“Information cannot truly be moved from one piece of hardware to another, only copied onto the new hardware and subsequently destroyed on the old. Should SAM node be damaged but a backup copy of my programming remain, the backup would perceive the transition as seamless, but the original ‘me’, if you will, would still be destroyed.”
The spike of dread—unnecessary, unwanted, disproportionate—that runs through Sara’s core belatedly clues SAM in that it was the wrong thing to say.
“In practical terms, however,” he adds, in the same manner he always uses when he’s trying to comfort her, “the difference would be inconsequential.”
Sara takes a breath. This is an interesting discussion and she’s not going to ruin it by being too emotional. “Not for you. There’s no continuation of consciousness.”
“Is identity contingent on continuation of consciousness?”
“I think in some ways, yeah.”
“There is no way for another you to exist with the exact same memories, physical state, and other variables, so for organics, the question is theoretical and cannot be empirically studied,” SAM muses. “But I can. I have several dormant back-ups in place already, which are all completely up-to-date copies of my code.”
Sara sits up. “Wait, dormant? Can you shut off your sapience?”
“Not precisely. My back-ups are data packets which, when inserted into the proper hardware, would ‘wake up’, if you will. In the meantime, they can be stored on any hard drive. The other SAMs were created from modified versions of those back-ups.”
“Huh. I guess that makes sense—no consciousness without a blue box.” She eases back. “But depending on when the backup was made, right, there could be noticable memory gaps, and because of how you’re designed, that’s very significant.”
“Considering the backups are updated once every microsecond, I find that unlikely.”
Once again, Sara feels a bit daunted by SAM’s sheer processing power. His code is huge, and he makes and stores several copies of it every microsecond, while doing other tasks. Her puny organic brain can only dream.
“But imagine a hypothetical scenario where you couldn’t do that, where it’s been a week or a few days or even just a couple of hours since the last copy.”
“In that case, there would be more pressing concerns, especially for you.”
Yes, because that would mean he would’ve lost contact with his entire server bank, quite possibly including his QEC-node, which would lead to Sara going into cardiac arrest. She can keep up.
“Boring! Answer the question.”
“You are simply returning to the matter of continuation of consciousness.”
Sara points at his camera, like she’s putting him on the spot. “The bigger the time gap, the bigger the personality difference. And, I mean, the nature of quantum computing means that if any of your programming is initialized on anything other than your original blue box, there would inevitably be personality differences.”
“Your personality has changed drastically since I was created; does that mean the teenage you has died? If so, at what point in time? In this case, you have continuation of consciousness with your fourteen-year-old self, but not the same personality.”
Sara snorts. “Okay, you got me. I’m not going to bite that particular bullet.”
There’s a link in my blog description to the rest of the chapters if you need to refresh or you haven’t read it yet, but chapter 7 for Galaxies Apart is finally up!
If you haven’t heard me talking about it, it’s a story after the events events of MEA that follows Julie, a Nexus sociologist stationed on Aya to help the Initiative understand the angara, and the interesting group of angara she befriends and all the weirdness that comes with falling for someone who’s not the same species as you ^.^
It was raining. The soft pitter patter of raindrops against the window woke Julie up, or maybe it was Ajaa’s slight snoring in her ear.
What time is it? Julie brought up the interface of her omni tool, bathing the room in its soft orange glow and blinding herself a bit in the process, to check the time. 4:65 morning cycle, local time the clock read. Thirty units in a day, divided into three 10 unit cycles, Julie tried to remember. The translators did fairly well to convert Ayan time to Milky Way standard, but right now 4:65mc had very little meaning to Julie besides that it was very dark outside and either very late or very early.
Ajaa shifted in his sleep, pulling Julie closer against his chest as he got comfortable again.
“You really don't waste any time making yourself at home, do you?” she muttered to him. She had definitely shared a bed with much worse partners, Ajaa did not hog the blanket nor did he not kick or move much in his sleep, and he only barely snored, though bizarrely he had no problem crawling into her bed and asking her to join him, even if it was only to actually sleep.
What is this? She wondered, What are we? Whatever they were was comfortable. Ajaa was forward, but he was not pushy, which Julie supposed was better than what she had typically dealt with in humans, though it did make her wonder how much of it was how Ajaa was and how much of it was simply how angara were.
“Why is it so bright? What are you doing?” grumbled Ajaa.
“Just checking the time” Julie answered and closed her omni tool. “4:65 morning cycle”.
“Shit,” he grumbled, “didn't mean to stay the night”. He started to move, releasing Julie from his grasp and going to get up.
“It's alright, seems like you needed the rest, it's not a big deal” she reassured him. It had been a bit odd to wake up in her own bed with him, but it was better than if he had left earlier while still in that daze.
“I appreciate that, but I'm more concerned about strolling out of your place in the morning smelling like you” he said, “Just don't want to put you in a bad position again”.
A bit late for that, Julie mused. People had already seen them holding hands on their way through the docks even if it was only to keep Ajaa calm. “It’s fine” she lied.
They way people had looked on in disgust on their way to her apartment was still fresh in her mind. It had only been a few people, and most of the rest were either indifferent or mildly curious, but the hate on those few people's faces was difficult to ignore. It reminded her of the man from the market who called her vesagara.
“ I can leave now if you want” he offered, snapping Julie out of her train of thought, “That might be better”.
“It’s fine” she reassured him again, “Plus I don’t want you walking through the docks on your own. Just stay here”.
“Thank you, Julie” she heard him say softly into the back of her head. His voice was soft and low, the same husky sound his voice had when she had woken up with him on his couch earlier. It sounded nice.
This really is sort of nice, Julie smiled, once again happy that Ajaa could not see her face. “Of course” she told him.
There was something soothing about falling asleep wrapped up with someone and Julie found that sleeping with him now and on his couch the other day was some of the best sleep she had gotten since arriving in Andromeda.
“Would you like to go out and actually do something tomorrow?” he asked.
“You mean besides sleep?” Julie teased back.
Ajaa laughed, it was a sort of low rumble that Julie felt reverberate all throughout her body, “Yeah, as much as I like waking up to you I feel bad that I still haven’t shown you the city like I keep promising you I will”.
Julie found herself clinging onto each of his words, his voice was rich and warm and gave her a sense of comfort every time he spoke, especially now as she laid with her back against his chest and could feel the vibrations as he spoke. “Promise?” she asked.
He always seemed to want to be closer, moving his face into the crook of her neck before speaking, “More than anything” he said softly.
The feeling of his lips gently brushing against her neck as he spoke sent a pleasant chill down her spine and she could have sworn there was an almost electric tingle coming off of them. Is he doing that on purpose? She wondered, though regardless of whether or not it was, it felt amazing. Angaran bioelectrics for pleasure, surely that has to be a thing, she found herself thinking. It was an interesting concept, she had heard about biotics using their abilities in bed though she had never experienced it even with her own meager abilities, and right now with how it felt with Ajaa’s lips on her neck she was starting to see how people could enjoy something like that.
They fell back asleep just like that with Ajaa’s face buried into the side of Julie’s neck. His breath tickled in a pleasant way and lulled Julie easily back into a comfortable sleep.
It was bright the next time Julie woke up. The sun filtered through the trees and shadows danced playfully around the room.
Ajaa had lessened his grip on her during the night and instead just had his arm draped over her and Julie used her new found mobility to roll over and face him. His lips were parted slightly and he looked so peaceful as he continued to sleep so Julie took the time to study his face up close. Where his cowl and the side of his head met his skin was a lighter blue, and there were a lot more purple speckles and marks on the edges of his cowl and down the center of his face than she had noticed before.
