Nottingham Forrest. Nottingham Lace. Nottingham. All reminders of Nottingham. Haven’t been to the place, yet I still have bad memories connected with that name. Guess getting screwed over does leave some wounds in the end. A shame tho, as Nottingham itself has done nothing wrong to me.
For a bit of background, for those unaware. Half a year ago, one of my oldest Tumblr mutuals went to Nottingham for an exchange program. A few days before she went to the place, I got the invite to come over once she was settled and used to her new life. Victory at last I thought, as prior plans like that never brought the result we were hoping for. With a six month period, there should’ve been time enough for a meet-up. However, things did change quite a bit. After she met someone a few weeks into her exchange program, I was suddenly not welcome anymore. An odd reason to begin with, especially since it lasted a small amount of time and it never became official. Fastforward a bit, to Christmas and New Years Eve. After the cancellation I never heard of her again. Tumblr posts about a lonely Christmas and New Years Eve were uploaded numerous times, yet I never received a new invitation. The possible reason why didn’t come long after, when she uploaded a new post about her hook-up adventures and her latest hook-up plans with a new lad. I never asked, but I really do feel that’s the reason I was removed from the picture so suddenly. At last she got what she desired, and it didn’t matter from who. It does make me wonder, was this friendship a genuine one from her side, or was I only a means to an end? Whatever the case might be, I just can’t stand being dropped so far in the order. From the first one to get invited over, to seeing everyone else getting invited, even strangers, yet I remain out of sight. Whenever near complete strangers get prefered over you, you’ll have to think twice about the whole ordeal. It’s saddening that treating someone like this seems normal to a few people :/
That’s it for the Nottingham part
I do notice I’m still blocked. Not that I thought otherwise, but since I decided to write about Nottingham I was curious. Oh well, perhaps for the best. If an apology can’t be accepted I can’t do much more. The backlash I got for sharing my opinion is far greater than it should have been. But I guess that’s what happens when you mention your newest catch is a likely fuckboy. Should’ve pushed it a bit less (for which I apologized like I mentioned, btw, and promised I would keep it in mind next time), but to be ignored after that might be too much. Prove me wrong, instead of ignoring me I guess. I only want the best for my friends, and seeing one end up in the hands of a possible fuckboy ain’t something I’d like to see happen. It is what it is, however. Can’t force people to talk to me. At some point, you’ll have to pick yourself over others. And that’s the choice I eventually made. I can’t wait forever until I’m getting un-ignored. I won’t be hold prisoner.
Have to say, it’s a bit funny that I apparently should take all the shit they throw at me without complaining, yet the moment I both unfollow them on Tumblr they’ll notice it in no-time. Followed by their unfollow, of course. No questions, no message, nothing. Does indeed seem I made the right call. If they unfollow me without a second thought like that, it only confirms my suspicion and feeling.
Talking about funny, the only one who did send me a message only confirmed why my decision was just. A particular sentence is still stuck with me. She mentioned that, if I wanted to receive more messages (which I barely received from her despite claiming I was such a good friend), I should ask her. Well, newsflash, I did. Multiple times, various ways. Nothing seemed to work out. And now she’s apparently the victim, now her feelings were hurt. Bit hypocritical. Yes, it’s no fun being unfriended and removed from one’s address book, but if only she had made more time for me, even if it were just a few seconds each day, these actions of mine were not necessary. As the inspirational quotes go, it’s not about those who are too busy to have time for you, but about those who will make time for you. It’s not that I demand a message a day, but a bit more frequent then once every 3 months could be expected for one who claims I’m a good friend of theirs, right?
The last one still hasn’t noticed. Or has, but gave up long ago (as I unfriended this one months ago already on Facebook). Whatever it might be, no messages have been exchanged for quite some time. Another well made decision
To conclude, still dealing with all the fuckeries I have faced these last few months, the decisions I made despite the pain they’ll initially cause, but slowly realizing that all my decisions considering these four have been the correct ones. The sadness of losing friends this way, while still being present, is fading little by little. The more time passed, the more I feel, and get proven, I made the right calls. And that, after all, is why I made those decisions: To come out of this situation stronger, and happier. And I’m achieving those goals :)
