#meghan writes

[meghan84]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Well check out this shit! I updated it!

[sageandjune]

Hey guys! I just put up the first chapter of my gtav story I’m working on with some friends!! The first chap was written by me and features my oc Sage!!! If you’d like to read it, you can here. Lots of work has been put into it, especially between me and @letsgetonwithit (as well as many of our other friends whose characters will soon be introduced!) I would appreciate any feedback! :)

[madjeknotts]

I cannot emotionally handle binging anymore Criminal Minds right now, I've watched like 8 episodes or more today.

So instead I'm going to work on my emotionally challenging Criminal Minds Fanfic!

[shadowofhapiness]

Shards Of Ice (18/20)

Summary: When princess Anna finds herself gifted a personal slave for her twentieth birthday, her life changes, as she becomes fascinated with the broken girl she’s been given as a servant. Discovering her present’s supernatural abilities and how she was forced to conceal them, Anna just might be able to help Elsa heal, offering her the one thing she’d always been denied, love. [Elsanna]

AN: A bit of a premature resolution to the angst at the end there, but I’m hoping to fit that in to the next chapter. In the meantime, here’s a lot of panic and Anna realizing what type of a life she really wants (hint, it doesn’t really involve a crown ;)). 

Rated: T

Word Count: ~ 5.300 words (~ 84.600 total)

Fanfiction.net - Archive Of Our Own

Reconciliation

The revelation of their trusted neighbour’s betrayal had been very quick to send the rest of the room into a panicked frenzy, everyone’s cries of outrage trying to outmatch their neighbors all the while Westleton himself looked rather miserable, as he kept his face down from where he awkwardly stood, under her father’s wrathful gaze. Anna didn’t really pity him though, for while she was usually the one full of compassion and understanding towards those who had happened to wrong her in some way, the old man had tried to murder her and get away with it by framing Prince Hans for his crime (or so he said), and the utter lack of honesty and common decency of simply expressing remorse over his action were really disheartening to someone like herself, who had been brought up   in an environment where honor counted among the highest of qualities a person of noble lineage should display. So no, Anna wasn’t really letting her tendency for compassion come in to play this time around.

Besides, while by no means did she want the man dead (such customs were, after all, barbaric, and held no place in Arendelle), the Duke of Westleton wasn’t really what she was worried about right now anyway.

The momentary outburst did seem to have thankfully drawn most of the guests’ attention, and it was now, as her eyes roamed frantically over the crown, that Anna noticed a mop of blonde hair to be noticeably absent, realizing that Elsa must have taken advantage of the momentum to  run off without anybody on her heels. She felt a pang dig in her chest as it sunk in –that Elsa was gone, that the older girl had felt the need to flee out of fear of what might happen to her, and that Anna hadn’t even seen her leave- well aware that if she didn’t find her now, that if she didn’t take it into her own hands to do something, she might have just lost her forever.

No. She’d very nearly let her slip away once, and she had learnt from that mistake, Anna wasn’t about to let that happen again.

With a newfound resolve, she pushed her chair back, discreetly slipping out of the seat by the side, and sliding to the other side of the table without anybody noticing her (not that it was difficult, what with everybody too caught up on trying to get to Westleton in the middle of the room). She made it to the far wall, slowly but surely edging towards the door and inevitable freedom that came along with passing the threshold, and spared a thought for both her parents, and Hans, who no doubt were going to have a hard time trying to calm things down in the most diplomatic way possible. Were she not so desperate, she probably would have stayed by their side, as the dutiful heir to Arendelle and role she officially held, however, Anna had slowly begin to realize and accept that she had other priorities elsewhere (and perhaps it was selfish to go after something that only made her happy as opposed to something benefiting the entire kingdom, but dammit, she knew what sacrificing her personal feelings for duty meant, and she knew that she could not go through with it again. She would always love the people of Arendelle fiercely, but they could never compete with the place Elsa had taken in her heart).

Picking up the hem of her suddenly, too bulky and now suffocating dress, Anna cast spared a last glance at the chaotic scene before turning away.

Closing the door to the noise after stepping over the threshold and leaving the dining room hellhole behind her was an instant relief, as the noise seemed to diminish to noting more than distant echoes of dissatisfaction and mild anger, nothing she was entangled with any longer. Escaping the thousands of pairs of eyes constantly riveted on her also lifted a certain weight from her shoulders, Anna now feeling lighter than she’d felt all evening, finding it easier to breathe as she was now sheltered from the prying gazes. This was freedom , this was what Anna wished she belonged to, not the life of luxury where one had no choice but to accept the lot they were given along with the superfluous customs and traditions, and most importantly, where the matters of the heart had no say (matters Anna desperately hoped she might have the fortune of attending to and repairing now that the choice of renouncing the crown was pretty much official for her).

“Milday?”

Anna almost jumped as she registered the concerned voice, her heart lurching in her chest momentarily before settling down once she realized that it was only the friendly old maid, Misses Gerda. The poor woman seemed to be quite confused judging by the way she was looking at her, her graying eyebrows were drawn and she seemed to be eying her critically. “Is everything all right in there, Miss?”

It wasn’t as if Anna could really tell her with certitude, the whole situation behind those doors was nothing but short of a confused chaos her parents were probably doing their best to appease with the help of Prince Hans or Oleg, wherever he was in the ocean of guests. “I-I’m not too sure. It has something to do with the duke of Westleton I think.” However, like she had decided moments before, the duke wasn’t her priority, and now a little more antsy about getting to the more pressing task at hand, Anna laid a pair of urgent hands on the woman’s frail shoulders. “But Gerda, he’s not important right now, my parents can deal with him. I need to know though –Have you seen Elsa? She-she ran out here not even a minute ago. I need to know, do you have any idea where she went? Did you by any chance see her at all on your way here?”

“Um, I don’t think so, it was only me here. I’m very sorry Miss Anna. Is there a problem?”

Yes. Yes, and a very big one at that.

Namely that Elsa had been here moments ago and that not, she was gone.

Pushing past the woman (and hoping that she had not been too harsh, for she was but a frail old lady) and making a mental note to come back and apologize later, once everything would be settled down (Anna would bring her a batch of cookies if necessary, she’d even make them herself if that was what it took to make amends), Anna took off down he decorated hall, the numerous portraits’ gazes boring holes in her back as past them by, their eyes almost judging her on having taken so long to finally make a decision about what kind of future she actually wanted for herself and coming to realize that it very much included Elsa by her side. Because for all that she understood the other woman’s presumed need to flee, the sheer possibility that Elsa’s decision to do so under stress and panic could very well had lead the other girl to run away forever was simply too drastic an option for Anna to even consider for a minute.

And so as she ran, Anna liked to think that they would both, perhaps be able to talk it through, come to an understanding between them with words, patience and rationality rather than let the heat of the moment incite them to make decisions they both might regret later. Despite the unwanted situation, Anna remained slightly optimistic, keeping her fingers crossed in the hopes that she could make Elsa understand that she was now ready for both of them to go forward again, and to swear on her honor  that there would be absolutely no setbacks this time. This was her one chance to let Elsa know that she truly wanted her back, that she believed in the possibility of a future they could share by each other’s side, and that together, she had every faith that they would pull through. Because Anna had understood how miserable the lack and errors of communication that had passed through them had made them, and was now vowing to never let that happen again. They both deserved something to look forward to, something they could build, hand in hand from this day on.

However, if she was hoping to mend the bridge, Anna knew she had to do so now, that she had to take that initiative herself for she knew that Elsa certainly wouldn’t dare. And it was rather ironic, how she was the one desperate to do all the talking now when it was her lack of words and explanations that had practically landed them in this situation. Back then, she simply hadn’t quite anticipated just how much the notion of losing Elsa would mean to her, she hadn’t understood it until waking up alone in the middle of the night, with too much pressure on her shoulders and anxiety in her stomach. Until she would brush her hair in the morning and look into the mirror and feel the noticeable –once so familiar- absence over her right shoulder, until she would itch her hand slightly to the left at breakfast, expecting long and delicate fingers to entangle with hers only to be met with a devastating sense of emptiness when it didn’t happen, until she would politely accept Gerda sneaking her in a box of chocolates and have to eat them by herself because the one person she’d learnt to share them with and make such a tiny gesture something special was no longer by her side.

They were small things, probably insignificant to others, but they meant the world to Anna, and meant much more to her than a golden crown or a life of luxury ever would.

That sense of understanding, of equality at having finally found the one person who could see her beyond the pompous-sounding title of Princess Anna, and knowing that she was possibly on the verge of losing it right at this moment was what sent her heart racing as she dashed down the corridor, throwing the doors open to empty room after empty room and her thumping heartbeat drowning out so loud, she could almost believe it was a distraction from it beginning to break.

Please, please don’t go Elsa! I’m so sorry, for everything! I have to make it up to you!

It was as she rounded the corner to yet another empty hallway that Anna came to a sudden stop, out of breath. Leaning on the wall for a moment, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, drowning out the echoes from the Hall, trying to think this through rationally.

All right, keep it cool Anna, you’re way more level headed than this. You know Elsa wouldn’t just leave like that without telling you anything first, she can’t possibly have gone far.

And no, Anna could say with certainty that Elsa wouldn’t just run away without sparing her any last words first. She hadn’t when Anna had (stupidly, she would admit now, without realizing the extent of the consequences it would have on them) put a sudden end to what they had shared together by putting her foot down and literally stomping out the broken remains of what might be left behind. While she hoped that it was not too late to work to get those remains put back together, getting into a frenzy over it right now certainly wasn’t going to help anybody, least of all herself or Elsa, whom Anna knew needed her to reach out to her now more than ever. She had no doubts that if the duke of Westleton’s men got their hands on the blonde before she did, then the prospects of Elsa and herself building a future together certainly weren’t going to be looking very good, for she doubted quite strongly that the man behind the attempted murder on her person would be inclined to show himself merciful towards the one person who had saved her.

First things first though, and that was to try and pinpoint where exactly Elsa could possibly have chosen to hide. Had the blonde been caught in the corridor, she either would have heard it or Elsa would probably have been dragged back to the Great Hall by the guards. Given that it hadn’t been the case, Anna could only hope that it meant that she had managed to flee without being noticed –which Anna hoped gave her an advantage over anybody else looking for her. Knowing Elsa better than anyone, she dared to think that she might have a better chance at finding her first (which was a relief, the mere thought of Westleton’s men getting their hands on her did not raise good prospects). Anna had no doubt that after several months inside the castle, that Elsa had learnt of more than one little place often overlooked by the rest of the servants where she could take refuge in (Anna had too for that matter, especially as a child, when trying to run away after making a game out of distressing her poor caretakers, making many of their hairs turn grey before their time). However, with so many of such places to chose form ,that now left Anna with a slight dilemma, which one could Elsa possibly have picked?

Avoiding proximity with the Great Hall was obvious, so she would not have hidden behind in any of the other rooms lining the corridor, it made little sense if keeping her distance was what Elsa had in mind. Leaving the castle all together was another decision she quickly ruled out: with the main entrance doors the only ones open to the outer world tonight, she would have to pass in front of palace guards and the few guests that might not have made it to the ceremony in time and explain herself to them, not the best option for someone on the run.

As she past the stairs leading to the first floor, her bedroom immediately came to mind and in the momentum, she darted up the first flight, foot almost touching the step of the second one before she paused, brought to a sudden halt as brute reality crushed her little fantasy. While her bedroom was certainly not a place anybody would think of searching (much less do so behind her back, those chambers were after all, very much private and not something Anna wished to share with the people of neighbouring kingdoms) and it was a place nobody was standing guard at right at this moment, her bedroom had been a place-

Had.

It had been.

