So I've been out as trans to my mom for a while now and I honestly kinda regret it. She has put no effort into using the right pronouns, she barely uses Miles and more often than not uses my deadname and a bunch of other things.
But I think the worst thing she's done was out me and didn't even try to listen to way I was upset about it. She outed me to a bunch of people and while I am extremely lucky that most of them are supportive, I was still pissed beyond belief. When I tried to confront her about why she told other people without asking if I was OK with it, she basically said "oh you were really worried about it. I thought it would be better if I did it for you,". I was very pissed at her doing this but tried to give her the benefit of the doubt that she didn't know that you don't out people. I tried to explain to her that it's very rude and potentially dangerous to out a person before they are ready. She didn't fucking listen. She got upset and tried to guilt trip me into feeling bad. She said that "so I can't do anything right by you, apparently,". I nearly lost my shit on her. I wanted to scream at her so much but I didn't because I know if I did, she would say I'm being dramatic and overly sensitive.
I could get over her not respecting my identity as a trans person and in general as a person. She never really respected me to begin with but her blatant ignorance about my safety is just too much. I have been nothing but patience and understanding and calm with her. I never once gotten mad at her for using the wrong pronouns or name but the one time I try to correct her, she gets offended.
I'm so tired of cishet people not listening to the queer community. We can be as patient as possible and break down our identity so it could be easily understood for them. We could hold their hands and explain every aspect of ourselves to them and yet they act like we don't try. It's even fucking worse if you're a POC because not only do you have to explain you're queerness, you also have to explain your experience as a POC just to be seen as valid and worth being respected.
I'm so fucking tried of the fact that we have to be the ones who stay calm even if their being transphobic or homophobic and if we do happen to show even the smallest hint of getting upset, we're being too sensitive and we're overreacting.
My experience as a queer person is complex and that is something beautiful. It's something that should celebrated, along with every other queer person's experience. I should not fucking have to dumb down my experience just so I can get basic fucking respect.
