#medspouse

[losingitinjersey]

You know how much I like my walks and how great they are for my mental and physical health, but days I skip are straight up LUXURIOUS.  Getting the additional 2.5+ hours back in my day (1.5 hours for the walk plus prep/recovery, shower) add soooo much.  

In the time between daycare drop-off (8 a.m.) and pick-up (2:30 p.m.) of Erp, I was able to... 

Make French Press coffee along with a more complicated breakfast than just eggs

Load / unload / put away three loads of laundry (including stripping a bed and making it)

Get bench press and deadlifts in

Make a salad for lunch

Catch up on Tumblr 

Get all the baby snuggles

Bloggidy blog blog

And I still have an hour left!!

Aug turned three months yesterday and it’s been both the longest and shortest three months of my life!  It feels like she’s always been part of my world and I’m just so gosh darn smitten with this baby!!  

Kevin’s been extra extra stressed lately due to his Step 3 exam coming up in a few weeks.  My husband before tests is my least favorite version of him and I caaaan’t wait for it to be behind him.  Thankfully, this is his last major test for a good bit.  

The only thing I want to accomplish this weekend is managing to take a family selfie that’s good enough to use for holiday cards.  I want to try and order cards in the next 9 days so I can take advantage of the early-bird Shutterfly 50% off code I got in the mail (42T2-2RCF-JZWM-WTGCZ5).  

Hope your day has a moment of peace wherever you can find it.  

[losingitinjersey]

How do I summarize the last two weeks?  

Kevin’s parents were here, meeting erp for the first time.  

Kevin graduated from medical school (yay!) where we participated in a virtual commencement ceremony from our living room. 

I got new glasses for the first time in 10+ years (I only wear glasses for driving or TV watching).

We visited Philadelphia for five days, our first time there, to help us prepare for our move next summer.  

The extended version is that it’s been a very very very long two weeks.  Having company stay with us after a year+ of isolation has been rough. Especially when I’m not used to other people around when we parent and interpreting every single comment as judgement or criticism.  Which, I’m sure they weren’t intended that way, but definitely felt that way.  It felt like everything his parents said was a negative comment about something - be it the weather, the music, the food, my daughter, her routine, the city, other people, literally everything.  And it got real tiresome, real fast. 

On top of all of that, we visited Philly full of excitement and anticipation for our move in June 2022.  Only to come face to face with the realization (that should have been obvious from the get go) that we’re going to be living in a city.  Like, in the midst of an actual big city.  The sixth largest city in America, in fact.  Potentially, probably, in the Center City area of it.  Sure, I’ve lived in lots of places but only ever in the suburbs.  I knew we’d probably be living in a townhouse downtown rather than on the outskirts due to Kevin’s need to have a commute less than an hour but coming face to face with the busy neighborhoods, tight parking, narrow streets, big city life was a lot.  Plus, having to combat his parent’s negativity about everything the entire time while we’re trying to hold it together in our own burst bubble. Would we choose living here? No. We fell pretty low on our rank list and never even considered Philadelphia as an option but this is where we’re now going to spend the next 4-5 years so yes, we’re going to make the most of it and we’ll adapt and figure it out.  Learning, growing and eventually thriving, yes?  Yes.  

It was hot (94 degrees out that weekend), there was a lot of tension and plenty of emotions flying.  Also, fun fact, it was our fifth wedding anniversary on Saturday and after a long day of driving through all different neighborhoods trying to get an idea where we want to ideally move to, and after a blow up between Kevin and his dad, his parents decided to go out to dinner alone while Kevin and I put erp down for bed and were stuck at the airbnb. So yeah, never going to forget that memory.  

Don’t get me wrong, please.  I love his parents.  They’re good people and we get along really well.  It was just a lot of sustained contact in a situation where no one was comfortable.  Plus, his parents were trying so hard to become bff’s with erp and his mom even started crying and had to leave the room on the first day of meeting her because erp wasn’t immediately comfortable around her.  

Oh, and the icing on the cake, erp is now changing into a toddler.  She’s melting down at the drop of a hat, throwing tantrums and becoming defiant.  Not that I blame her at all, she’s gone through a ton of change over the last few months and weeks.  I feel like I’m handling her moods with loving kindness and understanding but it’s still a shock (and a lot) to experience.  

