#milfsincrimeposts

[milfsincrime]

part one: pre therapy appt

jj: emily, why do we have marriage counselling booked this weekend? we aren’t fighting??

emily: oh i forgot about that. it’s for me and derek

jj: derek is not your wife

emily: we thought it would be fun to see how long it’d take the therapist to work out that we’re not married, i’m a lesbian, and all the problems are fake

[milfsincrime]

rossi: family dinner at my mansion tonight, attendance is mandatory

derek: is this really just therapy where we sit and eat pasta whilst talking about the shared trauma of that case?

emily: or as i like to call it, penne for your thoughts

[milfsincrime]

gideon: i was best man at rossi’s second wedding, i started my speech with “welcome back everyone”

gideon: he was not happy

[milfsincrime]

veterinarian: don’t forget, we offer law enforcement discount too!

emily: sergio, are you a cop?

[milfsincrime]

*the bau’s annual psych eval season*

the doctor: a hypothetical scenario for you. you pull a car over for speeding and find out it’s your son. how do you handle the situation?

emily: well first i’d be like.. sergio!? what the fuck!? you can drive???

[milfsincrime]

spencer: actually, doctor pepper is the guy that created it. what you’re really drinking is pepper’s monster

[milfsincrime]

part two: at therapy appt

emily, crying: he always calls me such odd nicknames

therapist: what do you mean?

derek, arriving late: what’s wrong my little hovercraft?

[milfsincrime]

penny, after several shots: fuck the feds! eat the rich!

jj, glancing towards emily: i’m trying pen