Just wanted to say that I love your posts and I’m always happy to see them on my dash. Your deep and abiding love for this total train wreck that is Star Wars speaks to my soul, and I hope you have a very fine day.
You guys are really determined not to let me have even one day of being Big Disgusted At Fandom, aren’t you? No, you gotta be all nice and reach out with kindness and make me feel all soft and squishy inside and shit! You gotta be nice to real people instead of fictional characters, huh? You really gotta do that? And ruin my perfectly good crap day? Maybe try thinking about that for awhile, huh. oh man even though it is patently obvious that I was joking about that, I can’t just leave it that way, I would feel genuine guilt about not being more earnest in the way I want to be--sometimes I talk about the way fandom frustrates and angers me and sometimes I do feel a little guilty about that, too. I mean, yeah, yeah, it’s the internet, it’s my blog, I can do what I want with it, but also sometimes it’s hard not to feel like you’re being wanky when you’re just having a bad day and want to express it. But I’ve also worked pretty hard to be honest and genuine as I can about what I’m going through, that the point isn’t not to have bad days, but to acknowledge them and work through them. And sometimes that acknowledgement starts with a “I am side-eyeing the shit out of the fandom right now.” before moving on to being ready to hear from kind hearted people. Intellectually, I knew there were good people around, but even just ten minutes ago, it was hard to remember that, because that first flush of emotion is hard to get past and sometimes the negative voices are so very loud. And sometimes it’s hard not to feel like this is a cycle that happens every so often and that I’m just Doing It For Attention or whatever else my weasel brain likes to throw at me. But it’s genuinely true that the kindness shown by people who reach out is deeply meaningful to me and I hope you guys can have a little patience with me whenever I get a bee in my bonnet about whatever bug crawled up the rest of fandom’s ass this time. I promise that I will always come around, but this message is so sweet that it just instantly gave me a soft, squishy feeling inside and I hope you have an amazing day for putting so much good out into the world.
