summary: when your daughter has a medical emergency, you find yourself back in the place you used to call home. in the midst of the chaos you stand face to face with your ex, Jack Abbot. old feelings are brought to the surface and you ask yourself the question, "do i still love him?"
tags: single mom, second chance romance, unresolved feelings, abandonment, nurse reader
when the past comes back: seeing jack again for the first time in years.
running back to you: your drawn back to jack for comfort, confronting the possibility of starting over.
summary: after seeing your daughter in a fragile state, you find an old sense of comfort in Jack's presence. the weight of your unresolved feelings for him lead you to chase after him, ending in a vulnerable moment between the two of you.
content: kinda proofread, single mom, mentions of abandonment and breakups, child who ends up in the ER due to an allergic reaction, unresolved feelings, explicit language, suggestive content, mention of intubation, most likely medical inaccuracies, SEVERAL mentions of eye contact (can you tell i love that?)
wc: 3.6k
a/n: i would love to hear your guys opinions and feedback! also if you have any suggestions or ideas for this series please let me know, i would love to incorporate them! my asks are open!
(grammar and punctuation checked by grammarly. header inspired by @dirtylittlediary)
The steady beep of the monitors in the trauma room was the only thing you could hear as you held Margot’s tiny hand. The fluorescent lights painting your daughter's face an unnatural color. Your eyes hadn’t left Jack’s since the moment he entered the room. You loved getting lost in his eyes. They were dark, flaked with gold and a touch of green. They were like a void of all of your past memories and secrets you shared with him.
Just like you, he hadn’t had the strength to take his eyes off of you either. He was taking in your face, the way your eyes softened when he came into the room. His focus was on the hair he had used to blow-dry for you as you drifted off to sleep after a long shift. Your lips, he used to kiss whenever he got the chance. He regretted every kiss he never gave you.
“Dr. Robby! She’s hypotensive. Her airway is closing.” The female med student called out.
Your eyes broke contact with Jack’s; your head jerked to look down at Margot. She wasn’t improving. Your eyes pooled with hot tears, no longer fighting them back.
“We need to intubate,” Robby said, dressing himself in a gown.
Your hands started to shake, then your whole body racked with sobs. Tears were streaming out of your eyes and rolling down your face. Drops landed on the hospital bed; your little girl was slowly slipping away from you. You squeezed your eyes shut, hoping this was all a nightmare. Something that you could blink away. You felt a hand on your shoulder.
“Come here; we need to make some room,” Jack said, lowering his voice just enough for you to hear him.
“No! I-I have to stay here. I can’t leave her. She’s already had one important person leave her life; she can’t have another!” You tried to say between your cries.
Jack bent down to your eye level, grunting a little under his breath. You glanced down at his feet quickly before looking back up to your daughter. You knew he was hurting, both physically and emotionally. After knowing someone for so long, you can tell when they're in pain. Even after all these years, you knew when his leg was bothering him.
“Look at me.” Jack softly said, almost as a whisper.
You let your head fall, now looking at your lap. You barely shook your head, causing more tears to dribble off your cheeks and onto your thighs.
“Look at me,” Jack repeated.
You slowly brought your head up and turned to look at him. Your eyes were still filled with tears, his face appearing blurry and disoriented. You blinked the tears away, seeing him up close, a small gasp escaping your lips as you took in the sight of him.
For a moment, you felt safe. You finally felt comfort after all the chaos and turmoil you had lived through. Seeing him, finally seeing someone, by your side, helping you walk through the darkness, was a feeling you had forgotten existed.
Jack reached to put his hand on your thigh, before thinking twice and pulling his hand back. Your eyes flickered from his hands to his face before looking back down at Margot. You lowered your head so your forehead was touching Margot’s.
“I love you,” you whispered to her as you gave her a kiss on her forehead. Your tears mixed with the dried ones on her cheek.
You stood up and stepped back, the nurses and doctors crowding around Margot, taking up the space you were just occupying. Jack started walking to the corner of the room, you following closely behind him.
“You can stay here as long as you want, ok? Don’t let them scare you off.” Jack said, facing you, scanning your eyes and face.
Your arms crossed over your torso, a way to protect yourself as if something could come hurling in and hurt you in one of your most vulnerable moments. You were looking over your shoulder, eyes still glued to Margot.
“Look, I’m gonna step outside-” Jack said as he started to move his feet towards the door.
“No-I mean, can you please stay?” You rushed out to say, putting your hand on his arm without thinking.
