AN: yes, it has been a hot minute, and idk how i feel about it. I went digging through some old writing and found this, its kinda of angsty, but i like it. Also it’s not getting a part two:(
Word count: 683
TW: heartbreak, pregnancy idk man, general angst.
Two lines, was all it took, you were sure that it was a mistake, that something was wrong with the test. So you went to the convenience store down the street and bought a couple more. While you were gathering all your things you stood there and felt a rush of cold go down your spine. That’s why you returned safely adorned in one of Michael’s sweaters, making you feel safe and a little less scared than what you were.
When you exited the apartment building you pulled the hood up and bowed your head, trying to be as discreet as possible. You watched your feet as you walked the familiar way to the store, not looking up once.
Returning home you pulled off the hood and went straight to the bathroom. You sat down and did everything correctly, just as the packaging said. And waited just as long as the packaging said. And when you saw the results your body numbed completely.
They were all positive, all two lines on the little screen.
Loud steps filled the apartment and you knew Michael was home.
“Babe, where are you?”, he yelled from the kitchen as you heard the fridge open, the little squeak from the door making you drop the stick. It’s not far from where you are sitting on the floor, but you still hear a little click when it hits the floor.
“In the bathroom,” you spoke numbly, with a monotone voice.
Immediately you regretted answering him. You voice inanimate and the little clicking noise the test made when it hit the tiles. Michael came stomping into the room long before you had the chance to clean up everything.
“Are you al- what’s this?” He squints down on the many pregnancy tests strewn across the room, on the floor and the bathroom counter. He picks up one of them.
Immediately his whole demeanour changes from concerned to stoic.
“Are you?” The question hangs like a guillotine in the air. And all you can do is nod hoping that it won’t sever your neck.
“Yeah”, you whisper as time passes by, watching as Michael's eyes flicker across the neat bathroom.
“Well we can fix this, I can call the doctor and we can fix this.” He says all tense as he stands up from his crouching position.
“Fix this? I’m not broken Michael, I’m preg-“ you sigh.
“I’m pregnant” you have made your decision. The room suddenly feels too hot and you quickly wring off the hoodie. It causes your T-shirt to ride up, and when you toss the hoodie aside you see Michael still staring at your stomach.
“I’m not ready to be a father! And you’re not ready to be a mother!” He all but yells as he realises what has happened in that beautiful mind of yours.
“Watch me Michael, I’m not broken and this is not something you can just fix”. Your voice is firm, and determined.
“Just please, let’s think about this! Be reasonable, with me on tour and everything going on.. please can’t we at least sleep on it?”
And you tell him you agree, and you wish you did, so much.
—-
He falls asleep at one thirty that night, but you wait another half hour before you get out of bed again, unwinding from underneath his arm that ironically rests on your stomach. Quietly, you pack a small bag of your essentials, almost forgetting your wallet as tears cloud your eyes.
Carefully you open the door and stand there just looking at the living room where so many good memories lie. Knowing that when you close the door there is no going back. You turn around one last time and see your key to the apartment shining in the moonlight, on the countertop before closing the door gently.
You throw your bag in the trunk of your car and sit down in front of the steering wheel. Putting a hand on your stomach you look down before turning the key in the ignition.
“It’s only you and me now little one, me and you.”
surprising cal on his last day of tour would be the best thing ever because you would show up 10 minutes after he got on stage and you would watch from the back and as they were about to get off the stage before encore you would sneak away to the boys dressing room. as they ended the show u would hear the fans screaming and clapping and finally you would hear footsteps coming towards the room. being the sneaky bitch you are you would’ve already told the other guys that you were coming to surprise cal and they would knowingly let him walk into the room before them. you would sit on the couch waiting for him to walk in and when he finally did he would look up from his feet and see you sitting in front of him, immediately dropping all his stuff and running towards you. his face would be filled with absolute shock but he would quickly conceal it with a smile as he grabbed onto your thighs and lifted you from the couch into his arms. he would hold you in that position for god knows how long just living in the moment until he finally brought one of his hands up to tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear and whispered “how the fuck did you get here”. you would just let out a small laugh and get down from his grasp as you would turn towards the guys and respond with a simple point of your finger towards them. he would wrap his arm around your waist and pull you close to his chest as he muttered a small thank you to the boys, while they grabbed their stuff to give you guys some privacy. as they walked out calum would lean down and examine your face just to make sure one more time that you’re really in front of him, and once he was sure he would lean down and kiss you with so much passion and hunger that you forgot where you were.