Her bedroom had been a place that had been meaningful to the pair of them once upon a time, Anna realized with a sudden pang of sadness. She had cherished –still did- the memories both she and Elsa had shared and created there, sheltered from the outer world’s prying eyes. They had helped her keep going forward, had been something she’d taken comfort in re-living every night when she returned to her empty bed as she tried to re-create that same feeling that had so easily bloomed between them. But the truth was, her bedroom no longer was that place anymore, it had ceased to be so when Anna had let the words ending what Elsa and herself had been tumble out of her mouth without grasping the consequences, and now once again realizing the sheer depth of what she was losing (because it was no longer just Elsa, it was a whole life they had shared together and so much more) sent a new stab of pain deep in her chest.

Well, Elsa, it seems like you’ve run off with a big part of who I am there.

Not that Anna particularly minded. If Elsa wished to keep a token of the brief relationship she’d had with Anna, the princess found herself more than willing to give it up despite the inevitable pain it might have brought upon her own person. It was the least she could offer. It was rather ironic how their initial separation aimed at keeping Anna from holding on to something (someone) that might interfere with her capacity at perfecting her new identity as Queen of Arendelle was now resulting in Elsa running away, forever in possession of a piece of the Princess that would never be brought back.

Perhaps she was only now noticing it because of how seamlessly and easy and so completely natural it had been to let Elsa in that it was taking her leaving for the whole extent of the problem to be unveiled.

Except that Anna wasn’t about to let her leave. Or at the very least, not without talking it through with her first (if Elsa wanted to leave, well that was her right, Anna would never dare to oppose that. It would be wrong of her to seek to do as such, not something befitting of a princess supposed to uphold values such as making one’s choices and freedom), at least understand why Elsa thought running away was for the best when Anna was practically certain that something could be managed to ensure she stay, and if Westleton or anybody else dared oppose her on this, well Anna guessed she just needed to fight them and make them understand that she simply couldn’t go through with losing Elsa a second time.

Resolve and anticipation were all well and good, but that didn’t help her in any way actually find the older girl though, and Anna’s stomach truly did feel like a pack of uncomfortable knots when reaching the end of the next corridor and finding each room to be empty yielded yet again in disappointment.

All right, well Elsa had obviously chosen to keep away from the living quarters too then. Adding to that the Hall and main entrance where she was unlikely to be too seemed to be logical though: she was avoiding places where she could be easily found, meaning that Elsa was probably somewhere nobody would think of looking into and somewhere where there would be little passage at this hour.

And since the chefs and numerous cooks had already rolled in the dessert trays over half an hour ago before joining the festivities themselves –as was normal, they deserved to reap the product of their hard labor- that left the kitchens likely to be empty, and unlikely to be searched. (Did the Duke of Westleton even know where they were anyway?)

It was a big gamble, one that would possibly yield nothing but disappointment, but after reasoning it through, Anna opted to give it a try, and without giving it a second thought, she dashed down the hall, her footsteps now echoing along the way as her lone figure seemed to be the only one to pass through. (At least that made reaching the cooking quarters that much quicker).

The door was closed when she finally got there, the comforting smell of familiar lingering food still seeping through the slip beneath, and she guessed that the cooks must have not yet begun their tidying up yet (not that she blamed them at all, they were entitled to have a rest and enjoy the festivities.). The lingering odor of roasted mutton and rich sauce along with the amazing chocolate sauce Kristoff had been set to help with for the dessert were all unmistakable, and were she not in such dire circumstances, Anna probably would have let herself daydream a little, imagining herself going through such a feast a second time.

Instead, she pushed the door gently, the creaking almost resonating throughout the empty room. The first thing that she noticed was the absolute mess the utensils were in, with empty pots littered across the big table, some with spoons and knives still in them, while next to them lay halves of tomatoes, carrots and other accompaniments that must not have been used after all. The obvious intense labour that had gone in to making this evening something to remember on parts of the cooks did not go unnoticed by the princess, who made a mental note to thank them profusely for their hard work later.

Shutting the door behind her then made Anna increasingly aware of the utter silence that loomed over the place, so unlike the norm, where the kitchens were usually buzzing with life and activity. Seeing everything so still, so devoid of purpose and abandoned in favor of taking a well-earned part in the continuing festivities upstairs now that their role had been filled for the evening, it was almost surreal to see what was left. The sheer size of what had been used to entertain the guests and see to have them well fed was also something Anna wasn’t used to seeing, for it was not often that such an event was hosted at Arendelle castle, and getting a peek at the people working in the shadows of such a luxurious ceremony truly was eye-opening into the hardships they must have gone through.

“Elsa?” She asked over a pile of pots dangerously close to tipping over. “Elsa, are you in here?”

No answer. Anna swallowed, hard. Surely she couldn’t be gone?

“Elsa? It’s Anna-“ Oh no, she could feel her voice wavering slightly, the carefully crafted mask she was to bear to the public slowly crumbling to pieces right in front of her as this complete sense of loss kept growing as the silence kept on. “Elsa please, if you’re here, please answer me. I need-I need to-“

Need to what? Tell her she was sorry? That she’d come here to apologize when it was possibly too late already? Tell her that despite her mistakes, that she still wanted her back? That she was ready to begin something special with her from scratch once again?

If only things were so simple.

While she’d been thinking up a hundred ways to tell Elsa how utterly sorry she was for what had happened, she’d failed to entertain the thought that maybe the possibility of rebuilding what they had wasn’t really up to her, that perhaps, Elsa ought to be the one to chose whether or not she wanted to re-ignite the flame they’d made grow together.

And it was now that she found herself in an empty kitchen (of all places) that it was truly dawning on her. She could tell the other woman she was sorry (she would, and Anna didn’t think there were enough words in their common language to truly  express the sorrow and regret at her single mistake) until she had cried her eyes out and rendered her throat raw for all she wished, it wasn’t up to her. Anna had taken that decision away from Elsa the evening she’d thought it was for the best should they permanently separate, it was only just that Elsa get all the cards in her hand this time around.

“Elsa, are you there?” Her voice sounded meek all of a sudden, the weight of the looming conversation she was to have with the blonde hanging over her shoulder, an ever-present reminder of what she could lose were Elsa to make the choice to truly end things once and for all.

A few moments of tense silence and several heartbeats later, Anna got her answer from behind the stove in the middle of the room.

“Anna?” The small voice, so familiar and so welcomed had Anna’s shoulders sag in relief at the fact that she’d actually found Elsa, that at least, the other girl hadn’t run off and that the now had a chance to talk things through. “Anna, is that you?”

A sliver of hope, it’s almost too good to be true, and Anna almost lunges forward in an attempt to latch on to her, of a mind that if she can physically touch her, take hold of her, then she wouldn’t go. Instead, however, years of approaching things rationally and knowing of the importance of not acting on impulse, Anna stays there, rooted to the ground, has to force herself not to move out of fear that doing so would undo whatever spell this was.

“Yes, I… Elsa I… I need to… I don’t-“ And just like that, the words fail her. Fail her when Anna is usually the one to have an abundant stock of them for her use (sometimes even too many, as was often the topic of jokes around family dinners), and now that she needs them oh so much, the words fail her, the princess failing to find the ones capable of conveying the exact depth of emotions she wants Elsa to know.  “I need to talk to you.” That’s it, that’s all she manages, and Anna is aware that if she’s trying to win Elsa back, her poor wording is probably not doing her any favours.

Damn it.

“I-I now you probably don’t want to see me right now, I’m probably the last person you possibly want to talk to,” She laughs nervously, unsure of where she’s actually going with this, “but… But I need to talk to you. I know you might not care at this point, you’re perfectly entitled to of course, but I needed to tell you something, before you might decide to leave.”

From behind the counter, she can see thin fingers gripping the edge, the surface turning into a shade of icy blue beneath them. Were she not walking on a thin line, she would have been over there in a second, would be telling Elsa that it was okay, maybe even give her a hug (or a kiss, no that was over now) and offer her hot chocolate to help her calm down. But despite the kiss they had shared only minutes before, Anna still felt like things had changed. The only thing she wasn’t sure of was how they had changed.

“I-I screwed up, I know that now, and no apologies from me will ever be enough to tell you how sorry I am for it all. I… I guess I should have talked to you first, I can see that now, but it’s just… This whole become-the-queen thing my parents wanted me to do, that I thought I wanted to do, it’s been something that has ruled my life from the moment I was born, it was something I have always been expected to take up one day. It’s something I always thought I wanted.

Funnily enough, I truly did think it was the future I was meant for until I actually decided to go for it. Please believe me, Elsa, these past weeks without have been the most miserable of my entire life. I thought the crown was what I had always wanted, and only realised that I was running after an illusion when I lost the most precious thing I’d already had without even realizing it.”

At that, Anna saw Elsa’s head peek out from behind the counter and their eyes locked in a moment of silence, a moment where Anna’s body took the last few steps between them of its own volition and she suddenly found herself crouching down in front of the other girl. The look she was giving her, however, was not something Anna could read, and the little ball of anxiety in her chest grew as she apprehended Elsa’s response.

“I…” She looked down then, unable to hold the intensity of the other girls’ gaze, instead tentatively locking their hands together on Elsa’s knees, a familiar gesture she almost sobbed at finding again, “I truly am sorry Elsa. I promise that I won’t ever make the same mistake again. You are my happy ending, you being happy is enough for me, and I promise you that no crowns, kingdoms or other trivialities of the kind will ever make me commit such a mistake again. I’m ready to fully give up the crown of Arendelle, if you wish to have me back, that is.”

Aware that the decision was entirely up to her now made Elsa nervous, for of all the confrontations between herself and Anna, this certainly wasn’t what she had expected. On the one hand, she could feel her chest bubbling with excitement at the thought of igniting the flame she had thought extinguished for good not that long ago, but on the other hand, the remaining anxiety at the possibilities of such unfortunate circumstances pulling them apart again (ones Anna might not entirely be able to counter by herself) was still there nevertheless, to anchor them in the real world, one where both of them had learnt that the matters of the heart did not always come out on top.

However, the earnest expression in the princesses’ eyes, the way her breath seemed to have stopped as she waited for her answer and both of their thundering heartbeats echoing in the empty kitchen almost made it easier. Anna didn’t have to say anything for Elsa to see that, while the world might be against them, the brunette was still determined to fight to keep them together, and that… Well surely that was enough for them to last, right?

“You would… You really would want to leave the crown behind for me?”

The sincere nod and lack of words that followed, Anna demonstrating with a gesture that she was truly committed to stand by her decision were enough to reel Elsa back in without the blonde feeling like she was doing this out of some sense of obligation. Anna wanted this, but Elsa wanted this too, she hadn’t given up on remaining on good terms with Anna after their brief separation and she wasn’t about to do so now either.

Instead, she mirrored Anna’s widening grin, giving her partner the biggest one she could manage, and, hands on both of her shoulders, pulled her in for the sweetest kiss she could ever dream of, heart fluttering madly in her chest and tightening her hands into the other’s gown so as to not let her go, ever. This was the start of their future, right now, sealed with a kiss as a promise to be forever by each other’s side.

Perhaps kissing in the kitchens wasn’t the most romantic of places, but as they pulled apart and Anna raised an eyebrow, asking, “What do you think about celebrating with a box of chocolates, I think Gerda often hides some in the second press to the right.” And the mischievous wink that followed along with Anna taking hold of her hand (both fitting as perfectly together as they had the first time), had Elsa finally feeling like this was home once again. That despite the little mishaps they’d had along the way, they had made their amends, and now had a bright day ahead of them, together.

The box of chocolates certainly didn’t last long.

Later sharing them on Anna’s bed, both of them recreating a sense of an almost-lost intimacy and lighting the spark of love between them into something akin to a blazing flame all the while they both giggled and laughed in each others’ arms, well away from the ever scrutinizing gaze of the high nobility, was only the first little moment they subsequently learnt to treasure all over again.