The in-laws left yesterday at 1 p.m. and today is our first day at home alone.  By God, it’s a beautiful day of silence and peace.  Soooo looking forward to this three day weekend of getting our routine back on track.  

[losingitinjersey]

We’re going to ......................................................................................................... ................................................................................................................................ ........................................................................................................... Philadelphia!

Say what?!  Definitely not a location we anticipated or even really considered going to which is what makes Match Day all the more exciting!  You never really know where you’ll end up!!  

But FIRST, we’ll spend this next year locally for his intern year and move in spring/summer of 2022 to go to Philly for the next four+ years!  While this program was much further down on his rank list than we anticipated dropping to, it was still in the middle and we’re really excited about this next adventure!!  Neither one of us have ever been to Philadelphia before but everyone we mention this to always has some kind of connection to the place and they’re all positive stories!  It’s also important to note that I’ll be less than 3 hours from my sister and only an hour and a half from @zerocarb!!!

The great thing about this set up is it gives us a year to get familiar with the idea and we can spend our time finding a home to buy or rent in a good neighborhood before going.  It’s also close enough (5 hours) that we can drive and look at places in advance so we don’t have to buy/rent something sight unseen.  

The not so great thing about our current situation is that even though we’re staying local, we still need to move out of our current home asap because the landlord is in full swing ready to sell.  Like, is listing the home next Friday (my birthday) with showings starting on April 1st.  Super lame.  

Now that we FINALLY know what’s happening, I spent all of Friday night searching the area trying to find acceptable homes to rent as quickly as possible.  Most of the rentals aren’t available until May 15th or June 1st which definitely isn’t fast enough.  Friday night I contacted four properties and have only heard back from two (but at least I’ve heard from two!)  Thankfully, one of the places who I’ve been in communication with is my current top choice.  While it’s not as nice as some of the other places, the cost is more reasonable and the commute is FAR better for Kevin (went from 35 minutes to the hospital down to 10 minutes).  We have a tour scheduled for Tuesday at 3:30 p.m. to see this home.  We already submitted a rental application in advance just to help move the process along since we’d love to sign a lease starting April 1st (you know, TWELVE DAYS from now) so we can gtfo before people start touring the home.  

Before the call with my landlord this afternoon to fill us in on their timing, I had no idea we’d be saying goodbye to this home we adore so quickly.  I *knew* it was coming but it’s always hard to reach an ending.  I’m not a fan of change and, boy oh boy, is change all around us right now (new job, new home, new city, new baby).  

It’s interesting, I’ve been so focused on the excitement and what it means, looking up houses and just being on full blown planning mode (yes, of course I made a spreadsheet with 11 categories all ranked by preference, price and distance) I haven’t really had time to process.  This morning I had a song stuck in my head so I decided to play it to fully enjoy it and the next thing I knew, two seconds into the song, I was sobbing.  Not sad tears by any means, but just letting go.  Mourning the loss of this home, my walking route, my neighbors, my grocery store, everything I’ve cultivated and loved the last four years.  The song?  Take A Chance on Me, by ABBA :) Not really a song that should elicit such emotion.  It was good though, healing.  

In other news, my mom is here :) Not my dad, sadly.  He got "a little bug” from his recent 10-day trip to Haiti that he took to do some mission work.  Whhhyyyy he went to Haiti the day after getting his second vaccination dose and returning only four days before his trip out here is beyond me. Stupid, big-hearted man. Hopefully he’ll feel better soon so he can join my mom sometime this week.  My mom only just arrived at 5 p.m. tonight so the 30 minutes she got to spend with erp was just so precious.  We weren’t sure how erp would react to finally seeing the person she video chats with every day in person but she was so freaking pleasant and charming and just GOOD for her.  I can’t wait to see how they’ll interact together tomorrow!  

Speaking of tomorrow, we’re going to an open house for another house I’m not that into (but I need options just in case).  While we’re on the peninsula we’ll drive by the house we applied for and a few others I’ve identified.  It’ll be a nice trip for Kevin and I while my mom and erp hang.  

