#mhatobias

[mental-health-advice]

Tag: BBLUES. As kids, around and on my birthday my younger brother would get jealous and always do something to ruin the day. I thought oh it's just kids stuff. Now we are both in our 20s and year after year it's gotten worse. Now though he finds any reason to pick a fight, get drunk or high do more crap and then say it's your fault you got me mad. I'm so fed up with it. It's so stupid and my parents don't seem to notice even though he spit on my face last year for being in the kitchen. (1/2)

(2/2) As dumb and childish as this sounds it’s all true, I wish it wasn’t. It’s like ok, I’ve grown to dread the day, I can’t stop the calendar what else does he want! The day is coming and it’s started and I always feel like I’m going crazy or it’s all in my head. But then it starts again and I am more convinced it’s not in my head. I can’t talk to anyone about it cause again this is so stupid and childish. Like I said it’s the least of our problems but I wish he would just go away for good.

Hello BBLUES,

Thank you for reaching out about this! Sometimes when something seems childish, we may feel more inclined not to reach out. This is a tough situation and I don’t know your brother personally, so this will be pretty general information on how to cope with your brother doing this. I apologize if you have already tried this!

Sometimes sibling rivalries can continue into adulthood. Most of which is caused by jealousy or competition among the two of you. Much of this will disappear only after both of you realize how childish it may be. It sounds like you personally know how childish it may be, but it may take him some time for him to realize it. Until then, there are things you can do depending on what type of person he is.

Confrontation. The first thing you’ll want to do is confront him about his behavior. He may not outwardly realize what he’s doing at this point, as it may have become a habit. Try not to become angry or bitter when speaking to him about his recent behaviors or what he is doing around your birthday. This may just increase the tensions between you two and make the birthday situation worse.

Compromise. Finding a fair compromise may not only help eliminate the problem, but it may also increase the trust between the two of you. Maybe a reward for keeping his behavior down for your day. The reward idea will not work for everyone, but it’s a start. Brainstorm what may be the best way to compromise with your brother.

Ignoring Him. This seems like the last resort if he doesn’t stop his behavior. You may be able to schedule a day out with your friends on the day after your birthday, or on a convenient day for all of you. He may stop his antics by the time you celebrate with your friends, leaving you with a day to relax with your friends! On the day of your birthday, you may able to celebrate with your family. This will make your parents feel included, and may make your brother more inclined to stop his behavior a day or two after your family celebrates.

Also, Happy soon Birthday dear! No matter what happens, I hope your day is full of fun stuff to do and people you care about. Stay safe, and have a good one!

Best of luck to you,

-Tobias

[mental-health-advice]

Hello, Rez again. Thanks for your answer! When I was waiting, I told my therapist and she said that she wasn't too concerned since my thoughts aren't directed to a single person, but I should call 911 if they get really serious and I know I'm about to hurt someone. Since the question was asked, I started working on a SH workbook to try and stop it. I'm seeing her again that the end of the month. One more question! If I called 911 and told them I was going to kill someone, what would happen? 1/2

Do you think they'd send cops? Ambulance? Both? I feel like I'd get arrested... It's okay if you don't know! I guess it depends on where I live, and I'm not too comfortable with sharing that. ^^; Thanks again, and I hope you're all well. -Rez 2/

Hello Rez!

I'm very proud of you for opening up to your therapist about these thoughts. It's very brave of you to make the hard decision. Your therapist is right. Calling 911 in situations when you feel like you're going to hurt someone is always the best decision. I applaud you for trying to help yourself in the future if a crisis situation occurs!

Since I don't know where you are located, this answer will be very generalized, and may not be the actual experience. If you feel like you're going to seriously hurt someone, call 911. They will want you to explain your situation, and take action accordingly. This means that if you are in danger of hurting someone seriously and very soon, they will take the call as a crisis situation. They will ask you questions like, are in possession of any weapons, who is near you, and where you are located exactly. They will show up to your house with what they believe they need in order to assist you at the moment. They may bring an ambulance if you need to be hospitalized. When they arrive, make sure you have absolutely no weapons in the room. They may believe that you may hurt them, and that is never a good situation to be in. Try to be as relaxed as possible, and do not resist if they try to question you or help you in any way. The police are not bad, but some situations may put them more on guard. Depending on the severity of the situation, they may bring you in for questioning. They may ask you what your intention was, what brought on the thought, and if you had any plans to hurt someone. Chances are if you feel like you're going to hurt someone, they may want to get you medical help as soon as possible.

 Please remember that despite what happens, you are making the best decision in the situation. Your safety is your number one priority, and calling the police will keep you in the safest position. You are not alone or a bad person because of this. Keep on making all of this amazing progress, and I'm sure the road will get a little less bumpy from here. 

Best of luck to you!

-Tobias

[mental-health-advice]

Shoutout to Tobias~ They made me feel better and I hope they have a lovely day~

Hi.