Content: Michael is sweet and thoughtful before leaving for tour, established relationship, second person POV, gender neutral reader insert, fluffy fluff fluff fluff
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———
The last couple days before he left for tour were always the hardest. Sure, you missed him while he was away, but the anticipation of the heartache sat like a rock in the bottom of your stomach. Michael had procrastinated packing like always and you tried to stay out of his way so he wouldn’t get sidetracked.
Everything felt different this time though. This tour was going to put the most distance and time between the two of you since you’d started dating. You hated to admit it, but you worried about how that would affect your relationship. Michael had left for short press tours and a few weeks of shows here and there, but the two of you had never navigated a full tour with half the world between you.
In the last week, it felt like you had tried everything to keep your mind off the suitcases by the door. In an attempt to occupy your thoughts, you sat on the couch, keeping your back to the physical reminders that Michael was leaving. As your brows furrowed, deep in thought about the book you were reading, Michael snuck up behind you and leaned over the side of the couch to place an upside down kiss on your head. He softly touched the pensive lines on your forehead with his fingers.
“Whatcha doin’? I feel like I haven’t seen you all day, kitten,” he mused with a soft tone. Michael knew that you stressed over him leaving, but he wished the anxiety didn’t make you pull away from him. You hummed in response to his touch, looking up to meet his eyes as he walked around the sofa to sit with you. You slid your bookmark in the pages and set the novel on the floor as he pulled your legs into his lap. “‘M just keeping busy,” you mumbled and a sad smile crossed Michael’s face and he dropped your gaze.
“I know you’re worried, but I promise we’re going to be okay,” Michael reassured you as his fingers traced goosebumps on your calves.
“I know, but it just won’t be the same here without you. I’m going to miss you so much,” you spoke, keeping your voice soft for fear that it would betray you. You reached out to cover his hand with yours and willed the tears not to spill from your eyes. He brought your hand up to place a soft kiss on the back of your hand before meeting your watery eyes. “Oh no. Come here, love.” He raised his arm, encouraging you to curl into his side. As you did, his other hand came up to card through your hair.
“You know you can call or text or video chat me any time, right? And I mean that. Any time.”
You sniffled and nodded under his arm. “I know, but I don’t want to be a nuisance. Sometimes I just need to hear your voice and the records aren’t enough.”
Michael shifted his shoulders and pulled your chin to look up at him. He took a long pause to take in your reddened eyes before landing a sweet kiss on your lips. “Any time, I promise.”
Michael pulled away from you fully and helped you sit up again. “Wait right here, love. I think I’ve got something that might help.” You sat up again and wiped your eyes before taking a deep, steadying breath. Michael rounded the corner back to you with his hands hidden from view. You tried to peek around his side to no avail and glanced up at his face expectantly.
“Close your eyes and hold out your hands for me. Please.” You held a gaze with him hesitantly before doing as you were asked. Something soft landed in your open palms. “Okay, open.”
A small stuffed cat stared up at you as you shot Michael a confused look. He leaned forward to squeeze the center of it and you startled at the sound coming from the plushie in your hands, beginning to tear up again.
“My sweet baby. I love you and I miss you so, so much. Just put my records on and give this a squeeze. I’ll be home before you know it.”
“A kitten for my kitten,” Michael’s voice vibrated in his own chest this time. He smiled and shoved his hands in his pockets as he gave you a sheepish shrug. “I know it’s not the same, but I thought it might help when things get crazy. If you don’t like it, you don’t - “
You cut him off with a tight hug before you folded yourself completely into his chest. “It’s perfect, Mike,” you murmured against him. You moved back to look in his eyes. “I love it so much. I love you so much,” you whispered. There was no holding back the tears anymore as you pulled his face to yours with a weepy smile, feeling like maybe getting through this tour wouldn’t be so bad.
propmt - I was hoping you could do one where you’re cared to wear values clothes? Like you see Sierra and crystal wearing Michael and Luke’s clothes but you’re nervous that claim won’t want you to? (theres more but for the sake of length i’ll tag the request here !!
a.n. - long time coming!! life majorly got in the way, i did my best to get this done as fast as i could while still keeping the quality. accidentally got carried away. hope yall love it
ps we are pretending calum still has his curls in this fic because that was my favorite
tags - @songforhema @asht0ns-world @lukesflaredpants @sunflowerxcal @star-gazing-calum @cxddlyash @emomack @merryblueberry02 @kinglyhood @caswinchester2000 @babe-babylon @irwinkitten @1delicate-fangirl dm me to be added!!!
