I realized something tonight. I'm way to busy focusing on my own problems. I'm too focused on my own struggles. It hurts, yeah, a lot really. But today was an eye opener too. Everyone else around me is hurting, secrets, lies, relationships. I'm caught in a triangle, that I'm really not apart of. I'm off to the side, I'm in the center, I'm just watching and throwing out my own problems. That's....not who I was. That's not who I am. My problems are never important, My problems can be solved last. I can't focus on myself anymore. I really can't, it doesn't work for me. I feel selfish, I feel like I'm taking more from my friends then I should. I'm not supposed to be on the receiving end of this.
I'm sorry mom, for making you worry. Everything can wait. I know you said I'm trying to find a balance between sanity and happniess. You said it yourself "It's like trying to fit a square into a round hole with this deal" but you know It can wait. I can step back from my fantasy worlds. I can't drown myself in my own problems. I have to start helping out more. Getting a job is my main goal right now. School is easy enough with how I set myself up. I can easily balance the two. I'll get it as fast as I can. Promise
I'm sorry Wes, I kept going on and on about my own problems. I know you have yours. I know you don't really want to talk about them, I can respect that. You don't owe it to me to open up. Nothing is written down that says you will tell me everything. But I haven't been a good friend towards you. You made it clear you are in a bad place too, You don't need my load on you as well. I'll be better, I'll be a place of escape, where no problems have to be present. I promise alright ^,^ From now on my main goal with you is to be there, as a happy face. It's just our convos has felt empty, like we can only talk if its about our mental states. I've done enough talking, and asking for help. It's not your job to fix me, It's not your job to have answers, It's not your job to keep me stable. And It never will be. That's my problems to deal with, my demons to face. But for you, that is my job. I'm the guardian, I'm peacekeeper. I thought I gave up that role, but that's just simply who I am. From this point on, allow me to make things up and be that friend you need.
I'm sorry Mc Kensi. I certainly haven't been the greatest friend to you. I never meant too, but I tried using you to build myself up. I hurt you doing that. It's a mistake I'm not proud of. I'm glad you did tell me about it all those days ago. I'm gonna be the best friend you ever had. No more comparing our writing together. More random texting, and great convos about absolutely nothing
Lubica, I don't think I've messsed up our friendship yet. So I'm gonna work to keep it that way. I'm glad you find me trustworthy enough to ask for advice, that you think I actually know what I'm talking about. Just don't let it get to my head yeah ^,^. You got a lot going on, and I'm gonna keep trying my best to be there for you and help everything stay together. You're not alone.
Jenna, were both building off each other. It's not good for either of us. Because we aren't resolving each others problems. We aren't helping the other get through it. We're just adding fire. So no more from me. We're switching pure focus to you. I'm gonna make sure you get to where you need to be mentally, I'm gonna make sure you feel important, and cared for, and like everything's going to be okay. No more going round in round in a tangle of emotions.