The title for this mini songfic series serves both as a metaphor and a literal symbol of a rocky relationship seen from the fallout and its aftermath. With elements of angst, comfort, and fluff, the series will include pairings between Oikawa Tōru x Reader and Kuroo Tetsurō x Reader, as well as theme songs for each chapter. There is more ambiguity in details regarding Reader’s relationship with Kuroo, purposely left for open interpretation but ultimately it will be angsty between Oikawa and Reader.
Chapters will come out on Friday's at 6:00PM/18:00 (PST) and will be subsequently linked down below the cut. If you want to be tagged, let me know!
Feedback and screams are anticipated/encouraged so my inbox will remain open :)
Enjoy!
Chapters
Cooler Than Me [Oikawa x Reader] — May 28th
Let Her Go [Oikawa x Reader] — June 4th
comethru [Kuroo x Reader] — June 11th
Can’t Get Enough [Kuroo x Reader] — June 18th
you were good to me [Bonus: Oikawa’s POV] — June 25th
Alternatively, chapters can be found on my AO3 (expect posting delay) but will not be published anywhere else. Reblogging/Likes are encouraged, people who repost will get a harsh talking to!
Summary: Chapter 1 of Thread of Fate plays out the shortcomings of a relationship between second-year!Oikawa Toruu and second-year!Reader.
Track ID: Cooler Than Me by Mike Posner
[Y/F/N] — Your Family Name
[Y/N] — Your (first) Name
If I could write you a song to make you fall in love
I would already have you up under my arm
I used up all my tricks, I hope that you like this
But, you probably won't, you think you're cooler than me
“There goes that bastard, again,” Iwa sighs, eyes slanted at Oikawa sitting atop a desk, surrounded by a hoard of squealing girls all begging for a piece of him. You lost count after five, but there were at least a dozen others, who weren't even from your own class. It was funny and a little overwhelming to see the first few times, but dear god, you’ve seen this shit way too many times over the years for you to still think it's comedy central.
On a side note, Iwa wasn’t from your class either; he just opted to sit with you during lunch to keep you company. Something your own boyfriend should be doing if you could even really call him that… Wow, imagine your own friend making the conscious decision to spend- nevermind.
The salty taste in your mouth was not so easily washed down by the carton of banana milk you were sipping passive-aggressively out of. The little plastic straw had been demolished by the grinding and chewing of your teeth.
Iwa returned his eyes to you with a not-so-subtle roll, “Oi, eat your food, not plastic.”
His warm hand brushed at yours, tugging the sad carton away from you, your own eyes still glaring at Oikawa from across the room. You wonder if he ever caught on, the stale glances and little tuts. Probably not, let’s be honest. That selfish asshole probably wouldn’t even know what day it was if you asked.
With his head in the clouds or his head in the game, your words were like background noise to him when the two of you did spend what little time he wanted to offer. It was no surprise the girls fell for the chocolate-haired captain of Aoba Johsai’s volleyball team. With his good looks, amazing skills and charismatic personality, you often wondered if he sold his old self for this new one. This new and barely recognizable one.
“Idiot,” you fussed, angrily combing your fingers through your hair before returning to your bento box.
You got designer shades just to hide your face
And you wear 'em around like you're cooler than me
And you never say hey, or remember my name
And it's probably 'cause you think you're cooler than me
The nonstop text alerts flooding in and keeping Oikawa’s phone a constant buzz was starting to irk you. The two of you half-heartedly decided to study together before your upcoming exams, Iwaizumi being invited but politely declined, saying something about Oikawa being a nuisance to study with sometimes. Now you understood his connotations...
At first, the buzzing against the table was what bothered you the most. The never-ending vibration turned the table into a muffled earthquake of its own, shaking the pen in your hand. You sighed and asked him to turn it off or deal with it, and ever since he picked that damned thing up, he hasn’t been able to put it down.
Oikawa’s eyes twinkled, reflecting the blue light emitting from his phone as his thumbs danced at his keyboard, probably sending off repeated messages to his fangirls.
You finished up the rest of your chapters, totalling your pages of written notes to about five and a half. Meticulously, you added them to your binder behind yesterday’s workload before sighing again. A part of you had hoped the sigh would reach his ears, prompting him to at least look at you but it had gone over his head like everything else.
With a low grumble to yourself, you pulled out your own phone, charm swinging as you sent a message to Iwaizumi, “tis “study date” became a reality show of watching shitty-kawa send out fanservice…”
You even threw in a humorously salty emoji to wrap up your discontent, clicking send. Almost instantaneously, Iwa responded with the laughing emoji followed by, “I was waiting for this msg. I need a break, try to get lazykawa off his phone and we can meet up for lunch or smth.”
Your pursed lips indicated your contemplative debate between leaving Oikawa at the table alone to get food with Iwa or to actually be a decent girlfriend and drag the fool with you.
Iwa sent another text, “Smack him, tell him I want to eat some mf curry. Usual spot in 20.”
Packing up your supplies and your books, you nudged Oikawa with your foot under the table with enough pressure to ensure his body received the signal. His matching chocolate eyes pulled away from his phone briefly, an eyebrow quirking up, “Yeah?”
“If you can retire your phone for a while, Iwa wants to meet up for lunch, let’s go,” you didn’t bother hiding the passive-aggressive tone dripping from your voice. You and Oikawa have been walking on a relatively thin thread since your second month together as if after the one-month mark, the honeymoon phase just swirled down the drain.
That was almost five months ago. What a surprise…
For the first time in the last hour, you finally smiled upon seeing Iwa seated at your usual table. You slid into the seat adjacent to him, Oikawa taking the one in front.
“I didn’t even get to study,” Oikawa whined, prompting the two of his own best friends to furrow their brows. “Too many messages to get through.”
“What the fuck are you? The president?” Iwa snorted, “Just turn the damn thing off like I always tell you to.”
Oikawa gasped dramatically at Iwa, a hand briefly coming up to clutch his cashmere vest, “And what? Ignore all the beautiful girls? That’s just harsh.”
You rolled your eyes at the menu in your hands, “What’s harsh is seeing your test grade below the average after the results come in.”
“Yeah,” Iwa agreed, looking at the menu himself. “Study or Coach will kick you off the team until your grades go back up.”
Much to his chagrin, Oikawa knew that much was true. Interhigh Qualifiers in August were a few months away, he had to be on his best behaviour. He muttered some sort of agreement or understanding under his breath just as the shopkeeper’s wife walked up to take our orders.
You got your high brow, switchin' your walk
And you don't even look when you pass by
But you don't know the way that you look
When your steps make that much noise
It was the 2011 Summer Interhigh Qualifiers, Aoba Johsai had won 2:0 against their first opponents. It was a huge motivation for the team and the school, but everyone was exhausted. You were too, from being on the edge of your seat, eyes following the ball and the courts’ set-up. You handed everyone on the team a protein bar and their water bottles, congratulating them on their first win.
Iwa was the one to bring up the idea, for the three of you to walk off the post-match high before taking a proper seat with your lunches and the rest of the team. Of course, as if Oikawa would have taken the offer up had it come from you… Nonetheless, you followed them out of the gym and into the hallway without much of a grimace or another eye roll.