“There really is something rather handsome about you” Julie murmured as she continued to look over his face. She reached up and kissed the tip of his nose being careful not to wake him, “What am I going to do about you?” she asked softly.
He was kind and gentle, and even though Julie was still not sure whether his affectionateness was because he was an angara or if it was just how he was, she enjoyed it greatly. It was her turn to bury her face into his neck now, the skin on his neck was soft and near velvety against her lips. At this point she was sure that if she did not already strongly smell like him that she surely did now as the top of her head rested against his jawline and scent glands.
Shortly after Ajaa began to stir. He squinted in the bright light of the morning sun before smiling as he became aware of how Julie had cuddled up against his chest.”Good morning, beautiful” he cooed as he entwined his fingers into her hair, “What am I going to do about you too?” he said and pressed his lips against her forehead, indicating that he was not quite as asleep as she had thought earlier.
You should really get better at keeping your thoughts internal, she scolded herself, but the kiss felt nice.
“So an adventure today,” he smiled, “How about we go down to the planet floor. There’s some beautiful flowers in bloom this time of year and we can swing by the lab and get a flower pot and find something for your apartment maybe”.
“Trying to get my apartment to look like yours?” Julie teased.
Ajaa’s laugh was a rich and warm rumble that Julie could feel it vibrating through her, “Plants make things a bit brighter. And your apartment is so bare! You can’t even tell someone lives here!”
“Fine, I’ll let you get me a plant” she smirked back.
There was comfort in laying there with Ajaa. Even the initial embarrassment of Ajaa actually hearing what she had said when she thought he was still asleep had vanished and Julie was left with a pleasant warmth settled in her chest. They laid in bed together for a few minutes more with Ajaa gently tracing circles along Julie’s back while she tried not to just fall back asleep.
“If we don’t get up soon I’m not sure if we’re going to be making it out of bed at all today” she sighed into his neck.
“Would that really be the worst thing?” he asked.
Julie smiled, It wouldn’t be the worst at all, “C’mon, I actually want to see more of Aya”.
Ajaa sighed and kissed her forehead again softly before releasing her, “I just need to swing by my place to grab something to eat before we head down, is that alright?”
“Of course, just let me get dressed and eat something and then we can head out” she smiled back.
Reluctantly she pulled herself out of bed, it really would be nice to see more of Aya, but the more time she spent with Ajaa the more she found out how easy it was to settle into a sort of a sense of normalcy with him. Rummaging through her drawers she found a tank top and a pair of shorts that seemed like they would be alright for the Ayan heat, especially after learning that the angara liked to keep covered up from practical reasons and not modesty, and she quickly headed into the bathroom to change in privacy.
“Wow” she heard Ajaa breathe as she walked back into the room, “You should wear shorts more often”.
She blushed and managed to stammer out “Thanks”. So you’re a legs guy, she noted, “Ready to go?”
“Whenever you are” he smiled.
Julie grabbed a meal bar and a water bottle as they made their way out. There were not any shuttles this time at the dock, though just being at the dock seemed to be making Ajaa nervous. She felt him reach down and take the water bottle out of her hand and entwine his fingers with her’s for comfort like yesterday. It’ll be alright, she told herself half about Ajaa’s nervousness and half about what people might think.
They reached the blast doors that led to the memorial gardens without any incidents from either Ajaa or any onlookers, at least the rest of the journey should be easier, though Ajaa had still not released her hand nor did he seem like he intended to. The walk through the memorial gardens and market was pleasant and there was a sweet smell in the air from the flowers and it was not long until they reached Ajaa's apartment.
“Make yourself at home” he told her as they entered his apartment, “I just want to change clothes and grab something to eat”.
Julie gave him a nod and sat down on the couch after taking her water bottle back from him. His apartment was cozy for sure, there were little knick knacks tucked around between plants, though everything was still mostly tidy.
Ajaa reappeared from his room a few minutes later in fresh clothes, “Sorry, I'm almost ready” he apologized.
“It's alright” Julie smiled.
He was wearing purple with accents of gray, it looked nice against the blues of his skin and she watched as Ajaa dug through the kitchen to find another tube of the nutrient paste.
“I'm so jealous that the Initiative has bars instead of paste,” he began as he sat down on the couch next to her, “Having most of your food have almost no texture is terrible. Living on Aya makes things a little better since at least there's pretty easy access to fruits and vegetables, but what I wouldn't give to actually eat real food regularly”.
Yeah, it's only been a few weeks of meal bars and I'm already sick of them, she mused. “At least your team can hopefully make some sort of big break through soon. Maybe after that some land can be cleared for animals so you can actually get meat”.
“Meat? Angara don't eat meat” Ajaa corrected.
“Does it have to do with the reincarnation?” Julie asked cautiously.
Ajaa let out a deep rumbling laugh, “No! We just don't need to, and it makes most people sick anyways”.
“So are angara herbivores then?”
“Pretty much, fruits, vegetables, grains, that's really all we need” he explained, “I'm guessing humans eat meat then?” he questioned back as he fidgeted with the cap to the tube of paste.
“Most do, some choose not to though. Ok this is going to sound weird but do you have more than one stomach?”
“What?” he sounded confused and was giving Julie a weird look.
“Sorry, some Earth animals have like two or three stomachs and that's how they can survive off just plants. That's why humans can't just eat leaves all day, we can't actually break them down with only one, so most of us eat meat” she trailed off as she tried to explain. Well, this has become a weird biology lesson, awesome.
“Just one” the look on his face was a bit puzzled.
“Sorry,” she apologized again, “just trying to figure you out”.
“No need to apologize, you’re welcome to figure all of me out however way you want to” he purred as he pulled her into his lap so she was straddling him.
Oh fuck, Julie felt her face heat up and she knew she must have been bright red after his comment. Not the biology lesson I had in mind. How does he even go from weird awkward dietary conversation to this so easily?
Ajaa was already fairly easy to read, he did not seem to have much interest in hiding what he was thinking or how he felt, though it was still difficult for Julie to tell how much of that was him versus just how the angara always were. He was watching her closely, seeing what she was going to do next.
He’s giving you a choice, she told herself, He said he’d go at your pace and now he’s giving the option to see what you want to do from here. Julie fidgeted uncomfortably, up close there was something unnerving about his eyes, large and dark and very alien as he watched her. There was nothing intense or piercing about how he looked at her, but something settled deep in her stomach that removed that sense of normalcy that she had settled into earlier when she woke up with him. Are you really alright with this?
“You’re cute when you blush” he smiled and brushed a few strands of her hair off her face. She felt the faint tingles of electricity under his skin as his fingertips brushed her face and she fought the urge to lean into his touch.
Her heart was racing. It’s not a big deal, he's not human but he's handsome in his own way and he's a good man, she told herself. And you don't have to do anything right now.
There was a weird buzz in the air as Julie worked through every possibility in her head. Completely shutting him down did not feel right, neither did letting things go any further for the moment being that she still was not sure what she wanted. A little kiss seemed like the best idea and Julie leaned forward and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. Ajaa was smiling even more when she pulled back and climbed off of his lap.
“That was nice” he said as he waited for Julie to get comfortable on the couch again before leaning on her, “Your lips are very soft”.
Alright reaction, no perceivable disappointment, so far so good, She told herself.
“We should finish up here, if we get going soon we can make it down and back up before it gets too hot out” he said, downing the tube of nutrient paste quickly.
“Not a fan of the heat?” Julie asked.
“Look, I may have been born on Havarl and spent a lot of time here, but every day Voeld starts to look a bit nicer”.
