1 ) the purchasing of communal goods is to be s p l i t in cost and the items are not to be MONOPOLIZED by either party2 ) ALCOHOL is not a communal good. each party is required to purchase their own alcohol3 ) there will be no INVADING of the other’s bedroom. such spaces are considered sacred and b r e a k i n g this rule shall mean the breaking of LIMBS4 ) illya likes to play chess. gaby does NOT enjoy watching him play chess. as such, he will ONLY play chess in his room unless there is another person visiting the apartment who is playing a game with him. in that case, it may be moved to the living room for the duration of the visit. in such cases, gaby is NOT allowed to interrupt5 ) illya is not to cook for gaby as his idea of ‘ cooking ’ involves t h r o w i n g anything he sees into the blender and drinking it as is. thus, if gaby wishes to eat, she must cook for HERSELF or invite napoleon over to do so.6 ) NAPOLEON is only allowed to visit four days of the week at most unless illya is otherwise indisposed with work. more than that and their american friend may find himself at the barrel end of illya’s GUN. 7 ) should one party desire to host a conjugal visit in the apartment, the other party MUST be notified with ample time to prepare for alternate accommodations8 ) if illya’s finger starts tapping, that means to STOP and, more than likely, LEAVE9 ) don’t touch illya’s watch10 ) in the event of things getting too... heated... the safe word that means to IMMEDIATELY back off and LEAVE before things get out of control is ‘ napoleon is a genius ’