The three of you quietly ate your bars as you walked around the Sendai complex, save for a few personal critiques or notes of the game they had played; preparing what was to be brought up with the team later.
It was rowdier now that at least one of the games were over, people rushing from one side of the gymnasium to the other to catch another game. Others were probably looking for Seijoh’s team, or their captain to be exact. A small lot of girls you recognized from all the other times came dashing up at the sight of the familiar white and teal uniforms. Iwa excused himself as the three of you walked past the restrooms, prompting you and Oikawa to wait outside by the vending machines.
You had nowhere to go and the group seemed small enough to be bearable so you just stood off to the side, taking a feigned interest in the vending machine’s stock.
“Oikawa-san you played so well today,” one of them praised. Followed by another one agreeing, “Yeah those were some really good serves.”
Oikawa scratched at the back of his head, waving his free hand at the girls all slightly inching closer and closer to him, “Just doing my best to get the team to qualify for nationals.”
“We made these for you to spread the luck, we really hope you guys win!” The sound of rustling caught your attention, bright teal tissue paper overflowed out of a white paper bag. “We don’t know if your girlfriend already made some for you guys, but you can never have too many good wishes.”
Oikawa peeked inside, eyes widening before he sent them all his charming, signature smile, “Why thank you ladies, these are really nice, I’m sure the team would appreciate the tokens of good luck.”
“You mean,” one of the smaller girls gasped. “Your girlfriend hasn’t already??!”
Your face scrunched up with disbelief as you slowly turned to look at the group, head-on. First off, when did he indicate that? Secondly, you were right there. Were they blind?
Oikawa laughed, “Ah, no, she doesn’t-”
“IF YOU WERE MY BOYFRIEND I WOULD MAKE THESE FOR YOU AND THE TEAM FOR EVERY TOURNAMENT!”
Your blood started to boil at those words, oh now it was clear where you and Oikawa stood with each other despite your official titles for one another. That thin thread snapped as he continued to thank them and egg on their absolutely bat-shit crazy tendencies.
Iwa finally came out of the restroom, eyes barely indicated any surprise at the fuss in front of him. Oikawa pointed at Iwa, turning the girls’ attention to the team’s vice-captain. After wiping their drool over the two boys, they all finally left. Their absence suddenly made the atmosphere dead silent despite the ambient buzz from the lively gymnasium.
“Thanks for sticking up for your own girlfriend,” you decried, sarcasm lacing your words.
Oikawa turned his attention to you, a sour expression etched on his feature, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Iwa looked shocked at the bare start of your exchange, “Is everything okay?”
His words lost against your own emotions, you continued, “If it’s good luck charms you want from your girlfriend then you might as well take one of your pesky fangirls out.”
“Maybe I will,” Oikawa rebutted. “At least they show interest!”
Iwa took a step closer to the two of you, “Hey, Oikawa-”
“Showing interest? In your cocky personality or the team?” You questioned, inching closer to his stupid face, anger evident in your eyes. “If I wasn’t interested I wouldn’t have crammed an entire week’s worth of lessons and studies into late nights just so I could have a carefree day at a busy gym complex to warm up with you guys and to cheer the team on!”
“If you’re gonna make it sound like such hard work, then don’t bother! I don’t need your pissy attitude on game day!”
“Guys, stop-”
“Fuck you, maybe I won’t but it’s not like you’d give me your fucking time of day outside of volleyball anyways!”
Iwa forcibly wedged himself between the two of you, the heat was absolutely suffocating now with the fiery outburst from both sides, “That is enough! What the hell is going on?”
You and Oikawa both took a step back, veins prominent on his neck and your own breathing trying to catch a break from all the shouting. Suddenly, you became hyper-aware of your surroundings; some spectators had stopped their walking to watch the three of you and a few groups of students scattered by the windows and lounge chairs started to whisper.
“Nothing, I’m done,” you stated blatantly. You shifted your eyes from the hushed crowd over to your best friend, “Good luck with the tournament.”
With that, you turned around and walked off, hair billowing behind you with grace as if you didn’t just engage in a verbal argument in front of some vending machines.
“Hey, wait! [Y/F/N]!” Iwa called out, but you brushed his shout with a slight wave of your hand as you kept walking.
“Leave her,” Oikawa chided, the sour look now replaced with a peeved expression. Iwa was about to argue when Oikawa shook his head and turned to walk off on his own, “We don't have time for this, we need to win our games.”
Shh, I got you all figured out
You need everyone's eyes just to feel seen
Behind your makeup nobody knows who you even are
Who do you think that you are
The first day back after the summer break was filled with constant chatter in passing and in quiet whispers. Everyone seemed more talkative than usual, much to your disliking. For some, it was about the happenings over the break but the others were talking about Seijoh’s boys' volleyball team. They had lost 2:1 in the semi-final match. It was as brutal as it sounded, meaning Aoba Johsai did not qualify for the upcoming Spring Nationals in a few months.
Of course, you found out almost right away. You went home after the rather public fight with Oikawa, deciding to watch the game from home rather than in person. Iwa went radio-silent for a while, dealing with the aftermath of the game with his team but he finally called you once he got settled at home, roughly going through the match and venting. You could only imagine how Oikawa was taking it, but after the fight, you didn’t think meddling over a text and offering condolences would make anything lighter for either of you.
The school’s loss wasn’t the only thing on the agenda for students to talk about; word had gotten out about the fight. In hindsight, it wasn’t the brightest idea to have gotten into the debacle when he was still in his team jersey.
“My friend said he was going to the restroom when it happened,” someone would whisper in the hall. Another chimed in, “I was there too! Iwaizumi-san tried to intervene.”
You dodged their quick side glance as you walked by, heading back to your classroom with your afternoon drink to go with your lunch. Your seat in the sun started to feel cold as you tried to shield yourself away from the looks your classmates gave you.
Fuck, everyone knew huh? Word sure does spread fast when it has anything to do with Oikawa…
You dug around your bento box, taking small bites of whatever felt enticing enough to hold for more than a few seconds. Fortunately for you, your mind was already finding itself occupied, there was not enough of your attention to dwell any longer on the Oikawa matter.
“Have you seen Oikawa-senpai, he looks really down,” a girl had whispered from behind the other row of lockers. A girl you recognized from the class down the hall from your own sighed, “Must be hard, he’s the team captain and the team lost.”
“Have you guys not heard? Apparently, Oikawa and [Y/F/N] had a fight. I think they broke up,” someone else spoke up.
Seems like escaping this topic matter for the rest of the day just wasn’t in store for you. You fiddled with the laces on your outdoor shoes, preparing yourself to dash out unseen as soon as possible when you heard a gasp.
“EH?! That means we finally have a chance, again!”
A series of shushes quieted down the girls squeal, “Not yet, it’s too early to know. I doubt he would want to date so fast.”
“Whatever…” the girl then retorted. “They weren’t that good of a couple anyways, they barely hung out.”
With the slam of your locker door, you rounded the corner of the lockers, catching the small group off guard, “Mind your own damn business, if you have something you wish to say about me, have the guts to say it to my face.”
The girl you had recognized was quick to jump back a bit, face apologetic for her own friend’s behaviour, “We’re sorry, [Y/F/N]-senpai!”