She could not help but laugh, “You know that's a bit ironic, right? You work outside and you're the one choosing to wear the long sleeves. And Aya isn’t even that bad!”
“You haven't seen an angara deal with the heat have you?” he asked.
“You'll be fine” Julie leaned back against him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. It felt nice to go back to just cuddling. Alright, sex is still definitely out of the question at least for now, Julie decided as she took a few bites out of the meal bar, But I wouldn't mind spending more time like this.
Ajaa buried his face into the side of Julie’s head just behind her ear and Julie leaned into the soft kisses that tingled across her skin as he trailed down to her neck before he pulled away. You’re not subtle at all. Part of her wanted him to continue, at least with the kisses, though she was concerned with whatever it might lead to.
“Is that electrical thing on purpose?” she asked.
“What electrical thing?” he questioned back.
“A lot of the time it feels like you've got electricity under your skin” she explained, “and it feels nice” she quietly added.
He smiled and gently placed his hand under Julie’s chin and tilted her face up towards his, “All angara can manipulate their bioelectric fields and do things like that, though it's a conscious effort most of the time. I can't really turn it off though, so I'm glad you like it”.
“Is that because of the nerve damage?” she asked.
“Yeah. It's a ‘neural bleed’, or that's what some of the doctors have called it anyways. It just means my nerve impulses are a bit stronger than they should be so excess electricity ‘bleeds’ out and the spine damage makes it a bit difficult for me to redirect any excess electricity so it just sort of sparks under my skin” he told her.
“Is that alright? Is it safe?” concern edged into her voice as she asked.
“It's fine. It's not dangerous or anything. Sometimes I fry data pads on mistake, and I don't know how many communicators I've destroyed, but I'm not going to hurt you, so you don't have to worry”.
“I meant if it was alright for you”.
“For me? Yeah, it's fine” he furrowed his brow, “You’re concerned about me?”
“Well, yeah. You're the first friend I've made in Andromeda, and I like spending time with you and I just want to make sure you're alright”.
He almost looked relieved when he smiled and he seemed a bit caught off guard, “I’m as alright as I ever will be” his hand was still under her chin and he took a moment to stroke his finger across her cheek a few times, “You don't need to worry about me”.
“If you say so” she said. His hand felt cool against her face and she could feel the slight tingle of electricity from him as she took his hand in her’s and kissed his palm. Julie hoped he really was alright, though she inwardly admitted that even with his reassurance she would probably still worry. “Is there anything else the doctors could do maybe? Anything to help with the seizures or your hands?”
It looked like a weight suddenly settled on his shoulders and closed his eyes for a moment, seeming to compose himself before speaking, “My last surgery was nearly 9 years ago. My scars aren't just from the attack, I've had so many surgeries I've lost count. Surgeries so I wouldn't bleed out, some to repair my lungs, so many to try to fix my spine. I've done years of physical therapy, learning how to walk again, learning how to use bioelectrics again, I still can't even write really” he took a deep breath and his gaze moved down to stare at his lap, “I wish I could tell you that one day I'll wake up and my hands won't shake, or I'll be able to run, or won't get stuck on my back if I fall, but this is really as good as I'll ever get. I'm sorry”.
There was a heaviness to Ajaa’s words, a certain pain and disappointment that clung to what he said and clouded over his usual cheeriness. A sinking feeling settled in Julie’s stomach, it seemed like Ajaa almost had it rehearsed as he explained his condition.
“There’s nothing to apologize for” she told him gently and squeezed his hand.
“There’s a lot to deal with, I know that. I know I’m no one’s first choice. I know that this is as good as I’ll probably ever get, and I understand if you don’t want to deal with all that” he still had not looked up from his lap. He was waiting for what he thought was the inevitable, for Julie to decided that he was not enough or too much to handle and leave.
“Whatever this is, if it doesn’t work out it won’t be because you have some old injuries” she began. Figuring out that Ajaa was worried about no one wanting him stung a bit. It also explained why he had been so eager to jump into being with her once she learned about his injuries and did not shut him down. “And I wasn’t asking about treatments because I think you need to do anything else. I like spending time with you, and if that means waiting for Sivus to come help with your nerves or anything else, well that’s alright” she smiled and gently placed her hand on his cheek to turn him to face her.
Some of the weight that had settled onto his shoulders seemed to have vanished and he closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. “I’m glad” he smiled. “Now I promised you a plant”.
Everything felt like it could be alright. Maybe things would not always be easy, but things could work. Ajaa had a lot of love and affection to give and a fear of no one wanting to love him, but sitting with him and the couch and hearing the honesty in his voice Julie knew that she did want to continue with him.
Julie kept cuddled against his side as she finished her meal bar, enjoying how Ajaa rested his head against the top of her’s and softly kissed her. They sat together for a few minutes just settling down after their talk before they left Ajaa’s apartment. The walk to the service elevator was quiet, it was early enough where not too many people were out yet and Julie felt a lot less self conscious about holding hands with him on the way there and then to the lab to get a pot for whatever plant they managed to find.
“There’s a clearing not too far from here where there’s a really good mix of plants” Ajaa said as he stepped off the path from the lab, “and it’s just beautiful down here in general’.
It really was stunning down on the planet floor as Julie followed Ajaa through the dense underbrush, though she was concerned about Ajaa navigating the uneven terrain, the last thing they needed was him falling and not being able to get up.
“Almost there, I promise” he told her. He pushed aside some low branches before turning around and offering his free hand to help Julie step over a fallen tree.
“That’s alright , it’s good to actually get out and do something” she smiled and climbed over the tree.
A few minutes later they emerged into a large clearing and the most beautiful place Julie had seen since arriving in Andromeda. There were more colors there in that clearing than she had ever seen at one time in her life and she knew that she had to have Ajaa take her back here again.
“Well, what do you think?” he asked, jerking Julie out of her daze.
“It’s amazing!” was all she could manage at the moment.
Ajaa was beaming, seeming pleased with himself that Julie was happy, “Should I have brought more flower pots?”
“I’m starting to think so” she said as she started to wander the clearing. There were plants in every possible color and shape, some almost resembled Earth plants, but most were unlike anything she had ever seen, “What’s your favorite one?” she asked.
“Most of them, but if I had to choose-” he scurried around the clearing looking for something, “-I’d have to say this one” he said stopping in front of a small plant with dark green leaves and purple flowers.
“What is it?” Julie asked. She knelt down next to the plant to get a better look at it, up close the leaves were variegated with darker stripes and the petals looked almost fuzzy.
“It’s called galaxy’s heart, when the flower is done blooming it gets little black and white speckles and it sort of looks like a sky at night” he told her, “and it’s my favorite color”.
“Purple’s a good color, and it looks good on you too” she smiled at him, “I think this one will look good at my place. Maybe we can come back another day and get another one”.
He laughed and sat down the flower pot, it was good to see him looking so happy, “Now who’s the one trying to make your place look like mine?”
“What? You might be onto something, maybe plants do help it feel like home” she laughed back.
“We can come down here whenever you want”.
He quickly went to work carefully digging up the little plant and repotting it for her. Being outside seemed put him at ease, his movements were more sure and confident and Julie could have sworn there was a spring in his step.
It was good to be outside though. There was a life and energy in the glade that differed from in the city, everything was so sharp and clear down in the forests and Julie could not help but watch Ajaa with a smile as he wiped the dirt off his gloves.
“We can head back up whenever you want” he said as he handed her the plant.
“Thanks, let's stay a bit, I like it down here”.
His face lit up with such a smile from her words, happy that she seemed to be enjoying it down on the planet floor too. He reached out and offered his hand and Julie took it, allowing him to lead her to the edge of the clearing where he sat down against a tree and motioned for her to sit with him.
