12:41AM Just spit balling here: Take people’s kids away right away. Give them to somebody not suffering from addiction - This is possibly ‘dangerous and problematic’ addiction specific.
I don’t know who will take the kids.
I guess that’s already sort of the system we have in place.. but like.. maybe we need to stop having kids then and take care of the ones we do have.
Sure, have that ‘perfect little DNA Tony, with Dad’s hairline and Mom’s left eyelid 👶😍’.
Makes sense biologically AND emotionally to me - I get it - #metoo but they’re still going to grow up with the Step-Shebas, Fake Secretaries and The Alcoholic’s. We’re everywhere. Worse when you can’t see us.. but the ones you can’t see aren’t really the one’s dying - and the ones dying are the one’s I am trying to get a grip on. That’s the caliber my trauma was born in, as well as the only person I can save.
Tip: The difference isn’t really ‘heroin’ or ‘shopping’ - but you and me.
Example: It isn’t the substance that is dynamic. It’s me. My behaviours.
I suffer from a disease that is the leading cause of death in all of America and when left unprotected or untreated it is contagious. It doesn’t have to be through DNA, it doesn’t have to be through long or short term environments. It can be all or any. Sometimes for a lucky, well trained or treated few.. it can be none at all! But it is contagious, and we’re all at risk.
So Tony might have fulfilled your primal and pure instincts, but you still may be attending his funeral before he’s 25.
Let’s fix that before we keep throwing flesh and blood into the fire thinking “it wouldn’t happen to me”.
Which, by the way, is completely ignorant thinking:
The Alcoholic is 43 years old. I’m being generous in saying she has a combination of 16 years sober/coherent. Do you think, with this information in mind, that she could make healthy and insightful choices? Do you think she had even formed what she believed those to be yet? These 16 years I’ve scrounged to her accountability include her first ones here on earth. I won’t even tell you where she came from. Do you think she had much life experience? Did you? She is beautiful beyond measure with a fierce mind, stoppable by nothing. You must know the type. A Fucking Lion. Do you think she wanted to be a; homeless, helpless, abusive, delusional, poorly aging woman aching from wounds she never learned to recognize, who’s only achievements have been long since abandoned or ruined? Either taken or freely given away? Beyond lonely carrying nothing but; shame, false pride, the story she keeps telling herself and a 2/4 of Australian?
She has two kids. Both better copies of what many assumed was already perfection. They of course need her and they of course suffered greatly for that. I’m sure she loves them. Wouldn’t you?
Do you think she wanted this?
Do you think this sort of life is simply chosen?
You’re not better than The Alcoholic.
Still disagree? Would you trade her lives? Saint you are.
I’m not saying you have to like her, or understand her.
Understand the first sentence of this paragraph. Start there.
1:59AM I have been diagnosed with a disease that has the leading cause of death in all of America. Without protection or proper treatment, it is contagious.
If by birth* and/or choice, you have someone close to you in your life who suffers from problematic and dangerous addiction, you need to notice and take proper care*. If not, you will be infected.
You will either become the narcissist, or you will continue along a harmful path long enough to not see yourself become the narcissist. I want to be realistic with you. When you are infected, those are your subconscious options. That's it. Option 2 does not serve the sufferer.. it’s confusing. It only seems to accomplish maximum pain, to really ensure you feel shitty about the nearly inevitable.. as if you really need to drive home the suffering. It’s almost senseless. That's true. It's also the most likely path to heal. You’re suffering because you still recognize reality, although apparently disconnected. You see there may be a problem, although you only see it as yourself. That is more hopeful than if you did not see a problem, as then you wouldn’t change. In terms of suffering though (especially with these odds, you should see em!) It is arguably more intelligent to opt for Option 1; becoming the narcissist. Too bad nobody asks you.
Which is who’s at fault here.
We are spiritual, we are intellectual, we are emotional and we are physical.
It is contagious, and without proper protection treatment, it will kill you.
It will kill you and true to it's nature, it will make it seem like you did it yourself.
Birth = most effective way to infect a person. Be born into it.
Proper care = boundaries, insight, compassion, meaning in your life, a higher power, a purpose and basic self love. You don't need all of them but if you have 2 or less, then you need to RUN from the problematic addict/narcissist. With love. But mostly for yourself. They're already fucked and your love likely can't really reach them anyways. Once you're safe, if possible or interested (not expected to be the case unless you're a recovered Whatever The Fuck) then you can encourage this person to love themselves, and let them know that forgiveness is possible. I’d suggest getting a second opinion from at least one other reasonable person* first. Do not risk your life, you need to be an example. Don't say much else unless they come to you. I am sorry for your loss. Please know that a very common and real case (regardless of- and very much in spite of- your hurt feelings) is that they are happiest continuing this way. You don’t need to understand, and you likely won’t. It is their right to live how they want to. It is NOT their right to hurt other people. Do NOT risk your life trying to save theirs. That is the last thing our spirit wants. More important - it does not pass the message. It does not inspire faith or shame; two major forces behind changed behavior. Changed behaviour is the only real long-term cure. Do not watch them suffer. Do not become infected. Know that it would be for nothing. For the sake of Tony, for the love of God.. Do not become infected.
Reasonable person* someone who seldom complains even with just cause. Someone who is able to maintain 1-2 healthy relationships, somebody who has integrity which reflects through their consistent actions.
"I bet. My Mom sucks. Still doesn't know my favorite color. Yet yeah I'd definitely smoke a pipe and blow off everything tomorrow and next week too, if you put it in front of me or told me where to go how much money I need and when.
It's a disease and left untreated or to our own devices we will stay sick. Not love, not hate, not success and not hitting - living out every bottom we have - will change that. Only doing those things or whatever.. or at least there's a better chance maintaining it.. when you get those things they talk about.. in the rooms.. I guess."
2:01AM Yeah and I work at 7AM. I had 4 days sober. I didn't use a lot and I avoided dangerous or counter-productive situations, even though they lead to more drugs/money/trauma bonds and self sabotage! Good job High Priestess. You're doing good work. You're doing good work. You don't have to be winning to still be doing good work. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. I'm not going anywhere. I'm asking our creator to stay with us also. If we're 'in' that means 'out' still exists and if I can type I love you five times EVEN THOUGH I'm a 'stubborn-toughie-loyal-to-the-story'. then there's still a chance of getting out. Want it! Feel that shit so that you KNOW you want OUT OF THESE TRAUMA BONDS. THE ONES WITH ME.
3:10PM Goes to the washroom to use meth. Forgets to use the washroom.