Not that they were in any haste, Anna’s decision now more than clear and the pair of them having come to a mutual understanding and choice to take things slowly, actually take the time to truly appreciate the little things that made being together so special, was something they were both looking very much forward to exploring in the near future.

[shadowofhapiness]

Looking After Our Own (7/27)

Summary: When the organization called “Underworld” threatens home security, CIA officer Emma Swan is paired up with MI-5 agent Killian Jones and the two are set to get to the core of the hazard together. Thinking that the over-confident spy was the worst of the matter was definitely an understatement however, as Emma soon finds out when the whole case turns into nightmare, with a possible traitor from within their system helping the illicit community to get their hands on something dangerous. Maybe having someone she might be able rely on in all of this mess isn’t something she ought to fear after all…

AN: Just dropping this off before heading into university finals and negotiating for my apartment for the upcoming year since I'll be moving away form home, enjoy! :)

Rated: T

Word Count: ~ 4.700 words (~ 34.100 total)

Fanfiction.net - Archive Of Our Own

Paper Thin

The drive back to the grid was a quiet one, Emma supposing they didn’t really have anything substantial worth talking about since their scavenging hadn’t yielded much apart from the newspaper clipping, which they had decided to bring back with them for further investigation. Hands now firmly on the steering wheel and the purring engine a noise in the background, Emma was glad that Jones had decided to put a halt to his probing questions, possibly coming to realize that the small talk between them was more awkward than anything else and that it was better to keep communication to a minimum, as he sat quietly beside her, not looking to strike up a conversation. Emma really couldn’t say that she wasn’t grateful.

She really didn’t understand how trivial chit-chat could be of any importance, especially not with near strangers she knew next to nothing about when being well aware just how much information a fellow spy could possibly get her to divulge if she were to not pay attention, and she wasn’t quite sure she was ready for all that venturing into personal territory yet. While Jones was shaping out to be a little less obnoxious than she’d initially pinned him as, her ever so slight decrease of annoyance towards him by no means meant that Emma saw him as anything less than a co-worker, he was juts someone she just might be able to tolerate for however long this case dragged on for. Why entertain the mere idea of getting comfortable with him when in eight weeks time they’d never even have to see each other again anyway?

The glass doors hissed as they shut behind them, Emma shrugging off her jacket and all of a sudden incredibly appreciative of the warmth.

Heading over to her own desk, she barely had the coat hung on the back of it when she felt something poke her back, and turned to find Elsa, patiently waiting with what looked to be a steaming cup of coffee in her hand. Emma nodded her thanks as she took the offered beverage, immediately bringing it up to her lips and humming at the warmth –definitely appreciated, now if she could get her hands on something to eat too, that would be nice.

“I’ll see you in the boardroom then?”

The lack of bravado is what Emma noticed in the tone, the utter difference it had compared to his usual laid-back attitude and confidence, and as she looked up to the bunch of papers and files Jones had in his arms (the ones they’d just picked up), she realized she mustn’t have answered the first time around.

“Yeah, um, yeah, you can go and set things up, I’ll be there shortly.”

Her tone definitely lacked in conviction though, for Emma strongly doubted they’d find anything worthwhile while combing through the paperwork –this case was already like looking for a needle in a haystack, why expect any change in that now?- and she would rather set herself up for the worst than vainly hope for a clue they had very little chances of getting their hand son. Underworld had been extremely good at hiding their traces so far, she doubted any organization able to have both the CIA and MI5 in utter chaos would be so careless as to literally offer them information without a price. This snail-paced progress they were making was really making Emma begin to wonder if the whole thing was actually even legit in the first place and that Mills and Nolan weren’t perhaps getting their stories mixed up. If Underworld was personally after them, wouldn’t they have left more evidence for them to actually be vulnerable and give them an opening to strike again?

Well, the photos were real enough, she remembered with a shiver, not particularly wanting to lay an eye on them again anytime soon. If those were real and were the way their group had decided to show what they were concretely capable of, by all logic there was no reason to believe Underworld wasn’t out there either, and that it was their way of toying with the CIA, have them run around like headless chickens trying to solve a puzzle with practically no pieces in their hands and strike again when they felt like it to throw them into even more disarray.

And if Underworld already knew they were looking into them then all chances were that they were a step ahead of them, that there was a whole heap on info that they knew about that Nolan and Mills still didn’t, and any way they had of uncovering new relevant intel could possibly be a trap they would set up on them, for if they had struck at the direct heart of the spy network –meaning the spies themselves- Emma dreaded even imagining what might happen to Jones and herself were they to make a wrong move, which, while she was careful, was still entirely possible given the increasing desperation they were facing at the fact that they still had very little to go on. If recklessly going in for more without covering their tracks or keeping an eye out was to land them in a less than desirable situation, Emma knew she would rather they take their time and do things right than stupidly risk their lives and information they already had, even if it was frustrating.

Her stomach gave an audible growl, clearly uninterested in worrying about terrorists and murders, and as Emma wearily trudged towards their rented car, hand barely able to hold the keys up as she zapped the door open before unceremoniously plopping down inside, the thought of a lovely warm sandwich covered in divine grilled cheese became quite appealing indeed. Well, seemed like Granny’s take away it was then. At the very least, maybe things would lighten up a little once they had something substantial in their stomachs.

“Well, you certainly took your time, Swa-“

The confident smile almost came easier this time around, now that Emma knew what to expect of her partner. It might not have been entirely real given that she strongly doubted that it reached up to her cheeks or anything, but she could say with certainty that it was slightly less strained than the one she’d forced that first night they’d spent together.

She guessed that perhaps it had to do with the fact that it wasn’t as “new” as when Nolan had given her the apartment keys and they had both awkwardly entered the place in silence, neither one of them really knowing what to say without sounding awkward. While far was it of her to say with certainty that she’d pinned Jones down, that she could read him and actually knew him like those old iconic double acts she’d seen on many a TV show as a child, it was getting slightly easier (only slightly) to actually be a pair of agents working together.

Jones had laid off asking about her, keeping their conversations matter-of-fact and more often than not they usually came back to the whole Underworld case. Another person might not have been down with keeping on about work related matters once past the threshold of their home, but Emma didn’t particularly mind. Their talk, while still centering on their daily agent routine, was more laid back and didn’t have any of the upstanding code they generally adopted when working together on the grid. It was a few hours when they could just let go slightly, even make bets on how much more the shadows under Misses Nolan’s eyes would grow by the end of the week. As it turned out, she’d been right when guessing they’d have grown quite a bit.

She dropped the brown paper bag in front of him next to the pile of papers they’d picked up from the safe house, hand already digging in and pulling out both their shares. The grilled cheese, she had to admit, smelt heavenly and she already felt her mouth salivate in anticipation as she brought it up for a first bite, definitely appreciating it after the laborious day’s work.

“Thought we could do with something for dinner while I was out, given that we’re probably going to be here for another while at least.” Not one for upstanding manners, Emma didn’t particularly care that her mouth was full as she talked between two bites, a hungry stomach vying for her attention definitely took priority over conversational etiquette.

Jones, for his part, certainly didn’t look as appreciative as she was as he eyes the food skeptically, keeping the bread at arm’s length as if waiting for it to jump up and bite him in the face at any moment, which was utterly ridiculous in Emma’s books, Granny’s grilled cheese sandwiches were by far the best dinners anyone would find in town, she and August weren’t among her most loyal clients for no reason after all.

“What the hell is this?”

“It’s food, you eat it.” Emma said matter-of-factly as she took another bite not seeing where the problem was. True, it was take-away, probably not the healthiest of diets, but she and August had gotten used to it when the analyst would bring in a bag to share on those nights when they had worked together, trying to pinpoint the type of behavior those drug gang leaders from mere pictures and assessing what was the best way to catch them. While this case was much more different, namely, that they were dealing with something a lot more dangerous than a few tattooed bad boys roaming the empty streets and taking part in less than savory activities, it was still a habit that Emma had gotten into, and given that the shop was just down the road, she guessed that they might as well make the most of it, who knew if they’d even be on the grid or have time to eat something hot tomorrow?

“Anyway, you managed to get a hand on anything while I was out?”

“Not sure yet, I’ve been looking through a few things, but nothing really substantial seems to be popping up. The only thing I managed to get a hand on that was worth noting was that there seems to be a connection to you Americans and to some odd gas related story, but when I went to look into that, nothing.” And Emma guessed Jones must have tried quite a bit, given how he was now rubbing at that sore spot between his eyes, headache probably not far away from squinting at the monitor screen too much. At least the food seemed to be a momentary welcomed distraction given that that hadn’t had much of a chance to eat anything much during the day.

Although Emma could understand where the weariness in his voice and the slump in his shoulders were coming from. Her eyes were burning from exhaustion, having been reading up on files and searching for minute details too closely for too long, and the prospects of collapsing onto the bed back at the safe house was certainly shaping up to be a very  tempting image. Only, she knew she and Jones likely had a lot more work to do before actually being able to leave, and Emma doubted that those hours would turn up anything valuable. She was very strongly thinking of asking Nolan (or maybe his wife, she might be easier to convince) for an extended vacation in the Bahamas once this was all over.

“None of this has a lick of sense, it’s like… It’s like Underworld doesn’t even exist outside of whatever intel we already have, there’s barely any traces of them in the system whatsoever.”

“Yeah, the file Mills gave me on Cassidy’s and the whole operation Dreamshade certainly didn’t yield much in terms of results either, doesn’t look like we’re going to get very far with these breadcrumbs of information.”

“Alright, then let’s take this back to the start,” Jones suggested as he took a deep and calming breath, which to Emma sounded more like a yawn judging by the dark circles under his eyes, but she wasn’t about to comment on it. “Your guy Humbert, he seemed to be pretty mobile, he was actually the one to meet up with the group, right?”

“Yes, but we’ve tried the place he was calling from before he died already-“ Emma interrupted, not really getting why Jones wanted to go back to using Humbert as a basis for their search.

“No, not necessarily from where he was before he died, but given that we have his calls, maybe if Elsa can get a range of the geographic locations he was in we might get a place, right?”

Coming to think of it, it was a route they could go down. Part of Emma was a little skeptic, knowing that a mobile agent like Humbert could have been to quite a few areas before he was killed, but on the other hand, what did they have to lose by doing a search? At the very least, it would give them something a little more concrete than the few bits and pieces they had on paper so far, and it would be better than re-reading the dead man’s report for the hundredth time over.

“Yeah, sure. Give me a minute and I’ll put Elsa onto it. She’s the one with all the computer skills.”

The wink was certainly not what Killian had expected as Swan rose up and made for the corridor leading back to the main room, but it was rather nice, how casual it was.

With only a few years under his belt as a field agent, he hadn’t had much of an opportunity to make long lasting partnerships with any colleagues back home, Elsa was the main person who’d taken a shine to him and when Mills had noticed that they’d handled a few operations quite well, she’d simply offered them to work in tandem –Elsa from the van, usually directing him and hacking into various computer programs like the professional she was while he was the one running around, guns blazing.

Swan, Swan was certainly different, not an easy one to figure out, but she seemed to be a practical and skilled woman despite obviously having a few truths she was reluctant to share, not that Killian didn’t understand, there were a load of things he hadn’t told her about himself either, things he didn’t particularly think she’d want to know anyway, but it was nice to see that the lack of more personal talk didn’t seem to get in the way of them progressing on the case. Although, it would be nice to get to know more about the CIA agent, and it was odd how genuinely curious he was about her.

It was strange, how his usually narrow world, the one centered around himself and Liam –because they had nobody else- was expanding at the fact of meeting someone like him, someone he could understand and someone who could probably read him just as well, which certainly wasn’t something Killian had expected when signing up as an agent. How a job demanding one to put their country and values before their lives actually made him feel a connection with a fellow officer sharing the same morals was certainly an odd twist of fate.