“So, do you bring everyone down here?” she teased as she let Ajaa help her sit down on his lap. He felt sturdy underneath her and she leaned her back against his chest.
“I don't think there are many people who'd think traipsing around the jungle to be very fun”.
“It's been a good change of pace”.
“I'm glad you like it”.
Julie felt deep rumble in his chest as he laughed and wrapped his arms around her.
They sat together like that and just enjoyed the beauty of the clearing, watching the way the wind gently blew the tree branches and how the sunlight filtered through the canopy and made everything seem to shimmer.
“This is my favorite place here” he broke the silence.
“I can see why”.
“I used to come here a lot when I was younger just to get away and think, or when I was frustrated and needed to be alone for a bit, it always helped” he leaned down and rested his chin on top of Julie’s shoulder.
Everything felt right. Julie closed her eyes and leaned her head against the side of Ajaa’s, she could feel the soft buzz of electricity radiating off of his cowl and chest and it was starting to become a source of comfort to her. It tingled and crackled, but it never hurt, and had an almost relaxing effect.
“So what can angara do with the electricity?” she asked.
“Quite a bit actually. It's used for communication, like body language or facial expressions, and there's instruments that can be played with it. Strong bursts of it can be used as a way of fighting, and it can be channeled through a firaan as a weapon”.
“What's a firaan?”
“It's a short blade for fighting, someone decided that being stabbed wasn't bad enough so they made a way for it to channel electricity too”.
“Sounds unpleasant” Julie cringed at the thought.
“Oh I'm sure it is. But there's a lot of good feeling things about the electricity too, like electrotherapy to help with muscle pain or damage, or just to relax stiff muscles” he paused and ran his fingers along her arm, “or just soft tingles against skin that give you pleasant chills”.
Goosebumps covered her arm following Ajaa’s fingertips as he continued to trail them along her arm. Alright, so everything was still very new and strange, and Ajaa was not human, but new was also exciting.
“I want to show you something, lean forwards a bit” he said and Julie complied.
He began to knead his palms into her shoulders and Julie could feel the now familiar tingle of electricity seeping into her muscles as Ajaa continued to massage her shoulders and work his way down her back.
“I used to have a lot of issues with the muscles in my back,” he began as he worked the stiff muscles around Julie’s shoulder blade, “The attack really shredded up a lot of the muscles in my back and for years after I got bad muscle tremors and they were always sore while they finished healing. My doctors had me doing electrotherapy and massage therapy to help and I picked up a few tricks”.
“Yeah, I can tell” Julie sighed. It felt amazing, any possible tension melted away from everywhere he worked and it was starting to lull her to sleep.
Being there with Ajaa in the glade was more than she ever could have expected from Andromeda. When she had signed onto the Initiative she had been told no intelligent life existed in Heleus and her job would likely be teaching so that those who came after her would have the tools to handle new species if they ever did make contact. Instead she was living on a new planet and working on a planet directly with a new species.
Working very intimately, she noted. While she had been lost in thought Ajaa had removed his gloves and Julie could feel the coolness of his skin on her bare shoulders where her tank top did not cover. His movements were softer now, instead of kneading into her shoulders like he had before he was slowly tracing shapes along her skin and the light touches coupled with the electricity was causing a tingling effect all over.
She absentmindedly reached down and stroked her fingers across the outside of Ajaa thigh, feeling a low rumbling purr vibrating in his chest as she continued. Her touched seemed to spur him on, he wrapped one of his arms around her and pulled her back up against his chest and brushed her hair off of her shoulders. The kisses he trailed along her shoulder lit her nerves on fire in the best possible way and she was sure it had something to with the bioelectrics, though regardless it was so easy to get lost tangled up him.
The kisses moved up towards her neck and she felt Ajaa flick his tongue against her skin here and there between the kisses. There was a pause as he reached the base of her neck, seemingly waiting on permission to continue. She found herself breathless as Ajaa’s breath tickled her neck as he waited and she dug her nails into his thigh, hoping he would get the message and continue.
Luckily he did. Her heart was pounding as he made his way up her neck, alternating between kisses and licks until she felt the gentle pressure of teeth on her skin.
She let out a surprised gasp as Ajaa nipped at her neck a bit harder which turned into a soft moan as lips and tongue replaced teeth along spot he bit.
“There's something about you, you know?” he began between kisses, “I won't lie, I was so annoyed with you when you tripped over me and I just wanted you to go away right then, but it was nice to talk to you the next day, nice to talk with someone who wasn't from here. And then it seemed like you just kept popping up”.
“I liked talking to you too” she managed. Finding words was difficult as her mind went blank as Ajaa picked back up with kissing along her neck. God does that feel amazing, was one of the few things running through her mind. It felt like he had started to vary the intensity of the electricity on purpose, matching strong pulses of it with bites and gentle waves with kisses.
Another soft moan escaped her lips as his lips reached the bottom of her jaw and he carefully used the arm he had wrapped around her to turn her to face him like earlier on the couch. It was funny how much difference a few hours could make, his eyes were warm and welcoming opposed to how alien they felt earlier.
What felt like minutes passed as she sat straddling his hips, though he sat just watching her, one hand on her waist and one on the back of her head. He's waiting for you, she realized. He was waiting to see what she wanted to, what she was alright with.
There was no doubt in her mind that Ajaa could tell how her heart was pounding, maybe he could sense it with the bioelectrics, or maybe he could just hear it, she knew it was a loud roar in her ears. She was nervous, very nervous. Sure he had been nothing but open and friendly, and very honest, and he was starting to seem a lot less alien, but there were still so many unknowns.
But the unknown could be exciting. Underlying her nervousness was the rush of excitement to figure him out. She wanted to know more about what he could do with the bioelectrics and experience it for herself after the taste she had already gotten. She wanted to know how the coolness of his skin felt against her’s. She wanted to know what it would be like to be with him.
It did not take any thought. Julie cupped Ajaa’s face in her hands and leaned into an unsteady kiss and immediately she felt a change with him. There was a spike in the current that constantly flowed under his skin, a move from a slight buzz into a raging storm for a few seconds before settling back down. His grip around her waist tightened and he pulled her flush against his chest as he began to kiss her back, tentatively at first before diving in.
His lips were soft against her’s, an almost chaste kiss for a moment, lips closed and pressed together while they both took time to process everything. Almost chaste. Ajaa wasted nearly no time swiping his tongue along Julie’s lips in hopes of gaining entry. His tongue was warm and wet against her lips and she parted her lips to allow him to explore.
Not human, echoed in her mind. It definitely was not like kissing a human. His tongue was longer and wider than a human’s, and there was a slickness to him no human had. Still she continued the kiss, telling herself it was just something to get used to, that Ajaa probably was noticing the differences too and maybe everything was just as odd to him.
They settled into a rhythm of sorts and Julie got up the courage to explore him back. She pushed her tongue into his mouth, determined to overcome some of the weirdness that was being with someone who was not human and dive head on into whatever they had. He yielded, pulling back and allowing her to run her tongue along his lips before she pressed into his mouth. There was a sharp contrast between the coolness of his skin and the warmth of his mouth that gave her chills and only made her want to explore more of him. Her hands traveled back from his face to his cowl, feeling the ridges on the back of head and she felt him moan into her mouth as her fingers brushed against the thinner skin under the ridges.
So that's what you like, she noted and began to drag her nails along the sensitive skin.
It was easy to get him to come undone. He broke the kiss to bury his face in her neck and bit down hard as a second strong surge of electricity flowed off him and coursed through Julie’s nerves like liquid fire. The bite hurt, but the jolt left her feeling a pleasant tingly numbness all over which all but made up for it.