Thank you SO much! I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to help you. I know that things are rough right now, but I am so confident that you can do this, and you will find the happiness you've been looking for. Again, thank you so much for taking the time to send in a message. It means a lot <3 Feel free to contact our live chat service again if you need anything at all. You're absolutely welcome at any point! Have an amazing day, and sending the best of luck to you (:

~Tobias

[mental-health-advice]

Psychosis Venting Group

Hey lovelies, 

Tobias’s venting group will be starting in a half hour! The link and password will be posted just before it starts!

lots of love, 

Carlie

[mental-health-advice]

Hey you can delete the 3 part from Cat near the top about DID. I am much calmer about the situation than I was, and with the help of Tobias, Emery, and others I feel more confident about the situation. So I don't need someone else's opinion. :) YOu don't have to post this. ~Cat

Hey sweetheart,

This makes me happy that we were able to help you! We’ll delete those now. If you ever need any more help, we’re here to talk to. We’re very happy that you’ve found direction, but if you ever need advice, don’t be afraid to come back and ask.

Best of luck to you,

-Tobias

[mental-health-advice]

hey, i was just wondering if you got my ask? it was about um. how to go about telling the hosts mom about the existence of his alters, and how im one. sorry if you did and im bothering you, i just want to be around when the ask is answered and all sorry if this is an inconvenience or anything. maybe you could tag the ask as "x" when you answer it or this one?

Hey sweetheart, 

We do have your ask! It was asked about a week ago, and our wait time is quite a while longer than that. For this reason, we cannot tag your ask with that tag. You may be able to find your ask under the tag alters, DID, or relationships, though. Sorry for the inconvenience, but it can be difficult for us to remember to tag it once it gets to the bottom of the box. We will try to remember to tag it with the appropriate tags <3 

Best of luck to you,

-Tobias

[mental-health-advice]

I just found out that one of my best friends does drugs. Im really worried about him and i dont know how I can help and i have no idea wat to do :(

Hey sweetheart,

Helping a friend who does drugs can be very difficult sometimes, but I will be putting a small guide below. I hope that you’re in a safe position yourself in order to help this person. It can be much harder to help those in need when you are still struggling quite a bit. If you cannot help them yourself, I would suggest that you get some more people to help you with this as well. It can be hard to do it alone anyway.

Figure out if they are experimenting with drugs, or they are addicted.

Even though these two aren’t optimal but if they’re experimenting, it may be easier to get them help. If they’re addicted to the drug, it will be harder to get them the help they need.

Understand why they may be turning to drug use.

Some people turn to drugs as means of coping, they were pressured, or they were curious. Either way, it can be hard for this person to recover from what they’re using. Just like any other physical illness, this is a very hard thing to overcome, and it takes time. Don’t expect someone to be okay after you take everything away from them, or they do better after a day into recovery.

Listen to them.

Admitting you have a drug problem is hard in itself. Listen to them with an open heart and mind, and they may be willing to let you get them the help they need. Try not to criticize them for using. They will be getting that from a lot of people, and you may not fully understand why they are using, or how helpless they feel in the process.

Educate

Educate them on why taking drugs can be harmful. It can really impact their lives in the future, and can be devastating in the present. Depending on the drug they’re using, you may want to research the topic and explain it to them open-heartedly.

Suggest they seek help

Sometimes just helping them get the help they need can be enough. Some people don’t want you to force them to get help, and it’s a little rude to get them help without their permission (Unless they’re in immediate danger. Get someone’s help immediately). Suggest that they talk to a counselor, their family, a helpline, really anything at this point. If they’re addicted, I would suggest getting them help from a treatment center, or encourage them to seek help from a therapist.

Support them in their efforts, and keep yourself safe.

The choice to stop or not is ultimately theirs. If they don’t want help, getting them help won’t be very effective. If they do even the smallest thing to help themselves stop, celebrate! At the same time, try not to be incredibly involved. Be there for them, but keep yourself safe in the meantime. Don’t put them before yourself, or else you may be very distressed afterward. It’s okay if you’re concerned, but to help them effectively, you need to keep an eye out for yourself.

You are doing the right thing, and you are an awesome friend for wanting them to seek help. Thank you for asking this, it means a lot to everyone who has ever wanted help with their drug use <3

Best of luck to you,

-Tobias

[mental-health-advice]

18female, im intensely into guys, but i have this thing where like, if i see a girl who looks like a guy (even if i think hes a guy at first but find out shes a girl later) i still find her attractive and wouldnt mind doing sexual stuff with her or being in a relationship, even though i might not be romantically interested in her. does this make me bi? like im straight but find girls who look like guys attractive? what does it mean?

Hey sweetheart,I think that this may have to do with your sexuality. I have a few terms for you. I think you may benefit from the term Androsexual in particular. This is usually used for genderqueer folks because heterosexual and homosexual don’t really apply to them. Androsexual/Androphilic– (adj) attraction to men, males, and/or masculinity.Considering that you specified that the girls you are attracted to look more masculine than usual, that’s why I chose to show you this sexuality. I have a few more, though. The next sexuality would be Heteroflexible. Heteroflexible: the feeling of having mostly hetero- attraction yet having an openness for other gendersThis is the attraction to the opposite sex but you occasionally find the same sex attractive, or you’re open/curious about being with the same sex. The same is true for those who identify as homosexual but are open to being with the opposite sex. This is just known as Homoflexible. There is an infinite amount of sexualities out there, so I would suggest taking a look at lists like these if you’re uncomfortable with your orientation. If you’re comfortable with keeping the label heterosexual, that is completely fine as well. At the same time, though, you don’t have to label yourself. Many people are completely fine without labeling their sexuality, and for some, it’s a relief. It’s less to worry about for some people. At the same time, do what you think is right! There are no wrong answers in this situation. Best of luck to you,-Tobias