Her head was in the midst of bowing, friends about to follow her lead until their eyes widened at someone behind you, “Oh, Oikawa-senpai-”
Your body stiffened at the name, anger building in waves as you felt him raise a hand, “[Y/N], can we talk?”
A sharp exhale left your nose as you shifted your eyes with disinterest from the girls, now huddled closer than before, “I have nothing to say to you, shitty-kawa.”
Huffing, you maneuvered around his tall figure, avoiding eye contact and left the building. You had promised your mother you would clean the house a little before Iwa came over for dinner tonight, the last thing you wanted to do was have another argument with Oikawa before heading home. You can only hide so much of your anger from your mom.
'Cause it's your scene, (it's your scene)
I got no doubt
We all see
You got your head in the clouds
A hand tugs roughly at the roots of your hair as you rubbed at your scalp. This is not what you wanted to deal with right now. It had been a few months since the breakup and with the Spring Interhigh Nationals creeping up, Oikawa was stuck in a constant reminder that he would not be playing a big stadium in a few weeks, nor did he ever find resolve between the two of you.
Oikawa sat across from you at the table, seiza-style* as if he was just meeting you for the first time. The atmosphere was far from being laid-back as it usually was. He watched you closely, eyes boring into your figure for the first time in a long while. It felt weird to you, having him watching you so closely at this point.
“I thought I told you, I had nothing to say to you,” you growled, eyes shifting to the sliding door next to you.
The kitchen was empty, your mother wasn’t home yet, but you prayed you could get Oikawa out before she did. You didn’t feel like answering her prodding questions about what was going on. You knew she loved Oikawa, slightly disappointed that you didn’t seem to put enough effort into seeing your own childhood best friend, even as his girlfriend.
Oikawa shifted on his knees, “You say that, but I know you always have more you’re hiding when it comes to your feelings.”
You chuckled darkly, oh so he knows you now, huh, “Iwa sent you, didn’t he?”
He alluded to no answer that would satisfy your intuition, not verbally at least.
“You know, ever since we got to high school and we joined our own respective clubs and teams, we hung out less. It’s normal, I mean we were so busy and caught up with our academics and extracurriculars, fuck we weren’t even in the same class-” you sighed. Pausing to collect your emotions. You rested your forehead against your fingers before continuing, “To put it into perspective, Iwa’s been a bigger presence ever since high school started and even more so when you and I got together. You’re barely here for the little things!”
Oikawa blinked, confused, “If this is about the anniversary-”
The hand on your head fell onto the wooden table with a jarring bang, “It’s not just the anniversary Toruu! You haven’t been a friend in so long, let alone a boyfriend!”
You finally had the courage to look him in the eyes, a mixture of sadness and doubt stared back at you, “You’re not here for the small celebrations, you probably don’t even know…”
Faltering, you paused, not ready to tell him the news. You sighed, moving away from the awkward drop in the topic, “Do you even remember my birthday?”
His eyes shifted slightly, you could tell his vision blurred as his brain rapidly ran through the memories trying to recall the date, “No, you don’t, yet I never failed to wish you a happy birthday. You rarely responded, perhaps too busy sorting through the swarm of wishes from your fangirls…”
He couldn’t argue, because much to his disappointment, you were right. He would see your message come through in passing, but never moved fast enough to respond before a different notification replaced yours under his fingers. You never failed to show up for his games, but he didn’t even know what club you were in.
“You’re so wrapped in your own little world, volleyball bouncing around your mind and you got your head in the clouds from all the undying attention. I don’t blame you. Must be nice to be doted on by all these pretty girls with gifts and affection. You’re a smart and charismatic guy, what’s not to like? But you’re also a real fucking selfish asshole in that sense. The Oikawa I graduated junior high with, is not the one sitting across from me right now.”
It stung him, to say the least, to hear you unload all the things you’ve ever felt. Maybe he was feeling more susceptive to your words because of the emotional vulnerability he’s been placed in since the qualifiers.
Your knuckles rapped at the table in short knocks, “Maybe it was wishful thinking to have hoped that dating would fix the empty spot you left behind as a friend. A bandaid for a cut too deep and too wide.”
The sound of your front door opening snapped you both from your sullen gazes. You both got up to respectfully welcome your mother home.
“Oh,” your mother gasps, one hand still working to remove her shoes. “Oikawa! I haven’t seen you in so long!”
Oikawa waved at your mother, a warm smile replacing the tense look from earlier, “[Y/F/N]-san, it has. How are you?”
“Busy as always,” she sighed. “Are you staying for dinner?”
You turned on your heel and disappeared up the stairs, leaving your mother confused at your quiet departure, “Oh, [Y/N]?”
“It’s quite alright, [Y/F/N]-san, I think I should head out. Got a lot of work to do,” Oikawa smiled, lacing up his shoes.
Your mother sighed, “I do hope you can come to visit once more before she leaves.”
Confused, Oikawa shot your mother a questioning look before standing up—one she didn’t quite catch as she was unloading her work bag.
“Admittedly, I’m very nervous for her to leave and move to the big city so fast, but I’m just so proud she was able to get the dual-enrollment approved despite being halfway through high school already.”
Oikawa didn’t say anything else, he just stood there dumbfounded for a split second before excusing himself. Once out into the evening air, the porch light flickered at his presence. From the sidewalk just outside of your gate, Iwa stopped short.
A sound of surprise came from his best friend, “Oikawa.”
The taller of the two shifted the weight on his feet before he walked out, stopping in front of Iwa, “Did you know?”
Iwa chewed on the inside of his cheek, a solemn look to his eyes, “She texted me about it this morning when she found out. Didn’t have time to talk about it because of school so she invited me over for dinner to talk about it some more.”
Iwa watched Oikawa stare mirthlessly at him, a little worried this might come off weird but the captain simply nodded. He placed a hand on his shoulder as he walked past, “I’ll leave you to fill me in tomorrow then.”
Oikawa trod down the street towards his house, leaving Iwa to stand under the streetlamp as he watched.
If I could write you a song to make you fall in love
I would already have you up under my arm
*Seiza-style is a traditional form of sitting where one is kneeling, legs folded below with your weight resting on your heels.
A/N: I do not hate Oikawa, but the passion I had writing this came from both the song and the façade that Oikawa puts up. Ngl it's kinda frustrating to witness but I do appreciate his overall character design, personality included...
Summary: Chapter 5 of Thread of Fate is the final installment in the mini songfic series. Following Oikawa in the midst of his time on the balcony with you, these were the thoughts in his head.
Track ID: you were good to me by Jeremy Zucker ft. Chelsea Cutler
[Y/F/N] — Your Family Name
[Y/N] — Your (first) Name
CW: Angst, heartbreak, IwaOi if you squint, coming to terms with a mistake you cannot undo.
Lyin' isn't better than silence
Floatin', but I feel like I'm dyin'
There were slews of words running rampant in Oikawa’s head. They varied in questions he wanted to ask you or to give you some earnest apology in person for how things had ended in high school, but he was far from confident in his delivery. Were you even open to that just yet? He knew the chances of seeing you around campus were far from being unlikely, hell he even prepared himself to see you tonight but Oikawa, if anything, had not been expecting you to offer him a seat on the one quiet balcony away from the party. Him, of all people.
