#mfwizard

[ensembleoocnsfanyonereally]

Me, The MFWIZARD! At one of those guild pot-lucks mother makes me go to: Bored, Eavesdroppin, as you do. Some dumb ass who can’t hold their wine drunkenly telling kids: Remember to pray and bless your meal! MFW sippin a fine wine like it’s normal to chardonnay at lunch: You can’t do that. DA: What? MFW: They can’t do that. DA: Yes, they can. MFW: No, they can’t. You need to be holy to do that. You know, robes, members of the order. Stuff like that. DA: They can pray. MFW: Yeah. They can pray their food is blessed. They can ask for it. From a deity. Who can do that. They cannot. DA: Are you saying children can’t be holy?! MFW: No. I’m telling you they’re not. They’re being raised religious. Holy takes a deeper dedication. DA: How dare you! MFW: Wanna ask my bro about it? HEY! GDPALADIN! Get over here! This guy wants to discuss religion with you! I have never been given such a smoldering, send-me-to-hell-glare as I did in hour three of the GDPaladin happily going over minute details of minor religious rights with the dumb ass who couldn’t escape long enough to get a much-needed drink. That’ll teach ‘em to sneer at my familiar.

[ensembleoocnsfanyonereally]

Me, the MFWizard: For the last time. It's a MosOLeUm. Not MuseEum.

Catboof, the fey: You go into grave houses to peek at ancient boxes? O.o

Me, the MFWizard: ... you don't know my life.

[ensembleoocnsfanyonereally]

I feel called out...

[ensembleoocnsfanyonereally]

This is why I don’t sleep.

When you wake up to find your familiar resting one out stretched paw in the middle of your chest, side eying you like, “You know what you did, Sharon. You know. What you. Did.” The f**k! My name’s not Sharon, you demonic little ball off fluff, and you know it! Just admit you knocked over half the potions lab in a four a.m. freak out again and let me go back to sleep!

[ensembleoocnsfanyonereally]

I’m fabulous, I know.

Necromantic Mobster: Worse comes to worse, I can always try to murder him and get another one shipped over. "I don't know what happened Nonno. I guess I'll continue to be without a guard."

Gangsta B: You could always have another guard. A necromancer can't be too careful in a city at war.

MFWizard: You know I have contingencies for that, right? I mean... the rabbit needs his kibble. And by kibble I mean fresh veggies and bodies.

GB: I was talking about NM there.

MFW: Oh.

NM: I meaaaan, probably, but three necromancers in the same city? They're gonna fight.

"That body is mine!"

"No, fuck off, I laid hands on it first."

"Well, I have the soul, so both of you are wrong."

MFW: I expect it to be hilarious. Like a pit fight with zombies while the resurrecters drink and be rowdy in the cheap seats. Robot Wars... body edition.

NM: Am down .

Fate Bound Street Hack: Would watch.

NM: Best undead friend.

GDPaladin: I HAVE SENSED EVIL AND AM HERE TO SMI...ite it? Damn it (MFWizard)! How many times do I have to tell you, if you're going to have your friends over, Ask First!

NM: Is he edible?

TerrifyingFamiliar: Yes.

MFW: Maybe?

GDP: NO.

NM: He looks so full of blood though. You're sure?

MFW: I mean, I've been trying to kill him since time immemorial, and all he ever does is look cocky and eat all my cheese puffs.

NM: I mean, vampire. Hi.

MFW: Yeah, I wouldn't. My roomie is an undead just nuts enough to have tried it. I had to reconstitute him from ash. Come to think of it, that f****r ~still~ hasn't paid me back for the res spell.

NM: XD. We're actually keeping you

[ensembleoocnsfanyonereally]

I may be a bit of a dick sometimes, but that doesn't mean I don't change names to protect the innocent... and by innocent I mean me. And by protect, I mean play a game of plausible deniability.

[ensembleoocnsfanyonereally]

After a (drunk) conversation with the Paladin, it has determined that it is acceptable to hand out dick punches, but only to those who ask, as assault makes people salty; (but not like a salt lick); and therefore, apparently is not how you make them magically delicious.

[ensembleoocnsfanyonereally]

Ever feel like you just heard Thunder but you're not 100 because it might just be your idiot neighbors moving furniture? These, by the way, are the same fools who decided that it was okay to vacuum at 1:30 in the morning. Who thunk their heals down on the floor when I, at 11:30 in the morning, decide to turn up the spetronogram for that lovely undead sound while I clean up the lab.

I’m going to kill them. With a vacuum.