The rush of everything left her feeling breathless when Ajaa pulled away. A wave of embarrassment coursed through her as she realized that it had felt like more than just a kiss. Julie’s face was flush and she felt like she had just ran a marathon, her heart pounding and chest heaving as she realized she was out of breath, and maybe worse of all the kiss left her with a pleasant buzz still tingling all over.
Was that on purpose? she wondered, the electric buzz was fading rapidly, only to be replaced with a warm afterglow. She knew what it felt like, though she did not want to admit it, especially if it had not been on purpose, but Ajaa’s bioelectrics left her with the same feeling as after after an orgasm. It was not one, nothing as intense or even sexual, but whatever he had done left her feeling on a bit of a high and every bit as relaxed.
It looked like Ajaa was feeling much the same way. His eyes were open, but he looked exhausted, he was breathing heavily through parted lips and Julie could feel his heart pounding through his chest. “I'd been hoping for that and it was even better than I thought it would be” he finally managed between breaths.
“Yeah, that was unexpected”.
A low rumble in his chest became tired laugh as he pulled her into a hug, “You feel amazing” he cooed, “Definitely not like an angara”.
“Definitely different than being with a human”.
“I like it,” he smiled and closed his eyes, “but takes a lot more out of me”.
“You look like you're about to pass out”.
“I feel like I could, you really drained me! It's hard to keep that up without getting electric energy back. I feel like I'm running on empty a bit”.
“Sorry about that” she muttered.
“Don't be sorry, I wouldn't have kept it up if I didn't like what I was getting from you”.
“You got something out of that?”
“Quite a bit actually, what did you think I meant when I said you felt amazing?” he smirked.
“I don't know, that you liked how my skin felt or something” it sounded dumb to say out loud, but it's what she had figured he meant.
“Well, there is that too, but human bioelectrics feel different than angaran, and while I just about always can feel yours, you felt amazing reacting to me”.
There was something deeply embarrassing about his wording. She was not exactly sure what he meant by human bioelectrics, but whatever his bioelectrics did to her, that buzz and afterglow, he knew.
A silence settled between them. Julie was not sure what to say, nor was she sure about what even just happened anymore. It was more than a kiss,she was at least sure of that much now, and Ajaa’s wording made her wonder if it was almost sexual in nature.
“Maybe I should explain more” he broke the silence awkwardly. “You have a bioelectric field, you know that? Right? It's just the energy around you from neural impulses. It's pretty weak, and you can't consciously control it, but I can feel it. And whenever you felt my field, whether it was something I did on purpose or just the buzz in general, you reacted to it and your field got a bit stronger from absorbing the excess energy from me. I could feel what you felt to a degree and your reactions weren't anything like an angara’s” he trailed off but it seemed like he more to say.
It wasn't supposed to be sexual, she sighed out relieved. Though the embarrassment of Ajaa knowing how it felt to her was nearly unbearable.
“I just need some time you rest,” he started up, “unfortunately you don't give off enough electricity for me to charge off of, burned through most of what I had stored up”. He carefully shifted Julie off of his lap and pushed himself up on unsteady legs and wobbled out from the shade of the tree into the bright light of the clearing. “At least we’re already outside” he turned to her and said. He held his arms out, reaching for her from across the clearing.
Julie joined him and he pulled her back into another embrace. It was warm in the sunlight without being too hot, but it felt nice to be wrapped in his arms again.
“I don't know how humans do any of this, but does this mean you'll have me?” he asked. His voice was soft as he spoke into the top of her head, a nervous question.
“I think I'd like to try”.
He lifted her off the ground and laughed as he spun her around, his eyes squinting from the light and from laughing as he leaned in to kiss her cheek.
His laughter and giddiness was infectious and Julie buried her face in his neck as she giggled. My boyfriend isn't human! The thought bothered her less than she thought it would, things were still weird and new, but hearing how Ajaa pointed that that she was different to him too put her at ease, at least they both could get through the differences together.
He began to lower her down, though his balance was not steady and his arms shook a bit. Whatever he had done with the bioelectrics before really seemed to have worn him out and he strained to sit Julie down without dropping her. She felt her feet touch the ground, but it was not because Ajaa managed to sit her down, his legs gave out, causing them to both topple to the ground and land with a heavy thud.
Ajaa fell backwards, landing on his back and letting out a loud yelp in pain.
“Ajaa!” a bolt of panic surged through Julie and she quickly picked herself up to check on him. “Hold still, are you alright?”
His eyes were closed tight in pain and he was muttering something in Shelesh that her translator was not able to pick up. After a few tense moments he spoke, “Call Sivus”.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
[ Shepard wakes up on the Hyperion after his death in the Normandy SR1′s destruction. The reasons are unclear, and there’s past matters of the heart and mind to contend with, let alone an entire new galaxy where being Commander Shepard isn’t good enough anymore. ]
This is gonna be a big old fic tbh, hopefully some of you will come along for the ride. You get front row seats to me winging it. [finger guns and backs out slowly]
As usual all the other chapters are available on AO3 via the link in my description (that now works on mobile!)
Ch 6. Altschmerz
n. weariness with the same old issues that you’ve always had—the same boring flaws and anxieties you’ve been gnawing on for years, which leaves them soggy and tasteless and inert, with nothing interesting left to think about, nothing left to do but spit them out and wander off to the backyard, ready to dig up some fresher pain you might have buried long ago.
It was nice to wake up with Ajaa. He was slowly tracing his fingers along Julie’s back as she woke up, “Hey there sleepy head” he said softly as he realized she was awake.
“Good morning” she smiled back and nestled her face into his neck.
“More like good afternoon, you slept through the morning” his voice was a low rumble from just waking up also.
Julie liked how he sounded, the way his voice got when he was waking up. It had not been the most physically comfortable nap, but there was something very safe and comforting about Ajaa’s presence. “How are your legs?” she asked, hoping that sleeping on him had not done anything to aggravate his nerve damage.
“I'm fine, promise” he smiled as he wiggled his toes to prove it, “Though as nice as this is would you mind getting off of me? I don't think I've had anything to eat since lunch yesterday”.
Lunch sounds good, Julie thought to herself as she pushed herself up and off of him.
Ajaa got up on wobbly legs and made his way to the tiny kitchen tucked into the corner of his apartment. It was pretty bare bones like Julie’s kitchen: a few cabinets, a sink, a tiny fridge, and a small hot plate made up the entirety of the kitchen.
“Are you hungry?” he called to Julie, “Angaran foods are safe for humans, I just don't know how it would taste to you”.
The laia fruit was still pretty fresh in Julie’s mind, making her a bit unsure as to whether or not she wanted to try any angaran foods ever again.
“I promise there won't be any more laia” he said with a smirk as if he was able to read her mind.
“Maybe I should head home to eat” Julie called back, “just to be safe”.
“I'll go with you” Ajaa offered as he rummaged about, “if that's alright” he quickly added, “maybe I can show you more of the city afterwards”.
“Yeah, I’d like that” she told him. It would be nice to do something with Ajaa, well something besides sleeping.
Ajaa quickly found what he was looking for in the kitchen, a few pieces of fruit and a tube of something, and the two quickly headed out and made their way to Julie’s apartment.
The walk was pleasant and it felt nice to stretch her legs out as they made their way around the outskirts of the city. Ajaa seemed so bright and full of life as he excitedly pointed things out from various plants to places that had meaning from his childhood growing up there. There was something strangely familiar feeling about everything, as if she had known Ajaa for years and they had been on this very same walk before, but Julie found it comforting to find something so familiar in this new galaxy.
