog]

I figured out why I'm alone.

Ever since that night at Ben's when Meghan showed up, I've been completely fucking twattered, drinking enough that I earned an honorary doctorate in "Boozin' it up" from Juilliard. While I was drinking away my solitude with Ben though, I figured out why I'm alone; and it's not because M'bawll is a home-wrecking whore, like you'd think.

In what I think was a drunken stupor, I thought and spoke aloud, "What if I at the end of everything I wrote, I signed it with a vulgar and juvenile word instead of love, so that everything would finish with "Dick-Tits, Matt" or "Jizz-Fart, Matt." It would be too funny! I would be asked to write all the President's speeches, to compose every comedy monologue from now on, and probably to translate every work of serious literature from before 1999 into the Language of Modern Comedy!!!"

And that's why I'm alone. Not because M'bawll is a skank, Meghan and I aren't a good couple, or Ben being afraid of commitment.

It's because I'm TOO flawless. Anyone with as much potential as I have is really off-putting to normal, unimpressive humans like MJRay.

To hell with this damning flawlessness. I'll drown it (and by extension, myself) in booze and anonymous semen if I have to.

Cock Enemas,

Mobro.

[therelationshits-blog]

Temptation.

Ever since that awkward night with MoBro, BigBen has taken to an unsettling absence. He won't return my calls...MBohll still can't text...and the loneliness is creeping in. The boxed wine is running dangerously low.

I have to admit, I'm tempted to seek out MoBro. Maybe just one night together wouldn't be so bad. I mean, maybe BB's been shunning him, too? And we have a lot of catching up to do...

I don't like saying it, but I'm starting to feel bad about dumping MoBro the way I did. He's been a little prick about it, but now that I'm removed a little from the heat of the moment with my Wusby, I can see how what I did was...ugh I hate this apologizing shit!

Maybe just one little phone call. That won't be so bad, right?

<3Mjay

[therelationshits-blog]

My emotions hurt.

One day, you’ve got it all. A new wusband, great friends, and a handle on your responsibilities, and then the next second, it all comes crashing down around you. And by you, I mean me.

It is true. I can no longer text my Wusband.

PAINFUL DEPRESSION.

Every time I think of MJRay sitting alone in her dorm room all the way in Boston where she’s attending a music conservatory to be in the Boston Pops on flute, I get these pains in my chest and I just know it’s MoBro’s fault, that bitch.

Loljk, it was Russell Pape knocking the wind out of me today with a tuba case. That’s what the pains are from.

But still, sadness. That phone is looking all too tempting… Calling Ben would just be so… Delicious and regretful and smooshtastic…

I need some time to sort out my painful emotions. And some meth.

-MBall.

[therelationshits-blog]

Assholes.

Last night, BigBen said I could come over and smoosh him to console my aching heart about my Wusby not texting me, and that asshole didn't even tell me that my ex MoBro was there too!!! BB's only response to me was, "I thought we could have another threesome."

He didn't even apologise!

This isn't the old days anymore, BB. One of the reasons I left MoBro was because after that first threesome, it was like doing it with just me wasn't enough for him anymore. 

Goddammit I'm so pissed! But for some reason I don't feel any tendencies to start thinking in lolcat language. Maybe I skipped right from generally coherent to PISSED PRETENTIOUS BITCH.

xxkisskissxx

<3 Mjayray

[therelationshits-blog]

I do what I want.

Last night I was all about being a senior and doing what I want, and at that moment I did not want to sleep. So I stayed up all night, went to school, came home... And then slept for twelve hours.

In the past two days I got one text message. From my father. Asking what kind of frozen fucking eggrolls I wanted.

It's so ronery without ehmjayray.

I think I'll just go have violent sex with BB. Or a stranger. OR BOTH! because I'm a senior, and I do who I want when I want to avoid feeling emotions.

-MoBro

[therelationshits-blog]

Bumblemackle: my lifeblood.

Bumblemackle: smoosh, fondle, cuddle, grope, touch, bumble, take bubble baths. It is usually not a sexual act. Usually.

My wusby has no phone and now I can't text bumblemackle him. 

Looks like tonight will be a night spent in the company of BigBen. I just can't deal wit a wusby who I can't bumblemackle wit ova da fone. Da moar angrd i get teh mor mah typin turns n to a mix of lolcats n a mad blck woman.

pieceout,yo

<3Msiejay

[therelationshits-blog]

Wusbandry.

Wife + Husband = Wusband

(since MattBohll is a gay but might as well be a woman, and I'm a woman who is actually a closeted gay man, we had the hardest time deciding on one or the other, so we just use both!)

In the Dictionary, next to the word "wusband" is this picture:

Hope that clarifies things.

<3 Mjayray

[therelationshits-blog]

Also,

MJRay and I will be moving into our loft above the Shops at Legacy tomorrow. I love you Wusby!

[therelationshits-blog]

Listen, Bitches.

We're truly perfect for each other. I depend on her, and she uses me. It's a match made in heaven. I'm sorry that you couldn't fulfill her needs the way I can. But she and I have something truly special.

Not to mention the tantric sex. That's nice too. We even costarred in a direct to YouTube Lifetime Original Mini Movie, "I Shouldn't Have". Wusbands4Lyfe.

Doubleplusps, Big Ben functions as our sex toy. Whenever we feel lonely or dejected by one of our other partners, we just run to Big Ben and smoosh till morning unplug the magic. I like that idea.

-MBohll

[therelationshits-blog]

Wipe that look of pity off your face before my fist does.

Bitches be looking at me. Not with the usual lust, but with pity. With eyes that say "Are you okay?" in typical saccharine fashion. Bitch, I'm fine! Tonight, Lolo and I got our drink on, bitched about relationshits, and we watched the Russell Brand comedy special on Netflix Instant; it's exactly how I spent the last several weeks, FFS. Practically nothing has changed since that slag left me for another gay man.

Now that Lolo's passed out drunk, and I've been left with my pack of smokes and inebriated thoughts, I've realised only one thing really bothers me about my pookie breaking up with me...

I have no idea what the fuck a Wusband is.

I've been sat here for several hours, intermittently trying to figure out what the sweet-chocolate-christ a wusband is. Is it women husbands? Wolfish husbands? Wordly husbands? What kind of bollocky fucking portmanteau is this? Am I just too stupid to get it right off the bat? I thought I was smart! Why am I left dumbfounded by one shitty portmanteau!?  Am I just too tired to understand it? Why am I still awake? These are the questions that haunt me at 3:00am.

-MoBro

[therelationshits-blog]

Left MoBrien over Facebook.

Here's the wedding photos of MattBohll and I.

We're very happy, no matter what you may hear. We are the best Wusbands there could ever be. 

WUSBANDS4LYFE.

<3 Mjayray

[therelationshits-blog]

I dunno that I'd call it heartbreak... I'm like, way too cute to feel emotions THAT strong.

"Butthurt" is pretty apt.

-Mobro