Your expectant look urged him into his seat across from you. There was a half-empty bottle of Asahi on the table but from your dopey eyes and the slight flush dusted across your nose, it was obvious you had plenty to drink up until now. The weight of your head propped up with a hand under your chin, eyes darting along the windows of the neighbouring apartment complex, probably trying to find something to entertain your mind from the awkward situation you had put yourself in. Oikawa mirrored your actions, briefly scanning for all the residents who were home peacefully de-stressing from final exams instead of partying like everyone on the volleyball teams were.
Clearing his throat, your attention pulled away from people-watching, eyes meeting his own chocolate orbs expectantly, “How were your exams?”
He watched the way your lips parted slightly as you exhaled, following your eyes as they quickly dropped to give him a once-over. Even in your drunken state, the analyzing gaze made Oikawa shiver in my seat. It was as if judgement day had finally bestowed upon him after running from his wrongdoings all this time. Karma, perhaps.
Instead of dropping a passive-aggressive retort, you shrugged, eyes finding solace away in the distance once more, “It went alright. Could have done better on my biology exam but there’s not much I can do about it now.”
Iwaizumi had briefly mentioned to Oikawa that you were majoring in Psychology, and putting two and two together, he assumed biology was just a requirement for your degree. He nibbled at his lower lip, toying with the reddening flesh, “Bio’s tough, I held off taking the intro course this semester, but I’ll have to take it in the fall.”
You nodded slightly at his lame attempt to hold a thoughtful conversation through mindless small talk, “How about you, how were your exams?”
Embarrassed for missing your question the first time around, Oikawa twiddled his thumb under the patio table as he silently prayed that you would miss the way his ears burned pink from your attention. “Oh, yeah they were okay… They were okay.”
Silence fell upon the two of us, endearingly testing Oikawa as his troubled mind bounced between all the questions he wanted to blurt out or the apology he had been rehearsing on and off for two years. Seated so close to him yet still so far, his fingers itched to pull you into a hug. To selfishly comfort himself, knowing that you were finally within touching distance once more, but he knew that was out of the question. To convince himself that you would always be there no matter how badly I had fucked up a good friendship? It was more wishful thinking than anything else.
Oikawa understood the tantalizing boundaries he would remain far from. Well aware of that fact, he settled on apologizing first but you had beat him to it.
His mouth fell agape as you apologized for not reaching out with a thank you for the goodbye gift he had left in your locker—not that he expected you to ever want to talk to him again, let alone thank him for such a small gift—but it elicited a feeling of a weight being taken off his shoulder. The conversation seemed to be working in his favour to make his own apology.
You pointed towards the apartment you had been watching earlier, “I still use it today, it sits on my windowsill next to my books.”
Oikawa struggled to see, eyes squinting in the general direction, ready to just nod appreciatively without actually knowing where exactly you wanted him to look because his shit eyesight was in desperate need of a reexamination.
“Red light,” you coughed.
Spotting the window emanating a faint, red glow from behind the curtains, Oikawa could just barely make out the sight of a small line of books that filled your windowsill as you had always preferred to keep them. It was dark out but he could faintly make out what he assumed was the resin cube he had gifted you before you moved to Tokyo.
“It reminded me-” he stopped himself short. Biting the inside of his cheek as he fought against telling you why he had picked that resin cube in particular. Would it go over well if he brought up your shared childhood memories like the two of you were still best friends on terms that allowed for that sort of reminiscent thought? Instead, Oikawa swallowed that thought, deciding on complimenting you in the slightest.
The sound of the balcony door sliding open broke Oikawa from his train of thought. Twisting around, he caught sight of Kuroo and Iwaizumi stepping under the dim glow of the balcony light. It was only a matter of seconds until you were in Iwa’s arm, squeezing him into your signature bear hug as you rambled about how much you had missed him.
Oikawa faltered, his ability to contain his feelings wavered as it showed on his features. It was not worth the effort to try and hide it from himself; the disappointment that you may never greet him in that same manner, not that you should. No, not after everything. Nonetheless, he felt left out. The pang of jealousy that started to heat in his chest garnered the feeling as though he was a character who died in a video game too early, now spectating through the point of view of another player still running around the game map. Oikawa was simply just there, watching an interaction he may never have the luxury of experiencing again.
Kuroo waved to Oikawa from where he stood and the latter did his best to uphold a cheerful and genuine smile through a simple hello, but their exchange was cut short as Bokuto broke out onto the balcony like an offended puppy, stealing you away from Iwa in the blink of an eye. Everyone stilled as you greeted Bokuto, both of you accidentally bumping into each other like uncoordinated children, sending you reeling back a step before a cacophony of laughter erupted.
Leavin' isn't better than tryin'
Growin', but I'm just growin' tired
The dim balcony light did you no justice in Oikawa’s eyes. He had seen the photos you would post occasionally, following your departure from Miyagi to the big city and there was a certain glint in your eyes every time he came across them on his feed; you were happy.
Over time your socials and your stories were filled with cute boomerangs and short clips of your goofy antics with Kuroo and Bokuto. It became obvious that the three of you were roommates after the latter two had graduated from Nekoma and Fukurōdani. You never quite enjoyed being the only one at home when your mother was at work, even as a kid, hence why Iwaizumi and Oikawa spent so much time with you until high school.
It was amusing, to say the least as Oikawa watched you and Bokuto interact like old friends, much like how the two of you used to treat one another with friendly competitions until Iwa wound up too perturbed with your shared antics, telling you both off for being a pain in the ass. Of course, Oikawa was the one who got a firm fist to the top of his head or a slap to the back while you got away with a grumpy side remark and the occasional hair ruffle.
“Why did you two not try out for the school team this year?”
Drawing his attention away from your cheerful form, Oikawa’s eyes flitted towards your boyfriend who took a sip from the cup in his hands. Sharing a brief glance with his best friend, Oikawa merely shrugged, “We weren’t sure if we were going to be able to balance courses and the full responsibility of the team so we opted for the club instead.”
“Plus I got a job at the campus gym to get experience for my certification,” Iwa chimed in, his finger toying with the bottle cap in his hand. Oikawa nodded along to his friend’s words and Kuroo hummed as he briefly glanced over at you and Bokuto, smiling to himself when his best friend bumped into the wall, ignorant of the impact as he continued to laugh hysterically along with his girlfriend.
Akaashi raised his hand a little, “Iwaizumi-san, are you in the BPK faculty?”
“No, actually I’m in health science,” the ex-Seijoh vice captain nodded, smiling proudly. “Working to be an athletic trainer so I’m taking introductions to nutritional studies amongst others but I might switch into BPK for kinesiology next year.”
As Akaashi and Iwa fell into a comfortable conversation about courses and changes in academic trajectories, Oikawa went silent once more. The awkward tension of being left out, unsure of where to present himself started to rise.
As he thought about volleyball and his semester’s course load, he realized there was an answer to why he sat out on his own accords. He had enrolled into UTokyo for business but the courses weren’t sitting right with him so he switched two of his courses before the deadline for intro psychology and a special course regarding global issues and psychology—none of which you were in, having taken them in the previous year. Aside from his dense course load, Oikawa didn’t really have another excuse for not trying out for the school team. It was only because Iwa decided to sit out this semester so he could make sure he had time for work and school that Oikawa finalized on not joining either.