To make a long post even longer... Backtracking to yesterday (seems so long ago), Match Day was amazing.  This really is the most important day of a med student’s entire four years - way more so than even graduation.  I’m glad we opted to do the in-person option.  Seeing all the faculty SO freaking stoked to celebrate Kevin, congratulate him and just cheer over my husband was so inspiring.  I actually teared up a lot from being so overwhelmed with the appreciation and affirmation he was receiving (thank goodness for the mask covering half my contoured face).  

What was equally special was that he got to show off erp for the first time.  Holding her with such pride as he strutted through the lines of faculty and volunteers.  Having people oooh and awwhh over her is an experience we rarely get to have in this covid world.  Apparently erp was clinging so tightly to him!!  She’s never been around so many people, lights, sights and sounds before.  She didn’t cry or make a fuss at all but definitely clung to home base.  

We celebrated by picking up cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory and reveled in the exciting news of the day.  We keep stopping each other and exclaiming, “We’re going to Philly!”

All in all, we’re excited!  We’re stressed.  We’re taking action and leaning on each other.  Looking forward to this transition part to be over but trying to enjoy the journey while we’re on it.  Thank you for riding along with us :)

[losingitinjersey]

Despite my last post, I truly did enjoy having my parents visit this past week.  In hindsight, it wasn’t the best week for them to come, stress-level wise. But, at the time we scheduled the trip we didn’t know we’d be scrambling so hard to try and find available housing asap. 

In exactly one week, we went from finding out where we were going to signing a lease on a townhouse with a 4/1 move-in date. That one week was one of the most stressful weeks I’ve (ever?) experienced.  

Apparently on Wednesday, Kevin was planning on telling me I wasn’t allowed to work on securing housing anymore and he was going to cut me off so I could rest. (although that would have just made things worse and I’d stress MOAR). He thought I was spiraling out of control and headed towards a mental breakdown. Thankfully, it didn’t come to that.  Who knew that the stress of having your housing go away, needing to find a new place with nothing available and all the dead ends constantly bombarding you in the face, having house guests for the first time in a year, working full time and being 20 weeks pregnant was such a recipe for disaster!

Our new home isn’t exactly what we were looking for as we were hoping to be closer to the hospital (we went 30 minutes further in the opposite direction), increase square footage and get another single-family home but this will actually be a good transition for us.  It’ll help us figure out in a year if we want to pursue townhouse living when we move to Philly next summer.  Although, the new kitchen is SMALL so I’m grieving that and trying to be proactive in organization solutions.  I’ll be purchasing a pantry so we’ll have more space to put things.  Hopefully that makes the big difference I hope it will.  

The 4/1 move-in date is truly ideal as it’ll allow us to gtfo of this place so we don’t have to deal with construction or showings (even though they’re apparently already under contract with a buyer even though no one has been through the house yet).  Most of the houses we were interested in had a move-in date of June or July which would mean we’d have to move into temporary housing and get a storage unit in the interim which would not be enjoyable.  Glad to know we can move straight in and we now have movers scheduled for next Sunday so we’ll be living in the new place very soon.  

Looking forward to this transition period to be over and to be in the new place unpacking so I no longer have to mourn the loss of this current home I love. It’s hard sitting in it surrounded by boxes knowing it’s increasingly no longer mine.  

BUT, trying to stay positive and looking forward to all the things this new place will provide us.  Like being 2 minutes from a Trader Joe’s!!! And having a very walkable life with, I believe, a tree-lined walking path nearby I’m excited to explore.  

OH and I received my first vaccine dose on Tuesday!  And my daughter now takes off her clothes during nap time!  And I celebrated my 37th birthday with my parents on Friday!  And my daughter actually ate a piece of meat (BACON) for the first time today! And, really, all is good.  We have a new home we can move into in a matter of days that will let us live out the next year in VA before we start our PA adventure.  

[losingitinjersey]

Mornin’ Sunshine!  Although, to be honest, it’s quite the overcast day here.  

Things in my world are going well!  The landlord’s wife visited yesterday with a realtor and contractor and, thankfully, that went way better than expected.  They all wore masks the entire time, we overheard them saying how well the property has been taken care of which is due to having good tenants (US!), and they were overall really respectful and appreciative of our accommodating them.  Here’s hoping this is a good indication of what’s to come.  