“You always look so cute in my clothes,” Luke whispers with a smile as he presses a kiss to Sierra’s temple. Sierra smiled giddily, bringing her sweater paw hands up to her face. The couple looked adorable cuddled up on the couch, sunlight stumbling over their figures with a throw blanket haphazardly thrown over their laps.
I frowned, looking down to my feet.
Cal’s clothes probably wouldn’t even fit me.
“Hey,” Calum slung his arm over my shoulder. “You okay?” He asked, big brown eyes full of concern.
“Yeah.” I plastered on a fake smile, meeting his gaze. “I’m good.”
“You sure?”
“I’m fine, Cali,” I chuckled.
He didn’t look convinced, but relented. His arm fell from my shoulder to my waist as he tangled his feet with mine on the loveseat.
The open windows blew autumn air into the living room in Ashton’s house, a gentle chill filling the air. Luke, Sierra, Michael, and Crystal were all lounging on the sofa, leaving Ashton with the recliner chair (“Fine by me, thank you very much,” he huffed).
The end credits rolled, leading just about everyone to a stretch break. As Crystal stood, I couldn’t help but notice how she wore Michael’s sweatpants.
He’s never even offered to let me try on one of his shirts. He probably doesn’t want me to.
Calum stood, stretching his arms behind his head, shirt riding up to show a tiny bit of his adorable tummy. He leaned down with a groan, placing his hands on the couch’s backrest on either side of my head, boxing me in. “I’m gonna step outside for a smoke break, okay baby?”
“Okay,” I whispered, smiling at him.
He gave me a quick kiss before standing up, motioning for Ashton to come outside with him.
“Do you know if we have any more blankets?” I asked the two couples. “It’s kinda chilly in here.”
Luke answered, “I think the rest of Ash’s blankets are in the wash, but I’ve got one of Cal’s old hoodies in my car. I’ll go grab it for ya.”
“Oh no, really, it’s not a big--”
“Nah, I’ll go grab it.”
Before I could say another word, he’s out the door. Idle chatter filled the room until the singer’s return. He dropped the green Empathy hoodie in my lap, mumbling a quiet “Here you go.”
“Thanks,” I grinned up at him, trying to hide my worry. How would Calum react to me wearing his clothes? Would he be mad? I put my arms through the sleeves and pulled it over my head. Guess I’m about to find out.
A few minutes pass before Calum and Ashton come back inside. I sat on the loveseat, scrolling through my phone when I heard the back sliding door open. I looked up, and my heart fell.
Calum was staring at me, shocked. I knew he didn’t want me wearing his stuff. I tore the green hoodie off my body faster than I’ve ever taken anything off before, muttering a small ‘sorry’ as I dropped the ball of fabric on the sofa. I stood up quickly, rushed past Calum into the hallway, made a sharp left to the bathroom, and locked the door behind me. The ground swayed beneath me as I slumped down, my back against the door as I balled my fist against my mouth, trying to silence the impending cries.
I wasn’t about to cry in front of my boyfriend and his friends.
Of course I wasn’t supposed to wear his stupid shirts. They’re HIS, not mine. What made me think otherwise?
“Y/N, baby, what’s wrong?” His lovely voice drifted through the door.
“Go away, Cal. I’m sorry,” I whimpered, tears choking me.
“Sweetheart, open the door.”
I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see.
“Y/N.” Calum’s voice sounded more desperate than anything I’d ever heard.
Perhaps it was that exact desperation that led me to silently twist around and unclick the lock. Within an instant, Calum was standing in the doorway, looking down on my crumpled form. He knelt down, moving to put his arms around me.