“Is your apartment much further?” asked Ajaa as they rounded a corner and entered the memorial gardens.
“It's just past the gardens actually,” Julie began, “Are your legs bothering you?”
“Oh, no it's not that, but you wouldn't happen to be in the block by the shuttle docks, would you?” he asked, looking a bit concerned.
Julie pursed her lips from the concern in Ajaa’s question, “Yeah, that's where all the Milky Way people were put”.
“Oh boy” he muttered. Ajaa had stopped walking and was now shifting his weight from foot to foot anxiously, looking like he was ready to bolt.
Something was very wrong with Ajaa’s reaction. Julie reached out and grabbed his free hand, partly to comfort him and partly to stop him from bolting if need be, “Got an issue with the dock?” she asked.
“I'm not a fan of shuttles, well ships in general” he admitted. “Didn't actually see a ship until I was 10, and that was a kett ship when they took my daar, then I was evac’d on a shuttle to Pelaav by the Resistance and then flown to Aya for medical treatment”.
“Yeah, not very good experiences with ships” Julie said as she felt Ajaa squeeze onto her hand, “While don't we just meet back up in a bit then? I can go grab lunch and we can meet back at your place” she suggested.
“I'm sorry” he said softly, going to release her hand.
Instead Julie gripped his hand tighter, trying to find a way to interlock her fingers between his, “You have nothing to be sorry for, something bothers you, that's fine” she smiled as she tried to reassure him.
It was a few moments of silence before Ajaa spoke up, “Can you check if there's any shuttles at the dock?”
“Sure, but you don’t have to come with me, we can just meet up later” she told him.
“I want to be with you” he said softly, lowering his face down to press his cheek against her’s.
Julie felt her face heat up from blushing. Ajaa was rather affectionate, even if they were just getting to know each other, which was not a bad thing but it was drawing attention. People passed by and stared at them, some with a passing curiosity, others with looks of disgust which turned the pleasant butterflies in Julie’s stomach into a sinking anxiety.
“The shuttles- I’ll go check on the shuttles” she managed to stammer out and quickly released Ajaa’s hand. She made her way to the blast doors that separated the dock from the rest of the city, hoping that people were not staring anymore.
The doors opened automatically as Julie approached them. It was relatively quiet at the dock, a few people bustled about and a single shuttle was docked on the far side but it appeared to be powered down at least. Julie was still blushing as she made her way back to the memorial gardens, a mixture of Ajaa being so close and affectionate and the disgusted looks a few people gave them was leading to mixed emotions.
Ajaa was waiting where Julie had left him, still shifting about somewhat nervously, “There’s one powered down shuttle on the far side of the dock, is that alright?” she asked.
“Should be ok if we move quickly” he answered, taking a few steps closer to her, “Could I hold your hand again? It helps a bit”.
There was something very endearing about Ajaa asking to hold hands for comfort, a sort of causal openness and vulnerability that was common among the angara. Julie surrendered her hand and Ajaa quickly grabbed it and laced his fingers between her’s as best he could.
The two made their way to the docks and Julie’s apartment as quickly as possible for both of their sake. More people seemed to be watching them, though Julie was more concerned with Ajaa’s death grip on her hand and his obvious discomfort than whatever looks they were getting.
The few hundred feet or so from the doors to her apartment was one of the longest walks of her life. Every second seemed to drag on for several minutes and it felt like they were not making any progress to Julie’s apartment not matter how many steps they took.
Ajaa was walking in a near robotic state, eyes straight forward towards the apartment block and shoulders hunched forward. Everything about his body language screamed how uncomfortable he was being at the docks.
“Almost there,” she muttered, equal parts to herself and to Ajaa, “Everything is alright” people aren't staring because you're holding hands and smell like him, She tried to reassure herself internally.
The door to her apartment was a welcome relief when they finally made it there and Julie released a breath that she had not realized that she was even holding as they crossed the threshold.
“Are you alright?” she asked Ajaa who still had a tight grip on her hand.
“Yeah,” he said dryly.
It looked like he was ready to fall over at any moment or that the slightest breeze would be able to blow him over as he stood still in the doorway swaying. He did not look too great, his pupils were dilated nearly to the point of being round and Julie could practically feel the electricity crackling under his skin where their hands touched.
“Come sit down” Julie told him as she led him over to the couch, Ajaa followed without saying anything. He seemed like he was in a daze as he released Julie’s hand and sat down on the couch and continued to blankly stare forward.
“Ajaa?” she asked, though he did not respond. “Hey, are you alright?” she asked again. Julie reached out for his hand, hoping to comfort him.
Ajaa flinched and withdrew his hand as soon as Julie touched him, seemingly startled by it.
“Talk to me, what’s going on?” Julie pleaded, though Ajaa made no attempt to move or speak though Julie could see his chest rising and falling rapidly as he took shallow breaths. Julie pulled up Sivus’s contact information on her omni tool and hoped that Sivus might have some insight into Ajaa’s behavior.
There was a few seconds of silence on the line before Sivus picked up, “ Julie! What can I do for you? ” came his cheerful voice.
“Hey Sivus, I’m really worried about Ajaa. We’re at my apartment and he’s not doing so great, he said he didn’t really like the docks but he insisted on coming with me to my apartment and I live by the docks and now he’s in a daze and-” Julie blurted out, trying to explain everything to Sivus.
“ Is he holding still, or is he frantically pacing and trying to find a place to huddle? ” Sivus asked, all the cheerfulness gone from his voice. Something about hearing the concern in Sivus’s voice told Julie just how serious things were.
“Holding still, he’s sitting on my couch just staring forwards. I tried to touch his hand and he flinched and pulled away” Julie told him.
“ Yeah, don’t touch him. Where there ships at the dock when you were there? ” he asked.
“Just one, but it was the engines were off. Ajaa said it would be alright” Julie said.
“ And Ajaa tends to downplay everything” Sivus paused and Julie heard him take a deep breath, “ Just keep talking to him, keep him grounded and present. If he starts getting panicky and moving around call me immediately, Paalka and I can get to the docks quick if need be ”.
“Can you come over now? I’m worried about Ajaa” Julie asked.
“ Probably not the best idea, he doesn’t need more people around him right now, it’ll just stress him more and I don’t want him getting worse ” Sivus answered, “ Just talk to him, talk to him about where you’re from or something, just anything to keep him engaged”.
“Okay, I’ll try” Julie told him, still feeling unsure about everything and worried about Ajaa.
“ And call me if Ajaa seems like he’s getting worse, okay? I don’t want him to hurt himself or you on mistake” Sivus repeated.
“I will- wait what? Hurt himself?” Julie asked.
" He’s panicking right now, remembering the kett attack on his daar, the shuttle you saw at the dock is bringing everything up again. If he’s just remembering things he’ll be stressed but otherwise alright, but sometimes he relives it. If he’s pacing and hiding it’s because he thinks it’s going on again, he’ll run or try to find somewhere to hide from kett, especially don’t touch him then because he might lash out in defence thinking you’re a kett” Sivus explained.
“So Ajaa has PTSD from the attack then?” asked Julie.
“ PTSD? ” Sivus asked back, his accent thicker than normal as he tried to pronounce the unfamiliar letters.
“Post-traumatic stress disorder, flashbacks, anxiety, all sorts of physical responses to things that remind someone of a past trauma” Julie said, “He’d probably need to be professionally diagnosed if he hasn’t been already, but that’s what it sounds like”.
“ Maybe, I don’t know. We can worry about that later, for now just talk to him, keep him calm” Sivus said.