We find out in TWO DAYS where we’re moving to for residency.  This Friday at 11 a.m. we’ll be driving up to the school to get our envelope which decides our next five to six years.  I CAN’T WAIT.  Also, bonus that my parents will be here in three days!  YAY!  

Despite the current lack of sunshine, we had a few mid-70 days last week that were glorious!  Took advantage of the spring weather by spending time outside including a lovely hour in the backyard on Sunday with the three of us (technically four!) as we played on the blanket and ate fruit together.  Though, erp only cared about the blueberries.

It’s been sooooo nice having Kevin home all the time now.  He’s basically off until intern year starts in July so I’m taking full advantage of having someone else share child duty and it’s such fun seeing them together.  Zoom in on the living room pic to see erp’s first fort.  

We’ve enjoyed making the Hello Fresh meals together!  While not entirely convenient since it’s still 30-60 minutes of active cooking, it has been fun to learn new recipes, have all the ingredients we need together at once, and enjoy surprisingly really tasty meals.  When baby August arrives we’ll probably switch to something more low maintenance like straight up microwave or oven ready meals, but for now this is fun!  

Thanks to @abcd-adventures and @zerocarb for tagging me for a SDS!  You get this selfie taken yesterday, where I did in fact stop drop and selfie to make sure I captured something while I was still camera-ready for my next meeting.  Tagging @parenting-in-the-pnw, @chrisdoeslife, @momsgotwine if you please!  I don’t feel like we see enough of your faces so you get tagged :)

Finally, gotta represent my love of St. Patrick’s Day by wearing my Flogging Molly shirt and listening to their Pandora station, even though I completely forgot what day it was when I woke up and clearly didn’t order an outfit in advance for erp, but thankfully had a clean green onesie for her to wear today. Phew!  

[losingitinjersey]

I’m not used to having so much time in the mornings!  I was already caught up on Tumblr as well as all things erp, breakfast and general cleaning by 9 a.m. so what’s a girl to do?  Obviously tackle her junk drawer.  

At 10 a.m. Kevin and I had a Zoom call with his school’s financial advisor to chat about loan repayment programs.  SO FUN talking about how to pay back half a million in debt.  At the end of that call I get a text from my landlord’s wife (whom I dislike ever since she declined my request to put up a railing on the front steps which are scarily dangerous when wet) with the following message:  

Her:  “Hiiiii how are u” Her:  “Do u have time to chat”

Me:  Hey there!  What’s up?

Her:  I can call u in the car :)

Don’t do that.  Don’t text to chat then ask to call and not tell me what this is about in advance.  

I call her after getting her last message and she asked if she can call me back so she can do it from the car.  Um, you’re already in the car, why didn’t the call just come through the car??  I tell her sure but she says she’ll call me back in 5 minutes.  I respond that I start work in 5 minutes so I’d appreciate a quick call back.  She then just goes into her reason for the call and proceeds to tell me she just booked a trip to come visit (they live in Florida) in the middle of March and how she’s going to be scheduling painters and contractors to come by and start to prep the house to be sold.

She asked if we knew where we’re going yet and I told her, like I told her husband (whom I adore, btw) that we wouldn’t know anything until March 19th but that we’ll tell them right away as soon as we find out.  Apparently they have plans to sell the house “before June” and I tell her that we have plans to move out in mid-May.  Her response was a long pause but that “we’ll work it all out.” 

We’ve been in the house for four years and for the entire time it’s been known that this March we’re converting the lease to a month to month but with the understanding that we’ll be here through graduation which is May 15th.  I don’t know how it’ll be possible for them to sell the house before June and us moving after graduation.  I know absolutely nothing about the buying and selling of houses but I expect it’ll take longer than 15 days of a house being empty to prep it for the next buyers.  Also, if they’re replacing carpets and painting, that means we need to be completely moved out before that happens since all our stuff is sitting on the carpets and against the walls.  