He liked Swan –Emma, her name was Emma- , she was smart, practical, intelligent, resourceful, and it was obvious to him that she hadn’t let whatever past she had define her. They hadn’t talked about that much, the one time he’d brought it up, he’d understood that it still seemed to be a sore subject for her (and he understood, abandonment, especially by someone supposed to love you, was not an easy thing to deal with or to overcome, not when the child is left wondering day after ay what they did wrong to lose their parent’s love) and he doubted he’d get to know any more on what exactly had made her that way, but she was surprisingly pleasant company, when one managed to get under that thick skin, and perhaps, with a little good fortune, he might help her understand that opening up a little wasn’t something to be so afraid of.

“Well that’s strange. Can you trace it again?”

Both Emma and Elsa joined him in the little room, the computer freak closing the door behind her before setting her trusted laptop on the table, beside the extra papers Emma had added to the growing pile.

“You two found something?”

“I’m not sure, Elsa’s tracing the call again, just in case we had something wrong but-“ And at the little ‘bing’ sound of the other woman’s laptop, Emma flipped it around so the deceive faced him, a little red spot popping up on the map the two of them had running in the background. “That place, it’s a local bar, called Wild Times, I remember coming across it a few times in Humbert’s report, it was where quite a few of his more recent calls were pinned to. If he was closing in on Underworld, maybe that might be the place to go, at least maybe one of the employees might be able to give us more detail on who he was with if they actually saw him, or we could hack into their security camera footage.”

“You think we should give the place a look?”

“I don’t know,” To be honest, Emma didn’t particularly want to have to go scouting a less than savoury establishment, where less than savoury people hung out to participate in less than savoury activities, especially knowing what kind of repugnant atmosphere the local bars were said to have, but if it got them that much closer to finding a clue, it wasn’t exactly her place to go passing up on it. “I’d rather we check blueprints and inside footage first, just to get a feel for what exactly we’re getting ourselves into, then pass by Nolan and Mills, get their input on this-“

“But she and Nolan requested nobody interrupt them, they’re dealing with an unexpected American financial vulture in one of the biggest estate agencies in London right now, Number Ten deemed it urgent.” Elsa countered, obviously uneasy with the extra weight on their shoulders at having to handle the case by themselves for a foreseeable while.

Damn it, just our luck! Emma thought sourly. “Well we’ll leave them be for now, try and make do with what we have and hopefully have something new and more concrete for them by the time they manage to settle down that crisis (which will hopefully be soon). I know we really don’t have much yet, but if we could just find another substantial lead, maybe they’ll be able to help.”

“Well what about going for the picture attached to the file?” Killian suggested, not particularly ecstatic at having to have a look at the agent’s brutalize corpse again, but it was the best they had given that they had probably milked the call for all it was worth.

“Humbert’s body?” Emma shivered, not really wanting to open that up again nor really getting why the Brit wanted to anyway, “What could we possibly need that for?”

“Have we looked at what was on it? If we can lighten it up or sharpen the quality, maybe we might be lucky, find a detail we missed, and given that Elsa’s an expert in all of that, I don’t really see the harm in giving it a shot?”

“Well, I’ll see what I can come up with, give me a few minutes and I’ll get back to you.”

And just like that, she swerved back on her chair, Emma going back to the open file on the desk beside her and picking up the top sheet of paper there, eyes skimming over it in hopes of finding some kind of detail.

“How are you so sure we’ll even find something anyway?” She asked the Brit off-handedly as he sat on the corner of the table, a set of a dozen recoded phone conversations between Queen and Humbert in his hands.

“I don’t, you just look like the type who doesn’t give up, so I don’t see why I should either.”

And Killian shrugged at that, as if it was normal that he just understand and go along with her way of thinking. And Emma wasn’t too sure how she felt about that, knowing someone was willing to trust her judgment and input on things like this when they barely knew each other, how a mere work colleague could have that much faith in the fact that she would pull this off.

On the one hand, it was terrifying, someone having this much expectations of her, but on the other hand, it was… It made her chest swell, at just how sincere his words felt (and Emma would like to think that she could have noticed it, had he lied, she was good at that), that Killian was being honest with all of this.

And if, to him, she could pull off that, have Jones utterly confident in the fact that they would succeed, then Emma guessed that a little more probing and searching might just do the trick.

Still, it was a lot of faith he was putting on her shoulders, Emma just hoped that she could be up to par and deliver.

“All right then,” And with a deep breath, she pulled the file back to her, “So what we do know for certain so far is that Humbert was set to infiltrate this rather unsavory group linked to Underworld, that he mentioned someone obviously high placed codenamed Hearts and called Nolan before he was shot. Nolan then received the photo and the message about Underworld being onto Humbert all along. So, if we go by this logically and Underworld is comprised of mainly scummy individuals, where would you pick a place to hide if you were them?”

“Somewhere crowded obviously,” Was the first aspect of a lair Killian could think of, “Somewhere with little chances of being overheard when dealing with the killers themselves, noisy perhaps? So anybody listening in would not have much of an opportunity to fully get what we’re talking about, somewhere where nasty business wouldn’t stick out, where it would be normal. Are there any drugstores or casinos around? They usually deal with money.” Opening up a new tab and typing in the requested address, Emma enlarged the CIA computer map, waiting a moment for the search to yield results, and sure enough, there were the little red dots popping up. Bingo! Indeed there were a few similar places around, three as a matter of fact, and when searching for the official sites it turned out that one of the places was currently being renovated, which now narrowed their results down to two.

“Arendelle and Wild Times seem to be the big candidates. They both look like inviting enough places to an unsuspecting public, easy to blend in and make quick transactions or relay messages without looking suspicious.”

“Any record of either of them having caused trouble for the CIA before? It might make the choice easier and save us some precious time.”

“Not a bad idea-“ However, Emma should have expected things to get tougher now that they’d landed a result. Neither one of the bars looked particularly suspicious when firth lancing at them, and when investigating deeper into CIA files of old cases yielded next to nothing bar perhaps a few minor incidents (but nothing particularly relevant to the case at hand), she couldn’t help but feel a little deflated at their so-far fruitful research seemingly coming to a brutal and unexpected halt for the time being. Underworld really were doing everything they could to leave as few traces as possible or erase the ones already there, making it next to impossible for them to get a grasp on them at all. It was a wonder they had even gotten this far at all with the little they had, when Emma took a moment to think about it. Catching them was going to be a whole other story entirely. How the hell were they going to manage to narrow it down? There were quite a number of nasty places she would dare not set a foot into unless absolutely necessary that she could qualify as a good hideout for terrorist groups, it didn’t mean any of them were currently being used by their target.

And in addiction to the sheer scale they had to work with, knowing that Mills and Nolan had no other agents they could spare for this was even worse. Their tem was small, tiny, just herself, Killian, Elsa, Pan and August when he could spare them a moment, that was it, and given that herself and Jones were the only agents qualified to actually go out and scout locations, Emma could already guess that they were going to make progress at a snail pace.

“Well, Wild Times certainly seems to be harboring lots of charming violent brutes.” Killian said cynically from beside her, and Emma could already guess the Brit was hoping they’d avoid any confrontation were they to go there. Coming back to the grid with a broken wrist or an injured knee was definitely a setting-back they couldn’t afford. But with the year-old newspaper article about a brawl escalating into cold-blooded murder, he was pretty sure that keeping a hand on the gun strapped to his waist at all times would be a safe move.

“At least it lives up to the name, right?” Emma offered half-heartedly. “Think we still ought to give it a try?”

“If we can get our hands on something, I guess it’s worth the risk.” He conceded, shrugging. At least Emma knew she wasn’t going to be going alone, which was a mild reassurance. “At the worst, we can always grab a beer, so we won’t be going down there for nothing.”

Emma sighed, well at least if he saw something in the whole affair that made it worthwhile… “Sure, just don’t come to me when Mills learns that her agents are taking advantage of location scouting to get drunk and not do their job, I’m certainly not covering your arse for that.” She winked, and in the heat of the moment, she could almost swear that she was actually enjoying the levity he was trying to offer (That’s certainly new).

“Well, I’ll go and give Mills and Nolan a heads up.” She said, leaning out of the chair, stiff legs cracking audibly, making Emma wince. “You don’t move, if you do, I’m picking somebody else to tag along!” She called as she past the door.

Emma thought she heard something along the lines of You better not, Swan! But chalked it up to her overtired brain imagining noises that weren’t really there.

Well, at the very least, the trek up to Nolan’s office wasn’t as dreaded as she’d feared it might. They did have some information to offer him on the case’s progress (mainly speculation, but perhaps the man could give a little of his own insight into things, open up a few other routes they could potentially go down). If, and only if, he agreed to this Emma was going to make sure to keep an eye on Jones, because God only knew what nonsense he was going to come up with if he were to make light of the situation, and Emma really didn’t want to run into any trouble while down there, not when calling in a team to help them would take too long to make their way down and would reflect very poorly on the pair of them. However, it wasn’t necessarily Jones’ talk and banter she minded anymore, just his slight lack of ‘being down-to-earth’, which at times, could be quite frustrating. Other than that, things certainly seemed to have been slowly improving somehow.

Not that Emma would ever think of telling him that in person, of course.

Because he certainly wasn’t growing on her. No, not at all.

[shadowofhapiness]

Shards Of Ice (17/20)

Summary: When princess Anna finds herself gifted a personal slave for her twentieth birthday, her life changes, as she becomes fascinated with the broken girl she’s been given as a servant. Discovering her present’s supernatural abilities and how she was forced to conceal them, Anna just might be able to help Elsa heal, offering her the one thing she’d always been denied, love. [Elsanna]

AN: A bit of a premature resolution to the angst at the end there, but I'm hoping to fit that in to the next chapter. In the meantime, here's a lot of panic and Anna realizing what type of a life she really wants (hint, it doesn't really involve a crown ;)). 

Rated: T

Word Count: ~ 5.900 words (~ 79.300 total)

Fanfiction.net - Archive Of Our Own

Race Against The Clock

The atmosphere in the room was absolutely stifling, and that was putting it lightly.

Anna knew she ought not to have expected anything else –this even was really important, it was for her, it was for the noble families (who had come a very long way for some) to welcome her into her new place in society and was a chance for her to get to know them a little better at the same time- but the big fuss, while it had initially beheld some sort of a thrill for her and had gradually become something she’d been looking forward to, she now realized, rather ironically, that she couldn’t wait for the whole thing to be over and done with so she could run away, back to her own safe private bedroom where she knew she would be shielded from all of those expectant gazes.

Never one to be really shy around people whether they be familiar or mere strangers, it was rather uncomfortable how small this was making her feel just picturing herself, in the chair while surrounded by so many people, and as Anna watched the servants pass by with a copious plate filled to the brink in their hands (sometimes carefully balancing it and almost having it fall, much to the amusement of the younger princes seated at the front rows) and the sheer number of different guests that had turned up, the knowledge that each and every one of them no doubt had expectations of her –ones they hoped she would fulfill since it would be her duty once she stepped into her father’s place- and the sudden weight of it all crashing down onto her shoulders almost left her wanting for breath for an instant.

Keep it together, Anna, easy does it.

And through it all, that was definitely the worst part of it: keeping it together, showing them all what they wanted to see while at the same time, she felt like falling to pieces on the inside. Oh, Anna wanted to do right by them, live up to her father’s name and legacy, make her parents proud, but as she now felt more isolated than ever, she begun to realize the sheer size of the task at hand (one she would have to undertake alone), and more importantly, just how overwhelming it was. Even the deep calming breath she tried to take in order to convince herself that everything would be okay and that everything would be fine and that everything would work out wasn’t enough this time around.

