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Am I the only one who sometimes just completely loses sense of time? Today I was listening to Folklore again, for the millionth time, while I baked and somehow, I blinked and the whole afternoon had come and go. Now I didn’t do any of the laundry my mom asked me to, but hey! At least I got sweets, right? That has to count for something.
Based on a recent display of what appeared to be some sort of pathetic, albeit humorous mating call, I’ve come to the realization that some of you are in desperate need of training, if we’re hoping to not make complete asses out of ourselves at Sectionals. I have personally e-mailed those of you who are required to attend my mandatory practices, unless you’d like to be cut from the team. If you haven’t received a message from me, congratulations, you happen to at least be mediocre enough to pass for having some semblance of talent at this current time, though if you’d like to put your best foot forward and attended these lessons anyway, feel free to let me know.
Currently, I don’t have the time to coach these extra classes, but I have hired Dakota Stanley to take my place. He will be taking attendance, so don’t even think about trying to skip out on them. I’m not going to lose because of some stupid policy that allows untalented morons onto our team. Word of advice? If you want to impress a girl, buy her flowers, don’t join my team and try to fuck us over.
Look, not to get all bah humbug up in here, but can I at least recover from my Halloween hangover before we start with the Christmas songs? Like, we get it, it’s the most wonderful time of the year, and All I Want For Christmas has been, is, and always will be a total bop, but... can we all agree to wait until after Thanksgiving this year to let Rachel hog all the songs for a holiday she doesn’t even celebrate?
You know how people are always posting about their sobriety on twitter, like ‘60 days sober’, I’m going to start posting that way about being single. Three months single, and thriving!! What I’ve learned since losing the dead weight: I’m consistently and unequivocally hot as fuck, anyone lucky enough to lock me down should appreciate the absolute blessing that is my ass, and being single is a gift. If anyone is interested in investing in this idea, I’ll drop my venmo below.
I know the Titans didn’t have a great season last year, or the year before that. I dunno if they even ever have. I’ve heard the word ‘suck’ thrown around a lot when talking about us in the past, which is totally lame and rude, but that’s gonna change this year. We’re gonna be a team we’re proud of, one the whole school’s proud of. I’m not psychic or anything but I just have a really good feeling about this year.
Have a lot of respect for everyone that’s been in glee, or performs for others at all, doing whatever. I’ve played sports in front of huge crowds of people for like my whole life and I’ve never choked as bad as I did today... in front of like ten people.
I had to go to a football match out of town this weekend with my dad, and honestly, that shit is torture. It’s Thursday and I’m still recovering from the heterosexual trauma. There were no hot guys and everything wreaked of beer and mediocrity, it was just horrible. Here’s to never going to another football match again, unless I’m cheering, because at least then I’ll be surrounded by hot girls waving pompoms not drunk middle aged republicans. Seriously, what is it with middle American and the most boring sports on earth? First football, then golf, then what’s next? Nascar? Ew. No thank you.
Probably already had told everyone about this, but over the weekend my phone died and I just got it back and fixed today, so it’s not being the best week. Apart from the fact that I’ll have to more babysitting than usual for this, it has made me kind of fall from the face of Earth. It’s actually kinda creepy to realize how much you depend on your phone once you lose it, even if it’s just temporary.