I was already stressed out about the timeline of finding out in 21 days where we’re moving in the country, finding a new place most likely sight-unseen, and then moving to said new location in May.  While we can probably do graduation from anywhere since it’ll be virtual, Kevin does have to stay local until the end of April for final classes and wrap up projects.  His parents aren’t coming out until May 13th to help us move, but now it seems like the middle of May is too late?  I don’t want to inconvenience our landlord since he’s been amazing to us (not her, but he has) but I also don’t want to be inconvenienced.  Their reason for selling the house this quick is because he’s retiring from the military and has tax benefits that are going away or something.  

It was an unexpected conversation this morning, one that took me off guard and made me defensive and killed my happy new job vibe.  Now I’m just stressing even though there’s literally nothing I can do until we find out where we’re going.  (And sure, I could start packing, but no. That sounds awful.)  

At least it’s Friday?

Other than this bullshit, my day is documented in the attached pictures including the new arrival and set up of my work equipment allowing me to be much more efficient with a second screen, keyboard and mouse.  I’m also sporting my new headphones so I can be a techy person as well as a photo of erp who fell asleep while Kevin was feeding her.  I get this picture texted to me along with the message, “I may have waited too long to start lunch.” Oh, my dear husband.   

Looking forward to this weekend where I can spend every minute with my girl and try to not stress about things I can’t control.  Wish me luck :)

[losingitinjersey]

What is Kevin's specialty? Do you follow other medical spouses on here?

He’ll be going into Radiology!  Since several people commented on my last post not realizing Detroit was in our list, our top choices are as follows:

1.  Detroit 2.  Seattle 3.  Phoenix 4.  Charleston 5.  Pittsburgh 

Obviously, these choices are based on the programs themselves and not on how close they are to home, otherwise Davis would be our #1 spot.  Detroit and Seattle are neck and neck, but Detroit is winning out because it will be a lower cost of living than Seattle.  Though, Seattle would be on the west coast and only an hour flight from home.  Thankfully, the decision is out of our hands and we only have control over the rank list.  Only 51 days till we find out where we’ll end up!

I do not follow any other medical spouses!  I recently checked the #medspouse tag and found only my posts :)  I do follow a few subreddits on the topic, but they’re mostly people bitching about their relationships and how infrequently they receive help around the house or get to see their spouse. So that’s fun ;)  

I am aware that residency and intern year, especially, is going to be a completely different world where my time with Kevin will be dramatically less, but I’m not dreading it as much as I could be.  He’s been working SO HARD and looking forward to this next step for so long, that the fact that it’s almost here is just plain exciting.  Also, I’m a relatively solitary person and while I love and adore my husband, I can also function quite well independently.  Plus! In residency, he’ll get like 4-6 weeks of vacation so that’s HUGE!  Such a far cry from the minimal days off he was allotted each year in medical school.  

[losingitinjersey]

What did Kevin do before he decided to go to medical school? How did he decide on his specialty? Lots of love in this exciting time to you both! <3

Before medical school, Kevin was in healthcare! He worked at a walk-in clinic for 12 years before med school and during that time he was actively trying to get into medical school. He had a bit too much fun in undergrad where his studies weren't a priority so his GPA wasn't exactly attractive to medical schools. That's the reason we came out to VA in the first place, to participate in a special master's program that makes him more qualified for med school.

During the third year of medical school the students spend the year going through rotations in the major specialities. Even before rotations he knew he didn't want to be a pediatrician, even though he's amazing with kids, because he didn't want to deal with parents. He considered surgery but discovered he didn't like the lifestyle of having to arrive by 4am and stand all day while keeping his arms sterile. From our own infertility experience he wasn't interested in OB, plus again, not a fan of the lifestyle. He wanted a speciality that had a good compensation so internal medicine or family practice wasn't appealing. Dermatology was too competitive and he didn't like the idea of upselling patients all the time.

Radiology was really the best of everything for him. It's well compensated, it has amazing work/life balance with 11-16 weeks off a year with an 8-5 schedule and it has as much or as little patient contact as he wants. Another thing I've heard him say a million times in interviews, is that once you find your people you find your specialty. He really got along well with radiologist attendings and physicians, which is awesome.

Thank you so much for the excitement and support!! It's crazy that after all this time we're finally, really, truly, on our way to him achieving his dream career. It's definitely a long, hard road and this next year is supposed to be the hardest but we're in it together and ready to tackle whatever comes our way.