It was in moments like this that she felt a pang of loss at the fact that she couldn’t simply be Anna, the real woman with a personal life and with her own feelings and emotions, the actual person who stood behind the title of ‘princess and heir to Arendelle’, and that she instead had to suppress all of that inner struggle for everyone else’s sake. The only one person she’d ever managed to let down that carefully crafted façade with had been Elsa –but those distant bittersweet memories, while she cherished them still, were just that, distant memories- and when scanning the crowd in the hopes of maybe spotting her among the guests and the few selected servants that had been tasked with serving them all food and drink throughout the evening turned out to be naught but a disappointment, Anna felt more alone than ever.

They didn’t understand. She didn’t blame them, but as she watched all of the Southern and Western nobles cheering (at the top of their lungs for certain, who must have already been slightly too indulgent with the wine), talking heartily, laughing at some clever twist of tongue or an inside joke she could definitely not hope to make out from where she sat and all around basking in what was, for them at least, a festive atmosphere, without so much as even sparing a glance in her direction –turning a blind eye to her panic, to the building anxiety in her chest and the overall loneliness Anna was drowning in, the whole lot hidden behind a carefully crafted mask- the princess was envious and, not for the first time that evening did she wish she could just partake in their levity, because seeing them all like this (simply having a good time), while Anna was definitely relieved they seemed pleased with the evening so far, she just selfishly wished for a moment that she could have that too. This was supposed to be a special day for her, was it really too much to ask for?

“You don’t seem to be doing so well.” Has said quietly from beside her, leaning his head in so as to not have to risk someone potentially overhearing them, and it took Anna a moment to actually process the fact that he was talking to her, the buzzing noise of the room certainly not accommodating any kind of small talk. “You need anything?”

I need a breath of fresh air. I need Elsa. But again, to her dismay, the blonde hadn’t magically popped up when her eyes quickly swept over the room for the second time in not even five minutes (was she really that desperate for her to be there? Anna guessed she probably was, at this point).

“You really do like her, don’t you?”

Anna’s panic came to a momentary halt, because damn it, Hans certainly wasn’t supposed to pick up on the fact that she still wasn’t over the ruined potential of what she and Elsa could have –might have, under different and more favorable circumstances-been, but it seemed the Southerner was much more perceptive a chap than she’d initially given him credit for. “Now really isn’t the time for-“

“Now might be the only time.” He whispered tersely, all levity to the conversation suddenly evaporating into thin air. Anna fully turned to him then, not too sure as to what exactly could have prompted him to chose to do so. “Look, you and I, we aren’t all that different from one another, a prince and a princess, we spent most of our childhood with people telling us how to act and what to say, we have big expectations placed on our shoulders and a noble name to live up to which comes before anything else. It’s not the most peachy of lives, but it’s ours. The thing is, you still have a choice, you can still walk away from it if you want to, you can just about do anything until you decide to make that speech in front of all of those people and making the whole thing an official matter. It’s not too late to turn back if it’s what you really want.”

Anna looked down, gave herself a moment to let all of that sink in.

It was nice to have someone like Hans, someone stuck in the same position as her, someone who truly understood how horrible this dilemma she was facing was. Looking back on it, Anna really hadn’t thought things through when she’d called things off with Elsa, she had thought it would be easy (just focus on your duties, forget the heart, throw yourself into the role a hundred percent and everything would turn out all right. Well, look how well that turned out), but when she woke up at ungodly hours in the morning by herself, other half of the bed empty where someone used to fill it, when the ache in her heart at how utterly alone she felt became too unbearable to deal with at times, when the brightest highlights of her days had become those tiny fractions of moments when she’d catch a fleeting glimpse of Elsa’s arm, the end of her braided blonde hair or even the tail of her signature purple dress (just knowing she’d been there) or –when she was lucky enough- the short actual conversations they’d had the opportunity to have, those were the most cherished of memories Anna had of the last few weeks. It only now dawned on her that those had been the moments where she’d felt at home, where she’d felt like Anna, like she was whole since this whole ceremonial business had begun, and despite the efforts she had been dong to control herself, those memories hadn’t faded away in the slightest. As a matter of fact, Anna felt that she was missing Elsa now more than ever.

“I-I can’t.” Anna stuttered half-heartedly, voice definitely lacking in conviction as the words she’d told herself over and over once again made it past her lips. “I wish I could, but I can’t, I don’t have a choice in this.”

This conversation was certainly starting to shape into something she didn’t want.

“I owe it to all of them, those people, they need me, I’ll have to lead them one day, it’s important that I follow in my father’s footsteps and take up his mantel when he will no longer be able to carry it, it’s my duty as princess and heir to the throne of Arendelle, and if the crown comes at the expense of something or someone I was personally attached to –am personally attached to-, well there isn’t much that can be done for it, I simply have to accept it.”

She shot him a strained smile, hoping that he would understand that there truly was no other alternative to this situation that she could think of. People like her, they didn’t have the luxury of going against notions such as duty and tradition, no matter what, surely Hans could understand that.

Glancing back at him, the Prince seemed to have gone quite sullen, eyes strained on his half filled plate as if hoping the appetizing looking food would put him in a better mood, as he kept quiet. Turning back to her own one, Anna wished for the same, for she was quickly finding that there wasn’t much to be happy about in all of this bar maybe living up to her family’s name. Elsa, although she had kept a hopeful eye out for her, still hadn’t shown up, and Oleg… Gods only knew where he’d gotten lost, the empty chair next to her mother still stuck out like a sore thumb and while she doubted her cousin would show up this late, Anna hoped that she’d be able to catch him later to have a word with him about it, and he better have a damn good excuse up his sleeve for missing out on all of this or she wasn’t going to let him live it down, ever.

Anna smiled grimly as she imitated her father, lifting her glass and ducking her head as she acknowledged the room’s enthusiastic toast to her good health, success and bright future (and she quickly found out that she really didn’t like being at the center of attention of such a large crowd)and brought the drink to her lips, the sweet smell the only highlight of this, thus far, rather gloomy evening.

Her dress had begun to itch, the costly fabric grating against her skin beneath and for the third time already, Anna held back the sudden urge to finger it slightly to dislodge the discomfort. The last person to have touched the fabric there had been Elsa, and, as she looked down at her sleeve, Anna could still picture the other girl’s creamy pale skin, her long and delicate fingers carefully adjusting her cuffs so they sat perfectly on her wrist, embracing it’s form, wanting not only for the ceremony to be perfect but for Anna to feel perfect too. In her silent gratitude, Anna drowned out the rest of the noise in the background, as she all too willingly let her gaze be captured by the edge of her sleeve and tried to put herself back in her very own room –away from all the noise, away from the crowd- back to a safe place, where it was just her and Elsa.

It had been intimate, such simple and ordinary gestures they had repeated over and over  every day of their life, but there had been something special in the way Elsa had let her finger trail on her shoulder gently as she adjusted the fabric (maybe she was even reluctant to break contact, or maybe that was simply Anna making things up in her own mind, reading too much into it) and it had been like Elsa was treating her like delicate glass, like she was performing a sacred ritual between the two of them –something nobody else was ever to by privy to-, pouring all of her heart into her meticulous task. Anna leaned back in her chair, reminiscing over the swell in her chest at just how much it was moments like these that made her feel so content in merely being alive. Moments where neither of them had needed to utter a sound yet love and utter devotion to one another had been written across both of their features.

And that, was what she missed the most right now, that sense of wholeness, of being with someone who understood her fully and who she, in turn, sort of understood back, the whole reciprocity of the thing that went far beyond gentle to passionate kisses and exchanged “I love yous”. The people here –and more importantly, one person among them, was probably to be her future husband –or at least, both her parents strongly hoped that to be the case- but they wouldn’t understand that connection, she and said stranger wouldn’t ever be able to build that bond she and Elsa had because, well, they weren’t Elsa. Anna wouldn’t marry any of those handsome and undoubtedly charming young men out of love, and the lack of a connection between them (which would be something mutual, she to him and him to her) would forever dig an ever growing whole they wouldn’t be able to mend. Never mind the hole she could feel growing in her heart at the prospects of such a life, a life of constant dissatisfaction because the one person she knew would be able to fill it would forever be out of her grasp.

Anna didn’t want this –the mask, the coldness, the distance, the sheer lack of true love that went along with taking up the crown- and as her hand clenched over her knew as she took in all of the utter fakeness of it all, she felt like running, wanted to run far away as she could of something that was completely not her, and which was not the future she wanted to be trapped in until she eventually died at a miserable old age, without ever having had the chance to truly live beforehand. The entrance door was right ahead of her, behind the sea of guests, taunting her with an escape, daring her to just stand up and run, take Elsa and run away and never come back, and Ana’s throat clogged up as she realized just how trapped she was. How trapped she was now going to be.

Life just wasn’t fair, was it?

She brought her hand up to her face, discreetly wiped away the moisture she could feel gathering t the corner of her eye –hoped everyone else would just read it as here simply being overwhelmed with the ceremony, at being utterly happy at the prospects of the world she was now entering and not be able to read past the impassive mask to see the last crumbling shards of a broken heart at the utter defeat of someone having to lose a part of themselves in order to endorse a disguise for the rest of their life. A mask that would rule the their every day, their every decision, their reactions out in public and have to quell their own personal being beneath when wrestling with difficult decisions calling for a little more compassion and humanity. Anna felt like a literal part of her soul was slowly being crushed right in front of her as it cried out for help, for her to fight back and keep it, no not give it up out of an obligation she was forced to fulfill, yet as she sat there, she found herself unable to do anything else besides watch as it happened, pretty certain that it was too late to fix things now.

When she woke up tomorrow, she would be completely alone.

Maybe it was for the best that Elsa had not been tasked with joining the ranks of castle servants whose task it was to bring them the food, Anna wasn’t entirely certain that she would be able to take it, having the one person who had come to mean the world to her (the one person she’d turned away with absolutely no explanation whatsoever) so close to her yet have to helplessly watch as that invisible barrier between them would firstly go up and then slowly tear them apart.

Swallowing hard, Anna reached out for her glass and took a large gulp (not exactly respecting the manners she’d brought up with, but with emotions threatening to take control of her entire body, it was the first course of action she could think of to counter it) and even at that, the cool drink did very little to help. At this point, she wondered if anything really could.

“Ah, Princess Anna, I must sincerely apologize for not coming over sooner, I’m afraid I must confess that I got quite caught up with small talking your esteemed neighbor Count Stephen over there, you’ll be pleased to know that he is enjoying himself immensely. Especially the refreshments, he asked me to pass his most hearty compliments to you and your kitchen.”

Anna offered the duke of Westleton a stiff smile and her hand to shake, knowing that she could not allow her weariness and will to just be out of here tarnish her behavior towards the duke or any of their other guests for that matter. For his part though, he seemed lively enough, little black eyes sparkling from behind his too-big pair of glasses, and she guessed that if at least someone was getting something positive out of all of this then it might just have been worth it in the end.

“Thank you, sir. And how are the chilly winds treating you here, nothing too uncomfortable I would hope?”

“Oh, I’ll quickly be right as rain after I return home, fear not, but I simply couldn’t pass up on such a special occasion. This is a singular occasion, you officially taking up your position as the crown princess and heir to the kingdom of Arendelle, I thought it nothing but polite to assist the great fortune of a neighboring kingdom in person.”

Anna’s features remained crisp, her whole body going rigid as the old man leaned in his eagerness and excitement certainly lending him to be slightly over-friendly towards her, which was certainly not a feeling she was inclined to share, as she all but wished this was over already so that she could scamper off back to her room, if not to get away from the celebration itself than at least to escape the slightly over-enthusiastic duke.

Maybe if she was lucky enough, she could even request after Elsa, share a moment with her, just the two of them.

“Your good wishes are certainly appreciated.” She offered curtly, crossing her fingers beneath the table vainly hoping that it might get him to just go away. But of course, as if the evening being nothing but morose and one interminable anxiety fest for her wasn’t enough, her prayers went unheeded, and Westleton seemed to plant himself right there, determined to get a conversation out of her.