Silently, I pushed his arms away. The gesture was sweet, but suffocating.
“Can you please take me home?”
“Tell me what’s wrong, baby,” he pleaded.
“I wanna go home,” I whispered, hands shaking as I wiped my tears.
A deep sigh. “Okay,” he relents. “We can go back home.”
He walked me silently to the car, waving off the concerned questions from our friends. The drive was a silent one, leaving me to break the quiet. The clock on the dash read 4:46.
“Can you please take me to my place?”
Calum all but slammed on the brakes. “W-what? Baby, all your stuff is at my house.”
“I just… I really think I need to be there tonight,” I sniffled.
Calum nodded, but I could see it hurt him to do so.
Great. Not only did I wear his things, I also hurt his feelings. God, what a mess I am.
He pulled into the parking lot of my apartment complex. “Are you sure, Y/N? Do you want me to stay with you?”
“No.” I shook my head, sniffling again as I opened the door. “I’ll be fine.” It didn’t feel as if I were moving as I climbed out of the car.
“Hey,” he called before I shut the door. “I love you.”
I nodded, then swung the door shut.
~~~
Calum called Ashton on the drive back home.
“So what happened?” His best friend asked.
“She isn’t telling me!” Calum exclaimed, one hand on the steering wheel, the other rubbing his forehead.
“But she asked me to drive her back to her place. The only times she stays there is if I’m out of town and you’re taking care of Duke. She always stays with me.”
“And you didn’t do anything that you can think of?” Ashton’s voice held no malice, but Calum felt the underlying implication.
“She won’t tell me. I don’t want to press her, I’m sure she’ll tell me when she’s ready, but I’m worried about her. I was so happy to finally see her wearing my stuff, but she whipped it off and ran to the bathroom. She seemed on the verge of a panic attack when she finally opened the door for me. I love her, man, and it hurts she won’t tell me what’s wrong. ”
“I don’t know, Cal. I’ll see what I can get her to tell me.”
Calum’s heart ached. Why couldn’t she just talk to him? He loved her, just wanted her to be okay, but she shut him out? What was wrong? What had happened? What thought wormed its way into that pretty little head of hers and made her shut down completely?
~~~
It was almost eleven p.m. when my phone rang, lighting up my nightstand in the black. I picked it up, not even checking the caller ID, desperate for some distraction from this empty feeling inside.
“Hello?”
“Y/N,” Ashton sighed in relief. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
I swallowed. “I’m fine.”
“No you’re not, girl, and it’s okay. Tell me what happened.”
And the floodgates opened. I poured my heart out, everything that went through my mind came rushing past my lips before I could think twice.
“I was just cold,” I choked out. “I wanted a blanket, but Luke said all he had was one of Calum’s sweatshirts so I put that on. Crystal and Sierra are always wearing Mike and Luke’s clothes but Calum’s never once even mentioned it to me so I figured he didn’t want me to. I was afraid to put on the stupid hoodie in the first place, but I did anyways cause I fugured ‘what’s the harm,’ right? He comes back in with you and he’s looking at me as if his entire world just came crashing down around him. I knew I shouldn’t have worn that freaking green sweatshirt. It’s his, not mine. I didn’t need to be wearing it - I shouldn’t have been wearing it. But I did, and he looked so upset that I panicked and almost accidentally threw myself into an attack. He’s right to not want me wearing his stuff. I’d probably just stretch it out and make it unwearable for him.”
Ashton was silent for a moment. “You really think that?”
“Yeah,” I coughed out between cries.
“Y/N…” Ashton breathed. He went on in the calmest voice he could muster. “He was… overjoyed to see you in his clothes.”
I could have sworn I stopped breathing.
"Honestly, he’s never been more in love than he is with you. And I know for a fact that all he’s ever wanted is for his love to tell him they’re his in the subtlest ways. That includes wearing his shirts. It’s something he’s wanted since the beginning of your relationship, when he realized he loved you.”
A beat of quiet. No sounds could be heard but the ticking of the clock on the wall.
“You still there?”
“I’m so stupid,” I breathed.
“No, you’re not. Just a little oblivious. He’s worried sick about you, though. He told me you’re at your place instead of his?”
“Yeah.”