Jack looked down at your hand on his forearm, taking in the feel of your soft fingers and the warmth of your skin. He didn’t notice until now how deprived he had been of your touch.
Both of you looked up from where your skin had made contact, locking eyes again.
“Yeah, I can stay,” Jack said in a whisper.
Margot had fallen asleep on the hospital bed as you layed right next to her, brushing the fallen curls of hair off her forehead. Your adrenaline had worn off by this point, your body craving sleep. Robby told you they wanted to monitor her for a couple more hours before discharge. You let yourself close your eyes and bathe in the few moments of peace.
Outside of the trauma room, Jack Abbot’s mind swam with questions and doubts. He never thought he’d see you again, let alone in the Pitt with a little girl you were a mother to. He wasn’t even supposed to be here. He had joined the SWAT team as a “hobby” and came in when one of his buddies was shot.
He overheard talk at the nurses' station in passing about someone coming in with a little girl and an allergic reaction. All normal conversation for an emergency department. But then he heard your name and his whole body froze. No one mentioned your name anymore; it was an unspoken rule that your name was off-limits. His eyes darted over to the trauma room, and it was like seeing you for the very first time again.
“You ok?” Dana said as she approached him from behind. He turned his head to look at Dana for a brief second before returning his eyes to your room. His arms remained crossed in front of his chest, not moving or reacting even though he wanted to.
He never thought he could lose someone as important to him after he lost his wife, but then you came into his life. He spent every waking hour thinking about you and the life you were building together. He never formed a relationship with anyone after you left. There were one-time hookups and rushed kisses, but nothing that could ever replace the feeling of you.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He said without taking his eyes off you as you layed there with Margot.
“She’s a really good mom,” Dana said, shifting her gaze so it fell on you.
Jack felt his stomach drop as the words came out of Dana’s mouth. Jack always wanted kids, and he knew you did too. He was waiting for the day he would propose, the day you would get married, and then eventually start a family together.
“Shit…” Jack said, lowering his head, his palms digging into his eyes before running his fingers through his salt-and-pepper curls.
“What?” Dana said softly, putting her hand on his arm.
Before Jack had time to speak, you were opening the door of Margot’s room slowly. Margot was finally sleeping, and you didn’t want to wake her, but you needed to stretch your legs. Your back was turned to Jack as you slowly shut the door and turned around. You lifted your head, and your attention landed on Jack. You glanced between Dana and Jack, seeing them both look at you.
Dana looked up at Jack, seeing his eyes brimmed with tears and deciding not to prod.
“I’ll let you two talk,” Dana said, grabbing a chart in front of her and walking away. Jack almost objected, but he didn't have a chance as you started to walk towards him. It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to you; he had plenty of things to say and ask you. But he was afraid he would say the wrong thing. He tried to gain his composure and bury the tears that were threatening to escape.
Your feet stopped in front of him; the only thing acting as a barrier between the two of you was the nurses’ station.
“Hi,” You said softly, placing your hands gently on the top of the desk.
“Hi,” He said back, eyes locked on yours and putting his hands in his pockets.
“I just wanted to thank you for helping me earlier. I, uh, really needed that, so thank you again.” You said, your eyes searching for any flicker of emotion in Jack’s face.
Jack looked down at the ground, shifting his feet against the hospital floor. He looked back up at you, his brows drawn together in a sympathetic concern.
“Is she doing any better?” Jack asked, his focus drifting back to the trauma room.
You turned your body slightly towards Margot’s room, seeing her small figure resting on the hospital bed.
“Yeah, she’ll be ok. Robby just wanted to monitor her for a while before we leave. Plus, I don’t want to wake her up,” You said as you turned back to face him, one side of your smile lifting.
Jack nodded his head, looking to his right as a nurse passed by him.
“Not much has changed around here.” You said, his attention snapping back to you.
Jack shrugged, “Same chaos, just a different day.” A small smirk appeared on his lips.
You smiled back at him, taking in his features. When you first met Jack, you had never seen him smile. He had a talent for putting on a stone-cold expression, but the more you got to know him, the more you saw how soft he actually could be. You missed his smile and his laugh; it was something you wished you could bottle up and keep forever.
“I’m sorry for keeping you here. I’m guessing you're still on the night shift?” You said, placing your hands in the back pockets of your jeans. You're looking at the floor now instead of him.
“Yeah, I worked the day shift for a little bit after…” He made a gesture with his hand, motioning between the two of you.
“But we’re creatures of habit. I didn’t last a month.” He said, a small chuckle escaping his mouth.