“Why, you’ll have to come over and visit us one of these days, see and learn about all of our customs in the South and take some time so we might be able to establish a potentially better maritime route with your kingdom –I know we could get a lot of benefit out of a good deal both you and I- and Prince Hans would surely be thrilled to verse you in our ways. And maybe you might even deem it possible to bring along your dear cousin –what was his name Olgar? Olaf?”

“Oleg.” Anna corrected, clearly not amused by his antiques.

“Why Oleg, of course, forgive me for momentarily forgetting it. But as we brought the dear prince up, it does beg the question, where is the lovely gentleman, I have yet to catch a glimpse of him. Ought he not to be here?”

The question made Anna painfully aware of the vacant chair to her right, her cousin‘s absence something she had initially tried not to let dampen the atmosphere. However, not that even their esteemed guests had noticed it, it really became something to be embarrassed about. Whatever Oleg would come up with later to justify his absence was definitely not going to be good enough to save his sorry skin this time around.

“He must have been held up with someone I take it.” Anna ventured, not really knowing what else she could offer the old man as a means to excuse her cousin’s decision to not show up. It stung as she realized it, that Oleg was going to miss out on this, that there was still this small possibility that he had chosen not to assist the ceremony, which he knew had been something important for Anna. A part of her, the one that was always willing to see the best in people, to give everyone a bright smile and look at things with the most positive outlook possible really didn’t want to believe that –that both Oleg and Elsa had consciously decided not to be here for her tonight- but why else were they (still) not here? The first appetizers had been served, the drink was already beginning to flow, the servants had already pulled out of the room and were headed back to the kitchens for the most part, had he (and the blonde) been caught up in the flow they surely would have made their way to them at this point.

“Oh well, I guess he’ll miss out on the toast then… Which is why I’m here actually. Your Majesties,” Westleton said, briefly glancing to the both her parents, “I have a very special gift for you, your highness.” And Anna watched intently as he signaled over one of his fellow servants from the Southern kingdom (recognizable with their foreign-looking attire) with a gesture of his hand. Very carefully, his thin arms picked up the heavy-looking engraved crystal bottle the stranger brought over on a lavish tray, the sparkly red liquid sloshing around.

“Please allow me and Prince Hans to offer you the very best of our Southern vineyards, especially chosen for you by the Prince himself in your honor.”

“I-I,” To be truthful, Anna had certainly never expected something like this, and for a moment, she felt a little embarrassed at receiving such an obviously expensive gift. You really didn’t have to was on the tip of her tongue, ready to express how out of place she felt, but aware that it would no doubt reflect poorly on her to turn down such an offering –especially one so luxurious- and so she took it with both hands, balancing the surprisingly heavy bottle in her left arm for a moment before bringing up her glass with her right and pouring the content into it.

“To a lovely evening and to your good health.” She offered as a toast when raising the glass to the room, the light of the crystal hanging from the ceiling making the liquid inside shine, and the whole room burst into an echoing sentiment, offering a hearty toast in a uniform cheer. It certainly smelt divine (Anna guessed Westleton must be an expert in all of these things) and once the crowd settled down, her lips trembled as she lifted the recipient, cool rim now against her mouth and about to tilt up when-

“No don’t!! ”

The brunette didn’t even have a moment to realize that she’d let go of the glass until the sound of a loud clatter rang in her ears, and, looking down, stunned, to where the carefully crafted pieces now lay, frozen solid.

 Elsa’s beating heart thundering in her ears was the only thing she could vaguely make out as she stood there, stock still, arm still outstretched for a moment, the whole crowd on onlookers staring right back at her, with expressions varying from general surprise to shock to hints of fear. There was a second of confusion, where nobody breathed a sound too busy were they trying t figure out and understand what had just happened under their noses and Elsa swallowed then, hard, painfully aware of what she had just done and just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Punishment of some kind was definitly coming her way, because while Anna maybe understood her and saw her as more than a mere ice wielder, servant or monster –as an actual human being whose wants and desires were worthy of being taken into consideration when it was possible- these people probably didn’t, and it was as her actions were sinking into them that it dawned on her that saving Anna’s life might just be coming with a very steep price, one Elsa had certainly not entertained before using her magic to freeze the pristine glass.

The illusion of peace broke then, cries of outrage and fear overwhelming the room as everybody began to panic, making for the walls and windows on either side, as far away from Elsa as they could possibly get out of fear of being the next ones to meet a similar fate to Anna’s glass while Westleton’s screechy high-pitched voice cried out in outrage over theirs, “Get it! Bring the monster over here!” 

Elsa barely had a moment to process the fact that by monster the old man was actually referring to her when she felt two strong arms take hold on her on either side, and knowing better than to try and fight them (which would probably only worsen whatever decision was made a concerning her fate), the pair both escorted her in a less-than-friendly way to the grand table, where Westleton and Anna’s family were still seated. It was embarrassing, a meek servant like her being paraded though so many noblemen and women, who must all be looking down on her as she past (but Elsa would never know, too fearful of meeting their gaze, knowing they simply wouldn’t understand), and when she and the duke’s guards finally came to a stop, Elsa couldn’t do much either when she was shoved down on her knees none to gently, she simply kept her eyes downcast and didn’t dare meet any of theirs, fearful of jeopardizing herself even further by doing a wrong move.

“What is this?! What is the meaning of this?”

Weslteton’s voice betrayed how he felt, shaking with outrage and indignation – maybe it would have almost been comical under other circumstances- as he all but stomped over to her, his little disproportionate body not making him look very intimidating, but Elsa knew better, past experience had taught her that the brutish-looking weren’t necessary the worst. She quickly flinched back as she felt the cool end of a blade against her neck, which forced her to straighten up, and it was all she could do in order to not swallow, to fearful of injuring herself if she did, and given the potential wound location, there wouldn’t be much that could be done if her neck got cut too deeply.

Her cold hands were shaking badly now.

“No! No, don’t hurt her!”

It was as she saw the silver glinted metal dangerously close to Elsa’s neck that Anna finally managed to get her body to snap out of the paralyzing stupor and stop Weslteton before he did something permanently damaging. Stiffly, she made her way over, as if the trance she’d been a moment ago was somehow still affecting her as she rounded the corner of the table, not caring in the slightest if her decidedly unroyal behavior were to elicit comments from the still stunned crowd. She came to a halt to Elsa’s side, determined to let the duke know that she valued the older girl as her equal, and extended a hand to where it hovered over the older girl’s shoulder, almost touching it, as if it were a silent reassurance that she completely stood with her. Elsa, on the other hand, wished the hand were touching her shoulder, as she thought just grounding her that much more in the here and now might just be what she needed to save her life.

“Don’t you even dare lay a finger on a single one of her hairs on her head.” It was the first time Elsa had ever heard Anna be well and truly angry and the unmistakable threatening quality of her tone –quiet, sharp, but definitely something that ought to be feared- and when the old man refused to lower his weapon, Anna continued with the same air of royal authority, “Put the blade down, now. I’m sure there’s an explanation for all of this.” For a moment, a flicker of hesitation followed her statement, Anna now knowing she had just put her whole situation in jeopardy over a mere servant, but she guessed she was too far in now, and if saving Elsa came at the cost of her title and the respect of those noblemen and women, well so be it. She was pretty certain now that Elsa was someone worth sacrificing it all for.

“You can’t expect me to lower my sword when that thing could attack me at any moment or-“

“That thing has a name, it’s Elsa, and she is my servant, thus under my protection. You will do as I say, now.”

“Do it now.” He father’s crisp and similarly authoritative voice echoing her command gave Anna a little reassurance, knowing that at least he had her back on this decision, that it wasn’t something wrong she’d let her impulse and feelings chose to do without thinking it through first. It certainly halted Westleton, whose hand froze mid-way from reaching for the knife on his plate. “I’m certain that there must be a good reason for this outburst.” And at that, he looked at Elsa with an unusual severity in his gaze, unlike how he’d ever come across to her before, but Elsa supposed the circumstances called for it: she had raised a hand on one of their guests for reasons he knew not yet, to the King all of this likely made little sense. His bushy eyebrows were drawn, frowning almost, and he looked so unlike the gentle man who had taken the very first step in freeing her form a miserable life of slavery by offering her a second chance at Arendelle castle. Elsa gulped in anticipation, definitely knowing that a person of her stature ready to strike a visiting official would not reflect well on any of them, and she could only hope that she’d manage to argue her case convincingly.

“Do you have an explanation for this, Elsa.”

She cast a glance towards him, to his apologetic looking wife in the background and finally to Anna, and the worried crease in her eyebrows and by the way she was biting her lower lip to quell her anxiety let Elsa know just how nervous the other young woman was concerning her fate. A fate Elsa had barely thought about when intervening: Anna’s life had been in danger, there had been little other choices she would have made.

However, the King asking her the question personally, asking her before asking Westleton for his version of events, did not go unnoticed by her, and Elsa took it for what it was: he was trying to offer her a chance to talk her way out of this, trying to let her argue her case in front of these people and maybe even giving her a chance to show them that while a servant she may be, there was a lot more to her than merely bringing the princess food or changing her bedclothes. Equally aware that he –and Anna- was also potentially putting his reputation and namesake at stake by choosing to favor a lower-class citizen over an eminent guest like the Duke, Elsa knew she could do nothing more than tell the truth, that-

“The Duke of Westleton had arranged for the beverage to be poisoned, I overheard him with one of his delegation in charge of the catering. I-I know it was not my place to act out when I had not informed any of you beforehand but I-“ And here Elsa faltered for a moment, unable to look anywhere else but at her feet as the stunned crowd went silent, all ears trained on her, “I just, I just couldn’t let him hurt Anna. I know what I did was dangerous, I know that I shouldn’t have used my magic when I could have hurt any person in here, but I-”

Now rambling on and at a loss as to how exactly she ought to finish her sentence, Elsa felt her cheeks heat up as she still kept her eyes locked with the decorated carpet below, the murmurs of indignation and suspicion already flying among the crowd. It was only when she felt something soft on her cheek that she dared look up, right into Anna’s eyes.

Elsa’s breath stopped for a minute, aware that this was the absolute closest that they had been in a very long time and unsure as to what that entirely meant. Was Anna about to whisper to her to run along to the kitchens, wait for her there where she would come in later and address her due punishment? Was she about to berate her in front of everyone? Was she maybe even going to strike her across the face as a reminder to never lash out in such a public way ever again? Or maybe-

She certainly didn’t expect the princess to crush her lips to hers and kiss her passionately in front of everybody, and the wonderful warm swell erupting in her chest at the fact that Anna was taking her back, Anna wasn’t angry, and that Anna was showing her that she still loved her in front of everybody to sink in.

She choked on a watery laugh when they parted, almost doubtful as to whether it had been real or not, but when Anna’s personal little whisper of Oh god oh god oh god, I’m so sorry, how could I have messed up so much, thank you thank you thank you, thank you for saving my life, I love you so damn much and the repeated little kisses to her temple that Elsa let herself give in, her hands momentarily trying to get re-accustomed to the other’s body before fitting perfectly on her shoulders, just incredibly overwhelmed at this feeling of wholeness and belonging that were suddenly being restored to her.

Maybe a happy ending was in sight after all, the noise of the clapping crowd behind them certainly seemed to be in favor of it. Hopefully Anna was too.

[madjeknotts]

I've been writing a fic since yesterday and I'm 18 handwritten pages into it, but I still don't know where I'm going with it. I also keep having to put it down because it's so intensely emotional to me that I can't properly focus on it. But I love what I'm writing and I really hope I can figure out where this is going!