“If it’s because you think you cause him difficulties or struggles or are the source of his problems, I can guarantee you that is not the case. I‘ve never seen him happier than he is when he’s with you. You brought him joy when he was in his darkest spots. He loves you, Y/N. And I know you love him too.”
I stayed quiet, thinking about what he just said.
“Y/N?”
“I gotta go.” I hung up the phone right then.
~~~
Hours of contemplation later, I finally came to a conclusion. Grabbing my phone, I ordered an Uber, sliding on my shoes and scrambling for my keys.
I waited for just a few minutes before I got the notification that the car had arrived. The driver was kind enough to understand that I wasn’t in the mood to talk, and offered the aux cord to me. I kindly refused, thanking them for the offer.
“Let me know if you need anything,” they said softly as they began the drive to Calum’s.
I bounced my leg up and down in anticipation. Was he mad at me? Would he understand? Is he upset that I didn’t understand?
I spent the majority of the drive trapped in my thoughts. I didn’t process the vehicle pulling up to the curb until the driver gently said, “Miss?”
That snapped me out of my reverie, snapping my head to the window. “Oh, thank you so much. Sorry about that.”
I put a ten dollar bill on the center console. “For you,” I smiled quickly, and was out of the car before they could argue.
I braced myself against the cold, crossing my arms and rubbing my biceps. In the rush to get here, I forgot a sweater (yet again). As I stepped onto the porch, I knocked before I could think about what I was doing. As seconds passed, I started second guessing myself. This was stupid. He probably isn’t even awake.
Before I could turn around, the door flung open. “Y/N?”
His hair was a tousled mess, as if he had constantly been running his fingers through it - something I always knew he did when he felt stressed. His eyes were shadowed by dark circles that hadn’t been so prominent earlier in the day.
I flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my face in his shoulder. After just a moment’s hesitation, he reciprocated.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled into his sleeve. “I should have come home, I’m sorry.”
His hand ran over my hair as he gently shushed me.
I pulled away, snifiling.
“You catching a cold, angel?” His hands held my face as he looked me over. “Let’s get you inside, sweetheart.” I nodded, crossing the threshold with him hot on my heels.
The door shut. “Wh-”
“I thought you were mad at me,” I blurted, spinning to face him. “For wearing your sweatshirt. “That’s why I acted like that. I thought you didn’t want me in your stuff, that you were upset at me for it. I threw it off and ran because you thought I’d stretch it out and make it unwearable again. I was cold and that’s all Luke said he had so I just took it, y’know? Ashton called me and told me I was wrong, though. I wanted to say sorry for jumping to conclusions.”
Calum stared at me for a minute before letting out a breathy chuckle that eventually turned into a full belly laugh.
“Okay,” I say only half-jokingly. “I poured my emotions out there and you’re laughing.”
“Baby,” he wheezes. “Why would you ever think I’d be mad for something as small as that?”
“I don’t know,” I say quietly in my stubborn voice, pouting. “That’s just how my brain works.”
Calum puts his hands on my arms, smiling at me. “Y/N. I love you. Very, very much. I would be eternally happy to let you wear my sweatshirts any time you want. I don’t think you can possibly stretch them out more than I already have. And if you do, then so what? It’s just a hoodie. You, my love, are much more important to me than that.”
I blushed, hands covering my face as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “I cannot believe you,” he giggles, resting his chin atop my head.
“Hey!” I cried, but was muffled by his chest. “You’re the one who laughed as soon as I told you!”
He sighed dramatically, pulling away but keeping his arms tight around my waist. He looked me in the eyes. “I guess that was a little rude. I’m sorry angel. Can I make it up to you with some snuggles?” He gave me his best puppy-dog look, big eyes and all.
“Yeah,” I smiled, leaning up on my tip-toes to bring my face closer to his.
“Yeah? Pretty girl gonna forgive me for laughing?” He ghosts his lips over mine.
“Only if you give her a kiss.”
“I can do that.”
He presses his lips against mine, and everything feels like it’ll be alright.
~~
Twenty minutes later, there’s a John Mulaney show playing on the television, a bowl of popcorn between us as Calum’s feet tangle with mine. My head rests on his shoulder, his hand on my thigh.