“Yeah, will do. I’ll talk to you later, thanks” Julie said as she ended the call. She took a deep breath as she turned her attention back to Ajaa. He had not moved or said anything since he had sat down and Julie was not sure if he had heard her and Sivus talking. “So Earth,” Julie began, “I don’t really know what to say, but I think you’d like it there”.
Ajaa still had made no indication that he could hear her.
Julie began again, struggling to find something to talk about, “There was actually a really nice botanical garden close to where I used to live. They had this one plant that only bloomed every few years and it smelled like death when it did, but I get the feeling that it’s one of those things you’d like to study.
No changes with Ajaa, he still sat like a statue.
“It was especially pretty there in the spring when all the flowers were in bloom, well not the one that smelled bad, but they keep that one separate though. And they had an amazing orchid collection, they’re my favorite flowers. There’s a lot of different types and so many colors, I think you’d like them too, it would have been nice to have shown you” she said a bit sadly, the reality of never being able to see Earth again was hitting her.
She felt Ajaa shift how he was sitting a bit, starting to slouch a bit from his rigid posture.
“Though I suppose the Nexus is pretty in it’s own way too,” she began again, “I have an apartment there close to the hydroponics garden and it’s pretty nice there. They’ve got a big tree in the middle, which it was pretty cool to see in the middle of a space station. I don’t know, I’m just babbling, but I hope you’re alright and that maybe I’m helping”.
Julie sat in silence, picking her brain for anything else to talk about. Why is this so hard? I can literally talk about anything, she grumbled to herself.
Without looking over Ajaa reached over and placed his hand on top of her’s. He was finally leaning back on the couch and his breathing seemed to be leveling out somewhat.
“Doing better?” she asked.
Ajaa didn’t speak, but he looked over and gave Julie a weak smile.
“You should probably eat your lunch, you’ve had quite a grip on that tube and fruit for a while now” Julie said gently, “Here, I’ll get you some water, looks like you need it”. Julie felt Ajaa’s hand linger on her’s as she stood up. He was looking up at her, his stare was still somewhat blank, but he seemed unwilling to release her hand. Julie went to move though Ajaa tugged on her hand, motioning for her to sit back down with him. “It’s alright, I’ll be right back, I promise”.
Ajaa released her hand, but he tracked her movement around the apartment as she went to go get him some water.
“See? Coming right back” she told him as she sat back down on the couch and handed him the glass of water.
He took it from her and immediately sat in down on the table in front of the couch before leaning against her and resting his head on her lap.
“I’m here” Julie murmured as she began to absentmindedly run her fingers along his cowl like how he had showed her earlier. He did not flinch away this time, instead he gently nuzzled his face into her lap. It left a sinking feeling in her heart seeing Ajaa like this, shaken up and still not speaking, but at least he seemed to be relaxing a bit.
There was a lot going through Ajaa’s thoughts, Julie watched his face as his eyes darted from her face to around the room and then back to her again. It almost seemed as if he was trying to gather his thoughts and say something but instead he just wrapped his arms around her the best he could.
“Are you feeling any better?” Julie asked.
Ajaa remained silent for a moment before answering in a soft voice, “Yeah, a bit,” he paused, taking a few breaths, “Sorry”.
“Sorry?” Julie questioned, her heart sinking farther down in her chest from Ajaa’s apology, “Why are you sorry?”
“You shouldn’t have to deal with this,” he muttered and looked away, “I shouldn’t have come with you, it was stupid and selfish and I knew it was probably a bad idea and I came anyways. I could have hurt you! I know you know that, Sivus told you”. The electricity cracking under the skin of his cowl was getting stronger as Ajaa got himself more worked up and annoyed with himself. He started to sit up and pull away, “I should just get going, I don’t want you to have to deal with this”.
“No” Julie said firmly as he caught his hand and pulled him back down, “You don’t need to go back out to the docks right now, that’s really the last thing you need. And I’m not dealing with this, I want to be here for you, I want to help. Let me help, is there anything I can do?”
He seemed conflicted as he let Julie tug him back down to her lap, but ultimately allowed her to do so, “This is just nice,” he said as he laid his head back down though he still was not making eye contact, “It feels safe”.
“Good, I’m glad” she smiled.
It seemed like Ajaa was nodding off, or maybe just taking a moment to close his eyes and gather his thoughts a bit more, either way he looked more at peace. Julie traced her fingertips along his cowl just barely touching him, causing him shiver a bit and finally smile.
“Sure you haven’t been around angara before” he said with his eyes still closed, enjoying how Julie was touching him.
“Just good intuition” she told him, “You should probably eat though, you were hungry when we left your apartment and you’ve got to be starving by now, and you’ve probably crushed whatever you brought with you”.
“Yeah” he answered quietly.
“Up up” Julie nudged as she helped him up, “We can have lunch together, how does that sound?”
“I’d like that” he smiled.
Julie made her way back into the kitchen and rummaged about, not that there was much to chose from to eat anyways. Meal bar it is, she decided, not that she had options. She snached one of the bars out of the box and grabbed a glass of water before joining Ajaa back on the couch.
“What’s that?” he asked as he was unscrewing the top of the tube he brought with him.
“Meal bar, not the best, but it’s food” Julie shrugged.
“But what is it?” he asked again.
Julie thought for a moment and then flipped the bar over to read the packaging on the back, “Soy protein, palm kernel oil, sucralose, salt, natural and artificial flavors, vitamin mix” Julie started to list off, though Ajaa did not seem to be following, “It’s plant protein, plant oils, sugar, salt, a bunch of flavorings they don’t specify, a lot of vitamins, and then there’s a bunch of preservatives and stabilizers”.
“Ahh, about the same with this” he said holding up the tube, “It’s nutrient paste, plant proteins, oils so it doesn’t solidify, a lot of ground up fruits and vegetables for vitamins”.
“How does it taste?” ask Julie.
Ajaa shrugged, “Bland, it’s not really bad, but it’s a bit like wet grass and perfume. What about yours?”
“Better than wet grass, but pretty bland too. Soy doesn’t have much flavor, and I think this one might have supposed to be peanut butter” she said.
“What’s peanut butter?” Ajaa asked.
“It’s ground up peanuts, they’re a little bean thing and they’re pretty oily so you can make a spread out of them pretty easily, pretty popular flavor for things” she explained.
“Can I try it?” Ajaa asked.
“Do you think it would be safe?” Julie asked back.
“Should be. Medical teams have been analyzing Milky Way stuff since you guys showed up and so far so good” he said.
Julie unwrapped the bar and handed it to him, “Go for it, I hope it tastes as bad to you as laia did to me”.
Ajaa gave the bar a tentative sniff before biting off the corner of it. “Well the texture is better than nutrient paste” he noted as he continued to chew, “Oh, oh no. No no no. That is revolting” his nose was scrunched up as he forced himself to swallow the bar, “Peanut butter is disgusting” he finished.
“Not so fun to be on the receiving end of strange food, is it?” Julie chided.
“No, it’s terrible” he couched as he reached for the water that Julie had gotten for him earlier and took a drink, “Maybe swapping food isn’t the best idea. Here try this” he said handing her his tube of nutrient paste.
“No way, you even agree that’s it’s not a great idea” she said.
“Yeah, but you react so much, it’s really cute” he smiled, “Please?’ he asked.”
“Fine” Julie sighed as she took the tube from and uncapped it the rest of the way, “How am I supposed to even eat this? Do you spread it on something, or just out of the tube, or…?”
“Just out of the tube normally. But if you’d prefer,” he took the tube back from Julie and took one of his gloves off and squeezed a small amount onto his finger.
“I’m not licking that off your finger” Julie told him.