[shadowofhapiness]

Shards Of Ice (16/20)

Summary: When princess Anna finds herself gifted a personal slave for her twentieth birthday, her life changes, as she becomes fascinated with the broken girl she’s been given as a servant. Discovering her present’s supernatural abilities and how she was forced to conceal them, Anna just might be able to help Elsa heal, offering her the one thing she’d always been denied, love. [Elsanna]

AN: It's really been a looooong while since I've given this story a bit of love and for that I truly am sorry. Here's to hoping that 2017 might see this through to the end though, because there really isn't much left to this 'fic! :)

Rated: T

Word Count: ~ 5.300 words (~ 73.400 total)

Fanfiction.net - Archive Of Our Own

Plotting Against The Crown?

Elsa was over the moon.

Well, not exactly –if someone had taken the time to ask her whether her life was indeed perfect and to be completely and utterly honest when answering, she probably would have pointed out a thing or two she might not have been entirely satisfied with, but right that moment, as she hurried down the royal corridors with one large and expensive dress awkwardly placed in her hands (and, more importantly, desperately trying to not have it trail on the floor and gather up any dirt), this was quite possibly one of the first highlights she’d had in many a week.

As the preparations ran smoothly, the time seemed to fly by, and before she’d even noticed it, the big day was upon them already, the event itself only hours away from them now. The slightly uncomfortable feeling of having butterflies in her stomach had determinately clung to her throughout the day even though Elsa was pretty certain she had nothing to worry about and she was pretty certain her heartbeat kept picking up speed as she approached the door –which was rather odd, given that this wasn’t even about her in the first place, if there was anyone who ought to be having a hard time of things right now, she would guess that it was probably Anna. What with all this princess duty and all, Elsa gathered that that couldn’t possibly easy to manage.

When Gerda had handed her over the dress, all gentle hands and kind smile and enthusiastic “I hope it’ll be okay for Anna!” she’d given her an awkward grin from behind the garment (for it may not look it, but the elaborate gown did in fact weigh a considerable amount, especially after three flights of stairs) before scurrying off, the old woman’s radiant mood making her think for a while as she weaved her way through the many servants and guests slowly piling up in the castle.

This was going to be a big day for Anna, and the old maid’s words had made it dawn on Elsa that perhaps Anna might need the same enthusiasm and support from her this morning –just a few words of encouragement, they couldn’t hurt, right?. Truth be told, Elsa had no real idea what being a princess truly entailed –after all, being born in poverty and sold off for a few gold coins after her mother’s passing didn’t really call for any glimpses into a life of luxury and royal customs (and she was pretty adamant that it was due to a kind twist of fate that she had ended up in Arendelle castle at all), but she gathered that it was probably a whole lot of burdens and responsibilities that Anna was about to take on, and that a smile, hug and reminder that Anna could certainly do this (because Elsa was pretty certain that Anna could do anything) would probably be the kind thing to do.

Mind set, she hoisted the slipping garment back into her arms, carefully slipped past one of their Southern guests –recognizable due to his elegant grey coat and shiny emblems engraved on the area around his chest- mindful to give him a respectful bow before coming to half in front of the large green doors of Anna’s bedroom.

She had her left hand fisted and had been about to knock on the door when she pulled her limb back, unsure as to whether she actually wanted all of this after all.

Did Elsa miss Anna? Of course, anyone could have asked her that question, even the King or Queen themselves, and Elsa was pretty certain she wouldn’t have been able to give either of them a respectful answer, the bubble of ache, want and loneliness which had been growing day by day having now become something almost unbearable to live with at times. She wasn’t about to fool herself into believing that actually going in there, getting to be close to her once –what word could she use to refer to what they had once been? A couple? An item? A fling? Elsa wasn’t even sure if there actually even  was anything that could truly describe it to be honest, it was too singular and special that she wasn’t even sure she wanted to label it- sharing a room with Anna, actually having the opportunity to have a one-on-one conversation (the one thing she’d longed for ever since that fateful evening) seemed quite scary. And Elsa wasn’t too sure she wanted to deal with that.

Going in there meant facing Anna by herself, nobody around them, just the two of them. And the reality of it all, what they had been and what they were now would be something she would need to accept.

She had thought that she’d dealt with those feelings –hell, she’d been so happy not even ten minutes ago at the thought of just spending time with the princess, yet here she was, cowering in front of her door as an unwanted can of worms –of damned feelings- opened up again. And Elsa could really do without those right now.

Dammit Elsa, keep it together!

She clenched one hand beneath the dress, the cold she could feel burning the tips of her fingers almost a welcomed distractions, anything really but the stupid broken heart she should have by all means come to terms with at this point.

Deep breath. Deep breath, Elsa. It’ll only be a few minutes, keep it together.

The sound of her knuckles hitting the hard frame of the door was still ringing in her ears when it opened, only a little at first but was thrown back when Anna’s face peered back at her, almost curious at first then beaming with joy when she saw who exactly had been sent to help her.

“Elsa! Elsa come on in!” And she’d barely been able to form a coherent reply and thank you when a gentle hand came to her back and she was ushered inside, the princess gently closing the door behind them both.

Elsa’s eyes widened a little as she took in the bedroom and all of a sudden, the a dull ache erupted din her chest as her eyes swept around the neat, comfortable and familiar place. As she took in the dresser on the left, the piled up papers on the desk in the corner (poor Anna, having to see to all that must have taken a toll on her) and how the receding sunlight filtering through the grand window cast a soft glow on the bed –the one they’d shared once, where they had retreated every night, safe in each other’s arms  and most importantly, together, Elsa suppressed a sigh as everything she’d lost and could never hope to gain back (at least, not with Anna) came rushing back to her.

She’d been kidding herself the whole time, of course she’d missed this.

The sharp clap of Anna’s hands made her shake her head and bring her back to the here and now, and as she rounded on the princess, she was disconcerted by the smile she bore. A while ago, Elsa would have prided herself in being able to tell whether it was genuine, real and a reflection of what Anna truly felt, but as she looked at her now, she wasn’t so sure she was able to discern witch one it was. And it was quite upsetting, not being able to understand how someone you truly cared about (very deeply, was it wrong of her to still want to label it as love?) when a few months ago, it would have come naturally.

Maybe she’d lost a lot more than she’d fooled herself into believing by abiding with Anna’s decision after all.

“So, um, today’s the big day hmm?” It was clumsily worded as Elsa tried to push her own feelings aside, they weren’t what mattered right now, Anna was. This was Anna’s special day –and the princess had told her how important this was to her- and she wasn’t about to ruin it because of her inability to move on. Quickly and thanks to a skill she’d had the opportunity to perfect over years of servitude, she plastered a smile –maybe it was fake, but it was a smile none the less, and hopefully, Anna would be fooled for the short while they would be together- a give a false impression of enthusiasm. Or maybe it was real, for Elsa truly was proud that Anna had decided to accept her heirloom and birthright, it was just a pity that such a heritage was not compatible with their feelings.

“Gerda asked me to bring you this, she thought you’d want to wear it.” She offered as a way to change the subject, arms outstretched as she handed Anna the golden laced gown. It brought out the lighter streaks in her hair, Elsa noticed, as Anna took it and retreated to the screen at the other side of the room –not that Elsa would have looked anyway, she was much too modest for that.

It took a while, and Anna’s occasional muffling and cursing and colorful words she sprouted towards the fabric definitely made Elsa smile fondly (she’d missed this too, apparently) and the wide grin resulting from general goofiness and a moment of relaxation –dare she say normality?- all too suddenly froze for an instant before melting into a smile of pure and genuine adoration as Anna awkwardly weaved herself out again, hand clutching the front of her gown to keep some semblance of modesty.

“Hey Elsa, do you think you’d mind…?” Her finger pointed towards her back and the crooked grin and barely-there blush quickly spreading across her cheeks had Elsa shaking her head in earnest fondness.

“Of course, don’t move.”

Elsa’s hands hovered over the buttons for a moment, almost not daring to touch out of fear that the second of newfound closeness would be too much, too painful to deal with because they would barely get a chance to graze the smooth skin before retreating again, and it all seemed like a cruel game to her, tease her with a semblance of the intimacy she’d missed and take it away only a moment later. Yet, as a servant whom had been tasked with something, she couldn’t bring herself to refuse, especially not when it was Anna that was asking, and with a deep breath, she brought her hand to the bottom button, nearly at the base of the brunette’s spine.

The tingle in her finger made her breath stop for a moment, a moment where Elsa basked in their newfound closeness, in being handed back something that had been taken away from her –them- and she let it linger there, her pale skin a sharp contrast to Anna’s pink. Oddly enough, it still seemed to fit, a deep contrast she’d remembered Anna mentioning on one of those first nights, waking some poetic comparison to a sun and a moon or something along those lines (it all seemed so far away now that Elsa wasn’t sure she could entirely remember) and how their hands would fit perfectly in each others’ hold. And how Anna wouldn’t want for the world to have to let them go, because she liked how they fit together.

And now she had a chance to fit their broken pieces back together, but in the back of her mind, Elsa knew it was only for a fleeting moment, in a few seconds, she would have to pull them back, lift them up and away, and the short semblance of completeness, of them being together again would crumble back to the dust it was apparently supposed to be.

So much for hope and second chances, huh.

Shaking her head harshly and scrunching her eyes closed so she would not have to look (feeling was torture enough, actually seeing their proximity without being able to do anything would just add fuel to the flame), Elsa quickly grappled about closing up the rest of the buttons, hands unsteady as the she closed the back of the dress up. Once her hand reached up to touch the base of Anna’s neck, she pulled back, gently tapping the princesses’ shoulder.

“There we are, all done.” It was quiet, and her voice sounded rather sullen even to her (apparently, Elsa couldn’t keep up the fake enthusiasm appearance indefinitely it would seem, and while she knew she ought to try harder, especially today, it just seemed to impossible a task for her to complete right now), so she didn’t bother trying).

Anna looked back up at her reflection, momentarily stunned at how different she looked with all this elaborate and fancy attire now adorning her body. This was not her, the Anna she remembered wanting to be, this wasn’t who she was at all, and the disappointment at realizing that she barely recognized herself felt bitter in her mouth. She was careful to hide it of course (being of royal descent and a princess, she had learnt to master the art of hiding her feelings and adorning a mask reflective of the position she held), but the closer this whole evening seemed get to actually happening, the more Anna felt like everything was about to take a sour turn, which was rather depressing considering she and the rest of the castle household spent so long preparing for this.

Nevertheless, a princess she was and a princess she would remain tonight, and as such, she was quick to cover up feelings that had no place popping up at the moment and plaster the forced smile she’d been taught to put on for formal occasions, rapidly coming up with an appreciative comment to make about the dress.

“Gerda must have worked really hard getting it all mended and spotless, it really means a lot to me that she did it. Mind passing along my thanks if you happen to cross her tonight?” She asked, still half-looking at her reflection in the mirror, head slightly turned to her left trying to catch a glimpse of Elsa behind her, whose fingers were delicately arranging her hair over her shoulder, a long silky ribbon tying it out of her face.

“I’ll be sure to drop into her quarters.” Elsa said sheepishly, taking a step back as Anna got back to her feet, the pair chuckling as the princesses’ knees gave an audible crack.

“Here’s to hoping I won’t have to spend the evening standing up.” Anna commented lightly, in an attempt to ease the atmosphere somewhat and to push down the growing anxiety she could feel in her chest. Everything will be fine, there’s no reason why it won’t. Stop worrying.

“Thank you, Elsa.” It was sincere, Anna really meant it as she looked the older girl in the eyes, hoping she managed to convey truly how much it meant to have someone she cared about so much get ready for such a huge thing. The prospect of having to uphold the crown and family name in the presence of so many still had butterflies flying about in her stomach, but the intensity had lessened somewhat since Elsa had helped her get ready. She wasn’t really sure how it had worked but the blonde seemed to have relieved her of some of her initial apprehensions, and if Elsa believed in her, surely convincing the crowd waiting for her in the grand hall couldn’t be any harder, right? Just be yourself, if anything, don’t compromise on that and everything will be okay.