You nodded, looking back up at him. A silence swept over the two of you. For a moment, nothing was said. You're not sure how long you stood there taking in his features, but you drank up his stare for as long as you could.
Jack’s eyes burned into yours, him trying to dissect your emotions and all the past moments he wasn’t there for. He imagined you finding someone else and falling in love with them; he believed that you didn’t think twice about him as you moved on with your life. He envisioned your wedding with the mystery man and you finding out you were pregnant with Margot. He felt sick to his stomach as he realized he would never be your first for those milestones.
You wanted to tell Jack the truth about your life after you left. You wanted to tell him that you never stopped loving him, and even when you were with someone else, all you could think about was him. You wanted to come clean and tell him that the man you planned to be a parent with left you alone with your unborn daughter. Your memories of being alone in the hospital room, with no one by your side, during the birth of your daughter. The aftermath of learning how to navigate being a single mom and provide for your tiny family.
You opened your mouth to tell him everything, but you were stopped by the sound of a screaming patient being brought through the ER doors.
Your and Jack’s gaze broke as you looked behind you, seeing a lady being rolled in with her bone sticking out of her leg. It felt like time resumed, and everyone started moving again.
“I should go,” Jack said, reaching down to grab his backpack off the floor and swinging it over his shoulder. “It was good to see you.” He looked at you again before quickly glancing down, feeling the tears prick his eyes. He knew if he looked at you any longer, he might never leave.
You gave him a soft smile.
“It was good to see you too.” You said before he turned around and walked away towards the elevator doors.
You stood across from the empty space he had just stood in. The smell of his cologne still lingered, and his voice still echoed in your head. You took a deep breath and turned to walk back to the trauma room.
“You’re really just going to let him leave?” Dana said, approaching you from the side.
Your head turned to meet hers, and you stopped in your tracks.
“What are you talking about?” You said your eyebrows drawing together as you fidgeted with the rings on your fingers.
“That man has not been the same since you left,” Dana said as she pointed her finger towards the elevator.
“The last time I saw that look on his face was after his wife died.” She paused, shaking her head slightly.
“Hon, he was convinced he’d lost you forever,” Dana said softly.
“I don’t know what happened between you two, and frankly, it’s none of my business. But it’s obvious to everyone here that the two of ya’ have some unfinished business. Don’t let the opportunity pass you by.”
You stared at Dana, unable to find the words to express your emotions.
She started to walk past you, putting her hand on your shoulder.
Your body reacted before your mind could catch up. A flashback reel playing in your head of all the memories you had with Jack.
Your first kiss on the rooftop after talking him back from the edge. Your first date, where he took you to his favorite restaurant. Which quickly became known as both of your favorites. The moments when the two of you shared a knowing look while at work, before anyone knew you were dating. Moving in with Jack a few months after being together, and sprucing up the shared space with your personality. The feeling of euphoria you felt when intertwined with each other after a long shift.
In that moment, all the fighting and hardships the two of you went through together didn’t matter. The fond memories outweighed the upsetting ones.
“Dana, can you watch Margot for me?” You said, turning around to face her again.
She looked at you, a subtle look of shock on her face, like she was surprised you listened to her. The hint of a smile crossed her face.
“Don’t fuck it up.” She said as she nodded her head towards the elevator doors.
The next thing you knew, you were running.
You thought that hitting the elevator buttons over and over again would make the ride to the parking garage go by faster.
It didn’t.
You had almost run into two gurneys and Earl’s IV pole before reaching the elevator doors.
As you stood there waiting for the elevator to reach the desired floor, you started to second-guess yourself. Was it too late? Could you undo the things you said to Jack all those years ago? Is this a mistake?
What if this isn’t what you want?
Before you had time to change your mind, the elevator doors opened, and you stepped out. The smell of the damp concrete from the rain hit you like a wave of nostalgia. You couldn’t recall how many times you had met Jack up here, leaving or just arriving for your shift. Sometimes he would drop you off, even if he wasn’t working. But if that was the case, you got princess treatment and were dropped off right at the ambulance bay doors.
You knew where Jack parked, or at least you used to know where Jack parked his truck. He liked to be tucked away in the corner, where no one could bother him before or after his shift. He also told you he liked it because he had a lower chance of getting a door ding.
It felt like you were retracing your steps as you walked to the back corner of the parking garage. As you walked faster, you passed the block in your line of sight and saw that no one was there.
His truck was gone, no trace of him left. At least when he left, back in the ER, you could still sense his lingering presence. But here, there wasn’t a single trace of him left- as though he had never been here at all.
