=We should be asleep but I shoulddddd probably record this somewhere.
So recently, we got a new member, the first full on girl of the system, this past month. She’s a fictive of Meis from Promare - inworld she presents as a trans girl, which has been a unique experience in that most of us are either explicitly masc leaning or abandoned gender in a ditch long ago, but - in her words - the Girl particles were floating around in headspace like a mob drop in Minecraft so when she walked in it just flew into her inventory and that was that. Also the body is transmasc, so we are trying to work out how that works for her and for making sure fronting isn’t terrible and uncomfortable for anyone.
That said - it’s been a bit difficult. I occasionally get front stuck, and I am the most connected to the body since I’m the one in charge of piloting it around, and it has been difficult for me to let go of front for her, not intentionally at all but I think unfortunately I am getting dysphoria from the a girl inhabiting “my” body for any length of time. It’s a bit more complex than that because it seems to be involuntary and subconscious, but it sucks, is the point.
We are usually not the type to dissociate enough to severely lose memories/time, but a few days ago I went shopping and I promised Meis I would buy her something. That caused her to come up and form a hazy/unstable cofront with me, and then she pushed forward to look at something that, if I wore it, would majorly set off dysphoria, but she liked it. Tldr; I’m not entirely sure what happened but I think the pressure from the dysphoria of “my” body vs her expression shoved me (and everyone else) back hard and left her fronting on her own (which was.. not great for her, because she’s in a completely foreign country to her and cannot understand the trains we had to take home, but thankfully my bookmarks in google maps helped).
It’s just the first time in a long while that we had such severe dissociative blocks get put up. Getting kicked out of front or pulled into it for one reason or another? Yeah sure, normal, happens. This? Not as common. I’m feeling kind of ginger about it, but I don’t want to prevent her from fronting so I guess I just gotta figure it out. So that’s a fun life update. :V