“I guess this is it, then.” A deep breath later, shoulders now set and head held high, Anna reluctantly pulled her hand back from where Elsa had unconsciously been holding it (between both her own, and Anna felt like it should have stayed there, felt like that’s where their hands should belong –together) trudging towards the door. Once she pulled it open, there would be no going back, she would be officially recognized as the heir to Arendelle and next ruler of the throne, there would be little to no chances of this casual intimacy ever happening again no matter how much she kept telling herself that it was unfair. Once the door closed, it would be over.

Might as well get it behind her quickly then.

It took everything not to look back, to keep staring at the embellished symbols painted on the wall right in front of her, but Anna knew turning back now would just make it all the more harder (on both of them, and she really didn’t want to have to put Elsa through more than she already had, it would just be unfair). Her heart beat madly in her chest as she took the first step over the threshold, back into the real world of a busy servants scurrying about making last-minute check-ups and very noticeable guests chattering about incoherently down the stairs. This was her world now, this was where Anna belonged.

It felt stale, cold, wrong.

By chance or pure luck alone (she was not sure which), and anchor of familiarity reached out for her hand before she drowned and Anna whipped her head back as Elsa reached out for her. “Wait!”

“I-I” The blonde fumbled for a moment, as if aware now that they were out in the open that this might not be deemed as appropriate behavior for a servant. A pinkish blush spread across her face, a cute pinkish blush Anna noticed as Elsa’s hand rummaged around in her pocket before pulling out some sort of object wrapped up in a greenish tinted wrapping.

“I thought maybe you might like this.” She said, hands outstretched towards her, the little gift neatly sitting between her palms. “Just in case things get a little overwhelming or something.”

Anna stared at the package mouth slightly hanging open at a loss for words –truth was, she hadn’t expected such a kind gesture form Elsa for tonight, she certainly hoped the other girl hadn’t felt obligated, but as she pulled the string and the wrapping fell open she knew immediately that it was not the case. Formal smile now turned into a genuine grin, Anna picked up the mini chocolate cake from its decorative wrap, biting into it and making the most of the rust of sweetness, the unbidden memories it brought along and just how nice it felt.

“Oh, Elsa, you really didn’t-“

“I wanted to. Thought you might want a little something before heading down. You should probably get down there before everyone starts wondering if the guest of honor might have forgotten their special night.”

“Thank you though, really.” Their hands, which had somehow linked back together, were pulled apart, Anna doing so with much reluctance as they reached the grand door. “I’ll see you later then?” She asked hopefully, about to make her way in, throwing the question back at her as an invitation for them to spend a little while together once the whole official business was over and done with.

“As you wish.” Elsa bowed –and maybe over did it a little, but if it made Anna chuckle, it was worth it.

However, as the doors closed between them, neither one got the chance to see the other’s smile fade from their face as soon as they turned away.

It still took Elsa a surprising amount of willpower to turn away from the door and take the first few steps away from it without casting a backwards glance after Anna had gently shut it. Her hand still lingered on the handle for a moment as if it meant that somehow, she and Anna were still connected, as if the moment wasn’t over yet  –and it was just for just a moment, nobody would notice or mind, right? Eventually though, the guilt at the knowledge that she had duties she was expected to fulfill before the events started and that her being here meant that somebody else was probably covering for her made Elsa pull away, casting one last longing glance backwards before slowly making her way down the corridor. 

Well, to be fair, it wasn’t as hard as she’d anticipate it would be. And the fact that her skin still tingled where Anna’s warm fingers had brushed against it (as if she was somehow there with her right now) made Elsa feel less lonely in an odd way. It was like Anna would be with her for the evening despite not really being there.

Right, back to I then, Elsa. By the looks of the sheer amount of guests Gerda and the servants will probably need a hand in the kitchens bringing out the buffet.

Once again weaving her way down the corridor trying hard not to bump into any of their guests as she did so, Elsa wormed her petite body through small chubby dignitaries, elegant noblewomen and strong handsome lords, apologizing profusely whenever she happened to elbow one of them by mistake, until she finally managed to make it to one of the back corridors not used by their guests.

Leaning against the wall for a second and wiping her brow she took a moment to recover before heading back to Gerda, head bowed, and the initial thrill and excitement for the evening having sizzled out somewhat since helping Anna get ready. It’s not that she didn’t appreciate the fact that she was the one Anna had asked after –no, that was something that she would trade for the world- nor was it the celebration in itself: as a matter of fact, Elsa had been telling herself that tonight was going to be something absolutely huge for Anna, something, something the princess had been anticipating for a lifetime now, and watching her make her formal entrance as Princess of Arendelle and official heir to the throne was something the blonde was sure would make her proud to see unfold –it was simply the stark knowledge that she now had to accept that after tonight, any particular bond they might have had (even that respectful friendly distance they’d kept from one another since that talk she’d had with her parents), that any special and intimate connection they shared (and that a part of her had perhaps secretly kept hoping they might be able to rekindle) had only been an illusion she’d fooled herself into believing to make the fallout of this whole sorry affair easier to deal with on her end.

And while Anna still obviously considered her a valued and trusted friend, Elsa wasn’t even certain that etiquette would even allow either of them to actually openly display after tonight. It would seem like the society’s conventional rules was certainly out to get them, or that Fate seemed to have a funny sense of humor when it came to her life. Turned out she only now realized that she was on the verge of losing so much more than she’d initially fooled herself into believing (and Elsa scoffed at her own defense, that it would have somehow made it easier to bear in the long run. As if).

That doesn’t matter now, just… At least try to at least do what Anna asked of you, it will give her that much less to worry about.

Opening the servant’s quarters’ door to Gerda’s wide wrinkly smile and helpful hands was almost a relief as the old woman took the two damaged shawls Elsa had picked up in Anna’s room before leaving, shaking her head fondly and offhandedly commenting that for all her good-heartedness and enthusiasm, Anna’s tendency to be overzealous and, at times, forgetfulness when it came to looking out for herself (going so far as to bring up one of Anna’s embarrassing childhood embarrassing mishaps, a failed attempt at picking a bouquet of roses from the royal gardens to offer to her mother, which had ended up damaging her frilly blue dress more than anything else) was something she’d learnt to accept along with the princesses many odd but charming quirks.

“Oh! But you shouldn’t stay here dear!” She suddenly exclaimed as she looked up from the piece of clothing in her hands, somehow upset at the thought that she might have been keeping the younger servant from seeing to any last-minute duties she might still have on her list. “You should run along and get ready, and-“ She momentarily took hold of Elsa’s wrist before the blonde politely took her leave. “Take this, for the road.” She added with a little smile, rummaging through her apron’s from pocket.

It was a small square of chocolate cake wrapped in a fancy embroidered napkin, probably a left-over from the kitchens.

The fresh memory of having done the exact same thing for Anna not even fifteen minutes ago brought an unbidden smile to her face.

“Thank you.” She said politely, smiling down at the little treat. The tiny sugar rush would probably be most welcome if it would help her keep her on her feet for the evening.

“Good, run along now.” The old woman encouraged, light hand on her shoulder guiding her back out.

And so Elsa once again found herself wondering about the palace corridors, only difference was that this time, she felt a little at a loss as to what to do. She doubted she had any place in the great hall, since it was reserved for the noble guests and other highly ranked officials, she likely had no place there, but neither did she have any other duties to attend to.

At least, the king seemed to have gotten things going, for the corridors seemed to have emptied out in the short space of time it had taken for her to give Gerda Anna’s damaged clothes. The guests must have all gathered around waiting for Anna then.

Or most of them anyway… Elsa concluded when she heard an old scratchy voice just around the next corner. Maybe he got lost? God knew it had taken her a while to find her way about the palace. She’d been about to make the turn when she was able to make out a second voice, slightly younger though barely audible (or making a point in speaking in a hushed tone). Elsa quickly gathered it was the latter however.

“You certain nobody will suspect anything?” The older voice asked, slightly hoarse.

Well that was certainly odd.

Ears more alert, Elsa inched to the left, still making sure to keep her back to the wall and strained to hear as much as she could.

“I made sure of it, I gave orders for one of our servants to be the one in charge of bringing out the refreshments, said he’d see to princess Anna in person for us.”

“Excellent.” And there was definitely a venomous hiss to the tone now, one Elsa did not like and it sent shivers down her spine.

Swallowing the hard lump in her throat, she dared take a peek around the corner in the hopes of catching a glimpse of whoever it was who was talking. She did not like the look of this one bit, especially not with the festivities so close to opening.

She was unable to make out who the man turning his back to her. The person was obviously tall, with a nicely trimmed haircut, broad shoulders , and as her eyes traveled downwards, Elsa quickly gathered why. With the distinct green and black uniform and the golden shoulder pads, the man had to belong to their delegation of Southern guests, not anybody she’d ever had the opportunity to meet in the castle beforehand. He seemed to nod for a second, producing something in his hand and making sure to let his interlocutor know that “He’d handed an exact replica to Francis who’d make sure it found its way into Anna’s cup somehow.”

What the Hell?

“And you’re certain this will work?”

“Of course it will. Prince Hans is but a convenient scapegoat for me, by all logic all eyes will turn to him when it comes to pining the blame on someone. Foreign prince lusting after power and riches, poisoning the princess of Arendelle to seize control with his army, who wouldn’t believe such a story? And you make sure to twist it that way.”

“Of course sir-“

“And that’s where I come in.” The smug little voice said snidely, and as he moved aside, and it was as Elsa looked down that she finally got a glimpse of the stranger –or so called stranger. It turned out to be that little man with a grand mustache (what was his name already Weaseltongue? Whistletong?) , who’d caught his interlocutor by the collar and was dragging him to his knees.

“The King and Queen will need to form an alliance against the South once the truth comes out, and who better to help them than me? I’ll have them bowing to my will, and with my good heart and willingness to help, they will only be too quick to offer me a reward in exchange for my services. The crown can be mine, and with it, my friend, we will be rich. You, will be rich… If you pull this off that is.” He added sharply, eyes narrowing on his trembling subject –poor man did not seem to particularly want to do this.

“So, once I let go of you, what are you going to do?”

“Go back to the kitchen sir-“

“Good. And?”

“Make sure to pour this into princesses’ cup as I bring it out.” And he motioned the small red vial in his hand.

“And then?”

“Hand it to her as I congratulate her on her official entry into royalty and make sure she drinks.”

“Good.” The elder man snapped, at last releasing his hold on the younger. “You make sure that gets done, I’ll be sure to keep Hans in close vicinity to take the fall for this.”

The other man seemed to hesitate slightly before a sharp glance from Westleton sent him on his way, his unsteady feet leading him towards the royal kitchens, and it was only when the Duke himself turned around in the other direction –towards the grand hall, where Anna was- that it truly sunk into Elsa.

They were after Anna and Anna didn’t even know about it and she couldn’t even tell her!

Stark realization seemed to be the cue her heart needed to begin thumping in her chest madly as Elsa stood there, at a loss as to what to do. She couldn’t just barge in there and outright tell Anna that their guest was about to poison her –it was the word of a servant against a high ranking dignitary, it would never work!- and she couldn’t risk harming his partner in crime, that would certainly backfire to.

But dammit, she had to do something before it was too late! Anna and her might not be anything anymore, but she definitely wasn’t about to sit back and watch a royal assassination attempt unfold right in front of her eyes when she could actually do something. She owed Anna at least that much.

But who on earth could she ever-

Oleg!

Oleg hadn’t made it down to the grand room yet, and surely if she let him in on this, her argument would hold more weight against the Duke than her poor servant voice on its lonesome.

Not even thinking twice, Elsa darted down the corridor, too nervous to even care that she might have knocked a servant or two back to apologize or slow down. She needed to find Oleg right now, or what was supposed to be one of the most special events of Anna’s life turn into one of the worst (or last, she thought fretfully, and that couldn’t happen).

Nobody was about to harm the princess. Not when she could still stop it.