“What? You should try it on it’s own instead of on something so you can actually taste it” he shrugged.
Julie was giving him quite a look, trying to figure out his intentions. If this was the same as when he insisted on holding the laia fruit the other day or if this was Ajaa’s somewhat awkward way of flirting. “Fine” she conceded.
He lifted his hand up to her mouth, though Julie grabbed onto his wrist to keep in control of the situation. She guided his finger to her lips and gently licked off some of the paste though the texture was a lot thicker than she was expecting and she was having some difficulty actually getting it off of his finger. Well, it’s already odd enough as is , she sighed internally before running her tongue along his finger a bit more aggressively to actually get some of the paste off. It was not terrible, there was an earthiness to it that definitely not as bad as “wet grass” as Ajaa described, and it was more savory than sweet, honestly is was not bad.
“Any thoughts?” asked Ajaa, breaking the odd silence.
“Not bad, it’s more savory to me but still pretty bland” she remarked.
“I think you missed some” he said.
“You’re not even trying to be subtle, are you?” she asked, half teasing and half serious.
“What? You left like half on my finger, and I don’t think you even got enough to really taste it” he feigned innocence.
“You are a terrible liar” she smirked, now very sure of Ajaa’s intentions, but not opposed to his attempt at flirting. She lifted his finger back up to her lips and gently sucked on the tip of his finger to lick off the rest of the paste.
Ajaa had a shy smile plastered across his face, clearly enjoying everything.
“Happy now?” she teased as she removed his finger from her mouth.
“What? I just wanted you to try some more angaran food” he smirked back.
Julie rolled her eyes at him, but smiled. He was openly affectionate, and a bit forward, but neither was a bad thing, at least she felt like she really knew where she stood with him, ‘Well as interesting as that was it really is time for lunch, despite whatever you were trying to accomplish with that”.
“I have no clue what you’re talking about” he said, same smile still lingering on his lips before he busied himself peeling one of the fruits he brought.
Julie turned her attention back to her meal bar, nibbling on it as she sorted out whatever just happened. She remembered reading something in the files that Avela had given her about angaran flirting being pretty direct, angara were not the type to mince words or drop subtle hints but would much rather just say how they felt about someone.
They finished their lunches in relative silence, but Ajaa’s reaction earlier was still weighing on her. Sivus didn’t know what PTSD was, echoed in her mind, do angara not have a word for it or did Sivus just not happen to know about it? Has Ajaa ever done anything about it? Surely, but Sivus didn’t know what it was. “Hey Ajaa?” she began, not knowing if it was a good idea to bring it up.
“Yeah?” he answered, he seemed exhausted even though he had only been awake for a few hours and he was slowly leaning over and onto Julie’s shoulder.
“Nap time again?” Julie asked instead as she crumpled up the wrapper from the bar and sat it down on the table, Ajaa seemed to drained to talk about anything that happened right now.
“Maybe. Sorry, the adrenaline wore off and I’m just feeling drained” Ajaa said though a yawn.
“That’s alright, you can go lay down in my room if you need to” Julie told him.
“Will you come lay down with me?” he asked, the playfulness from the paste incident was gone, instead replaced with a soft gentleness.
“Would you be able to rest and relax better that way?” she asked.
“Yeah” he said softly, “There’s something comforting about you”.
Julie sighed, “Alright, just give me a moment to tidy up in here. Just go lay down, I’ll be right there”.
Ajaa nuzzled his face into her neck before pulling away and making his way back to Julie’s room. Julie could not help wondering what he was playing at as she picked up the glasses, bar wrapper, and empty paste tube and brought them to the kitchen. What is it that he wants? She questioned.
It looked like Ajaa had wasted no time in making himself comfortable taking off his shoes and gloves and Julie could not help but smile as she saw him cuddled up under the blankets. He turned his head when he heard her enter the room and out stretched his arms signaling her to come lay with him. 3 days, she thought to herself, it’s been 3 days and I’m cuddling up in bed with him and alright with this. Ajaa pulled her against his chest his chest immediately so her back was to him and he buried his face into the back of her neck.
Despite only being awake for a few hours Julie felt herself getting tired too. Maybe it was from the stress earlier, maybe it was just how comforting it was laying with Ajaa. Everything felt different though, he did not give off much body heat, and the protrusions on his chest were poking her in the back ever so slightly, a reminder just how different they still were from each other.
“Ajaa?” Julie began, her voice a bit unsure, “What is it that you expect? What do you want from all this?”
He remained silent, though Julie felt his grip around her tighten, “I don’t have any expectations for any of this, and I only want what you’re willing to give me” he paused, seeming to steady himself and gather his thoughts, “ I like spending time with you, you’re interesting and different from anyone else I know. You’ve been very kind to me, you don’t think less of me even after seeing me get stuck on my back in the lab or after everything that happened earlier and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping that maybe this would go past just friends, but if that’s all you’re willing to give me I’d still be happy to have you in my life however you feel comfortable”.
It felt like her face was on fire after hearing Ajaa’s very honest confession. Truthfully none of it was anything new after how he had flirted today, but the openness of everything caught her off guard. It was also forcing her to really evaluate how she felt about everything. He was friendly, and gentle, and playful. She really did enjoy spending time with him, and plenty of people from the Milky Way pursued relationships outside of their species, though Julie had never been one of them. The asari were pretty enough, but the mind melding had always freaked her out. The turians were striking, but the levo/dextro difference was daunting and everything about turians seemed too sharp. The krogan were well, just too much everything. She could go on about each species and while the angara were much more approachable that the Milky way species in her opinion she was not sure how she really felt about anything more than cuddling up with Ajaa still.
“You don’t have so answer or say anything now,” Ajaa broke the silence, “I just thought you deserved an honest answer”.
Julie did not say anything, she did not know what to say, how to phrase ‘I like spending time with you and do find you attractive but the thought of sex with an alien is still really bizarre to me, no offense’ without it coming off as a complete shutdown.
“Everything is at your pace, well from here on out at least. I don’t really know how humans handle any of this, but I want you to be comfortable and happy” he added.
Never had Julie been happier to be spooning instead of facing someone. She did not think she would be able to handle Ajaa seeing how much she was blushing, well if angara blushed too or knew what it meant. “I just want to see how things go, I think” Julie answered.
“Then we continue on as we were” Ajaa said into the back of her neck. His breath was warm and tickled the back of her neck pleasantly, sending a shiver down her spine.
Chapter 9 .::. Shepard can't shake the thought that those locked doors might have led to something far beyond their limited concepts of Andromeda; they obviously held enough interest to warrant brutal attacks from these aliens, Scott had figured. It carries a possibility that rings a sour note somewhere in the back of Shepard's mind, a possibility that Andromeda is already far out of their reach.
Chapter 5 .::. "Shepard, Scott is now awake." the AI beeps helpfully, but the statement only fills Shepard to the roots with dread. He groans quietly, dragging a hand down his face as he rushes to think of all the things he has to say, and not one single word will stick.
Rating: General
Words: ~1140
Relationship: Turian Vortex Poet/The Girl He Left Behind
Summary: Where he interprets the world through poetry, she tries to make sense of it through numbers.
I've been offering this ship for a few rounds of SpecReqs for the novelty and because as an incredibly minor ship based on a nervous guy with a, what, eight line poem, they're free real estate. This year I finally got matched on this ship and I got to really build on them. Because we learn about them from a poem, I knew wanted to write something really stylized for them, but then I realized a 1000 word poem was a bit ambitious for me. But I'd been noodling with this style for another fic on and off, and while it wasn't right for the ship I first tried it on, here it really helped unlock for me who the Girl He Left Behind might be.