“Oi, where do you two think you’re going?”
Kuroo’s stern voice drew everyone’s attention, unsure of who he was addressing until they all caught a glimpse of Bokuto with his arms wrapped around you. The silver-haired player slowly peered over his shoulder at his expectant best friend who had his finger in the back collar of his shirt. You were not looking any less incriminating as you also peered over your shoulder at your own boyfriend. Both of you had wide eyes and a smidge of a pout, almost resembling puppies caught digging in the trash bin.
“Alcamahol,” you pointed towards the apartment and Bokuto mimicked you, head nodding along. “Alcamahol.”
“Bokuto, you’re gonna pass out if you drink anymore,” Kuroo’s eyebrows knitted together as he leaned into you. “And how much have you had to drink, kitten?”
As you listed off your drinks, Oikawa looked over at Akaashi and Iwa, both chuckling to themselves at the small exchange before them. Though he never had the opportunity to formally drink with you, Oikawa didn’t put it past your nature to be playfully childish when inebriated and a small part of him was happy he got to at least witness it once in this lifetime. Chugging the last of your beer, you left with a hiccup and Bokuto in tow. Iwa and Akaashi tailed the drunken pair, offering to chaperone in case anything were to turn up. This left Oikawa alone with Kuroo, who sighed and rolled his eyes at the childish antics, taking another sip from his cup like a tired father after a long day of staying home with the children.
He shook his head before turning to Oikawa, “Have you ever seen her like this?”
Shaking his head, the brunet couldn’t help but snort, “No, but it’s certainly entertaining to say the least.”
Kuroo nodded along, eyes scanning over the balcony rails for a moment of silence before they settled on the man his girlfriend once called her best friend, “Look, I’m sure you have a valid reason for not wanting to join the school team but you should try out next semester. We get scouts dropping in unannounced from time to time and an overseas recruiter was at our game last month. I think you have a great shot at being drafted if you give it a shot.”
Oikawa dwelled over the offer, his lower lip caught between his teeth as he gnawed on the flesh out of anxious nerves. Unspoken but still obvious, Kuroo knew why Oikawa felt deterred from trying out for the school team.
Being coerced into admitting the truth to himself, truly nothing else stood between him and the opportunity to play volleyball for UTokyo other than the unconscious desire to avoid the man he lost his best friend to. Oikawa didn’t have a job. He was lucky enough to have my parents’ support and he even managed to score the entrance scholarship too, so he had the time to make a commitment to a school team. Was it because he heard from Iwa that Kuroo and Bokuto were trying out? Yes. Was it the pang of defeat that still resonates in his heart when he actively thought about missing out on nationals, twice?
God, Nationals… Cringing just slightly, Oikawa resigned his thoughts with a sigh, only to mask his defeat in the form of a chuckle. Oikawa couldn't let himself get down about something from the past, letting the reigns of old feelings hold him back from future opportunities. As much as he hated to admit it, Kuroo had a point; he should try.
“You’re right,” the ex-Seijoh captain smirked, the impish gleam crossing the gap towards the rival captain. “But what if I end up benching you?”
Kuroo’s boisterous laughter filled the emptiness, momentarily distracting Oikawa from the impending fear of failure, “I don’t know about that, Oikawa. You may be good, but I’ve gotten better.”
The two men shared a mischievous glance, the implicit competitiveness lingered in the air as they both egged each other on. Kuroo was the first to break eye contact to take a sip from his drink while Oikawa fiddled with his jacket zipper, “I’d like to see that for myself.”
Shrugging nonchalantly, Kuroo straightened out his bomber jacket before finding Oikawa’s gaze once more. Eyes soft, but words firm and full of sincerity, “I’d like to have us playing on the same team for a change.”
A sharp exhale left Oikawa’s nose as his eyes closed for a second, envisioning the two ex-captains sharing the same uniform colours on the court. Nodding with a light chuckle, the brunet gave your boyfriend one final glance, “I’d like that too.”
And I'm so used to letting go
But I don't wanna be alone
You were good to me
He was at a loss of words, unable to describe the feeling in his chest when he watched Kuroo gently place a kiss to the top of your head. Oikawa almost missed the bottle of beer Iwa placed on the table as he took his spot next to the brunet once more.
Perhaps it was less a loss of words but rather the inability to discern all the feelings brewing within. Oikawa chalked it up to the twist of his heart, how it twitched just a little too much for my own liking when Kuroo swiftly removed his jacket and draped it over your shivering figure. Only the sickeningly sweet pet name was missing from the brief flashback of the days Iwa and Oikawa would do the same with our own jackets over you on your walk home from school.
Even with your hair a mess, face squished into your boyfriend’s chest as he laughed and held you close, shielding you from the brisk evening, Oikawa was unable to stop himself from doing anything else but suck in his cheeks in an attempt to soothe his drying throat. Iwaizumi’s gaze burned a hole into the side of Oikawa’s face but the passive mess couldn’t move, he couldn’t pull my eyes away from the display of affection between the two of you. When he finally turned away, Oikawa heaved a small sigh, finally catching the breath he wasn’t aware he was even holding in.
“Hajime!”
The shout startled the man who winced when his tooth clipped the bottle he was drinking out of. You stumbled past Oikawa, arms wrapping around Iwa’s head as you pulled him into your chest in some form of a hug.
“I miss you, we should all hangout during the break,” you squeaked, planting a kiss into his spiky hair before resting your cheek on the spot. Your bleary eyes kept Oikawa grounded from the disappointment that started to nestle in his chest, “You too, just like old times!”
“What?” Oikawa eyebrows furrowed, unsure if he had heard you correctly. Were you even addressing him? He couldn't tell.
Iwa patted but your side, awkwardly trying to signal that your embrace was a little too suffocating for his own liking. Kuroo silently chuckled to himself before pushing off the railing and extended his hand out to you. With a bright smile, you pulled away from Iwa and took your boyfriend’s hand. He carefully guided you past Oikawa, the smell of your perfume brushed past the tip of his nose but just as quickly as he had caught onto it, it was gone the next.
A sharp elbow jutted into Oikawa's ribs, grabbing his attention from your form to best friend whose eyes widened as he nudged his head towards you. Confused, he furrowed his brows at Iwa before the eldest sighed, “Just send me a message when we’re free and we can all grab some drinks or something.”
Oh, that. So you were addressing him earlier…
Iwa’s rather late response to your offer went over your head as you and Bokuto went back to giggling like a bunch of schoolgirls, Bokuto quipping, “I’ll carry you home!”
“Oh I wouldn’t-“ but Kuroo’s interjection to Bokuto’s terrible idea fell on deaf ears as the owl went in to scoop you up into his arms. Iwa’s hand trembled in front of him as he almost got out his seat to help, wary of the way the two of you drunkenly swayed. “Alright, looks like we’re going now- Oi, careful!”
Your boyfriend’s hand came down to protectively shield the side of your head from colliding into the doorframe as Bokuto tried to squeeze the two of you through the small doorway, “Bokuto, you break my girlfriend and I’m breaking your elbow-caps.”
“Elbow-caps aren’t real, Kuroo-san,” Akaashi murmured as he tailed behind the three of you.
“Yeah, but he doesn’t need to know that in this state,” Kuroo responded, pointing to Bokuto as he maneuvered the crowd. “Sorry, we’ll catch you guys during the break then.”