You leaned against the cold concrete pillar, the emotions hitting you all at once. You spent the past five minutes rehearsing what to say when you saw him. How sorry you were for breaking his heart and how you wished you could take everything back.
You began to accept that this was just how things were meant to be. Maybe your and Jack’s relationship was never meant to be fixed. Maybe, just maybe, if you had been here a few minutes earlier and taken the stairs instead of the elevator, things would be different.
You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to focus on the chill of the damp concrete seeping through your jacket. Grounding yourself against the concrete and using the breathing techniques your therapist had taught you. Tuning out the sound of footsteps and the jangling of car keys.
Regret twisted in your chest, and you felt foolish for chasing Jack down here. How did Dana convince you to do this?
“You’re so stupid. Why would you even think this would work out? You don’t even know the guy anymore.” You muttered to yourself, eyes still closed and your head in your hands.
“Hell, he probably has a hot girlfriend who has a great job and a loving family. She probably has great boobs too.” You said, running your hands down your face.
“For your information, I don’t have a girlfriend. And what was that last part? Something about me having great boobs?” Jack said, coming around the corner.
“Holy shit!” You screamed as you jumped back.
You could see the smirk creeping on Jack’s face as he lingered at the edge of the shadows,with his army backpack slung over his shoulder.
“What the hell are you doing?!” You yelled at him, putting a hand to your chest. Your pulse raced, your heart beating so fast, feeling like it might break free from your body.
“Dana said you were here,” Jack said, his eyes fixated on you.
“No, I mean, I thought you left. Your truck isn’t here.” You said, leaning your head back on the concrete pillar again.
“I did leave. I started to drive down the street. I drove by that ice cream shop that used to be your favorite. Still get the vanilla-chocolate swirl with sprinkles?” Jack said, twirling his finger to imitate the swirl of the ice cream.
You nodded your head slightly. Your eyebrows lifted slightly, surprised he still remembered.
“I thought about stopping and getting some, but I realized I didn’t want to go alone,” Jack said, slowly walking up to you.
You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes, fighting the urge to blink so they wouldn’t spill over.
“I told myself that if I ever saw you again, I would do everything in my power to make things right.” Jack was standing right in front of you now. The cool Pittsburgh air was no longer affecting you as you could feel Jack’s body heat radiating onto you.
A tear slipped from your eye, insitnctly you moved to put your head down. To shield yourself from showing the vulnerable side of yourself, which you already felt like you did too much of today. Jack put his calloused fingers on your chin, lifting your head back up so you could see him.
“I couldn’t stand the thought of leaving you here by yourself.” He said in a low tone, using his thumb to wipe one of the tears rolling down your cheek.
“Jack…” You replied hesitantly.
Jack shook his head slightly, his eyes boring into yours.
“Can I take you out for ice cream?” Jack said, a gentle smile tugging at his lips.
You huffed a laugh, shaking your head at how ridiculous this whole conversation was.
“Jack…I can’t leave. Margot is still up there, and I don’t know if she needs me, and I can’t-” You started to ramble off.
Jack gently stopped you. “Let me get you some ice cream. I’ll bring it back to the hospital. I’ll get her one too.” His eyes softening at the thought of your daughter.
You didn’t say anything at first. Your first instinct was to say yes, but deep down, you were scared. What if after all this time, the Jack you used to know wasn’t the same? Were you setting yourself up for heartbreak?
But as you stood across from him, hearing him reminisce on the memories you once shared and speak about your daughter as if she already belonged in them, you knew, in a quiet way, that this was right.
You nodded your head.
“Ok,” You said softly.
Jack nodded his head slightly along with yours.
“I know what ice cream you like,” Jack said softly, a warm smile appearing on his face. “I just need to learn what Margot likes.”
The moment lingered between the two of you, quiet and warm.
hey everyone! sorry for literally disappearing off the face of the earth!
life has been a whirlwind lately but mostly in a good way! i just got back from my vacation and am ready to start writing again!
the second part to my series, wander back to you, is almost done! i just need to tie up some loose ends and edit the chapter!
i can't thank you all enough for the support, especially while i was gone! also don't worry, i have seen all your comments and those who've asked to be on the taglist will be included in the next part!
okay i need yall's opinion on chapter 2 of my series!
if you read the first chapter, you know it's left on a cliffhanger. the rough draft of the second chapter ALSO ends on a cliffhanger🤭 but if you guys don't like that i also have some more that i can add to it!
thank you for your feedback!🌙✨
cliffhanger or no cliffhanger for chapter two of wander back to me?
