#medication diaries

[noster-tempus]

I liked Dexedrine, but was having trouble finding a good schedule for the short-acting pills, so the logical next step would be Vyvanse. But I was not about to try a new medication during a worldwide shortage of said medication. So now I'm taking modafinil off-label.

Whenever I try a new medication, unless there are obvious unpleasant side effects, I go through a few days to weeks of feeling like I've found the solution to all of my brain problems, and while I've learned to take that feeling with a grain of salt I also enjoy it while it lasts.

I don't think it's entirely a matter of the placebo effect or developing a tolerance. At my baseline, the reward-prediction circuit in my brain is annoyingly pessimistic. "Yeah, I could drag myself out of bed right when my alarm goes off, but in the short term it would be unpleasant and in the long term why would it get easier with time if it hasn't already?" "I could try to follow this multi-step plan I have in my head, but I'd probably get distracted or lose motivation so why bother?"

But when my brain feels subtly different on a new medication, on both a conscious and subconscious level I decide it's worth taking more risks with my time and energy, because who knows, it might be different this time!

[sky-verdant]

I’ve now been on; fluoxetine, escitalopram, sertraline, mirtazapine and desvenlafaxine but still nothing has helped. We’re thinking of changing again soon and I can only hope that it works.

[noster-tempus]

Today was a good day. I set my alarm for 10:45am. I was worried it was going to rain this morning but it was actually beautiful, so I was out of bed by 11:10 and took a very short walk so I could get breakfast on the early side. I ate an egg for breakfast, and the rest of the day was evidence against my recent theory that I've developed some sort of sensitivity to eggs.

After breakfast, I was sleepy but not really tired, if that makes sense? So I took a light 10-minute nap and took my dexedrine, which I've found can be either very helpful or very unhelpful depending on my mindset when I take it, and this seemed like a good day for it.

I made lunch before 3:30pm, which is an accomplishment for me. I did spend much of the day web-surfing but I also wrote for the first time in a while and filed a settlement claim with Facebook and had a good session on Duolingo. My parents and I talked about going to the Verizon store to get me a new phone and then going out for dinner, but we decided to do it tomorrow.

I've been archive-bingeing @flyingpurplepizzaeater's blog recently, and I feel like her writing style is leaking into mine. I hope she's okay.

[noster-tempus]

It feels like my options are

Be tired because I don't have enough stimulant in my system

Be tired because I didn't eat enough

Which is extra frustrating because I swear Ritalin used to make me hungrier (or at least more able to act on my hunger). Idk, maybe the issue is that I'm still not taking enough and it's the feeling of coming off the Ritalin that makes me not want to eat? Let's hope.

[noster-tempus]

After several days of feeling tired and mopey, I suddenly have energy again.

Possible factors: I went back to taking Sertraline when I wake up instead of before bed; we finally turned the AC on.

[noster-tempus]

Admittedly, one reason I could be having a stronger-than-expected response to a low dose of sertraline is that I've been eating clementines.

Clementines don't have the same reputation for interfering with drug metabolism as grapefruit, but they are very closely related and there is some evidence that they may produce similar effects. With sertraline, that means slowing the breakdown of it so it stays in your system for longer.

I bought a bag of clementines without knowing this, and after reading about it I decided to risk it while I'm still on a low dose. Besides, I figure clementines are probably at least a little safer than grapefruit just because they're so smol. But in the future I may need to be a little more careful around citrus in general.

[noster-tempus]

(mild TMI?)

I really gotta get back on extended-cycle birth control. I can't go on spending a week out of every month feeling like a small but important part of my brain got flushed down the toilet along with my uterine lining.

[noster-tempus]

Vyvanse acquired!