Nodding, the two of us waved, “See you around.”
The door closed behind Akaashi rather gently, the small click of the door latch almost went unnoticed as Iwa slumped in his seat. Oikawa copied his best friend, sinking into his own chair, a hand tousling at his messy mop of brown hair out of confusion and frustration. A comforting hand came down on Oikawa’s shoulder as he squeezed his eyes shut, “Deep breaths, Oikawa.”
Following his friend’s advice, Oikawa took a deep inhale trying to shake the tense feeling pinching at every nerve in his body. He sighed, pulling his hand away from my face as he threw his head over the back of the plastic chair. There was a sudden urge to cry, the one where your nose starts to tingle uncomfortably and the tears threaten to brim but Oikawa shook my head.
Was he trying to shake the feeling away or was he trying to reassure himself that there was no need to cry. It could have gone a lot worse, but it didn’t. Hell, you acknowledge him and that was more than he would have expected at this rate. Were you too drunk? Would you hate him all over again when you woke up in bed next to your boyfriend tomorrow, cringing as you recounted the events you had gone through after all the alcohol you had absorbed at the party?
“Oi,” Iwa sternly cleared his throat, stalking over to the edge of the balcony. His arms rested over the cold metal railing and Oikawa did the same, taking the empty spot next to his friend. “Don’t overthink shit. I’ve told you before, and you know this yourself, [Y/L/N]’s not one to hold grudges forever.”
Swear I'm different than before
I won't hurt you anymore
'Cause you were good to me
The sound of a door opening from below caught the Miyagi duo’s attention, a stretch of shadows wavered at the sudden light before the four of you walked out from below the apartment awning. Bokuto was still surprisingly carrying you, with Kuroo and Akaashi tailing right behind. Tired as you were, you managed to smile and wave at your boyfriend from your spot in Bokuto’s arms.
“I bet you they’ll barely make it halfway through the garden before they collapse,” Iwa whispered, chuckling to himself as he watched the buff owl stagger with you in his arms.
“I have a little more faith, I mean he’s pretty built,” Oikawa shrugged, almost grimacing when Bokuto swayed a little too far into the grass. He almost took back his cheeky remark. Kuroo’s hand stretched out to catch his stumbling friend, tugging him back onto the path before the two of you toppled over. “Three-quarter of the way.”
Iwa gave a nonchalant shrug as we watched on. Just as he went for another swig of beer, a shriek echoed from below, followed by laughter. You were on the ground with Bokuto, the both of you laughing in tears as Kuroo and Akaashi tried to help you both up from the garden. The trampled flowers were not pleased.
“Pay up,” Iwa’s open palm signalled for the brunet to hand over his winnings. With a grumble, Oikawa fished out his wallet and planted a couple notes in the awaiting palms of his friend; enough to buy himself lunch tomorrow. “Thank you.”
The distance from the balcony on the top floor of the mid-rise apartment and the garden below sheltered the conversation ensuing from Bokuto and Kuroo as they exchanged some sort of debate. In a matter of moments, Bokuto started to sway and stumble once more, Akaashi doing his best to support him as he leaned over to meet fingertips with you.
Kuroo hopped a little to adjust your slipping weight as he carried you on his back the rest of the way to the apartment complex.
“He’s truly not a bad guy,” Iwa shrugged, stretching out some more as he adjusted his position against the balcony. “She’s told me quite a lot about their little adventures from before they got together. He even waited till they left the graduation ceremony to ask her out officially, uniform button and all. Who knew she was such a sap for that kind of stuff?”
Oikawa did… Even if you would never admit to such a thing, vowing to take it with you to the grave, you were the romantic type who wanted all the little cute moments you picked up from books and movies.
It was the summer before your third grade, Iwa was helping his grandfather with errands so it was just you and Oikawa at the park picking berries. You were talking about getting married—probably stirring up ideas for the next time you dragged the two boys into playing house with. Oikawa had asked you out of the blue how you would get married in the first place. He had not been expecting you to go into such great detail, but you beamed up at the boy as you excitedly explained how you would want to marry the first guy to give you the second button to his uniform.
Oikawa, who had the biggest crush on you at the time, didn’t want to tell you that he would be that guy. Not because he was afraid, but because he was determined to make it a surprise.
At the time, he had hopelessly believed that he would be the only person who would do such a thing for you. The only one worth your hand in such a pretty ceremony, as all the pictures you had shown him from a magazine you found at home. He wanted to be the one, even if it meant he had to fight his own best friend for you, he would. If it came down to a race to see who would get their button in your hands on the last day of high school, Oikawa was certain that he would win.
The brunet sighed at the memory, the overwhelming nostalgic feeling of determination he had flowing through his little body as he watched you go about finding the ripest berries to pick off the vines.
Looking up, Oikawa realized Iwa had been staring at him like he was waiting for a response, “What?”
“You tuning me out again, you lil’ shit?”
“You called her a sap, and then…”
Iwa sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “And then you stopped listening… I said, Kuroo does take good care of her and I know, as much as you wanted to fix things, to go back in time and live up to your little fantasy of being the one to give her the button and to have her hand in marriage or whatnot, that she’s doing just fine with Kuroo.”
Now feeling sour at the rejection clearly laid out not even by you, but by his own best friend, Oikawa pouted and grumbled, “If you wanted to hurt my feelings you should have given me a warning first.”
The harsh slap upside the head earned a yelp from Oikawa. Rubbing at the sore spot, Iwa’s hand fell to Oikawa's shoulder once more as he tugged him into his side, “From the way I see it, you still have her and she still has you. We should be happy for her.”
He tipped his nose towards the little group disappearing into the lobby of the apartment, “She’s safe with them.”
Whether that was a tribute to your arrival to your residency and not in the dirt of the garden, or to the overarching idea of some semblance of safety with Bokuto, Kuroo and Akaashi, Oikawa knew he was right. The fact you even wanted to see him after everything, that was more than enough to make Oikawa smile. Things have changed, but who was he to be the one to hurt you again? No, he won’t do that, again.
The wind bristled past, his hair falling over his eyes and obstructing his line of sight. With a small brush of his hand, he moved his bangs back into place, only to feel something tickle at his nose. Pulling his hand away, Oikawa noticed a thin fibre fluttering in the wind, stuck to the cuff of his jacket.
Iwa looked over at the quiet man beside him, “You want me to get that for you?”
“Every time I do it—“
“It gets worse,” they finished in unison. Their eyes met briefly before they both chuckled to themselves. With his empty drink tucked under his arm, Iwa twirled the loose strand around his finger, his other hand pinching the fabric of Oikawa’s jacket. A quick tug and the thread snapped in a clean cut.
Shoving it into his bottle, Iwa sent Oikawa a knowing smile before he pushed himself away from the rails, jerking his head towards the door “You staying over tonight?”
The light to the room with the red LEDs flickered on, a tall shadow moved over to the curtained window for a moment before it disappeared once again. With the new lighting, Oikawa was able to finally see the resin cube on the windowsill in the room. It was propped against the line of varying books, just like you said it was.
Turning away, he offered Iwa a tired smile, “Yeah, if you don’t mind.”
