Hot Night In July
I've seen hot weather before, but this is just ridiculous. When you feel the walls themselves and find them warm, hours after the sun has set, you realize that you're going to have a rough night ahead of you. And it has been, not just because of this lovely weather, but because it's been a tough time in general. It's funny; time off always leads to introspection for me, and it never ends well. I do not know what it is that's missing, but I do know that it is. And that its lack is making itself keenly noticeable. Perhaps it is the loneliness that gnaws at you when no one else is there, when you realise that everything else is transient and that you're merely a piece in a much larger puzzle. Perhaps it's the niggling lack of accomplishment, that line in the sand that keeps erasing itself and reforming a few miles away every time you think you're close to it. And you keep chasing it. Day after day. Feeling that you're still not enough. You're not doing enough. You're never going to be as impressive as some other person. Maybe it is fear for your parents, when everything you look at them, you're surprised by how old they've become and how fragile they seem, and you're terrified at how completely helpless you feel in the face of whatever the future might bring.
Helplessness. That is the thread that ties all these things together. Why is it that you never feel in control? Are you just along for the ride that just so happens to be your life? Is that how you expected it to be like?
These thoughts lash you, as you lie in bed, sweating the night away. And you keep wondering what it is you can do about them. Perhaps you should just sleep, let the morning sort it all out. But the morning brings no resolution, as the inevitable ends up merely delayed to another sweltering night.
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By: Mazloum