Iwaizumi simply hummed, leaving his bottle behind on the balcony table on his way into the stuffy apartment. Oikawa took a second, eyeing the bottle and the thread within before hurrying after him.
A/N: That is it my beans. Honestly, if this was the Hanahaki!AU trope... Anyways, there is still some semblance of comfort in the reality of mistakes that take a lot to own up to. It won't always be a happy ending for everyone and that's just how it be sometimes.
Summary: Chapter 2 of Thread of Fate, third-person omniscient point of view focuses on Oikawa following the break-up with the reader.
Track ID: Let Her Go by Passenger
[Y/F/N] — Your Family Name
[Y/N] — Your (first) Name
Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow, and it goes so fast
For the first time in weeks, maybe months, his cellphone was on silent. The glow could be seen when a notification came in, even with the screen faced down on his desk, but not a single chime came with it.
Huddled in the comfort of his room, the only source of light was the little television screen he had. No one was home; his mother had gone over to his sister’s to watch over his nephew, leaving him all alone in the house without much of a distraction from his thoughts.
The futon draped over his sturdy build huddled under, knees tucked to his chin. His knee screamed in pain all throughout the latter half of the practice today.
There wasn’t enough solace in his mind as the projector of memories kept looping his entire day in broken scenes.
“If it’s good luck charms you want from your girlfriend then you might as well take one of your pesky fangirls out.”
“Showing interest? In your cocky personality or the team?” You questioned, inching closer to him. “If I wasn’t interested I wouldn’t have crammed an entire week’s worth of lessons and studies into late nights just so I could have a carefree day at a busy gym complex to warm up with you guys and to cheer the team on!”
“If you’re gonna make it sound like such hard work, then don’t bother! I don’t need your pissy attitude on game day!”
“Guys, stop-”
“Fuck you, maybe I won’t but it’s not like you’d give your fucking time of day outside of volleyball anyways!”
The look on your face could kill a man in his sleep. He was aware of his words, the way he acted, arms crossed and his eyes dark. He was aware of it all but he didn’t want to back down. Not with all the snide comments you were barrelling at him in the heat of the moment. Even just thinking back on how the whole scenario played out, he clenched his eyes shut.
How could he have acted like that? In uniform, in public, with you. A part of him was embarrassed for his image but a bigger part of him knew that that was the problem.
It was the part about him you probably hated. How he was so absorbed over his image—his reputation—that he couldn’t even hold down a solid friendship with one of the very few people who still stayed by his side after all those years together in elementary.
“Iwa’s been a bigger presence ever since high school started and even more so when you and I got together. You’re barely here for the little things!”
“You haven’t been a friend in so long, let alone a boyfriend!”
It’s why the television was on. The constant reminder of who he no longer was, the part of him he can barely recall was staring back at him in the reflection of the television screen with little ease. He couldn’t bear that sight.
How did he become the very thing he despised, a literal grand king showered with all the love and attention but never to return any with an earnest loyalty, himself. For years it was his mum, his sister, Iwaizumi and yourself that kept him going, encouraging him to get better at volleyball while also keeping him rooted.
Volleyball…
Oikawa scoffed, nudging his face further into his arms, everything felt like such a joke. Oikawa had one final year at Seijoh, and as captain of the volleyball team, he wanted to make sure his team would make it for nationals, especially before he graduated with Oikawa and the other third-years on the team. He had to focus on being better, or playing his best always, putting 100% into the team even during practice. Their team needed to be strong—he needed to be strong—if they were to get anywhere close to playing in Tokyo for Nationals.
“You’re so wrapped in your own little world, volleyball bouncing around your mind and head in the clouds from all the undying attention. I don’t blame you, but you’re also a real fucking selfish asshole in that sense. The Oikawa I graduated junior high with, is not the one sitting across from me right now.”
You were always right, he was so caught up in both volleyball and the girls that it was in a quiet and vulnerable moment such as now, that he has come to understand the reason why he was there in the first place.
Seeking some sort of validation that he was worth something, worth all the effort he put into volleyball. The fangirls were just the cherry on top that proved his efforts were fruitful. The symbol of some sort of established status. Or your own analogy, a bandaid for a cut too deep and too wide. He had taken a part of himself and put it up for grabs when he walked into the Seijoh gymnasium with Iwa, club application in hand neatly filled out and signed with his best pen. When the girls took notice of him during practice and games, he revelled in the attention, soaking up every compliment he was given.
His eyes briefly glanced at the box in the corner of his room, filled to the brim with gifts from his fans from over the years that didn’t seem to fit anywhere else in his room.
With something between a groan and a sigh, Oikawa turned off his glowing screen and dug himself into his bed. He hated feeling the way he did, like a huge disappointment and well… a giant piece of shit. In more ways than one too, what a record!
He rubbed at his eyes with the edge of his futon before a ding echoed in the quiet abyss of his room. He knew it would be Iwa, there was no way in hell were you gonna text him after everything between the two of you and Iwa was the only other person in his contact who got the priority of emergency by-pass.
Oikawa picked up his phone, eyes adjusting to the blinding light from the screen. More than a dozen messages and notifications from girls across various social media platforms and a single sentence he wished he didn’t have to read.
“[Y/N]’s moving to Tokyo.”
Well, you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
'Cause you loved her too much, and you dived too deep
Oikawa got little rest that night, eyes re-reading the small exchange of text between him and Iwa as if the overwhelming voices and memories hadn't been enough on their own. The week just barely started, he might as well engrain every bit of regret further into his frontal lobe.
O.T: When?
I.H: March, after we finish our second year.
I.H: I’m just as shocked as u r abt this
O.T: She’s always been the more studious of the 3 of us...
I.H: Yeah but this is beyond that
O.T: Tokyo huh? That’s only 3 months from now.
I.H: THE University of Tokyo Oikawa, not just some little college
O.T: [Y/F/N]-san said dual enrollment
I.H: Exactly
I.H: She’s doing concurrent studies at the biggest university in the country in her final year. Good for her but wtf.
O.T: So where else is she enrolling if she’s not staying at Seijoh?
I.H: Nekoma
O.T: Y not just go to Fukurōdani. It’s an academy.
I.H: If you’re concerned about her being impressive, don’t forget she’s already starting university basically. It won’t matter which hs she finishes at u fking idiot
I.H: Plus, she’s afraid she won’t have time for joining a new club and doing everything from scratch. Said smth about applying to be the manager for the boy’s vb team until grad.
O.T: Fukurōdani already has like 3 managers
I.H: Exactly plus she’s familiar with vb, it’ll be less time consuming.
His fingers ghosted over the send button, torn between messaging you his apology tagged by a small congratulations. He didn’t send it though, opting to wipe the message from his text box and turning his phone off.
You hadn’t told him personally, you two were broken up, there’s no way you would want him to give you some seemingly sordid apology just to make himself better before you left.
The very thread that had knit together when you two first met was nothing but frayed fibres of tension, he didn’t even know if you could consider it a single thread anymore.
The small things, huh? Working so hard to finish all your assignments early to spend time, your birthdays, the missed six-month anniversary, your application to university. Those were the small things you meant…
With a sigh, he reached for his phone yet again, pulling up your Instagram out of curiosity. Sure enough, your profile still remained rather tidy and minimal, but the photos you did have were either of trips to your favourite sites, the Shiba Inu cafe you loved so much and pictures with Iwa. You two did spend a lot of time together; the only photos of him that you had up were from a group photo of the three of you guys from junior graduation and a throwback of the three of you at the playground from elementary.
Well, you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
School remained bittersweet for the remainder of the year. With you being the Class President for your homeroom, you had a lot of work to sort through with getting the next President prepared for your departure. When you weren’t using your breaks to deal with extracurriculars, you were working hard to finish your assignments.
Iwa didn’t understand as you seemed so engulfed by all the papers and books. You had brushed him off at one point, telling him that you “had to be prepared to be in high school for half the day and the other at university.” You quite simply did not have time to have lunch with him, let alone Oikawa.
He felt Iwa stare him down from across the desk, an eyebrow raised at his best friend’s depressing aura. Oikawa paused, the sandwich halfway to his mouth, “What, Iwa-chan?”
The intimidating look on his face disappeared for a split second as he rolled his eyes, “It’s weird to eat lunch with you and you alone.”
A familiar tease tickled the back of his mind, but he saved his retort as he looked around the room with a shrug, “I sent out a tweet about wanting to be alone for a while, guess it worked.”
“Of fucking course you did,” Iwa muttered, taking a bite out of his onigiri. He chewed carefully before he sighed, “Did you talk to [Y/F/N]? About her leaving?”
Oikawa merely shook his head, poking at the cucumber slices in his bento box, “Is she going to have a goodbye dinner?”
This time, it was Iwa’s turn to shake his head, “Nope, said something about it being cheesy and that she would be back to visit during break anyways.”
Of course, how like you to avoid having the attention on you when it came down to your own achievements. You haven’t changed one bit… It was almost comforting to know that his favourite things remained the same despite all other changes over the last two years.
Practice ended early today, but Oikawa had separated from Iwa on the walk home earlier than usual. It was a week before the three of you would officially wrap up your second year, meaning you were moving to Tokyo soon. At the very least, he wanted to get you a goodbye present. Even if you didn’t want to see him, at least he could leave it in your locker or at your doorstep.
Oikawa took the train into the city and browsed some shops along the busy strip. The sun was starting to set but he still hadn’t seen anything in the windows that you would like. At some point, he settled on the fact he might not be able to pinpoint anything in particular having not spent as much time with you in the last few years.
That’s when he started to think back to how the two of you managed to get together in the first place, despite never really having seen each other all that much during or after classes.
It was the beginning of January, winter break was just finishing up and he had hit the winter blues. For some weird turn of events, he started to dread going back to class because of all the attention he was expecting from the girls. His family had gone on vacation to Hokkaido and his mother had preemptively stashed everyone’s phone upon arrival to encourage “family-bonding” time. When they finally got back, the influx of holiday wishes and other messages became too much to sort through so he didn’t respond to anything at all.
He knew going back and facing them would mean having to explain himself to everyone and issuing his apologies. All the gifts too… So he took it upon himself to walk over to yours after having thought through his plan. He asked you out and even had your late Christmas present ready.
If he had a girlfriend when he returned to school, no one would be wanting any more of an apology because he had a seemingly viable reason; he had been spending the holidays with his family and his girlfriend.
And his plan had worked! The attention and demand had decreased enough for him to get through the school days and back into a strict schedule with his team, it was more than he could ask for.
In hindsight, that was a shitty idea because a part of him felt guilty about his plan and not being able to somehow own up to it without making things worse between the two of you. After your first anniversary in February, Oikawa just fell into the habit of only being with you when it felt necessary or coincidental with group hangouts that included Iwa. He still saw you as a friend, someone important to him, hence why coming up to being honest seemed to be a terrible idea at the time.
Fuck.
Oikawa stopped in front of a boutique, one that was rather small and had a minimal storefront. However, from outside the window, he could see the place was decorated in fairy lights and flowers. He made his way in, greeting the store owner with a polite bow.
The old lady waddled over, “Good evening, what are you looking for today, young man?”
“A gift,” he murmured, eyes scanning the store for its offerings.
“Is this gift for a friend, a girlfriend?” He nodded, picking up a stack of neatly bound notebooks. “Do you know what they like?”
Oikawa put the books down, one hand reaching to scratch the back of his head while he waved the other, “No, unfortunately not.”
The lady pursed her lips, glancing away for options herself, “That’s not a very good sign…”
Did she really just? Oikawa sighed knowing she wasn’t wrong and arguing with an old lady just wasn’t something he wanted to do today.
After interrogating him some more, the owner went to the other side of her shop and pulled a block of flowers cased in a cube of resin off the shelf. It was small enough to fit in her hands, she handed it over to him carefully.
Upon closer inspection, it was actually a single, fully-blossomed bud of sakura. There were a few gold flakes set with the flower, creating a frozen effect of motion within the cube. It reminded him of the time his mother took the three of you out to the sakura festival, indulging yourselves in all the sweets the vendors had to offer. He and Iwa also had a competition to find you the biggest sakura bud off the ground.
Damn, that was almost six years ago.
“Handpicked from last year’s bloom, I made this as a symbol of preserving beauty even when it is gone. The weight is good for holding books upright on a bookshelf or as a paperweight,” the shopkeeper explained.
Oikawa turned it in his hand, watching the light refract and admiring the craftiness. That’s when he noticed a loose thread swinging from the cuff of his uniform jacket. Dismissing the stupid lacing, he asked the shop owner if they sold any cards.
The captain carefully swung the bag as he walked up the street to school the next day. It was early for most, only students who had morning clubs or meetings would be on campus at this time.
He snuck into the locker room, searching for the one with your name on it. He opened it carefully to see someone else—or rather a bunch of people—had the same idea as him. Your small locker was nearly full to the door with little goodies and a stash of cards neatly tied together with a ribbon. With a sigh, he carefully shifted the stuff around to make room for the small bag containing your gift and his card.
This was the most he was gonna get from you and with a sigh he closed your locker. Iwa was leaning at the far end of the lockers, his presence startling the captain.
“Why don’t you just give it to her in person, like me?” Iwa questioned, crossing his arms over his chest.
Oikawa sighed, taking a step back from her locker, “Because I’m not like you, Iwa-chan. She’s not gonna want to see me after all of that.”
Iwa muttered something under his breath, Oikawa’s ear twitched, “What was that, Iwa-chan?”
“I said you’re a real fucking idiot,” Iwa responded louder than he anticipated, reaching with a quick step to smack his friend upside the head. One of the girls they recognized from your class paused next to Iwa.
With a little card in hand, she timidly spoke, “Are you guys here to drop off your gifts for [Y/N]-senpai?”
Oikawa threw on his best smile and approached her, “We were just leaving for morning practice.”
The girl muttered an oh and watched the two captains walk off. She opened your locker next to slip in her card when her eyes caught sight of the shop name on the bag Oikawa had left. Her eyes glanced over to where the boys had been standing, a little confused.
And you let her go.
A/N: Dual enrollment is a rare occurrence from my understanding of the Japanese school system. Because elementary, (middle) and high school education are rigorous on their own and mandatory, students typically do not find themselves in a situation where they would dual-enrol for high school and university. University itself is also tough to get into, competitive and requires an entrance exam just like high school (in Japan.)
